by Jac Kern
7 days ago
at 12:04 PM | Permalink
Movoto Real Estate made a
video introducing 12 West Coasters to five of Ohio’s
favorite dishes. Predictably, the Cincinnati-centric grub gets mass hate by people with extremely sensitive gag reflexes. Here
are the best reactions.
Glier’s Goetta: On its
appearance: “Quinoa sausage?” On its taste: “[I want] an Egg McMuffin with
that.” On its mouth feel: “You can’t choke on it, it just slides right down.”
Grippo’s Bar-B-Q chips: “It
almost looks like human skin.” “They probably serve this at, like, games and
shit. Like, ‘I’m at the Reds game in Cincinnati. Cincy!” “Have you ever walked
into an old warehouse and it has, like, that musty smell? That’s what it tastes
Skyline three-way: “Looks
like some jail spaghetti.” “I can see this being like comfort food, but for
some reason it’s not comforting me.”
Sauerkraut Balls: “It
legitimately looks like a poop.” “Like a white person pot sticker”
Buckeyes: Everyone enjoy
this with little verbal reactions except for a couple assholes that collectively hate chocolate and peanut
butter (as well as puppies and sunshine, I’m guessing). A buckeye made them gag.
In the end, how did our
high-brow neighbors to the west feel about Ohioans?
“Turns out they’re just
regular humans like you and me.” There you have it, folks!
It’s unclear whether this
video was created to spark interest in Ohio real estate or remind Midwesterners
that they’ll die fat and unsophisticated if they don’t move to California. Decide
Ohio: Home of regular humans
by Nick Swartsell
94 days ago
at 10:00 AM | Permalink
Butler County sheriff on immigration plan, LumenoCity goes interactive and The Banks... boring?
It's Monday and stuff is already getting crazy. Here's the good, the bad and the befuddling in the news today.Butler County Sheriff Richard Jones shared his thoughts Friday on… something… ostensibly related to Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley’s recently announced immigration initiative. The initiative looks to attract documented immigrants who will contribute to economic growth in the region. Jones, who is well known for his vocal and strident opposition to immigration, went somewhere else entirely with it. Of note: Jones doesn’t seem to know the mayor’s name, calling him “Mayor Cranby” on 700 WLW. Anyway, Jones applauds Mayor Cranberry’s Cranley's plan, or the imaginary version of it he's conjured, for some fairly nontraditional reasons. I’ll just let him tell ya what’s on his mind:“I want [Cincinnati] to be a haven for illegal aliens also,” he said. “Really I do. If Cincinnati, with all the violence, the killings they have every night in downtown Cincinnati … anybody that’s illegal in the country, let alone in Butler County, I encourage them to go there. If you’re listening today, if you’re illegal, you’ve committed crime, the mayor, Cranley or Cranby or whatever his name is, wants you to come to Cincinnati. I encourage it.”Jones, you see, is freaked out about all the undocumented folks streaming into Butler County and would rather they come to a place like Cincinnati where someone gets shot downtown every night (note: this is not even remotely reality, but let’s keep moving). Jones was making the rounds Friday, also appearing on Glenn Beck’s The Blaze (where, puzzlingly, he posed in front of a picture of Cincinnati's skyline, probably because Hamilton's isn't nearly as epic or dangerous-looking). He went on the show to raise alarms about the incredibly dangerous influx of undocumented immigrants caused by Obama’s lax immigration policies and the upswing in horrific crimes that has happened since. Oh, and they’re going to spread disease because they haven’t been immunized. Jones is worried about that, too.Except a few things. State data shows crimes in Butler County have been steady or falling since 2007, including the drug-related crimes and violent offenses Jones cites. And while the sheriff vaguely highlighted a couple tragic and genuinely reprehensible individual examples, the flood of immigrant-related crime seems hard to find statistically. Also, epidemiologists say that refugees and immigrants coming from Mexico and Central America often have similar or even greater vaccination rates than U.S. citizens and pose little threat of spreading diseases. Finally, pinning a surge in illegal immigration on the Obama boogeyman is tough, since his administration has been pretty active in deporting undocumented immigrants. But, y'know, immigrants are scary and all. • LumenoCity organizers have something new in store this year: an interactive website, app and social media presence that will stream the event live as well as aggregate social media posts about the event, which takes place in Washington Park and combines a Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra performance with a dramatic light show projected onto Music Hall. The interactive portion will be introduced during the July 31 dress rehearsal, which has been opened up to an audience due to overwhelming demand for tickets to the event, which takes place Aug. 1 through Aug. 3. • While you’re at LumenoCity this weekend — or, if you didn’t get tickets, hanging out around the park craning your neck to see what’s going on — you can pick up a new card designed to promote the arts in Over-the-Rhine. The Explore OTR card will be distributed by the small arts organizations in the city like Know Theatre and the Art Academy. After you’ve used the card at five of these smaller venues, you can redeem it for deals at larger arts organizations like the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. Pretty cool.• After some stinging criticism of General Electric’s proposed new building at The Banks, some hand-wringing has commenced as to whether the gargantuan, decade-in-the-making development along the Ohio River is too boring (spoiler: probably). A quote from Jim Fitzgerald, who sits on the city’s Urban Design Review Board: "We have been disappointed with the quality of architecture on The Banks to date other than the stadiums. The stadiums are of reasonably good architecture, but the other buildings are very vanilla, very uninteresting, very disappointing."The review board looks at all plans for buildings before construction begins, though their role is strictly advisory and their advice to the city is non-binding. Others, including city and county leaders, have pointed out that all the buildings currently constructed or planned for the site meet the standards the city has set out and say that the project is a work in progress.• I’m always trying to get my out of town friends hooked on Cincinnati chili, with varying degrees of success. Skyline, it seems, is doing the same, making plans to open a fifth location in Louisville. Why Louisville? My guess: It’s just close enough that on a clear day, with the wind blowing just right, the fragrance of that sweet but spicy meat sauce wafts across the rolling landscape between the cities and entices Kentuckians the same way it does Cincy natives. Or there are just a lot of people originally from Cincinnati who now live there. Probably the latter. Currently, the chain operates stores in Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana and five locations in Florida, of all places. Go forth, Skyline, and spread the gospel of mountainous cheese and tiny hotdogs.
by Maija Zummo
Posted In: Cincinnati
at 12:24 PM | Permalink
In case you missed this trending on local social media...
Deadspin, generally a sports blog, recently posted "The Great American Menu: Foods of the States, Ranked and Mapped." The "greats" include dishes like Chicago-style deep-dish pizza; the "goods" dishes like Maine's lobster roll; the "better-than-a-finger-in-the-eye" dishes like Michigan pasty; and, ranked dead-last, with "being hit by a car" a preferable choice, is Cincinnati chili.As Deadspin says: "For the mercifully unacquainted, 'Cincinnati chili,' the worst regional foodstuff in America or anywhere else, is a horrifying diarrhea sludge (most commonly encountered in the guise of the "Skyline" brand) that Ohioans slop across plain spaghetti noodles and hot dogs as a way to make the rest of us feel grateful that our own shit-eating is (mostly) figurative... Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world. If it came out of the end of your digestive system, you would turn the color of chalk and call an ambulance, but at least it'd make some sense. The people of Ohio see nothing wrong with inserting it into their mouths, which perhaps tells you everything you need to know about the Buckeye State. Don't eat it. Don't let your loved ones eat it. Turn away from the darkness, and toward the deep-dish pizza."Read the whole post here. And sorry, Deadspin, the only thing this made me want was a 3-way. Nom.
by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
Deadspin’s Albert Burneko recently determined a signature
food that represents each of the 50 states (plus Washington, D.C.) and ranked each
dish/state accordingly — from The Greats and Goods (deep-dish pizza, pulled
pork sandwiches) to The Better-Than-A-Finger-In-The-Eyes (chicken-fried steak,
hamburger casserole)…and worse. Ohio was ranked dead last with Cincinnati chili,
which came in at No. 52. “But there’s only 51 states including D.C.,” you may
be thinking. Well, the delicate Burneko added “Being hit by a car” as No. 51 to
really drive the point home.
“Cincinnati chili is the
worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world,” Burneko writes,
describing our hometown favorite as “horrifying diarrhea sludge.”
It really stings (much like the raging heartburn that follows any successful Skyline
adventure). Not every Cincinnatian ingests three-ways whole like a ravenous
python. I like a coney or five-way every now and then, but I much prefer making
it fresh at home (Skyline’s grainy, runny consistency can be a little
off-putting, I’ll admit) — which, to all my Cincy-born friends who’ve moved
away, is not only possible, but incredibly simple. Stop acting like you’re
deprived of your native foods and get to browning some beef.
