0 Comments · Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Punk band forces uptight newscasters to say the word “pussy”
uncomfortably thousands of times on U.S. news outlets, Silversun Pickups think it's funny Mitt Romney used "Panic Switch" at a campaign stop (but still asked him to stop) and Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine said our secret Muslim president is behind all the recent massive shootings … all part of his ploy to finally get rid of that pesky Second Amendment.
by Andy Brownfield
Posted In: Humor
at 02:12 PM | Permalink
Jean Schmidt brings sexy back to the Ohio delegation; named 5th sexiest on the Hill by TMZ
U.S. Congressman from Illinois Aaron Schock has shredded
abs that he shows off on the cover of men’s magazines; Google was
inundated with queries for shirtless pictures of fitness fanatic and
presumed Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan after the
announcement of his joining the Romney ticket; President Barack Obama is
known to frequently hit the basketball court and is a favorite among
female constituents.So who brings home the sexy bacon back to Ohio? According to gossip blog reputable journal of record TMZ, it’s Miami Township Rep. Jean Schmidt.
An avid marathoner who has completed 88 races,
Schmidt is probably better known for calling decorated Marines
“cowards,” making dubious claims about her college education and flip
flopping about whether the president is an American citizen than her sculpted quadriceps.
Schmidt ranked No. 5 in the list 20-member list of
“Sexiest U.S. Politicians – The Right to Bare Buff Arms.” She beat out
such noted sexpots as Bill and Hillary Clinton, former California Gov.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and President Merkin Muffley.
We at CityBeat say “keep on it, squirrelfriend!” and can’t wait to see her on a “babes and hunks of Congress” calendar one day soon.Here's a video of Schmidt looking pretty great when she misunderstood the Supreme Court ruling on the Affordable Care Act. (She thought it was struck down.)
by Andy Brownfield
Presumed GOP VP nominee to visit alma mater Miami Wednesday
Preempting the Wednesday homecoming of presumed Republican
vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan to his alma mater Miami
University, the Obama campaign is opening an office in Oxford Tuesday
The guest speaker at the office opening will be Butler
County Democratic Party Chairwoman Jocelyn Bucaro who, according to a
news release, will contrast the competing visions of President Barack
Obama and his presumptive Republican challenger, Mitt Romney.
“The Romney-Ryan budget would devastate the security of
senior citizens — ending Medicare as we know it by turning the program
into a voucher system and privatizing Social Security,” the release
read.Along with a Milford office which is also opening Tuesday, the Oxford office with contribute to the total of nine campaign offices in the region. The Obama campaign has offices in East Walnut Hills, College Hill, Forest Park, Cheviot, Middletown, Springboro and Mason.
Wisconsin U.S. Rep. Ryan will speak Wednesday evening at Miami
University’s Engineering Quad, according to the Miami College
Republicans’ Facebook page.
Ryan graduated from Miami in 1992 and was asked back as the commencement speaker in 2009.
Romney is planning a bus tour with three Ohio stops on Tuesday.Updates to include the opening of a Milford office on Tuesday.
by Andy Brownfield
Northern neighborhoods can prepare for calls, canvassers
President Barack Obama’s reelection campaign is upping its
ground game in Cincinnati, opening its fourth field office in the city on
The new College Hill office will be the source of phone
calls and canvassers to the Mount Healthy, Northside, North College Hill and
College Hill neighborhoods. The Obama campaign already has field offices in
East Walnut Hills, Cheviot and Forest Park.
Obama’s Republican rival Mitt Romney’s campaign has three
offices: in Kenwood, Westwood and Colerain. Staff contact Kelsey Romanchik said
she didn’t know if there were plans to open more.
More than 150 people braved the sweltering Cincinnati
humidity for the opening of the Obama College Hill field office. They were
greeted by a drum line outside of the office, as well as inside a mainstay of
any such campaign event — snacks.
Keynote speaker City Councilman Cecil Thomas sounded off
many of the Obama campaign’s talking points, attacking Romney’s tenure at Bain
Capital, his refusal to release further tax returns and Romney’s tax plan,
which a recent study by the Tax Policy Center says will raise taxes on the
middle class by eliminating popular tax credits.
“Why in the world would I vote for someone like that?” asked
0 Comments · Wednesday, July 18, 2012
President Barack Obama and the Democratic
Party filed a lawsuit July 17 to restore voting during the three days
prior to Election Day in the state of Ohio. If the restriction is
removed, it could benefit as many as 93,000 Ohioans who voted early
during the 2008 presidential election.
