0 Comments · Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I’m willing to forgive you if, when you hear the title Spring Breakers, you just assume it’s the latest all-American Hangover-inspired teen sex and drugs party orgy with schlumby male leads eager to make a name for themselves as Risky Business
by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
President Barack Obama’s second inauguration or, as it will be remembered,
Michelle Obama’s Bang-auguration
or, perhaps, Beyonce-gate.
I think we can all
agree that most of the event was kind of coma-inducing, right Sasha?
Between all the
swearing-ins and speeches, frozen onlookers and viewers at home were treated to
James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful” and (OK) Kelly Clarkson’s
rendition of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” (meh). Richard Blanco became the first
Hispanic and openly gay as well as the youngest Inauguration poet (pretty cool,
I guess). Sadly, we didn’t get any true diva moments a la Aretha Franklin’s
iconic hat game
of 2009. Of course, not until Beyonce
took the stage for the National Anthem.
Editor’s Note: I really try to not constantly cover
the Beyonce beat, but she keeps being fabulous every damn week.
So Ms. Bey comes
out with a chic black dress, emerald earrings and her weave on-point, and belted out a fabulous National Anthem with enough flair but not too much
Christina Aguilerizing. Joe Biden was all over that shit.
wouldn’t be a true BK moment without a little drama, she ripped out her
earpiece mid-way through, and just kept on going. Note to self: sporadically
rip out earpieces more often in everyday life to show when I mean business. I’m
not sure if anyone really knows what that move means, but within 24 hours of
the Inauguration, everyone went from discussing Michelle’s bangs to accusing
Beyonce of lip synching the performance. Blasphemy! Beyonphemy!
Here’s a raw cut
of her singing via Vanity Fair.
It sounds like may
be singing with a backing track, which I feel like is fair game when performing
in front of a gigantic crowd. But if that’s lip-synching, Bey deserves an
award. That’s the most convincing lip synching I’ve ever seen, and I was the
first place winner for SharonFest’s 1999 “Puttin’ on the Hits” lip synch contest.
From diva drama to
sports scandals, Notre Damer Manti Te’o has been all over the news for the past
week. I don’t follow sports closely enough to have known about Te’o and his
epically tragic story of losing both his grandmother and girlfriend on Sept. 11, 2012 and then immediately hitting the
field and leading the Irish to beat Michigan 20-3. But people love a good,
sappy sports story, so I can understand why the story would get picked
up by Sports Illustrated. This was back in fall 2012, and the story probably
fell off most people's radar within a month or two. But Deadspin
followed up on the story and, in this INSANE investigative piece, discovered that, basically, the “girlfriend” in question never existed,
Te’o got catfished and was probably in on the whole thing. You've heard all about it on the news, but the details in the Deadspin story are absolutely cray.
Our editor Danny
is all about Jose Canseco’s unintentionally hilarious Twitter, but Sammy Sosa is beginning to take the lead in
the battle for the strangest social media accounts. Completely ignoring the
fact that he’s got some kind of Vitiligo thing going on, Sammy’s
Pinterest and Twitter are odd in their own respects. His Twitter info reads: "I
am the real Sammy Sosa. I will always love baseball, but now I'm a businessman
and entrepreneur." And it appears he responds to every tweet that so much as
mentions his name. Over on Pinterest, a site used primarily by women to “pin” and share everything
from recipes and DIY projects to fashion tips and fitness inspiration, Mr. Sosa
has turned it into his personal portrait portfolio.
Yes, most of the images he’s
pinned are photographs of himself posing around various office furniture. Each one is titled, “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I'm the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.”
Every Thursday I
watch Project Runway with my
boyfriend Jeff and our friend John. The design competition (which now, thanks
to Project Runway reboots, is always
on in some capacity, every single week) is on Lifetime, certainly a
female-targeted channel, as embarrassing as that may be for the female population. Additionally, I’d bet PR would draw mostly women on any
channel, and one could tell be just the commercials alone. First off, every
other ad is for Yoplait. The other half can be divided between Weigh Watchers, NuvaRing
and Tampax. Really, what else does a modern woman need? Yahoo (via Bust) has
the answer to this question:
Harmonie Korine‘s latest flick Spring Breakers finally has a trailer out and
never before have you so seriously wanted to see a movie starring ex-Disney starlets and Kevin Federline.
Somehow the Vice
(NSFW) did not make the preview, but they do have a confirmed role in the film.
Normally when a
show gets a One Million Moms protest, I want to watch it even more, but I can officially say for the first
time that I am agreement with these crazy bitches. Oxygen has pulled All My Babies’ Mamas, a reality show that was going to follow rapper Shawty
Lo and the 11 kids he had with 10 different women. Though we’ll never get to
see how the show turned out, it sounds like an extended version of the “Family
Flavors” episode of Flavor of Love. On second
thought, I kinda want to see it now…
And since it’s my
dream to be ?uestlove’s baby mama, here he is with Captian Kirk Douglas as Black
Simon and Garfunkel on Late Night with Jimmy