by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
convinced the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Will and Kate, rarely have physical contact and imagining their sexy
times is like picturing two pieces of notebook paper laying on a desk, I think it’s
safe to say Queen Elizabeth’s turkey baster procedure was a success, cause Royal
Baby Watch is upon us!
Duchess Kate was
hospitalized last week for Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is pretty much a fancy way of
saying “bad baby morning barfs.” My professional opinion is that her tiny
12-year-old boy body has gone into shock now that it requires more than its
usual daily dose of three saltines and a grapefruit. Will and Kate’s baby is
approximately the size of a pea at this point and people are already putting
Kate’s nonexistent stomach under a microscope, asking absurd questions like "Could it be twins?"
And, ever the bastion of journalism, US
Weekly has a timeline of the duchess’ body changes over the past 10 years
See Kate’s shape transform from fettuccine to spaghetti to
spaghetti a la fetus before your eyes!
I’m rarely one to
say “poor princess” and I love a good celebrity pregnancy as much as the next
sad fool, but Kate's gone through more than a year of royal pressure to get knocked up, and now she is, but not even at the standard
pregnancy announcement 3-month mark yet. Let up on her womb, yo!
If Kate was like
us lowly commoners, she’d likely be Instagramming her tiny bump and tweeting
from inside the hospital (Nuthin 2 worry bout, just tummy troubles #preggers).
Call it over-sharing, but most people announce their
monumental life moments on social media. So, thankfully, if you were trying to
recall the major events you experienced this past year, Facebook has gone ahead
and just done it for ya. Just go to your page, click See your 2012 Year in
Review or go to facebook.com/yearinreview/[your Facebook url]. A slideshow of
photos you’ve been tagged in rotates above a list of friends you’ve added and
pages you’ve liked in the past 12 months. Scrolling further down, Facebook has
generated what it believes to be the 20 “biggest moments” from your year,
including status updates, photos and links. I’m assuming those who’ve posted
about starting a new job, getting engaged/married, moving to a new city or
having a baby — royal or otherwise — would see those types of announcements
highlighted, but for losers like me that just incessantly post pointless crap,
this feature is pretty damn funny.3/20 "biggest moments" of my year include fictional characters and alcohol.
Social media is
more than just a place to show off how great your life is to all your lame high
school friends #thankful. It’s also a platform to reach out to public figures
and celebrities. And while a member of Smash Mouth probably doesn’t fall into
either category in the year 2012, Jon Hedren became determined to get a
response from the band once Smash Mouth got a verified Twitter account in 2011.
Now, for those who
don’t remember, Smash Mouth was a San Jose-based Pop/Rock band that provided
songs for every major movie trailer and/or film credits in the late ‘90s-early
‘00s (Mystery Men, Shrek, Rat Race, Inspector Gadget —
and that’s just “All Star”). They also mastered the art of the pencil-thin chin
Holy shit, it’s
multiple silly messages to the band, but the one stood out:
After hundreds of
retweets, the dumb challenge turned into a pledge to raise money for charity —
all if lead singer Steve Harwell would eat a giant plate of eggs. Weeks later,
a San Jose music venue promoter reached out to Jon after talking the challenge
over with Harwell. More than $100,000 was raised for St. Jude’s and the Smash
Mouth dude agreed to scarf some eggs at the nearby opening of a Guy Feiri
restaurant. Best team-up ever, right? As Jon describes in his Vice story, “Guy and Steve were supposedly
old friends and not actually the same man, despite the exact same fashion sense
and divorced dad aura.”
Go here to read
the full first-hand account of how this guy got the Smash Mouth guy to accept
an eating challenge.
Everyone knows a
good way for an actor to clinch an Oscar nom is by dropping or gaining a ton of
weight. By those standards, the stars of Dallas
Buyer’s Club, due in theaters in 2013, should be racking up the awards next year
because they’re giving a new name to manorexia. Matthew McConaughey, who plays Ron
Woodruff — a Texan who contracted HIV in the ‘80s — has been
photographed in various stages of emaciation
over the past few months (a stark contrast to his recent beefy Magic Mike look).
And Jared Leto, portraying a transgendered woman with AIDS, recently posed for
photographer Terry Richardson’s camera. I mean, way to commit to your craft but dude is cartoon skinny — like, he
disappears when he turns to the side.
In Beyonce news,
which should always be its own category, Mrs. Jay-Z is set to perform the
halftime show at Super Bowl XLVII, she just signed a major deal with Pepsi and
has directed, produced and starred in her own documentary, premiering on HBO
Feb. 16. Sounds like 2013 will be the year of the Bey.
if you attempted multiple times to pause exactly on the shot of what appears to
be Beyonce’s pregnant belly (not that I did…), it looks like she’s finally
putting those fake baby bump conspiracy theories to rest.
in case you missed the biggest news story of the week, a very fashionable
monkey was found in a Toronto Ikea, becoming an instant Internet celebrity.
