WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Jac Kern 08.28.2013
Posted In: Humor, Music, Is this for real? at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough...VMAs

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards melted the face off the Internet, so if you’re still trying to form an opinion and sift through gif reactions, or you’re one of those people pretending you don’t know what the VMAs are — the Moonman has been around since 1983 and the VMAs have been pooping out pseudo-controversy for just as long. You know what they are. Sit back down — don’t worry, momma’s here. If you really don’t watch the VMAs, it’s important to understand that the V and A do not matter — MTV rarely plays music videos, as we all know, and no one ever remembers who actually wins the Mooman by the end of the night. The respected academy of critics are teens who vote for whichever marginally talented star tweets the most. You watch for the pop culture experience — whether it’s Fiona Apple’s “bullshit” acceptance speech, the Britney-Madonna kiss or Beyonce’s baby bump announcement, crazy shit goes down at the VMAs. And this year was no different. The big draw of the night was Lady Gaga’s big comeback. It’s been two years since a big performance and release, and Mama Monster also is back from a hip injury that kept her out of the public eye for a bit. Gaga opened the show with her new single, “Applause,” which was welcomed by audience boos (those turned out to be staged. Gaga — go figure.). The performance looked like some kind of jazzy, art school, off-broadway number, complete with dudes in leotards and onstage weave and costume changes, ending in LG in a big ass brown curly wig, a mermaid shell bra and thong. Her body was siiiiick (eat it, haters) and it was nice to see her look/act like a human — this is not the meat dress-wearing, alien goth princess, Jo Calderone Gaga. This is ARTPOP Gaga. Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Lady Gaga She seemed a little more down-to-earth, if that’s possible? Like she was having fun, and not taking it too seriously. Which is good, because her new song is in a fucking Kia commercial. Next up is the kind of moment that makes careers and ends presidencies. Just kidding. It’s just Miley! So I (like every human with access to the Internet) detailed my roller coaster of emotions when I first watched Miley Cyrus’ video “We Can’t Stop.” And I must say, I have no problem with MiCy growing up and changing directions. Alternatively, I have no problem with her being a completely fake, manufactured product (cut to Lady Gaga —Government Name: Stefani Germanotta — looking like the normal girl she actually was less than a decade ago, on an episode of Boiling Points. Most pop stars were once Hannah Montanas before their producers gave them "molly" and a rejected Rihanna beat, OK?). I have no qualms with her getting an fierce haircut and wearing denim diaper shorts and juxtaposing her former good girl image with her current hot lady looks. But there's a difference between shifting from Country to Pop or Disney kid to edgy starlet and purposefully quashing your saccharine image by motorboating a woman's thonged butt on TV just for the shock factor. I see you Miley, and I will not respond to you. One note I must make about the performance is Miley did share the spotlight with the black chicks from her "We Can't Stop" video. (Side note: those giant bear backpack apparatuses they’re wearing look really heavy!) Many critics of the vid questioned why these “friends” only appeared in one scene of the video, when she appears to be so immersed in black culture throughout (See: Conversation on cultural appropriation I’m not prepared to start here). Once Miley was done assaulting her backup dancers, rubbing her fur-covered crotch and definitely not lip synching (for better or worse), the two songs that had everyone clutching their pearls this year came to an uncomfortable head as Robin Thicke made his way onstage. Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Miley Cyrus Thicke’s video for “Blurred Lines” sparked up just as much controversy as Miley’s in recent months. From scantily-clad models (plus a naked one in the uncensored version) to lyrics like “I know you want it” — plus dumb hastags all over the place — there were bound to be some haters. But, doesn’t that description sound comparable if not tamer than nearly any popular music video circulating right now? Now, I can understand the concern about the subject of “blurred lines” when there is so much right-wing bullshit about rape culture going on right now. But the video came out in March, and it wasn’t until recently, once a few people started writing about their disapproval, that other folks started recycling these opinions and making parody videos that completely miss the point. Look, I’ve got a soft spot for Robin Thicke. He started off more than a decade ago as an R&B singer — he’s got a smooth-as-a-baby’s-butt voice so of course his songs are going to be sexual and of course some of his videos are going to feature sexy girls. He’s married to actress Paula Patton, whom he’s been with since he was 16. They have an adorable son named Julian Fuego. If anything, Miley would corrupt him! So Miley rips off her PedoBear onesie to reveal the two-piece from the “Blurred Lines” video and everyone realizes yes, she’s going there. The world looked on in sheer terror as she twerked every which way upon Thicke, stroking him and herself with a We’re No. 1 finger you see at hockey games. Miley’s butt looked really scary and Robin looked like Beetlejuice. Let’s all cleanse ourselves by looking back on Thicke’s earlier, hairier years. One actual quality performance of the night came from Justin Timberlake. Sure, he’s ubiquitous, but damn, the dude is talented. JT sang and danced his way across every stage in the Barclays Center, never missing a beat or breath, touching on hits from all throughout his career. Naturally, everyone was waiting for the anticipated *NSYNC reunion, and every time a cluster of male back-up dancers rushed onstage, I thought that was the moment. Finally, four shadowy figures emerged from an illuminated stage, and Justin joined them in the center. I hate to be a spoilsport, but, *NSYNC, you’re tearin’ up my heart. Nearly any millennial Pop lover was either a Backstreet Boy or *NSYNC fan, and I was more of an *NSYNC girl. Nevertheless, when I recently had the opportunity to attend the BSB reunion concert of PNC Pavilion, you better believe I screamed my lungs out with the rest of the crowds of pathetic women. I had to hand it to the ‘Boys — they looked more attractive as 40-year-olds than they did 20 years ago! They were in shape, still had their chops and were really good sports about it. The concert really was a fun time. So when I saw an overweight, wobbling Chris Kirkpatrick struggling to pull his jacket over his tummy, I could not focus on anything else. A single tear ran down my cheek. And why the hell, of all songs to play during this rare moment, would they sing “Girlfriend?!” I still love you, *NSYNC, but reunion wasted, in my opinion. Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Justin Timberlake More stuff: This picture is NOT the Smith family reacting to that Miley mess I just recounted. This is a still taken during Gaga’s performance and it’s not even an accurate reaction, so stop sharing it, ya losers. Drake, Bruno Mars, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and Kanye also performed, and no one is going to say anything about that. Drake reminds me of a dinosaur and his song was really boring. Kanye performed in a shadow in front of a screen cuz he’s a dad now and he can’t be bothered with camera close-ups, guys. The camera cut away to reaction shots from Taylor Swift so often, she should be credited as a co-host. Good god. Katy Perry’s new song "Roar" ended the night with a boxing-themed performance by the Brooklyn Bridge, but it seems like everyone was too busy freaking out about Miley to notice. It was pretty fun, but apparently it sounds a lot like Sara Bareilles’ “Brave.” Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Katy Perry In other news, even D-list celebs, Like Dharma & Greg’s Thomas Gibson can get catfished. Breaking Bad’s Anna Gun (Skyler White) wrote a New York Times op-ed about how everybody HATES her — or at least the character she plays — any how this widespread abomination doesn’t seem to carry over to male characters on television. Remember "Beauty and the Beat?" In his latest video, my newest hero Todrick Hall takes it to the next level and tells the story of Cinderella using the music of Beyoncé. Rupaul’s Drag Race star Shangela plays the fairy god mother. Naturally!  
 
