FRIDAY SEPT. 13: Ohio is a great state with a lot of smart
people in it, but somehow it seems like the dumbest people in it end up
in really important positions. Take Debe Tehrar, the president of the
Ohio School Board.
THURSDAY AUG. 29: In a move likely to garner mass likes and
shares from your more sheltered or stupid Facebook friends, a Buckeye
State politician is pushing legislation that will require drug testing
for welfare applicants.
SATURDAY AUG. 17: The Akron Beacon Journal
today reported that a state representative named John Becker, who is
apparently from suburban Cincinnati (how many [expletive] state reps are
there, for real?), proposed an expansion of Ohio’s death penalty law to
cover some sex-related crimes.
MONDAY AUG. 12: Add cursive writing to the list of things
from your precious moments of youth that were wasted on learning things
which were totally irrelevant and not worth knowing how to do now that
you are old and stationary.
What if the epidural doesn’t kick in?
It seems like in every TV birth (I know, I know), they get to the
hospital and it’s too late for the epidural. I don’t think I can
meditate the pain away like Beyoncé described while giving birth to Blue
WEDNESDAY JULY 31:
People who say that things are “meta” are
usually annoying and prone to trying to make themselves appear way more
intelligent and informed than they truly are. That said, there seems to
be a debate within the debates when it comes to the upcoming Cincinnati
Without thumbs we couldn’t hitchhike; give thumbs up; give a
handjob; use a hammer; use the full vocabulary of sign language; pick up
a cup; make a phone call; recreate Star Wars with only thumbs (see: Thumb Wars);
use a lighter; do an accurate Fonzie impression; text while driving; or
tweet without a laptop on the toilet.