by Jac Kern 10.16.2013
at 09:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Britney Spears’ infectious single “Work Bitch” has the singer using a Madonna-esque faux accent to bring the Jesse Pinkman-inspired message that if you want the finer things in life (a Lamborghini, martinis, to look hot in a bikini, etc.), they won’t just be handed to you. You better work for it. Bitch. But just how much work would it take to purchase the items Brit lists off in the song? MTV investigates. Based on national average salary of $43,000, it would take us regular folk 52 years of work to buy a 2013 Bugatti Veyron (which runs more than $2 million). You want a Maseratti? You better work — for nearly three years to flip that six-figure bill. Martinis and bikinis are generally much more affordable, unless you’re looking to the Diamond is Forever cocktail sold at the Tokyo Ritz-Carlton. This $18,241 Grey Goose martini is served with a 1-carat diamond garnish. Check out the “Work Bitch” video below, which is basically just shots of B. Spears in a desert, leaning on things and continuing to rock the black jazz pant like it’s 1997. Homegirl should have taken her own advice — I find myself screaming the chorus at her for the lazy dancing! Apparently Charlie Hunnam values Jax over Christian (as he damn well should) — the British actor has backed out on his Fifty Shades of Grey role due to “scheduling conflicts.” Fans who want to see him sexin’ it up or flexing his butt cheeks can just continue watching Sons of Anarchy and old Queer as Folk episodes. What to Japanese children, Peter Griffin and Always Sunny have in common? They’re all featured in this amazing and unexplainable video. So this is what all our friends who go overseas to “teach English” are really up to… Elizabeth Berkley can probably never adequately express her excitement over anything. After all, her caffeine pill-fueled breakdown as Jessie Spano on Saved By the Bell is immortalized for all time. “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so — SCARED!” We’ve seen it a million times. But Berkley doesn’t shy away from this meme-like scene from a show she starred in 20 years ago. She embraces it. Berkley is competing on the current (and 17th?!) season of Dancing With the Stars and it’s no surprise that she’s got killer moves — who hasn’t seen her dance her tits off in Showgirls? But it was quite a surprise when she and partner Val Chmerkovskiy took viewers through an ‘80s time warp by reprising that iconic scene and dancing to the Pointer Sisters' hit. Get it, Jessie! Rapper’s Real Name or Republican Congressman? Test your knowledge now! The dream team behind viral music videos “Friday” and “It’s Thanksgiving” have unleashed another extremely literal Auto-Tune-heavy “song” to crawl into your ears and take up residence in your brain. Highly respected producer Patrice Wilson strays from the topic of specific days his latest pre-teen ditty, “Chinese Food.” (Though he continues his trend of showing up in animal costume, which is not at all disconcerting). Alison Gold’s video is simple — it’s just a song about a girl and her love of beautiful chow muh-muh-muh-muh-mein. Wilson must be in on the ridiculousness because he also produced Jimmy Kimmel’s hilarious spoof video, “Sausage Party.”  Hate all you want, but you know dude is probably too busy Scrooge McDucking his piles of cash to care.
by Jac Kern 08.03.2012
at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Your Weekend To Do List: 8/3-8/5

Screech is going to be at Boogie Nights. The ‘90s TV geek-turned-porn star Dustin Diamond will make an appearance at Hollywood Casino’s night club Friday. Cover is $10 cover, but admission is free if you dress like Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle, Jessie Spano or any of your favorite Saved By the Bell characters. Doors open at 9 p.m. Get ready to dance like you’re so excited… The Mutual UFO Network (MUFON, real thing) hosts an international symposium this weekend at the Northern Kentucky Convention Center. If you have seen an unexplainable object in the sky, are interested in the idea of intelligent extraterrestrial life or just love a good conspiracy theory, here’s an opportunity to share your stories and learn more about UFOs. Speakers include a nuclear physicist, an abduction researcher, an aerospace engineer and many others in the field. Additionally, researchers at MUFON will announce a major discovery, presenting credible evidence for UFOs. Register here and see what it’s all about, Friday-Sunday in Covington (Spoiler Alert: ticket prices are kinda steep). Remember Wiedemann beer? George Widemann founded the company in 1870 with a brewery on Columbia Street in Newport, Ky., making the Bohemian-style beer synonymous with Northern Kentucky. The brewery closed in 1983, but the brand has recently been reclaimed and the new owners are debuting Wiedemann’s Special Lager Friday night. Swing by Pompilio’s, another Newport landmark, at 5 p.m. for a celebration and the inaugural keg-tapping at 5:30 p.m. Washington Park hasn’t even been open for a month and already it’s become a city hub, bringing tons of Cincinnatians and visitors together. On Friday, four of the city’s prominent performance organizations will also come together for a concert and show unlike any we’ve seen in the park thus far. The performance will include Cincinnati Ballet dancers, the Cincinnati Pops, Cincinnati Opera soloists and the May Festival Chorus, with conductor John Morris Russell. Bring lawn chairs and blankets and get comfy on the Civic Lawn. The show begins at 7:30 p.m. Hamilton County Park District has teamed up with edible Ohio Valley Magazine to present the first Ohio Valley Greenmarket, a weekend-long festival celebrating local eats and agriculture and healthy, sustainable food practices. Special events include a pig roast Friday at Winton Woods; a workshop and lecture on green floral design Saturday; and Sunday’s big greenmarket at Glenwood Gardens, featuring a farmers market, cooking and gardening demos, speakers and activities for kids. “Back to School” might have been out of your vocabulary for a few years, but there are local kids whose summers are coming to an end and they are still in need of adequate supplies. So, once again, PROJECTMILL presents Back to School_MF this Saturday. In addition to fun art installations and dance music, MFers are asked to bring donations for area students. Think standard school supplies like pencils, notebooks, markers, crayons, backpacks, and other goodies you couldn’t go without when you were in school. Lisa Frank Trapper Keepers optional. The free dance party is 10 p.m.-1:45 a.m. at Northside Tavern. Ongoing events this weekend include: the World’s Longest Yard Sale 8 a.m.-4 p.m. daily through Sunday at MainStrasse Village; Glier’s Goettafest at Newport on the Levee every day through Sunday; more recommended arts, theater and event picks here. And be sure to stop by the square tonight for the MidPoint Indie Summer Series with Bear Hands, Lightning Love and Fort Lead, 7-11 p.m.!