 
by Jac Kern 07.17.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Music at 01:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

What a week, guys. While I usually like to keep things light around here, this week's pop culture round-up is peppered with some upsetting current events. So, if you experience an occasional case of the sads, watch Carley Rae Jepsen throw a terrible first pitch, rock out to Britney’s new song  or look at this adorable, tiny cat who’s being rehabilitated via crochet therapy. By now you’ve heard about the Asiana Airlines Boeing 777 that crash landed at San Francisco International Airport the weekend before last. Three people have died as a result of the crash and more than 180 others were hospitalized for injuries. Unfortunately, when it comes to sharing the news of such catastrophes, many television networks are primarily concerned with breaking the story first. More than, say, getting the facts straight. Take it away, KTVU! The San Fransisco Fox affiliate has retracted the information and apologized for the error, but Asiana confirms it will sue the station. It was recently revealed that a summer intern at the National Transportation Safety Board was the culprit who wrongfully confirmed the incorrect, racist — and, OK, some may say comical — names to KTVU. In other news, apparently the National Transportation Safety Board hires 10-year-old boys into its summer internship program! So, to all our summer interns who get tired of fact-checking and entering calendar listings all day — sorry, guys. This is why you can’t have nice things. Taking this whole mess a step further, comedian Patton Oswalt tweeted in response to the KTVU debacle:   Salon saw the tweet, gasped, clutched its pearls and unleashed an ever-updated story proverbially wagging its finger at Oswalt for being racist, even though his joke Tweet was completely within the context of the KTVU blunder. Check it out here. Brooklyn-based writer Joe Veix submitted a hilarious post on BuzzFeed last week, only to have it deleted and then become banned from the site within minutes. What heinous article could he have possibly tried to publish? This awesome BuzzFeed parody. According to Bullett, Veiz said the community editor banned him for being “mean spirited,” but this shit is just plain funny to me. Beyoncé performed a sold-out concert in Nashville this Saturday. In attendance were Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss (who actually wrote Destiny’s Child’s “Bills, Bills, Bills” and “Bug-a-Boo”),“Kid President” Robby Novack and yours truly! A Beyoncé fan since I first put The Writing’s on the Wall in my Walkman, the show was a true spectacle and — I’m not a bit ashamed to admit — a dream come true. Mrs. Carter served up around 30 songs that spanned from her Destiny’s Child days (“Survivor”) to her early solo stuff (“Crazy in Love,” “Baby Boy”) to her most recent album (“Run the World,” “Love on Top”) and her newly leaked jams. One of my favorite performances of the night was her new leaked-but-not-officially-released song that’s featured on a Pepsi commercial, “Grown Woman.” Queen Bey, her pop-and-lockin’ duo, “Les Twins,” (new dream: to have my own ambiguously named sidekicks!) and backup dancers got down and played around onstage to an Afro-beat in more fun, casual attire than the dramatic garb of the rest of the show. I love my Divayoncé, but it was a refreshing departure and a great song. At one point, Bey hopped on a harness and flew over the crowd to a smaller stage in the back of the arena...                                    My very high quality, professional photo of this epic moment...where she performed “Irreplaceable” — allowing a few lucky fans, including Kid Prez and one hoarse, hyperventilating mega-fan, to sing “To the left, to the left” — and “Survivor.” You best believe I did the choreography. Between acts, while Bey changed up her freakum dresses/weaves, they played these awesome short films — everything from Beyoncé as a broke-down princess to personal videos (everyone freaked when we saw her kiss Blue Ivy, and a shot of her with President Obama got massive cheers) to a remix of “Love on Top.” Her backup singers — "The Mamas" — and her entire band — which included drums, brass, guitar and bass — were all incredibly talented black women. They got plenty of bi screen shots and Bey shout outs throughout the show, which I thought was really cool.In short, it was amazing — Mike, I hope you approve of my usage in this instance! At the end of the night, Beyoncé asked for "A moment of silence, for Trayvon.” The George Zimmerman trial verdict had been reached at 10 p.m. Saturday — it was likely most concert goers were unaware of what had happened (I had no phone service throughout the whole show, 8-11:30 p.m., which includes her opener, Luke James). After the somber moment, Beyoncé sang  “I Will Always Love You” which led into “Halo.” People are loving Weeds creator Jenji Kohan’s Orange is the New Black, the latest Netflix series now available in its entirety. Orange is based on the memoir of Piper Kerman, who spent 15 months in a minimum security women’s prison for money laundering and drug trafficking. Check it out! In especially sad news, actor and singer Cory Monteith, best known as Finn from Glee, was found dead in a Vancouver hotel room Saturday. The coroner reports a mix of alcohol and heroin was the cause of death. The 31-year-old was open about his past struggles with addiction and sought treatment at a rehab facility in April. His girlfriend, 26-year-old Lea Michele, also stars in the hit show. Why don’t you go to www.vogue.co.uk. With your arrow keys, hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A. Keep clicking A. Now feel less sad! Syfy’s Sharknado touched down Thursday, proving the only thing more terrifying than a shark tornado is the revival of Tara Reid’s acting career. The original 90210’s (I can’t believe I have to say that) Ian Ziering also starred. The movie got such a response, particularly on social media, SyFy is already planning a sequel for 2014, set in New York. Anyone else notice Otis from The Walking Dead is now a vampire therapist on True Blood?
 
 

The Jay-Z Law, Streaming Pains and Chambers Attacked

0 Comments · Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Jay-Z and Beyonce's visit to Cuba prompts U.S. law-change effort (seriously), Thom Yorke says Spotify is bad for new artists (simples) and some nut-job attacked 73-year-old Lester Chambers over a song dedication.  
by Jac Kern 05.21.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Humor at 01:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Happy YouTube Comedy Week! Celebs, comedians, YouTube sensations and other funny people have created a ton of content to unfurl daily through May 25. As if the Internet doesn’t provide enough distractions to laugh at throughout the workday. I recently watched Parks and Recreation in its entirety over the past two weeks, so if I cancelled plans with you, it’s not because my cat was sick. I was watching hours and hours of Netflix. Sorry. It goes without saying that I’m now fully obsessed with Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson), who, as it turns out, actually is married to Megan “Tammy Two” Mullally and actually is a master woodworker. Anyway, Offerman was on Jay Leno last week to promote his upcoming film, Kings of Summer. He also performed a song he wrote for his wife (NSFWish), "Rainbow Song." Apparently he’s sung this ditty on a few other talk shows, but I’ll take anything to get me through to P&R Season Six — which has been confirmed! Saturday’s SNL finale was filled with lots of weirdness and sads. Ben Affleck did a so-so hosting job, but there were a lot of awkward moments from the start. Ben’s monologue referred back to his Argo Oscar acceptance speech (is that really as timely as your could get, SNL writers? Oh, wait. There was also a Gigli joke. Oy.) about how he loves his wife but marriage is work and blahblahblah because I guess some people thought that was kind of shitty for him to say. Well, Mrs. Affleck, Jennifer Garner, came out to faux-bicker with him but it mostly came off as a desperate “We’re married and we love each other, OK?!” confirmation. Was anyone even worried about them? Also, it really looked like he was crying when he introduced musical guest, Kanye West. Kim K's baby daddy debuted two songs from his upcoming album, Yeezus, and he was in full performance art mode (also, the censors let hella N-words slip through the cracks.) Then came the tears. Last week it was announced that Seth Meyers will be leaving the show to host Late Night next year; Bill Hader also said this would be his last season. The two went out with a bang during a Weekend Update segment with Bill’s flamboyant city correspondent, Stefon. (Oh, and Amy Poehler co-hosted Update for old time’s sake.) Stefon took us on a wild ride that included a wedding, Anderson Cooper and all those crazy, presumably made-up characters from his club reviews (including Menorah the Explorer and human traffic cones). There had also been additional reports that Jason Sudekis and 11-year vet Fred Armisen were heading out. Though Jason hasn’t made an official announcement, he joined Fred and Bill onstage for a reprisal of Fred’s fictional Punk pioneer, Ian Rubbish. Fred’s Portlandia co-star Carrie Brownstein, Kim Gordon, Aimee Mann and others rocked the stage with The Bizarros. :'( Beyoncé may or may not be pregnant — Gawker considers all the possible “conspiracé theorés” here. As I go set up Google alerts for an official announcement (and ponder if/how this would affect her summer U.S. tour, specifically the Nashville concert that I will be attending), go look up the name of your Destiny’s Child with the Bey Bey Name Generator. And check out her newly leaked single, “Grown Woman” (the song from that epic Pepsi commercial). Spinderella cut it up one time! The true star of Salt-N-Pepa, DJ Spinderella, will be in town at the Aronoff Center with Shaquille O’Neal and a slew of comedians for Shaq’s All-Star Comedy Jam June 1. Seriously, that’s a real thing.And here's Taylor Swift being grossed out by Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez's Billboard Awards PDA:
 