Darwin is a domesticated macaque and has since been taken by
animal control. His owner Yasmin Nakhuda is currently trying to get little Darwin back.
by Deirdre Kaye
Posted In: Music Commentary
at 11:33 AM | Permalink
What "Pop music" has become … and why it makes for a delicious snack
You know what I like? Pop music. Some of you may be judging me right now and, for that, I’m judging you in return. There is absolutely no legitimate reason to dislike Pop.Of course, I get it. Most Pop music isn’t the well-written, deeper-than-the-ocean type stuff, but rather easy to understand and anchored by a catchy hook. There’s nothing wrong with that, though. Music isn’t supposed to be unattainable — we’re usually drawn to music because we can relate to it. Pop just expresses our emotions and situations in more simple terms than other genres.Some of you are probably starting to get nitpicky about my use of “Pop” as a genre. To a certain extent, Pop isn’t a genre at all. Historically, Pop was just short for popular, meaning it runs the gamut on genres. Listen to the current NOW That's What I Call Music collection (we’re up to about 4067 volumes, I believe) and you’ll see what I mean. It’s not full of ground-breaking musical experimentation or earth-shatteringly powerful lyricism, but every one of those songs has a damn good hook. Beyoncé wouldn’t classify herself as Pop. She’d call herself Hip Hop or R&B. “Run the World (Girls)” was certainly popular, though. Alex Clare’s “Too Close” is full of drums and synth awesomeness, lying somewhere between Rock and Electronic and yet it’s all over Top 40. Taylor Swift was, at one point, a Country artist. Now, with a little less accent and a lot less acoustic guitar, she’s lasting longer on Billboard’s Top 40 than the Country charts. The structures of their music may be very different, but they all end up on the same station.Pop has very much become its own genre. It’s the genre for all the likable and relatable music from all the other genres. Think of it as the exact opposite of “The Island of Misfit Toys.” Pop is The Genre of the Overplayed. They’re overplayed for a reason, though. Some of those songs are pretty close to genius. The best recent example is “Stereo Hearts” by Gym Class Heroes (and Adam Levine). The idea is simple: Boy loves Girl … a lot. But throughout the entire song, they pull from the same stereo heart metaphor. Whether he’s referring to the trials and tribulations of a relationship via a comparison to an old-school boombox that requires tons of D batteries or the simple idea of a heart beating, like speakers, with every note, they carry the thought all the way through. In my book, that’s pretty impressive.Speaking of Adam Levine, I like “Moves like Jagger,” too. You know what Michael Jackson, The King of Pop, sang about quite a bit? Dancing. You know what “Moves like Jagger” is about? Dancing … sort of. You know what it makes me want to do? Dance. Pop songs are nothing if not danceable. Even the slow ones! If they don’t make you wish for that cute guy across the room to come and sweep you off your feet and twirl you around the room, they’re doing something wrong.Yes. Sometimes Pop can be annoying. A majority of Pop music is made by people with “outside voices.” They always sound like they’re yelling. Often they’re squeaky, too. One Direction is super excited about what makes me beautiful. For someone who adds an unsure “maybe” to the end of her pick-up line, Carly Rae Jepsen's voice is far from a timid whisper. But, I still really like that song.The easiest explanation I can give is this: It’s catchy and easy and sometimes we’re all a little simpleminded.Carly Rae and Taylor Swift may not write the kind of music that would inspire people to become “Band-Aids” or make William Miller, Greil Marcus or Lester Bangs commit their lives to writing about music. They do, however, write songs that are fun to listen to when you’re on the way to see a more substantive show. After a long hard day of deep-thinking and problem solving, what’s wrong with a little light-hearted entertainment?So, for the sake of dancers, the simple-minded, the commuters and the road trippers: Long live Pop!
by Jac Kern
at 11:02 AM | Permalink
Jac's favorite recent pop culture and Internet findings
Move over, Coco-T, I have a new idol from reality
television land. Joan Koplan from AMC’s new show, Small Town Security,
is a gem. The docu-series follows a family-owned private security
company headed by Joan, the "Chief" and her husband, "Captain" Irwin
Koplan. Joan sought super-stardom her entire life, but ended up settling
as a wife and security officer when her Hollywood dreams hit a
dead-end. In Small Town Security,
Joan is a foul-mouthed, porn-loving, cigar-chomping fireball, complete
with a devilish sidekick, Lambchop the Chihuahua. It sounds ridiculous, which it is, but it's about time reality TV acknowledged its own absurdity. Catch up on episodes here. Congrats, Joan, you're a celebrity to at least one person!Combining the Earth's greatest elements: Beyonce, Snuggies and killer video
editing, this masterpiece by Ton Do-Nguyen
is one of the best Internet bits I’ve seen in a while and, considering my
digital consumption, that’s saying a lot. Check out his version of “Love on
and compare to Beyonce’s original here (yeah, it’s spot-on, too). Don't worry, Bey gives her
Finally, a guide to getting your Glamour Shots on-point.