But I digress. Sure, I understand the outside disdain for this
not-really-chili chili, but our artery-clogging lunch staple pales in
comparison to No. 47, Alaska’s akutaq. Also known as “Eskimo ice cream,” this
delightful dish is comprised of berries and WHIPPED FAT. Ain’t no way a cheese
coney is grosser than fruit-laced lard.
Does someone shit-talking (literally?) your favorite snack make you
wanna rage? Calm down with these manatees.
Winter is coming — well, the cool chill of fall is upon us — but Game of Thrones is still months away. So
this new (and possibly the best?) Bad Lip Reading of Game of Thrones
should hold you over until March/April. Comprised of scenes from the first
season of Thrones (so maybe a slight,
vague spoiler alert? Spoiler Threat Level: Blue), the latest BLR actually
follows a plot, in which Westeros meets Adventureland.
And it’s brilliant.
If only there was a Game of Thrones amusement park for real. Though if
it were authentic, most people would probably find themselves getting beheaded at the
food court before their visit was complete.Kanye put a ring on it.
If you thought January’s Golden Globes ceremony was the best awards show in
recent history, you were correct (Source: Me). Hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Few
killt it and hence, they’ve been invited back to run the show in 2014 and 2015.
As if the Golden Globes weren’t already the second-best awards show for
watching for drunken celebrity hijinks (beat only by IFC’s Independent Spirit
Awards), we can now rest assured there will be plenty of intentionally funny
bits throughout the next two events. FOUR MORE YEARS!Watch the always-talented Ohio State University marching band moonwalk like never before in their recent Michael Jackson halftime tribute (and prepare for a jaw-drop at 4:15 and 4:40).
Ever had to contact Netflix because streaming delays were cramping your Pretty Wild marathon (no judgment)? Like
most 21st century customer service departments, Netflix allows users to chat
live with a representative to help fix their issue. Of course, this function
can be a goldmine for trolls or just plain unhelpful. Sometimes, however, the
live chat customer service experience can be a positive and hilarious one.
Netflix customer service rep Michael kicked off the exchange in a jovial
fashion, speaking like a ship captain:
When customer Norm responded in a similarly playful tone, it was smooth
sailing form there. (I know, I need to take a seat now.)
Now I kind of wish my Netflix would malfunction…
The real reason anyone subscribes to Entertainment
Weekly, their Reunion Issue, is on stands! The casts of Boy Meets World, Mystic Pizza, The X-Files,
School of Rock and many more
reassembled for the issue, proving yet again that women stars of the ‘80s and
‘90s looks strikingly more attractive now than they were two decades ago on
Gillian Anderson, hubba hubba. DD: You pretty fine, too.
For more before-and-afters, go here .
When Beyoncé shares a Beyoncé-inspired DIY dance video, the world watches.
You know what they say, "Every time a young Asian guy dances to Beyoncé, an angel gets its wings."Finally, someone sent a private messaged of this dog costume photo to CityBeat's Facebook page. Presented without comment, Muttley Cyrus:
Local foodies, trends and ingredients make Cincy's dining scene shine
5 Comments · Wednesday, December 26, 2012
As we wrap up 2012 in Cincinnati, we’ve
got a helluva story to tell — and some bragging to do. I write about
drinks and dining, and I can’t even get around to all the new places
that are opening.
Effects-laden sci-fi adventure falls flat
0 Comments · Monday, November 15, 2010
Longtime visual-effects specialists turned directors Colin and Greg Strause present yet another familiar alien invasion that owes huge debts to 'Independence Day,' 'Signs' and, to a lesser extent, the found-footage feel of 'Cloverfield.' But once all these elements get shoved into the juicer, all of the good pulpy elements gets ground out of it, leaving us with a decidedly flavorless strain. Grade: D-.
1 Comment · Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Our friends at Melt announced a new Sunday brunch menu that's vegetarian heaven: Sweet Potato Tempeh Hash, Bread Pudding French Toast, cage-free eggs and organic peas that were raised with respect. Really. Plus news on Washington Platform's Oyster Fest, Vivaldi at Via Vite, vegan food at Lucky John Market and new locations for Taqueria Mercado.