 
by Jac Kern 02.20.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Drinking at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Beardwatch 2013 Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites premiered last week and Cincinnati’s Matt Bischoff (whom we interviewed here) made it through the first episode, officially making it further than Cincinnati’s last castaway. Despite my wide-ranging TV prowess, I haven’t watched Survivor in about 20 seasons. But having an interesting local character like Matt actually makes the show pretty watchable. Survivor, like every reality show, follows a set of standard rules in editing, and if you read between the lines it appears Matt could be on the show for a substantial amount of time: He got enough airtime to intrigue viewers, but not so much that it seems like they’re gearing up for his departure. Elsewhere, Matt pulled his weight. He stood up to the cocky Marine barking orders but not actually doing anything, but soon after paved things over, showing that he’ll put a dude in his place, but not be a dick about it. He helped construct the tribe’s shelter and brought them to victory in the immunity challenge. But Matt isn’t the only hometown boy kickin’ it in the Caramoan — Sharonville native and Ken Doll lookalike Reynold Toepfer, now a San Francisco resident, joins Matt in the Gota Tribe. Reynold is a Princeton High School and Miami University grad, but he’s moved away from the Queen City so he’s DEAD TO US. Just kidding, but seriously, he’s kind of a d-bag. He formed an alliance with Laura because she flew under the radar by not being “the cutest, not anything.” Gag. Then, no sooner than night one, dude was getting into some straight-up heavy petting with Alli during sleepytime.                              Matt, looking like an island ninja, checking out the "sleeping" situation going on with two of his tribe-mates.Isn’t this supposed to be a family show? Not that I’m worried about “the children,” it’s just my feeling that if you’re going to be kind of a sleazy reality show, you should just be a really sleazy, self-aware reality show. Predictably, the show has portrayed Matt as something of an outsider. In one particular scene, four of the young, attractive, conventional Survivor types (Reynold being one of them) dubbed themselves the “cool kids lunch table” (gag again) and then the camera panned out to Matt, looking alone in the ocean. In the show’s defense, Survivor’s core audience probably relies on this type of blatant stereotyping to understand what’s going on. More Beardwatch to come! The Internet acts as a platform for feedback for companies. So when a TV show gets or cancelled or a product is removed from shelves, many consumers can share their critiques online. Now, usually this quickly turns into a bullshit sounding board — just read a Yelp review from a bitter customer — but sometimes the public can harness the power of technology and allow its collective voice to be heard. Case in point: Maker's Mark made news last week when the company announced that the bourbon would henceforth have a reduced alcohol content in order to keep up with demand. If the bourbon was diluted just a bit, they could produce enough booze to meet sales demands, but that shortcut would affect the alcohol volume by about 3 percent (from 45 percent ABV/90 proof to 42 percent/84 proof). Bourbon drinkers weren’t havin’ none of that. So guess what? Maker's changed their minds! The bourbon recipe will remain untouched. Long live Maker's Mark! For a couple of Grammy-winning musicians, the Black Keys sure have a lot of time for extracurriculars! When they’re not making completely random, ponytailed cameos on Workaholics, they’re trolling Beliebers. Well, drummer Patrick Carney is. Justin Bieber tweeted that Carney (“the black keys drummer”) needed to “be slapped around” in response to a comment Carney made to a reporter about Beiber’s Grammy “snub.” Carney went on to change his Twitter name and profile picture to Justin Bieber and JB fans were pissed. He’s back to assuming his own identity but you can read the hilarious trolling tweets here. And because I look up any topic on the always-reliable Wikipedia before writing about it, I discovered that Carney was married to (and later divorced) writer Denise Grollmus in a ceremony officiated by Will Forte. Yes, MacGruber. WTF CARNEY. Beyonce’s documentary debuted on HBO Saturday, drawing in more viewers (1.8 million) than any HBO doc in nearly a decade. A little self-serving and definitely over-the-top, fans and critics alike had a field day with Life Is But A Dream. Basically, Beyonce records her every waking moment, which, according to this doc, includes lots of traveling, dance rehearsals and iMac confessionals. We finally got a good look at mini-Jay, Blue Ivy:                                                                 “We’re not worthy!” Beyonce even tried to convince us she was down-to-earth by rocking some crazy braids in the interview portions, filmed inside her childhood home. Here are some quick and dirty deets from NY Mag including number of manicure close-ups and number of Destiny’s Child mentions (ZERO!). We got a couple peeks at her preggo belly, but there were not enough shots of her eating French fries and too many shots of private helicopter rides to convince me she’s 100 percent human and not an Illuminati alien goddess. Three stars.
 