Some people knew about Chick-fil-A’s Christian
background before last week, including RuPaul’s Drag Race alum, Willam Belli (and anyone who ever tried to get some waffle fries on a Sunday).
Let’s revisit this dragtastic look at chicken politics, with a dash of Wilson
Celebrities are just like us! New York photographer
Danny Evans waves his magic Photoshop wand over photos of famous people to make
them look normal and frumpy. Two words: Fat Kanye.There’s a point in every person’s life when it
seems like everyone else is reproducing. For some, digital baby books on
Facebook can serve as a constant reminder of mortality or send a woman’s
biological clock into overdrive. Or maybe you’re just like, “Hey, I’d rather
not see a newborn covered in birth goo at 9 a.m.” Regardless, most of us can
agree that babies in newsfeeds need to be stopped. Enter unbaby.me, a Chrome app that replaces all
Facebook kid photos with those of cats. While kitties are the default, users
can change their preferences to replace tiny human pics with photos of anything
I love me some Lena Dunham and Girls, but this
spoof by PeterFrankMike is too good.
Something tells me the ladies would appreciate the satire. Besides, don't most famous people have famous parents? And for the record, I would totally watch Boys.
0 Comments · Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Flaming Lips have broken the world record for most concerts performed in multiple cities within the span of 24 hours
0 Comments · Tuesday, May 8, 2012
The massive outpouring of grief online after news that Beastie Boy Adam Yauch had died May 4 was
a great gauge of the Beasties’ widespread influence and impact.
by Mike Breen
Legend Josephine Baker passes away and Vince Gill is born
On this day in 1975, pioneering singer/actress/dancer/civil rights activist/spy Josephine Baker passed away at the age of 68. She died just a few days after a retrospective performance at the Bobino in Paris celebrating her 50 years in show biz. Jackie O, Princess Grace and Prince Rainier funded the show and opening night featured a celebrity-studded audience that included everyone from Mick Jagger to Sophia Loren. Baker's body was discovered four days later, reportedly surrounded by newspapers featuring glowing reviews of her performance. At her funeral, she became the first American woman to garner full French military honors, one of many "firsts" involving Baker. She was the first black woman to star in a major film, the first to demand (and get) integrated audiences at her concerts and the first to become a global superstar. She fought for civil rights in America (offered a chance to lead it after MLK's assassination, she declined for fear of also being killed) and, before that, helped France (her adopted homeland) in World War II, for which she received numerous honors. Baker was also reportedly a bi-sexual who had serious relationships with both men and women in her lifetime, adding some spicy mystique to her life story. She got her start as a vaudeville dancer at 15 and eventually became one of the highest paid chorus girls on the planet. In the mid ’20s she did burlesque shows in Paris and around Europe, well-known for her trademark banana-skirt and, later, her pet cheetah Chiquita, who would join her on stage (and, reportedly, terrorize the orchestra). Baker was considered a "muse" for artists from Pablo Picasso and Christian Dior to F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway, who once said she was "the most sensational woman anyone ever saw."Baker's life has been the source of several films, musicals, plays and books. On screen and stage, she's been portrayed by the likes of Lynn Whitfield, Diana Ross, Keri Hilson and Beyonce, who sported Baker's banana costume during a 2006 performance (see below) and, in her "Naughty Girl" video, she again paid tribute by dancing in a giant champagne glass. Baker released several albums in the early ’50s for Columbia and Mercury. Here she is performing her biggest hit (in France), "J'ai Deux Amours." Click on for Born This Day featuring Hound Dog Taylor, Tiny Tim, Nick Hexum and Vince Gill.
0 Comments · Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Recording artist Whitney Houston might
have abruptly died last week during preparations for the Grammy Awards,
but the real tragedy was the news overshadowing both the show and the
most important industry news of the week — Beyonce and Jay-Z giving the
media pictures of their baby for the first time.
0 Comments · Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Several Pop stars have found themselves in the spotlight recently for performing in service of a restrictive dictatorship … and we’re not even talking about Clear Channel! The New York Times recently highlighted a juicy tidbit from the infamous WikiLeaks cables about how celebrity performers like Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Usher and 50 Cent all accepted huge paychecks to entertain relatives of Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi.