by Danny Cross
We didn’t mean to help re-elect a socialist
During the past year CityBeat has spent a lot of
energy reporting on countless Republican screw-ups, from typical
shortsighted policies to legislation that is straight-up offensive to women,
minorities, gay people and the poor and working class. But we didn’t
realize that by pointing out how offensive and irrelevant the country’s
GOP leaders were acting, that we were inadvertently killing America.
That's why we would like to formally apologize to the Lebanon tea party in Warren County. The email you sent to The Enquirer today hit us
pretty hard — the fact that you’re literally wearing black and mourning
America because “socialists, welfare and unions took over this country”
is super sad. In our haste to ask questions of elected leaders, fact
check their statements and put their beliefs and policies into perspective over the
past few months, we forgot how badly people in Warren County wish America
could be like the 1950s again, when women knew their place and black
people had to operate the elevators and never say anything whites didn’t
want to hear. Mad Men is a great show.
We didn’t mean to be tricked by President Obama’s stimulus
bill — we (stupidly) believed the economists who said it staved off a
depression caused by under-regulation of the housing and financial
industries (we tried to believe Mitt Romney’s concept of further
reducing regulations so the job-creators can stimulate the economy in
the private sector thus giving our wealth back to us, but it was maybe
too complicated for us to understand?).
Some people we know kept their jobs when the president
didn’t allow the American car companies to go broke even though they’re
the ones that decided to max out profits on SUVs with truck beds on the
back. Other people we know spent time last year without health care, and
this country’s health care costs are somewhere around twice as much as
any other country’s so we were like, “Yea, reforming that system sounds
about right.” But we admit that we don’t know what it’s going to be like
for the 15 percent of this country living in poverty to all of the
sudden have access to preventative care. Someone in Cincinnati died of a
tooth problem last year, and we don’t even know if that’s covered.
We realize that it wasn’t Mitt Romney who used the term
“legitimate rape,” but it made us want to throw up, which slowed down
productivity that might have allowed us to figure out that Don’t Ask
Don’t Tell was the only thing keeping our country’s military from
turning Afghanistan into a European-style gay disco.
We thought it was kind of gross when the president killed
Osama bin Laden, but everyone was really happy about it so we focused
our attention on the results of the president’s home buying and
refinancing programs that helped stimulate the economy and saved
people’s houses, even though we’re all a bunch of renters who don’t even
know how to use a level.
So we’re clearly at fault for your expectation of the
downfall of this country, and we realize that you’re upset and probably
right about America becoming a socialist nation within months. We messed
up bad this time, but we want you to know that we’re not blind to it —
your press release has put our actions into a perspective that we wish
we had yesterday or, even better, several years ago before we learned
how to do our jobs the right way.
At least you have the local daily newspaper to publish
your emotional reactions to historical election results and to continue
endorsing GOP candidates no matter how ill qualified and misguided they are.
Please don’t mourn long — there’s still hope for the type of social
regression you’re looking for, especially in Warren County.
by Danny Cross
Durham and López want healthcare for all
President Obama hopes to rely on all the socialists who in 2008
elected him with hopes of seeing all of America’s wealth get spread
around, he better come up with something even more radical this year.
called the Freedom Socialist Party announced in December that it is
running two candidates in a national write-in campaign — New
Yorker Stephen Durham for president and Christina López, of Seattle,
for vice president. And today the duo sent out a press release
demonstrating that America’s real socialists are none too pleased
with Obama’s first three years in office.
a memo titled, “Recognize
healthcare as a human right — make it universal and free,” Durham
and López refer to Obama’s healthcare reform as one of the biggest
disappointments of his presidency.
of stepping up to the plate and acknowledging that public healthcare
is a need as great as public education,” the release states, “Obama
made one concession after another to the pharmaceutical and insurance
mega-corporations. As he restated in his February State of the Union
address, his Affordable Care Act does not give the government the
role of guaranteeing universal care; instead, it relies on a
reformed private market.”
goes even further, calling the healthcare program just another one of
Obama’s “sellouts of the human rights of women and immigrants
under corporate and right-wing pressure.”
according to the FSP website, says Obama and the other jokers in
Washington have furthered the struggle of America’s working class
and poor during their bipartisan attempts at correcting the
Democratic and Republican parties have done nothing but cooperate in
forcing workers and the poor to pay the costs of the Great Recession
caused by the banks and Wall Street,” the site says. “President
Obama may play to the crowd by criticizing ‘bad apple’
corporations, as he did in his State of the Union address. But the
facts show that the program of corporate coddling, which creates
austerity for the masses, is completely bipartisan.”
also offended by Obama’s recent compromise with religious
institutions over providing birth control coverage.
says the only way to provide quality health care is to get private
insurers out of the picture altogether. For-profit insurance
companies, according to a Baltimore-area neurologist Dr. Steven
Strauss, are a fundamental problem.
one should be making a profit from providing — or, more to the
point, denying — the medical care that should be treated as a basic
human right,” Strauss says, according to the release. “But
insurance and drug companies are among the biggest money-makers in
the nation, amassing billions each year from people's suffering.”
Freedom Socialist Party believes that a single-payer option such as
Medicare, if it were to be offered to everyone, would be a reasonable
first step but that all for-profit entities must be removed from the
medical supply and hospitals industries.
also suggests taxing corporations and the very wealthy — something
that’s not going to take away any of Obama’s votes because he’s
trying to do that, too. And the duo’s ideas for redirecting
military spending to the nation’s human needs probably won’t cost
the president too many reelection votes, either. For more information go to www.socialism.com or email the stuff you hate about unrelenting capitalism to email@example.com.
Obama could not be reached for comment before the publishing of this
1 Comment · Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Angela Poynter’s smarmy letter about Covington’s AmeraAsia restaurant (“Bizarre Experience,” issue of May 6) causes me to ask, “What, indeed, had you been smoking before eating there?” The lady must have either had a very unusual experience or been coming down with poor taste.
As conservatives label Obama a ‘socialist,’ local socialists think ‘the human race can do better’
7 Comments · Wednesday, May 6, 2009
During the Cold War, there was almost no insult worse for an average American than to be called a communist. Anyone labeled with the tag might lose his or her job, be shunned by neighbors or undergo government surveillance. Now politicians prone to demagogue are turning to a new punching bag: socialism.