 

Fake IDs

1 Comment · Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Though we’re only about seven weeks into 2013, many of this year’s top stories (or, rather, the stories the media has made into “top stories”) share a common thread — often, people are not what they seem.   
by Jac Kern 02.05.2013
at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Sunday’s Super Bowl was arguably one of the most entertaining sporting events for even the most athletically clueless. Admittedly, I fall into that category ­— this was probably the most recent football game I’ve watched since last year’s SB — and generally watch for the commercials and half-time show/to justify eating my weight in cheese and crackers/to feel like a real American. But from on-field brawls and the post-Beyonce power outage to the tense final minutes of the game, this shit show was truly a spectacle! Bravo, NFL. Bravo, America. Queen Bey’s half-time extravaganza was flawless, lip-synching or not. She booty-popped her way through a handful of hits and even summoned recently-reunited Destiny’s Children Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams (no, not her) to perform a couple classics in coordinating outfits (obvs). Kelly was looking extra fabulous and, as a friend pointed out, that's really saying something about a chick dancing alongside Beyonce. Michelle, as always, played the cute third wheel role. It appeared that her mic was off for half of her time onstage, which was probably the stipulation for Beyonce even allowing Michelle to be included in the reunion. DC superfan note: Michelle always gets the shaft. Hours after the epic, show-stopping (literally — you know Bey caused that outage) show, Beyonce’s summer tour was announced: The Mrs. Carter Show. Be still, my heart. For those who care even less about football than me but still want to check out the over-hyped commercials, see a roundup here. 30 Rock came to a bittersweet end Thursday. Tina Fey’s hit changed the comedy landscape and the way we look at snack foods (I’ll never eat a cupcake the same way again!). Take one last jaunt through TGS memory lane with every trucker hat Frank wore throughout the series. While Girls’ Lena Dunham is still new to the TV scene, the love-her-or-hate-her writer/director/producer/actress will embark on a new HBO series with Girls co-executive producer Jenni Konner. Conan O’Brien a certified comedy demigod — one of the most beloved late night hosts of the 21st century. Despite the buzzed-about drama with Jay Leno and Conan’s move to TBS, the show retained its core audience and it’s clear people still love them some Coco. And, after watching last week’s Occupy Conan episode, it’s clear Coco loves us, too. Back in November, the late night host announced he’d present a fan-generated episode. Viewers were invited to re-imagine their own episode based on the Aug. 16, 2011 show with Anne Hathaway and Fun. Tons of original content was submitted and mashed together to create an epically weird and hilarious version of that episode. “Occupy Conan” featured animations, live-action interpretations, puppets and even submissions from the likes of Tina Fey, Fred Armisen and Joel McHale. I hadn’t actually seen the original episode, which is unfortunate as Anne Hathaway gave the most WTF-worthy rap performance only a white girl could pull off (or not — you decide). I wouldn’t be surprised if this becomes a new TV trend for shows with particularly ambitious/obsessed fans. Check out the full fan-sourced episode here. In hatchet-wielding homeless hitchhiker news: A delusional man in Fresno, Calif., claiming he was Jesus, purposely hit a PG&E worker with his car. Thankfully, help was on the scene: Sa-Mash.
 
