Monday was President Barack Obama’s second inauguration or, as it will be remembered, Michelle Obama’s Bang-auguration or, perhaps, Beyonce-gate. I think we can all agree that most of the event was kind of coma-inducing, right Sasha? Between all the swearing-ins and speeches, frozen onlookers and viewers at home were treated to James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful” and (OK) Kelly Clarkson’s rendition of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” (meh). Richard Blanco became the first Hispanic and openly gay as well as the youngest Inauguration poet (pretty cool, I guess). Sadly, we didn’t get any true diva moments a la Aretha Franklin’s iconic hat game of 2009. Of course, not until Beyonce took the stage for the National Anthem. Editor’s Note: I really try to not constantly cover the Beyonce beat, but she keeps being fabulous every damn week. So Ms. Bey comes out with a chic black dress, emerald earrings and her weave on-point, and belted out a fabulous National Anthem with enough flair but not too much Christina Aguilerizing. Joe Biden was all over that shit. Because it wouldn’t be a true BK moment without a little drama, she ripped out her earpiece mid-way through, and just kept on going. Note to self: sporadically rip out earpieces more often in everyday life to show when I mean business. I’m not sure if anyone really knows what that move means, but within 24 hours of the Inauguration, everyone went from discussing Michelle’s bangs to accusing Beyonce of lip synching the performance. Blasphemy! Beyonphemy! Here’s a raw cut of her singing via Vanity Fair. It sounds like may be singing with a backing track, which I feel like is fair game when performing in front of a gigantic crowd. But if that’s lip-synching, Bey deserves an award. That’s the most convincing lip synching I’ve ever seen, and I was the first place winner for SharonFest’s 1999 “Puttin’ on the Hits” lip synch contest. Truth. From diva drama to sports scandals, Notre Damer Manti Te’o has been all over the news for the past week. I don’t follow sports closely enough to have known about Te’o and his epically tragic story of losing both his grandmother and girlfriend on Sept. 11, 2012 and then immediately hitting the field and leading the Irish to beat Michigan 20-3. But people love a good, sappy sports story, so I can understand why the story would get picked up by Sports Illustrated. This was back in fall 2012, and the story probably fell off most people's radar within a month or two. But Deadspin followed up on the story and, in this INSANE investigative piece, discovered that, basically, the “girlfriend” in question never existed, Te’o got catfished and was probably in on the whole thing. You've heard all about it on the news, but the details in the Deadspin story are absolutely cray. Our editor Danny is all about Jose Canseco’s unintentionally hilarious Twitter, but  Sammy Sosa is beginning to take the lead in the battle for the strangest social media accounts. Completely ignoring the fact that he’s got some kind of Vitiligo thing going on, Sammy’s Pinterest and Twitter are odd in their own respects. His Twitter info reads: "I am the real Sammy Sosa. I will always love baseball, but now I'm a businessman and entrepreneur." And it appears he responds to every tweet that so much as mentions his name. Over on Pinterest, a site used primarily by women to “pin” and share everything from recipes and DIY projects to fashion tips and fitness inspiration, Mr. Sosa has turned it into his personal portrait portfolio.   Yes, most of the images he’s pinned are photographs of himself posing around various office furniture. Each one is titled, “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I'm the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.” Every Thursday I watch Project Runway with my boyfriend Jeff and our friend John. The design competition (which now, thanks to Project Runway reboots, is always on in some capacity, every single week) is on Lifetime, certainly a female-targeted channel, as embarrassing as that may be for the female population. Additionally, I’d bet PR would draw mostly women on any channel, and one could tell be just the commercials alone. First off, every other ad is for Yoplait. The other half can be divided between Weigh Watchers, NuvaRing and Tampax. Really, what else does a modern woman need? Yahoo (via Bust) has the answer to this question: Controversial filmmaker Harmonie Korine‘s latest flick Spring Breakers finally has a trailer out and never before have you so seriously wanted to see a movie starring ex-Disney starlets and Kevin Federline. Somehow the Vice twins (NSFW) did not make the preview, but they do have a confirmed role in the film. Normally when a show gets a One Million Moms protest, I want to watch it even more, but I can officially say for the first time that I am agreement with these crazy bitches. Oxygen has pulled All My Babies’ Mamas, a reality show that was going to follow rapper Shawty Lo and the 11 kids he had with 10 different women. Though we’ll never get to see how the show turned out, it sounds like an extended version of the “Family Flavors” episode of Flavor of Love. On second thought, I kinda want to see it now… And since it’s my dream to be ?uestlove’s baby mama, here he is with Captian Kirk Douglas as Black Simon and Garfunkel on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

