by Hannah McCartney
Posted In: Life
at 01:40 PM | Permalink
We're No. 1 ... in profanity
Did you know there's such a thing as National Etiquette Week? And that it's happening right fucking now? Of course there is. This is America, motherfuckers. Well, while the rest of the country is practicing their table manners and shit, we in Ohio apparently don't give a damn, according to a recent study conducted by Seattle-based Marchex Institute. The bitches at Marchex apparently listened in on 600,000 calls placed from consumers to businesses across 30 different industries, and found that out of all 50 states, Ohioans are most likely to go AWOL on the phone. Washington state was the least likely to curse. They swore about every 300 conversations; we dropped expletives about every 150 exchanges. According to the findings, Washingtonians were also 800 times more likely to be afraid of caterpillars and use only anti-bacterial soap, while Ohioans were 46 times more likely to crush beer cans with their hands or eat store-bought apples before they even washed them. We're guessing Washingtonians probably say things like, "Bejabbers!" or "Criminy!" when shit goes wrong. And that's just fuckin' lame. Oh, and guys, don't forget — tomorrow is National Sea Monkey Day.
Reviewing the outdated, overly conservative and just plain funny laws still on the books
0 Comments · Wednesday, April 10, 2013
We decided to look into Ohio and Northern Kentucky laws to see if there
was anything else totally absurd (possibly sexist) left in writing in
the Ohio Revised Code/Cincinnati Municipal Code/other codes. And there was nothing too bizarre, but
some of the laws’ requirements and wording are hilarious, incredibly
obvious and/or idiotic.
Gov. John Kasich says his new budget offers a fairer tax system and more money for schools, but it’s really just more of the same
0 Comments · Wednesday, February 20, 2013
In the big public push for his 2014-2015
budget proposal, Republican Gov. John Kasich has often sounded
progressive. But deeper analyses of Kasich’s budget found that the
governor was likely off with some of his claims.
by German Lopez
Fiscal cliff averted despite local politicians, defense cuts delayed, wind tax credit renewed
The fiscal cliff was averted, but some Greater Cincinnati politicians didn’t do much to help.
U.S. Speaker John Boehner voted for the final fiscal cliff deal, but
Republican U.S. Reps. Steve Chabot, Jean Schmidt and Mike Turner voted
against the deal. Ohio’s U.S. Sens. Rob Portman, a Republican, and
Sherrod Brown, a Democrat, voted in favor of the deal.
U.S. Congress may have averted the fiscal cliff, but the
spending cuts were only delayed for two months. For jobs at the
Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, that means another congressional
showdown in March could decide the fate of thousands of jobs. On the other hand, no one is surprised Congress reacted to a crisis by kicking the can down the road.
As part of the fiscal cliff deal, Ohio’s wind industry should feel a little safer
thanks to the extension of wind energy tax credits. Still, advocates are frustrated funding for wind energy is part of a
“stop-and-start policy” that can suddenly continue or end depending on
last-minute congressional deals.
The Buckeye Firearms Association is training and arming 24 teachers through a pilot program in the spring. A previous CityBeat analysis
found no evidence that arming teachers would help stop gun violence; in
fact, armed people tend to be in greater danger of violence.
Ohio and Kentucky are still in the bottom half of Forbes’ ranking for businesses, but they’re showing improvement.
The Ohio Liberty Coalition, a tea party group, is not
happy with Gov. John Kasich. The group is upset Kasich supposedly
violated the state’s Health Care Freedom Amendment by signing
legislation that compels all Ohioans with health care insurance to buy autism coverage. If even conservatives are angry at Kasich, who’s happy with him?
Cincinnati-based Macy’s is closing six stores, but none of them are in the Cincinnati area.
Surprise! Research has linked being overweight (but not obese) with lower risk of mortality.
During her final days as commander, Sunita Williams of NASA recorded a tour of the International Space Station.
A new study found newborn babies know the difference between their native language and a foreign one.
by Andy Brownfield
Ohio Dems wear carnations in solidarity with Michigan workers
In light of Michigan’s progress in passing a so-called
“right-to-work” law, Ohioans are both worried about and pushing for a
similar law allowing workers to opt-out of paying union dues at
businesses where workers are represented by a union.