 
by Jac Kern 01.24.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Goddam wind, Performances, Music, Movies at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Monday was President Barack Obama’s second inauguration or, as it will be remembered, Michelle Obama’s Bang-auguration or, perhaps, Beyonce-gate. I think we can all agree that most of the event was kind of coma-inducing, right Sasha? Between all the swearing-ins and speeches, frozen onlookers and viewers at home were treated to James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful” and (OK) Kelly Clarkson’s rendition of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” (meh). Richard Blanco became the first Hispanic and openly gay as well as the youngest Inauguration poet (pretty cool, I guess). Sadly, we didn’t get any true diva moments a la Aretha Franklin’s iconic hat game of 2009. Of course, not until Beyonce took the stage for the National Anthem. Editor’s Note: I really try to not constantly cover the Beyonce beat, but she keeps being fabulous every damn week. So Ms. Bey comes out with a chic black dress, emerald earrings and her weave on-point, and belted out a fabulous National Anthem with enough flair but not too much Christina Aguilerizing. Joe Biden was all over that shit. Because it wouldn’t be a true BK moment without a little drama, she ripped out her earpiece mid-way through, and just kept on going. Note to self: sporadically rip out earpieces more often in everyday life to show when I mean business. I’m not sure if anyone really knows what that move means, but within 24 hours of the Inauguration, everyone went from discussing Michelle’s bangs to accusing Beyonce of lip synching the performance. Blasphemy! Beyonphemy! Here’s a raw cut of her singing via Vanity Fair. It sounds like may be singing with a backing track, which I feel like is fair game when performing in front of a gigantic crowd. But if that’s lip-synching, Bey deserves an award. That’s the most convincing lip synching I’ve ever seen, and I was the first place winner for SharonFest’s 1999 “Puttin’ on the Hits” lip synch contest. Truth. From diva drama to sports scandals, Notre Damer Manti Te’o has been all over the news for the past week. I don’t follow sports closely enough to have known about Te’o and his epically tragic story of losing both his grandmother and girlfriend on Sept. 11, 2012 and then immediately hitting the field and leading the Irish to beat Michigan 20-3. But people love a good, sappy sports story, so I can understand why the story would get picked up by Sports Illustrated. This was back in fall 2012, and the story probably fell off most people's radar within a month or two. But Deadspin followed up on the story and, in this INSANE investigative piece, discovered that, basically, the “girlfriend” in question never existed, Te’o got catfished and was probably in on the whole thing. You've heard all about it on the news, but the details in the Deadspin story are absolutely cray. Our editor Danny is all about Jose Canseco’s unintentionally hilarious Twitter, but  Sammy Sosa is beginning to take the lead in the battle for the strangest social media accounts. Completely ignoring the fact that he’s got some kind of Vitiligo thing going on, Sammy’s Pinterest and Twitter are odd in their own respects. His Twitter info reads: "I am the real Sammy Sosa. I will always love baseball, but now I'm a businessman and entrepreneur." And it appears he responds to every tweet that so much as mentions his name. Over on Pinterest, a site used primarily by women to “pin” and share everything from recipes and DIY projects to fashion tips and fitness inspiration, Mr. Sosa has turned it into his personal portrait portfolio.   Yes, most of the images he’s pinned are photographs of himself posing around various office furniture. Each one is titled, “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I'm the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.” Every Thursday I watch Project Runway with my boyfriend Jeff and our friend John. The design competition (which now, thanks to Project Runway reboots, is always on in some capacity, every single week) is on Lifetime, certainly a female-targeted channel, as embarrassing as that may be for the female population. Additionally, I’d bet PR would draw mostly women on any channel, and one could tell be just the commercials alone. First off, every other ad is for Yoplait. The other half can be divided between Weigh Watchers, NuvaRing and Tampax. Really, what else does a modern woman need? Yahoo (via Bust) has the answer to this question: Controversial filmmaker Harmonie Korine‘s latest flick Spring Breakers finally has a trailer out and never before have you so seriously wanted to see a movie starring ex-Disney starlets and Kevin Federline. Somehow the Vice twins (NSFW) did not make the preview, but they do have a confirmed role in the film. Normally when a show gets a One Million Moms protest, I want to watch it even more, but I can officially say for the first time that I am agreement with these crazy bitches. Oxygen has pulled All My Babies’ Mamas, a reality show that was going to follow rapper Shawty Lo and the 11 kids he had with 10 different women. Though we’ll never get to see how the show turned out, it sounds like an extended version of the “Family Flavors” episode of Flavor of Love. On second thought, I kinda want to see it now… And since it’s my dream to be ?uestlove’s baby mama, here he is with Captian Kirk Douglas as Black Simon and Garfunkel on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
 
