If This Barstool Could Talk …

Did you hear the one about the CityBeat writer who went into a bar? If you haven’t yet, you soon will: CityBeat’s third annual Swizzle bar guide is a collection of sordid tales of sudsy intrigue. Inside these pages you’ll find the friendliest crowds, deepest mugs and curliest stories in and around Porkopolis. It’s an indispensable list of Greater Cincinnati’s great bars: our favorite 209
establishments.

Of course, it’s the stories we don’t tell you — the ones you overhear from bartenders and patrons — that’ll make you lean in and take notice. Example: One of our reviewers entered a local tavern and was directed to the owner, who was slumped in a drunken stupor at the end of the bar. The writer asked about the capacity of the house and was told, “Eh, about 125. Maybe 175 if you count the back room where we have the orgies.”

And the bar owner wasn’t smiling. He went on and on about the weekly orgies at his place and even offered the reporter a barmaid as a “party favor.”

Needless to say, this saloon didn’t make it into Swizzle. It might, however, be the subject of a future CityBeat article.

Another that was dropped from our favorites list was a bar that frisked our reviewer because, we discovered, they frisk everyone
since there’s been so much gunplay at the bar. “I know there are some dangerous people in Cincinnati and that they need a place to drink, too,” said our mild-mannered journalist, “but I don’t want to send people to a place where they might get shot.”

Fear not, dear readers. Our minimum standards for great bars do indeed exclude those where you have a good chance of getting involved in violence.

So raise a drink to your lips and enjoy these adult playgrounds (organized by the region’s major geographic nodes: Central Core, East Side, West Side, Northern Kentucky and Northern Suburbs). You’re sure to leave with some stories of your own.

— Stephen Carter-Novotni, Special Project Editor
Feedback: swizzle@citybeat.com

Swizzle Staff
Project Editor: Stephen Carter-Novotni

Bar Warriors: Mike Breen, Jessica Canterbury, Chris Charlson, Brandon Dawson, Ben Eilerman, Angie Ferrell, Katie Freshley, Jason Gargano, Julie Gross, Jason Haap, Kenny Havens, Justin Jeffre, Sara Mahle, Amanda McLaughlin, Christine Mersch, Mary Ellen Mitchell, Shawn Mummert, Kevin Osborne, Rodger Pille, James Proffitt, Nicholas Radina, Cedric Rose, tt stern-enzi, Colleen Swaim, Matt Swaim, Christopher Tomlin and Elizabeth Wu Copy Editors: Jason Gargano, Julie Mullins, Hannah Roberts and Mark Flanigan

Art Director: Sean Hughes
Production Artists: Jason Kidwell, Geoff Raker and Patty Robisch
Display Sales: Brian Kitzmiller, Manager; Lisa Czerwonka, Tony Frank, Betsy Hodges, Kurt Kaufman, Erin Riley and Tracy Walker
Co-Publisher/General Manager: Dan Bockrath
Co-Publisher/Editor: John Fox