Tea party activists are working to gather the 380,000
signatures needed to get the Ohio Workplace Freedom Act on the ballot.
They have until July 3.
The Michigan House of Representatives on Tuesday passed
the first of two right-to-work bills, both of which were passed by the
state Senate last week. Gov. Rick Snyder has told multiple media outlets
that he could sign the bills as early as Wednesday.
Michigan would be the 24th right-to-work state in the
nation and the second in the Midwest. Indiana passed a similar law
earlier this year.
Members of the Ohio House Democratic Caucus wore red
carnations — Ohio’s state flower and a symbol of the labor movement — at
the Statehouse Tuesday to show support for Michigan workers.
“Put simply, so called ‘right to work’ is wrong.
Statistics show states with this anti-working family legislation have
lower wages and higher poverty rates,” Ohio state Rep. Connie Pillich,
D-Montgomery, wrote in an emailed statement.
“We will continue to stand together and fight against these unfair attacks on workers in Ohio, Michigan and across the country.”
Despite the effort to put a right-to-work law on the
ballot next year — a similar effort was unsuccessful in 2012 — it
doesn’t seem like Ohio is in any rush to join Michigan and Indiana.
The Columbus Dispatch reports that Ohio Gov. John Kasich has higher priorities than passing a right-to-work law. The newspaper reports that Ohio added 127,000 jobs in the
past two years and ranks fourth nationally and first in the Midwest in
terms of job creation.
Kasich said the agenda for the last two years of his first
term include tax cuts, an education overhaul and infrastructure
improvement to keep the state competitive.
“I have an agenda that I think is going to benefit the
state of Ohio,” Kasich told the newspaper. “We’re doing very well
vis-a-vis the rest of the country now, and I think if we continue to
pursue the agenda I have and the legislature has, I think we’ll continue
to be successful.”FUN FACT: Michigan's right-to-work bill will be signed into law in the Romney Building. George Romney, former Michigan governor and father of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, was an opponent of right-to-work laws.
by Bill Sloat
State Rep. Alicia Reece only local legislator listed as co-sponsor
of Ohio House Democrats wants Congress to move quickly and grant
statehood to Puerto Rico, which has been a U.S. possession since the
Spanish-American War ended in 1898. The
Ohioans do not say where the star should go on a redesigned American
flag, but they said statehood would “respect the rights of
self-governance through consent of the governed of our fellow United
States citizens residing in Puerto Rico.”
sponsor of the resolution, H.C.R. 57, is State Rep. Dan Ramos of Lorain,
a northern Ohio city where about 25 percent of the 64,000 residents are
Hispanic. Lorain is considered the most Hispanic city in Ohio, and nearly 20 percent of its population claims Puerto Rican descent. The resolution urging statehood was introduced this week in the Ohio House where it likely faces an uncertain future. The current term of the legislature is scheduled to end in December, and it has no Republican co-sponsors. The GOP controls the House, which means that Democratic proposals often get bottled up or receive short shrift.Earlier this month, a slight majority of Puerto Ricans voted in favor of statehood for the Caribbean Island. It was the first time a statehood referendum has won there,
and the non-binding vote was seen as signaling that many Puerto Ricans
appear ready to end the island’s status as a U.S. commonwealth. The move by the Ohio House Democrats also appears aimed at cementing the party’s support among Hispanic voters. Some
70 percent of Hispanics backed the Democrats and President Obama on Election
Day, and Hispanics are emerging as a key bloc with increasing power at
the ballot box.
exception of State Rep. Alicia Reece, a Cincinnati Democrat, all of the
other House Democrats backing the statehood resolution are from Columbus
or further north in Ohio. The resolution urges Congress to take swift action “towards admitting the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico to the Union as a State.” Statehood decisions are up to Congress. The
Ohio resolution points out that Puerto Ricans are already U.S. citizens
(although they cannot vote in presidential elections), and that many
serve in the U.S. military. A 1917 law granted residents U.S. citizenship.