 
by Jac Kern 01.09.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Humor at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Thirteen may historically be an unlucky number, but we’re all sure to be blessed with pop culture gold this year. Sure, Heidi and Spencer are back on TV and Kim Kardashian is cooking up a baby with Kanye West — don’t run for the hills quite yet. The fact that the New Year was rung in by a washed up Jamie Kennedy and a stoned Macy Gray on this low-budge Los Angeles NYE show has to be a good sign of what hot messes are to come. Here’s a peek at what’s to come in 2013. Many spoilers lie ahead; proceed at your own risk. WINTER This Sunday, the Golden Globes (aka the one show where TV and movie stars mingle while drunk) will be hosted by women for the first time ever! OK, the show has only had an official host since 2010, but it’s been Ricky Gervais every year since. This time around, dynamic duo Tina Fey and Amy Poehler run the show. The pair have a long history, back to their improv days at Second City in the ‘90s. Over the past decade+ they’ve proven their comedic chemistry on Saturday Night Live and in Baby Mama, but they’re also awesome in their respective rights, as seen on 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation. Check out some of my unlikely-but-hopeful Golden Globes picks here. The Chinese calendar may deem 2013 the Year of the Snake, but according to my diva calendar, this is definitely the Year of Beyonce. The musical maven, who just celebrated baby Blue Ivy’s first birthday with hubby and baby daddy Jay-Z, is set to sing the national anthem at President Obama’s inauguration Jan. 21. Next, she’ll fly down to New Orleans to headline the Super Bowl halftime show on Feb. 3. Bey is rumored to perform with a reunited Destiny’s Child (FINALLY) and the Hov. Just two weeks later, HBO will premiere Queen B’s full-length documentary on Feb. 16. The Bey-directed doc touts a personal, never-before-seen look at “Beyonce the person” (there’s no way she’s 100% human, but whatever) as opposed to Sasha Fierce the performer. A few things I’m really hoping to see: Jay-Z changing Blue’s Egyptian cotton diaper; Beyonce eating actual solid food; a baby bump shot to put those pesky rumors to rest; at least 13 different hairstyles/weaves. The Walking Dead returns to AMC for the second half of Season Three on Feb. 10. We’ll pick up with the new Woodbury/prison storylines introduced in early December’s mid-season finale. Fan fave Daryl has been captured by the Governor, who places him in the demented fighting arena against his brother Merle (who was pretty much presumed dead by the group after leaving a trail of blood and sawed-off hand behind in Season One). Loyalties will certainly be tested when the Dixon bros meet for the first time and, according to this sneak peak, the Woodbury clan wants them to battle to the death. Back at the prison, Rick questions his leadership role and Tyreese (a character plucked from the comics) will step up as the group’s token black guy. On the other side of the camera, showrunner Glen Mazzara, who took over for Frank Darabont after a rather sluggish second season, will be stepping down. Some speculate the move may be due to a lackluster second half of this season, but Mazzara, AMC and comic creator/exec producer Robert Kirkman all claim the departure is on good terms. We’ll see for ourselves next month; meanwhile, check out this preview: SPRING At first glance, Game of Thrones did not seem like my small screen cop o’ tea. I generally don’t read or watch anything too fantastical/mythical (but bring on the zombies and True Blood), plus the number of characters and settings almost make fictional family trees and note-taking a must. Regardless of TV preferences, though, GoT is an addictive epic. And on March 31, fans will return to Westeros for a third, slightly super-sized season. See, in the past, episodes were generally just more than 50 minutes long. This season promises several eps as long as 57 minutes, ultimately adding up to almost a whole extra episode. Way too nerdy and nitpicky? Well, that’s Thrones for you. But another fun addition to this season is that fans can now drink along with the show as New York’s Brewery Ommegang releases a series of Game of Thrones beer. The first, Iron Throne Blonde Ale, is set to debut in time for the season premiere. And speaking of TV show beer tie-ins, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia will also get its own brew with Aleman and Two Brothers Brewing Co.’s Dayman Coffee IPA, also slated to come out this March. Let’s just hope the gang hasn’t touched the stuff. And since you can’t even read the word “Dayman” without singing: Moving along to May, you better scratch those Star Wars Day and Cinco de Mayo plans. Cult hit Arrested Development is coming back with a new season, to be released on Netflix in its entirety on May 4. Of course, everyone is happy to have a little more Tobias Fünke in their lives, but this is a huge, possibly telling move for television in general. Plenty of failed shows gain a following after their demise on TV, but rarely do these shows actually get picked up again, and certainly not 7 years after cancellation. My only fear is super-fans’ high expectations will be hard to meet in just a single season. 'Til the release, catch up on the series and look out for these Easter eggs. After being pushed from its original Christmas 2012 premiere date, Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby will hit theaters May 10. The director is known for his visually exciting films, such at Romeo + Juliet (which starred Gatsby himself, Leonardo DiCaprio) and Moulin Rouge, and likes to blend contemporary music and themes in with those of the films’ eras. For example, in the following trailer, Kanye West's “No Church in the Wild” juxtaposes the 1922 setting. If that's not enough for ya, stay tuned for more 2013 pop culture previews for summer and fall.
 
