MONDAY AUG. 12: Add cursive writing to the list of things
from your precious moments of youth that were wasted on learning things
which were totally irrelevant and not worth knowing how to do now that
you are old and stationary.
A 7-year-old and a 10-year-old have been placed under a gag order, along with their parents, preventing
them from ever speaking about fracking again under a settlement from a
drilling company whose fracking practices near their Pennsylvania home
caused their entire family to suffer from weird ailments. WORLD -1
WEDNESDAY JULY 31:
People who say that things are “meta” are
usually annoying and prone to trying to make themselves appear way more
intelligent and informed than they truly are. That said, there seems to
be a debate within the debates when it comes to the upcoming Cincinnati
A super-conservative Christian consultant group tried to
ease equally super-conservative Rep. Michele Bachmann’s migraine pain by
gifting her with a head massager but accidentally bought her a “female
pleasure machine” instead. WORLD +2
undecided about the value of the redesigned Cincinnati Business Courier
print edition. Previously, the weekly was helpful to a general reader
who wanted to follow corporate doings and influence in Cincinnati. Now,
I’m less sure of its usefulness.
SUNDAY JULY 7: It must be difficult to be a business owner during today’s
changing times — 50 years ago no one had to pay women an equal wage or
even hire black people, and now there’s all this social media and
Obamacare making everything confusing.
TUESDAY JUNE 25: An Ohio man’s recent trip to Michigan took a turn for the worse
after he took some mushrooms and was found trespassing inside Ypsilanti
Middle School. Responding officers noted that the man had ripped part of
his penis off.
SUNDAY JUNE 16: The Muppets from Sesame Street
today introduced a new character named Alex whose father is
incarcerated. Since we live in the nation that imprisons a higher
percentage of its populace than any other in the goddamned world, it
makes sense to reduce the stigma attached to this aspect of our society.