WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 

Harmony Korine Capures the Seedy Heat of Spring Break

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I’m willing to forgive you if, when you hear the title Spring Breakers, you just assume it’s the latest all-American Hangover-inspired teen sex and drugs party orgy with schlumby male leads eager to make a name for themselves as Risky Business types.  
by Jac Kern 01.24.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Goddam wind, Performances, Music, Movies at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Monday was President Barack Obama’s second inauguration or, as it will be remembered, Michelle Obama’s Bang-auguration or, perhaps, Beyonce-gate. I think we can all agree that most of the event was kind of coma-inducing, right Sasha? Between all the swearing-ins and speeches, frozen onlookers and viewers at home were treated to James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful” and (OK) Kelly Clarkson’s rendition of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” (meh). Richard Blanco became the first Hispanic and openly gay as well as the youngest Inauguration poet (pretty cool, I guess). Sadly, we didn’t get any true diva moments a la Aretha Franklin’s iconic hat game of 2009. Of course, not until Beyonce took the stage for the National Anthem. Editor’s Note: I really try to not constantly cover the Beyonce beat, but she keeps being fabulous every damn week. So Ms. Bey comes out with a chic black dress, emerald earrings and her weave on-point, and belted out a fabulous National Anthem with enough flair but not too much Christina Aguilerizing. Joe Biden was all over that shit. Because it wouldn’t be a true BK moment without a little drama, she ripped out her earpiece mid-way through, and just kept on going. Note to self: sporadically rip out earpieces more often in everyday life to show when I mean business. I’m not sure if anyone really knows what that move means, but within 24 hours of the Inauguration, everyone went from discussing Michelle’s bangs to accusing Beyonce of lip synching the performance. Blasphemy! Beyonphemy! Here’s a raw cut of her singing via Vanity Fair. It sounds like may be singing with a backing track, which I feel like is fair game when performing in front of a gigantic crowd. But if that’s lip-synching, Bey deserves an award. That’s the most convincing lip synching I’ve ever seen, and I was the first place winner for SharonFest’s 1999 “Puttin’ on the Hits” lip synch contest. Truth. From diva drama to sports scandals, Notre Damer Manti Te’o has been all over the news for the past week. I don’t follow sports closely enough to have known about Te’o and his epically tragic story of losing both his grandmother and girlfriend on Sept. 11, 2012 and then immediately hitting the field and leading the Irish to beat Michigan 20-3. But people love a good, sappy sports story, so I can understand why the story would get picked up by Sports Illustrated. This was back in fall 2012, and the story probably fell off most people's radar within a month or two. But Deadspin followed up on the story and, in this INSANE investigative piece, discovered that, basically, the “girlfriend” in question never existed, Te’o got catfished and was probably in on the whole thing. You've heard all about it on the news, but the details in the Deadspin story are absolutely cray. Our editor Danny is all about Jose Canseco’s unintentionally hilarious Twitter, but  Sammy Sosa is beginning to take the lead in the battle for the strangest social media accounts. Completely ignoring the fact that he’s got some kind of Vitiligo thing going on, Sammy’s Pinterest and Twitter are odd in their own respects. His Twitter info reads: "I am the real Sammy Sosa. I will always love baseball, but now I'm a businessman and entrepreneur." And it appears he responds to every tweet that so much as mentions his name. Over on Pinterest, a site used primarily by women to “pin” and share everything from recipes and DIY projects to fashion tips and fitness inspiration, Mr. Sosa has turned it into his personal portrait portfolio.   Yes, most of the images he’s pinned are photographs of himself posing around various office furniture. Each one is titled, “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I'm the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.” Every Thursday I watch Project Runway with my boyfriend Jeff and our friend John. The design competition (which now, thanks to Project Runway reboots, is always on in some capacity, every single week) is on Lifetime, certainly a female-targeted channel, as embarrassing as that may be for the female population. Additionally, I’d bet PR would draw mostly women on any channel, and one could tell be just the commercials alone. First off, every other ad is for Yoplait. The other half can be divided between Weigh Watchers, NuvaRing and Tampax. Really, what else does a modern woman need? Yahoo (via Bust) has the answer to this question: Controversial filmmaker Harmonie Korine‘s latest flick Spring Breakers finally has a trailer out and never before have you so seriously wanted to see a movie starring ex-Disney starlets and Kevin Federline. Somehow the Vice twins (NSFW) did not make the preview, but they do have a confirmed role in the film. Normally when a show gets a One Million Moms protest, I want to watch it even more, but I can officially say for the first time that I am agreement with these crazy bitches. Oxygen has pulled All My Babies’ Mamas, a reality show that was going to follow rapper Shawty Lo and the 11 kids he had with 10 different women. Though we’ll never get to see how the show turned out, it sounds like an extended version of the “Family Flavors” episode of Flavor of Love. On second thought, I kinda want to see it now… And since it’s my dream to be ?uestlove’s baby mama, here he is with Captian Kirk Douglas as Black Simon and Garfunkel on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
 
 

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