It’s holiday time, y’all! Whether you celebrate Chrimbus, Festivus (Google it for a fun Easter egg), Ludachristmas, Eggmas or any other equally spiritual special occasion, now is that magical time of year where it’s acceptable to get drunk in front of your boss and/or Grandma, go on a shopping spree at 4 a.m. and eat your weight in HoneyBaked Ham. OK, some of us do these things year-round, but now we can’t be judged for it! For some reason, it’s perfectly normal this time of year to go door-to-door singing unsolicited tunes to strangers. It’s also a good excuse to talk to your best friend’s wife, with whom you’re secretly in love. Music is a major factor in this wonderfully insane season, so I’ve collected a sampling of this year’s best holiday tunes for all the good little CityBeat readers. Gather ‘round! Rapper DMX spit some classic rhymes for New York radio channel 105.1 FM: The Roots produce pure magic week to week on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and all their musical projects. Earlier this year, Fallon and the crew teamed up with musical guest Carly Rae Jepsen backstage to perform her The Song That Shall Not Be Named using children’s/beginner instruments. Their follow-up? Mariah Carey’s infectious holiday anthem, “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” And who could forget the holiday collaboration we’ve all been waiting for — the reunion of Sandy and Danny — This Christmas from Olivia Newton-John Travolta (easiest celeb couple name ever). Apparently everything that’s ever existed is getting rebooted and, at this point, I think even my one-eyed cat has recorded a Christmas album, so it’s no real shocker that the Grease duo would team up again for a holiday record. But between Travolta’s Chia Pet hair, ON-J’s scary Juvederm face and the following low-budge music video, This Christmas is making my eyeballs beg for the impending apocalypse. Speaking of hot messes, while it’s always fun to get drunk on your employer’s dime, it is important to keep yourself in check at your work’s holiday party. No canoodling with co-workers, challenging your boss to a drink-off or dancing Gangnam style. Thought Catalog has some hepful dos and don’ts here. Everything is Terrible (via Videogum) got its hands on a clip from a 1988 Christmas television special starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, his Twins buddy Danny Devito, Mike Tyson, Country singer Randy Travis, old lady and champion bowler Marie Gretter and a bunch of probably terrified children. While Arnold’s Austrian Antichristmas tradition may sound scary, it’s not nearly as freaky as having Mike Tyson scream a Christmas carol into the face of an innocent child. Also, I’m pretty sure that when Ah-nahld manhandled the little girl who joked that he needed singing lessons, he may have brokes that little girls’ ribs. This looks more like a Tim and Eric sketch than a primetime family program, but I guarantee if you show this to your kids, they will never misbehave again.It's not Christmas in America until the Kardashian-Jenner family bestows its annual holiday card upon our unworthy eyes. Peep that Photoshopped piece here and find equally funny, scary and confusing family photos in this list of "34 of the most jovially insane family holiday cards ever sent."

Are you sick of silly, humorous material taking over the internet? So is Fred Armisen. That’s why he’s created Be Serious for 30 Seconds. It’s a project, not a contest, to generate user-created videos. The videos must contain no comedy, they must be 30 seconds or shorter, feature a five-second dramatic pause and no more than two people, contain a cutaway of an object and end with a door slam. This really is serious, so no laughing, ironic humor or purposefully poor acting. Fred explains with an example below (with Portlandia co-star Carrie Brownstein). Get it, it’s not supposed to be funny, so it is! Go here to watch some of the best submissions.  I sometimes find myself wondering what I’d do if anything should ever happen to my beloved pets (though I’m banking on immortalizing veterinary breakthroughs/all of us dying at the same moment during the apocalypse). This guy decided to taxidermy his cat, which might be weird for some people, but I find kind of cool. But we’re not talking standard window sill-sitting pose, here. He turned his cat into a remote control kitty-copter. Watch him fly! I genuinely apologize for adding to the audio assault that is Carly Rae Jepsen’s ubiquitous hit “Call Me, Maybe,” but this version really is the (taxidermied) cat’s pajamas. If anyone needed further proof that The Roots can make anything cool, that’s it. Does bongo guy remind anyone else of this?The SCP Foundation is my nerd obsession du jour. It’s one of those sites that is hard to describe, and really requires users to just jump in. But basically, it’s a database of fictional classified information. Think Wikipedia of the X-Files. Pick a series, browse top rated pages, or whatever you like, and you’ll find files on strange objects found and contained in a (again, fictional) headquarters. These objects range from oddly funny to legitimately terrifying. It’s going to be a very Leo Christmas for moviegoers this year, as Mr. DiCaprio stars in two highly-anticipated films, Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby and Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained, both out this December. With these respective directors, you’ll either love ‘em or hate ‘em. I, for one, can’t stop watching these trailers on repeat.