WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Maija Zummo 10.24.2013
Posted In: Cincinnati, News at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 
skyline 3way

Deadspin Hates Cincinnati Chili

In case you missed this trending on local social media...

Deadspin, generally a sports blog, recently posted "The Great American Menu: Foods of the States, Ranked and Mapped." The "greats" include dishes like Chicago-style deep-dish pizza; the "goods" dishes like Maine's lobster roll; the "better-than-a-finger-in-the-eye" dishes like Michigan pasty; and, ranked dead-last, with "being hit by a car" a preferable choice, is Cincinnati chili.As Deadspin says: "For the mercifully unacquainted, 'Cincinnati chili,' the worst regional foodstuff in America or anywhere else, is a horrifying diarrhea sludge (most commonly encountered in the guise of the "Skyline" brand) that Ohioans slop across plain spaghetti noodles and hot dogs as a way to make the rest of us feel grateful that our own shit-eating is (mostly) figurative... Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world. If it came out of the end of your digestive system, you would turn the color of chalk and call an ambulance, but at least it'd make some sense. The people of Ohio see nothing wrong with inserting it into their mouths, which perhaps tells you everything you need to know about the Buckeye State. Don't eat it. Don't let your loved ones eat it. Turn away from the darkness, and toward the deep-dish pizza."Read the whole post here. And sorry, Deadspin, the only thing this made me want was a 3-way. Nom.
 
 
by Jac Kern 10.23.2013
Posted In: Manatee beat, TV/Celebrity, Humor at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Deadspin’s Albert Burneko recently determined a signature food that represents each of the 50 states (plus Washington, D.C.) and ranked each dish/state accordingly — from The Greats and Goods (deep-dish pizza, pulled pork sandwiches) to The Better-Than-A-Finger-In-The-Eyes (chicken-fried steak, hamburger casserole)…and worse. Ohio was ranked dead last with Cincinnati chili, which came in at No. 52. “But there’s only 51 states including D.C.,” you may be thinking. Well, the delicate Burneko added “Being hit by a car” as No. 51 to really drive the point home. “Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world,” Burneko writes, describing our hometown favorite as “horrifying diarrhea sludge.” It really stings (much like the raging heartburn that follows any successful Skyline adventure). Not every Cincinnatian ingests three-ways whole like a ravenous python. I like a coney or five-way every now and then, but I much prefer making it fresh at home (Skyline’s grainy, runny consistency can be a little off-putting, I’ll admit) — which, to all my Cincy-born friends who’ve moved away, is not only possible, but incredibly simple. Stop acting like you’re deprived of your native foods and get to browning some beef. But I digress. Sure, I understand the outside disdain for this not-really-chili chili, but our artery-clogging lunch staple pales in comparison to No. 47, Alaska’s akutaq. Also known as “Eskimo ice cream,” this delightful dish is comprised of berries and WHIPPED FAT. Ain’t no way a cheese coney is grosser than fruit-laced lard. Does someone shit-talking (literally?) your favorite snack make you wanna rage? Calm down with these manatees. Winter is coming — well, the cool chill of fall is upon us — but Game of Thrones is still months away. So this new (and possibly the best?) Bad Lip Reading of Game of Thrones should hold you over until March/April. Comprised of scenes from the first season of Thrones (so maybe a slight, vague spoiler alert? Spoiler Threat Level: Blue), the latest BLR actually follows a plot, in which Westeros meets Adventureland. And it’s brilliant. If only there was a Game of Thrones amusement park for real. Though if it were authentic, most people would probably find themselves getting beheaded at the food court before their visit was complete.Kanye put a ring on it. If you thought January’s Golden Globes ceremony was the best awards show in recent history, you were correct (Source: Me). Hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Few killt it and hence, they’ve been invited back to run the show in 2014 and 2015. As if the Golden Globes weren’t already the second-best awards show for watching for drunken celebrity hijinks (beat only by IFC’s Independent Spirit Awards), we can now rest assured there will be plenty of intentionally funny bits throughout the next two events. FOUR MORE YEARS!Watch the always-talented Ohio State University marching band moonwalk like never before in their recent Michael Jackson halftime tribute (and prepare for a jaw-drop at 4:15 and 4:40). Ever had to contact Netflix because streaming delays were cramping your Pretty Wild marathon (no judgment)? Like most 21st century customer service departments, Netflix allows users to chat live with a representative to help fix their issue. Of course, this function can be a goldmine for trolls or just plain unhelpful. Sometimes, however, the live chat customer service experience can be a positive and hilarious one. Netflix customer service rep Michael kicked off the exchange in a jovial fashion, speaking like a ship captain:   When customer Norm responded in a similarly playful tone, it was smooth sailing form there. (I know, I need to take a seat now.)   Now I kind of wish my Netflix would malfunction… The real reason anyone subscribes to Entertainment Weekly, their Reunion Issue, is on stands! The casts of Boy Meets World, Mystic Pizza, The X-Files, School of Rock and many more reassembled for the issue, proving yet again that women stars of the ‘80s and ‘90s looks strikingly more attractive now than they were two decades ago on screen.                        Gillian Anderson, hubba hubba. DD: You pretty fine, too. For more before-and-afters, go here . When Beyoncé shares a Beyoncé-inspired DIY dance video, the world watches. You know what they say, "Every time a young Asian guy dances to Beyoncé, an angel gets its wings."Finally, someone sent a private messaged of this dog costume photo to CityBeat's Facebook page. Presented without comment, Muttley Cyrus:
 
 

Dishing Out 2012

Local foodies, trends and ingredients make Cincy's dining scene shine

5 Comments · Wednesday, December 26, 2012
As we wrap up 2012 in Cincinnati, we’ve got a helluva story to tell — and some bragging to do. I write about drinks and dining, and I can’t even get around to all the new places that are opening.  

Skyline (Review)

Effects-laden sci-fi adventure falls flat

0 Comments · Monday, November 15, 2010
Longtime visual-effects specialists turned directors Colin and Greg Strause present yet another familiar alien invasion that owes huge debts to 'Independence Day,' 'Signs' and, to a lesser extent, the found-footage feel of 'Cloverfield.' But once all these elements get shoved into the juicer, all of the good pulpy elements gets ground out of it, leaving us with a decidedly flavorless strain. Grade: D-.  

Foodie Fun in April

1 Comment · Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Our friends at Melt announced a new Sunday brunch menu that's vegetarian heaven: Sweet Potato Tempeh Hash, Bread Pudding French Toast, cage-free eggs and organic peas that were raised with respect. Really. Plus news on Washington Platform's Oyster Fest, Vivaldi at Via Vite, vegan food at Lucky John Market and new locations for Taqueria Mercado.  

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