There is a historical footnote involving Cincinnati in Puerto Rico’s fate. Former
GOP President William Howard Taft, a Cincinnatian who went on to serve
as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court in the 1920s, delivered a major
legal decision in 1922 that helped keep Puerto Rico separate. Taft
said the congressional act that conferred citizenship on the islanders
did not contemplate that they would be incorporated into the Union. He ruled the U.S. possession had never been designated for statehood. Taft gave the island a unique status that has been described as a commonwealth, or as it is said in Spanish, “Estado Libre Asociado de Puerto Rico.”
Are Ohioans ready to recognize my gay marriage?
4 Comments · Wednesday, November 28, 2012
In 2004, while most Democrats around me
reeled from the defeat of John Kerry, I had other post-election
problems: Gay marriage and same-sex
civil unions had been officially banned in Ohio. I was devastated. I was 14 back then. If I had been 14 in 2013, it’s
increasingly looking like my story of that age would have been very
by Danny Cross
We didn’t mean to help re-elect a socialist
During the past year CityBeat has spent a lot of
energy reporting on countless Republican screw-ups, from typical
shortsighted policies to legislation that is straight-up offensive to women,
minorities, gay people and the poor and working class. But we didn’t
realize that by pointing out how offensive and irrelevant the country’s
GOP leaders were acting, that we were inadvertently killing America.
That's why we would like to formally apologize to the Lebanon tea party in Warren County. The email you sent to The Enquirer today hit us
pretty hard — the fact that you’re literally wearing black and mourning
America because “socialists, welfare and unions took over this country”
is super sad. In our haste to ask questions of elected leaders, fact
check their statements and put their beliefs and policies into perspective over the
past few months, we forgot how badly people in Warren County wish America
could be like the 1950s again, when women knew their place and black
people had to operate the elevators and never say anything whites didn’t
want to hear. Mad Men is a great show.
We didn’t mean to be tricked by President Obama’s stimulus
bill — we (stupidly) believed the economists who said it staved off a
depression caused by under-regulation of the housing and financial
industries (we tried to believe Mitt Romney’s concept of further
reducing regulations so the job-creators can stimulate the economy in
the private sector thus giving our wealth back to us, but it was maybe
too complicated for us to understand?).
Some people we know kept their jobs when the president
didn’t allow the American car companies to go broke even though they’re
the ones that decided to max out profits on SUVs with truck beds on the
back. Other people we know spent time last year without health care, and
this country’s health care costs are somewhere around twice as much as
any other country’s so we were like, “Yea, reforming that system sounds
about right.” But we admit that we don’t know what it’s going to be like
for the 15 percent of this country living in poverty to all of the
sudden have access to preventative care. Someone in Cincinnati died of a
tooth problem last year, and we don’t even know if that’s covered.
We realize that it wasn’t Mitt Romney who used the term
“legitimate rape,” but it made us want to throw up, which slowed down
productivity that might have allowed us to figure out that Don’t Ask
Don’t Tell was the only thing keeping our country’s military from
turning Afghanistan into a European-style gay disco.
We thought it was kind of gross when the president killed
Osama bin Laden, but everyone was really happy about it so we focused
our attention on the results of the president’s home buying and
refinancing programs that helped stimulate the economy and saved
people’s houses, even though we’re all a bunch of renters who don’t even
know how to use a level.
So we’re clearly at fault for your expectation of the
downfall of this country, and we realize that you’re upset and probably
right about America becoming a socialist nation within months. We messed
up bad this time, but we want you to know that we’re not blind to it —
your press release has put our actions into a perspective that we wish
we had yesterday or, even better, several years ago before we learned
how to do our jobs the right way.
At least you have the local daily newspaper to publish
your emotional reactions to historical election results and to continue
endorsing GOP candidates no matter how ill qualified and misguided they are.
Please don’t mourn long — there’s still hope for the type of social
regression you’re looking for, especially in Warren County.
Former Oregonians produce award-winning wines in Ripley, Ohio
1 Comment · Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The leaves and temperatures are falling in
mid-October, and red grapes varieties like Cabernet Sauvignon are ripe
for the picking.