0 Comments · Wednesday, July 18, 2012
WEDNESDAY JULY 11: Alanis Morissette didn’t know what “ironic” meant and we
probably don’t either … but it sure sucks for all the people who took a
hair-loss medication called Propecia, which people in lab coats now
believe harms males’ sex drives and somehow even shrinks the organs
found where the bathing suit covers.
by Andy Brownfield
President touts support for small businesses and LGBT rights
In the first town hall-style event of the 2012 campaign,
President Barack Obama fielded questions on Monday about rights for the
LGBT community, what he would do for small business during a second term
and which was his favorite Girl Scout cookie (Thin Mints).
Obama — the first Democrat to carry Hamilton County since
Lyndon Baines Johnson — held a packed town hall meeting at Music Hall.
Cincinnati Fire Department Capt. Joseph E. Wolf estimated the crowd at
1,200 people in the ballroom with an additional 421 hosted outside.
The most recent Quinnipiac University poll from June 27
showed that 47 percent of Ohio voters favored the president, while 38
percent were behind his presumed Republican challenger Mitt Romney. The
poll’s margin of error was plus or minus 2.8 percentage points.
Mayor Mark Mallory fired up the crowd before the president
spoke, saying Hamilton County is the most important county in Ohio, and
Cincinnati the most important city in the county.
“The folks in this room are the most important folks in
terms of the re-election of President Barack Obama in the United States
of America,” Mallory said.
Attending the town hall was former Cincinnati mayor and
daytime TV host Jerry Springer, who said he and about a dozen other
folks had a private meeting with the president earlier in the day.
"I think it would be bad for the country," Springer said of an America
that saw Obama lose the November election. He says the
Republican-controlled house would run away with our country without a
Democrat in the Oval Office to issue a veto.
Just an hour before the president spoke and seven blocks
away at Fountain Square, dozens of Romney supporters rallied, carrying
signs with slogans such as “Obama Bin Lyin’.”
Republican Mike Wilson, who is looking to unseat
Montgomery Democrat Rep. Connie Pillich in the Ohio House of
Representatives, was among the speakers at the Romney Rally. Pillich defeated Wilson in the 2010 election.
"Ohio seems destined to play a pivotal role. We're used to it," Wilson said.
Wilson criticized the Obama campaign for “playing politics” with Romney’s tenure at the head of investment firm Bain Capital.
The Obama campaign has claimed that Romney invested in businesses that outsourced American jobs.
“We're all interested with what Romney did with his money,
but we're not interested with what Obama is doing with our money,"
He blamed over-regulation and taxation from the Obama administration for companies moving their operations overseas.
Gerry Molt, who attended the rally with his wife Roxanne,
claimed that Obama is at war with America and says the focus on Bain
Capital is “clearly a distraction.”
Roxanne Molt said she’s excited about the importance of Hamilton County in this year’s election.
“I think this is the premier election of our lifetime,”
she said. “I think Romney’s got a good plan. We need someone who
The president did a little bit to support Cincinnati
capitalism, making a pit stop at Skyline Chili before the town hall,
where he ordered a 4-way and two cheese coneys.
The economy was a big focus of Obama’s speech, but also of questions he received afterward.
Tony White, who owns a barber shop/beauty salon, asked
what the president would do for small businesses with fewer than 10
In his response, the president touted the possible savings
for small businesses under the health care overhaul, saying they could
pool together and receive the same rates as larger businesses. As for
moving forward, Obama said he would continue to put pressure on banks to
lend to small businesses.
“We’ve actually been pushing the banks to say, ‘look,
taxpayers pulled your backside out of the fire, it’s now important for
you to step up and make sure that small businesses aren’t finding their
credit restricted, especially if they’ve been in business for a while,”
The president was also asked by a woman who only
identified herself as Anna what he would do to further help the LGBT
community. Anna’s son Adam is openly gay and is looking at attending
Miami University in Oxford.
Despite earlier teasing that he wouldn’t sing at the town
hall, Obama led the crown in singing “Happy Birthday” to Adam, who
turned 18 on Monday.
Obama again answered the question by touting his
accomplishments so far — ending the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy that
forbid homosexuals from serving openly in the military and expanding
hospital visitation rights to same-sex partners — before going on to say that the federal Defense of Marriage Act needs to be repealed.
The Defense of Marriage Act defines marriage as between
one man and one woman. Obama is the first American president to openly
support gay marriage.
The theme the president to which continued to return was that America needs to return to being the land of opportunity.
“What really sets us apart has always been that we have
the greatest middle class and a basic idea that’s at the heart of this
country that says if you work hard then you can get ahead. If you’re
responsive, then you can live out your dreams. You’re not confined to
the circumstances of your birth.”German Lopez contributed to this report.