 
by Jac Kern 12.13.2012
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Is this for real? at 02:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Since I’m convinced the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Will and Kate, rarely have physical contact and imagining their sexy times is like picturing two pieces of notebook paper laying on a desk, I think it’s safe to say Queen Elizabeth’s turkey baster procedure was a success, cause Royal Baby Watch is upon us! Duchess Kate was hospitalized last week for Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is pretty much a fancy way of saying “bad baby morning barfs.” My professional opinion is that her tiny 12-year-old boy body has gone into shock now that it requires more than its usual daily dose of three saltines and a grapefruit. Will and Kate’s baby is approximately the size of a pea at this point and people are already putting Kate’s nonexistent stomach under a microscope, asking absurd questions like "Could it be twins?" And, ever the bastion of journalism, US Weekly has a timeline of the duchess’ body changes over the past 10 years here. See Kate’s shape transform from fettuccine to spaghetti to spaghetti a la fetus before your eyes! I’m rarely one to say “poor princess” and I love a good celebrity pregnancy as much as the next sad fool, but Kate's gone through more than a year of royal pressure to get knocked up, and now she is, but not even at the standard pregnancy announcement 3-month mark yet. Let up on her womb, yo! If Kate was like us lowly commoners, she’d likely be Instagramming her tiny bump and tweeting from inside the hospital (Nuthin 2 worry bout, just tummy troubles #preggers). Call it over-sharing, but most people announce their monumental life moments on social media. So, thankfully, if you were trying to recall the major events you experienced this past year, Facebook has gone ahead and just done it for ya. Just go to your page, click See your 2012 Year in Review or go to facebook.com/yearinreview/[your Facebook url]. A slideshow of photos you’ve been tagged in rotates above a list of friends you’ve added and pages you’ve liked in the past 12 months. Scrolling further down, Facebook has generated what it believes to be the 20 “biggest moments” from your year, including status updates, photos and links. I’m assuming those who’ve posted about starting a new job, getting engaged/married, moving to a new city or having a baby — royal or otherwise — would see those types of announcements highlighted, but for losers like me that just incessantly post pointless crap, this feature is pretty damn funny.3/20 "biggest moments" of my year include fictional characters and alcohol. Social media is more than just a place to show off how great your life is to all your lame high school friends #thankful. It’s also a platform to reach out to public figures and celebrities. And while a member of Smash Mouth probably doesn’t fall into either category in the year 2012, Jon Hedren became determined to get a response from the band once Smash Mouth got a verified Twitter account in 2011. Now, for those who don’t remember, Smash Mouth was a San Jose-based Pop/Rock band that provided songs for every major movie trailer and/or film credits in the late ‘90s-early ‘00s (Mystery Men, Shrek, Rat Race, Inspector Gadget — and that’s just “All Star”). They also mastered the art of the pencil-thin chin strap. Holy shit, it’s Dane Cook… Jon tweeted multiple silly messages to the band, but the one stood out: After hundreds of retweets, the dumb challenge turned into a pledge to raise money for charity — all if lead singer Steve Harwell would eat a giant plate of eggs. Weeks later, a San Jose music venue promoter reached out to Jon after talking the challenge over with Harwell. More than $100,000 was raised for St. Jude’s and the Smash Mouth dude agreed to scarf some eggs at the nearby opening of a Guy Feiri restaurant. Best team-up ever, right? As Jon describes in his Vice story, “Guy and Steve were supposedly old friends and not actually the same man, despite the exact same fashion sense and divorced dad aura.” Go here to read the full first-hand account of how this guy got the Smash Mouth guy to accept an eating challenge. Everyone knows a good way for an actor to clinch an Oscar nom is by dropping or gaining a ton of weight. By those standards, the stars of Dallas Buyer’s Club, due in theaters in 2013, should be racking up the awards next year because they’re giving a new name to manorexia. Matthew McConaughey, who plays Ron Woodruff — a Texan who contracted HIV in the ‘80s — has been photographed in various stages of emaciation over the past few months (a stark contrast to his recent beefy Magic Mike look). And Jared Leto, portraying a transgendered woman with AIDS, recently posed for photographer Terry Richardson’s camera. I mean, way to commit to your craft but dude is cartoon skinny — like, he disappears when he turns to the side. In Beyonce news, which should always be its own category, Mrs. Jay-Z is set to perform the halftime show at Super Bowl XLVII, she just signed a major deal with Pepsi and has directed, produced and starred in her own documentary, premiering on HBO Feb. 16. Sounds like 2013 will be the year of the Bey. And if you attempted multiple times to pause exactly on the shot of what appears to be Beyonce’s pregnant belly (not that I did…), it looks like she’s finally putting those fake baby bump conspiracy theories to rest. Finally, in case you missed the biggest news story of the week, a very fashionable monkey was found in a Toronto Ikea, becoming an instant Internet celebrity. Darwin is a domesticated macaque and has since been taken by animal control. His owner Yasmin Nakhuda is currently trying to get little Darwin back.
 
 

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