WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 

Gingrinch, Facebook and the Super Bowl

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Newt Gingrinch has commandeered the bafflingly popular trend of conservative politicians using songs in their campaigns by musicians who would rather have their music soundtrack snuff films. First, British Funk/Rock group The Heavy found out its hit “How You Like Me Now?”  

Oct. 19-25: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Westboro Baptist Church came to town today to protest at Oak Hills High School and Miami University over “what the queers are doing to our soil.” When asked to comment on how exactly homosexuals have ruined the soil around any large U.S. city with a big underground homosexual population, a Westboro representative said the queers are in it with the aliens building landing strips for gay martians and then got really frustrated trying to explain how burrow owls live in the ground.  

June 8-14: Worst Week Ever

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Steve Chabot banned cameras from a town hall meeting in Green Township for “security purposes.” Chabot then advised residents to fight a new plan to add public housing units to the neighborhood, though his speech was reportedly cut short when he saw a guy playing “Angry Birds” on a cell phone and thought he was recording a video and laughing.  

Jan. 26-Feb. 1: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 2, 2011
For most people, a visit to a Taco Bell restaurant is an infrequent occurrence, normally undertaken late at night after several hours of bad decisions (were you wasted or do you really believe there’s supposed to be a “fourth meal?”). As such, there’s generally little backlash when a menu item is accompanied by a surprise ingredient: “Dude, my burrito has Fritos in it … and it’s fucking delicious.”  

Sept. 8-14: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Cincinnati Reds today honored Hit King Pete Rose on the 25th anniversary of his record-breaking 4,192nd hit, only the second time Rose has participated in an on-field activity here since his lifetime banishment in 1989 for betting on baseball. Rose afterwards attended a roast in his honor, during which he gave an emotional speech and was subsequently reinstated to Major League Baseball.  

Finally, Alone

1 Comment · Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My Facebook status on Jan. 8: "I drove home calmly and safely, keeping the RPMs low as I navigated the steep hills. I stepped into enormous silence, so brilliantly alone, with the snow moving, but seeming so still all around me. I opened my mouth to taste and to let out a deep laugh. A perfect moment: I am grateful for this solitude."  

Sept. 2-8: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sometimes it’s difficult for white men to really understand how hard it is to break through a glass ceiling (can’t you just smash it with a broomstick and try not to get cut when you climb up?). One organization that has proven over centuries that it won’t tolerate its womens speaking out or breaking anything is the Catholic church, which today reinforced its stained glass ceiling by banning a nun who supports the ordination of women priests.  

Aug. 26-Sept. 1: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Today the newspaper with the funniest arrest stories in town took another step forward by posting a series of poll questions asking what fast-food places offer the best value for a poor person’s $5. Among The Enquirer's choices were the Subway $5 Footlong, the KFC $5 Fill up Box, assorted value menus and whatever amount of chili you can get for $5. Enquirer editors said they would have included spending $5 at a grocery store but that shit takes too long.  

Enquirer All A-Twitter

Daily newspaper turns to Twitter, Facebook and local blogs for answers in face of financial struggles

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Just like many daily newspapers across the nation, The Cincinnati Enquirer is having an identity crisis. With increasing numbers of readers choosing to get their information on the Internet and through devices, The Enquirer finds itself struggling to remain a profitable business — and has unveiled a new "social media strategy" to engage those wandering readers.   

Another Seven Days of New Rules and Old Inmates

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Three years ago Jose Canseco wrote a book about all the steroid use that took place in baseball during the 1990s and early 2000s, but everyone in the sports world said, "Shut up Canseco, you suck!" Now the former Bash Brother, who admitted to using steroids and sticking needles in other players' butts during his entire career, would like an apology from everyone who didn’t believe him.  

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