6 Comments · Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Your black-ass president is a fag hag. A fag hag is usually a woman who co-stars
and co-signs in the lives of flamboyantly gay men. Fag hags are pesky cheerleaders buzzing
about meaninglessly to little affect; they are quick to appear down with
gay (and lesbian … dykes have fag hags, too) causes, but it’s all too
much, too little, too late.
0 Comments · Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Since a pack of five coyotes was first seen in the Northern
Kentucky city in January 2011, residents have reported seeing them a
few more times. A police spokesperson strongly urged
visitors and residents of Park Hills to remain vigilant and not to
loiter in front of any roadside signs promising “Free Bird Seed” until
the coyote threat has been neutralized.
by Jac Kern
Jac's favorite recent pop culture and Internet findings
White House Correspondents’ Dinner was Saturday, and while CityBeat’s invitation
must have gotten lost in the mail, the event brought journalists, celebrities
and famewhores from across the country to Washington, D.C. What began in the
1920s as an opportunity to recognize journalists is now more of a “Washington
goes Hollywood” event, usually hosted by comedians and attended by celebs who
have little (if anything) to do with politics or reporting. Although the event
gets criticism for becoming a schmooze-fest,
I’m a fan of what has become a Washington roast, where politicians stop taking
themselves too seriously, at least for one night.
Obama kicked off the night with a dig at his recent “hot mic” incident, and
continued by poking fun at other politicians, odd celebrity guests and other
evening was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, who took the stage like a true equal
of diminishing journalistic integrity, how ‘bout the rise and (immediate) fall
Gawker’s Fox News mole? Earlier this month, Gawker announced
a new column by a Fox News employee, who was prepared to share the deepest,
darkest secrets from everyone’s favorite conservative channel — or something.
Two days later, the “mole” (revealed as O’Reilly
Factor associate producer Joe Muto) was found out by the network and
subsequently fired. So that’s the end of that, right? Not quite. Muto
was served with a search warrant early Wednesday morning. New York’s District
Attorney’s office seized Muto’s laptop, cell phone and some notebooks as part
of an open investigation. Fox News is accusing Muto of conspiracy and grand
larceny, according to this warrant.
The best/worst part of the whole debacle is that Muto only managed four Gawker
posts, which included juicy Fox dirt like a photo of a bathroom Bill O’Reilly
uses and a clip of Mitt Romney talking about his horses to Sean Hannity. Yawn. UPDATE: Muto apparently grew up in Cincinnati. Represent!
Pizza Hut’s new pies with cheeseburgers instead of crusts to the Heart Attack Grill
living up to its name, junk food on ‘roids is all the rage right now! Las
Vegas’ Heart Attack Grill is known for its over-the-top diner grub, including a
“Quadruple Bypass Burger,” so should anyone be surprised that eating there
could potentially be harmful to one’s health? For the second time this year, a guest collapsed at the restaurant, which boasts the Guinness World Record for
highest calorie hamburger (9,983 — about five times the calories recommended
for one day).
People go to Vegas for the thrill of a gamble — the Heart Attack Grill just
offers a unique spin! Meanwhile,
in the Middle East, Pizza Hut is finally solving that boring pizza crust
problem (what are we supposed to do — just eat plain dough?!) by swapping it
for cheeseburgers and chicken sliders. This
came just weeks after we were introduced to The Hut’s hot dog-stuffed crust,
which is now available in the U.K. The most shocking part about these pizza monstrosities?
They aren’t served in the States (yet)! Are we becoming a healthier nation or
is our fatness just rubbing off on other countries? In
movie news, a 2007 viral comedy short is now becoming a
star-studded smorgasbord. Jay
and Seth vs. The Apocalypse starred Jay Baruchel and Seth Rogan as friends
confined to an apartment during the end of the world. Filmed in just four days
immediately following production on Knocked
Up, the short is only available as a trailer on YouTube:
the success of Knocked Up, Pineapple Express and other Rogen
comedies, the crew is remaking the short into a feature film, currently titled The
End of The World. In
the film, James Franco (playing himself) hosts a party at his apartment when
the world begins…to end. Party-goers will include Jonah Hill, Danny McBride and
Aziz Ansari, in addition to Rogen and Baruchel. It’s an Apatowpocalypse!
While these dudes are taking something scary (the apocalypse) and turning it into
something funny, this bitch is turning something from my youth (dolls) into
the stuff of nightmares. Meet Valeria Lukyanov, “human” Barbie!
this Craigslist ad: