WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 

Record Dealz for Kidz

Plus, Robin Thicke's now selling flowers and that Jimi Hendrix movie might suck

0 Comments · Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Sony reportedly offers tween Metal band contract potentially worth $1.7 million, Robin Thicke's Paula is a massive flop, but you can still buy Thicke-approved flower bouquets named after songs from it and the upcoming Jimi Hendrix biopic apparently has some truthiness issues.   
by Jac Kern 07.02.2014 115 days ago
Posted In: Movies, Music, TV/Celebrity, Humor at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Here at IJCGE, we’re in the business of talking trash and making jokes, not patting ourselves on the back. That being said, some readers might be interested to know that this blog was recognized last week at the Cincinnati Society for Professional Journalists’ Excellence in Journalism awards, which we assure you sounds incredibly fancier that it actually is. I Just Can’t Get Enough nabbed first place for Lifestyle Reporting — just one of several awards CityBeat received. So rest assured, when you come here for the latest Beyoncé scoop or completely biased awards show commentary, you’re utilizing an award-winning source. And speaking of Queen Bey — who just topped Forbes’ Most Powerful list (Bow down, Oprah) — locals got the rare opportunity to breathe the same air as Mrs. Carter last weekend (just kidding, of course — we all know Bey is an alien robot goddess that does not require oxygen like us plebs). Jay Z and Beyoncé’s On the Run tour made its second stop at Great American Ballpark Saturday; read our review here. Spoiler Alert: It was the best thing that has ever happened. Part of the joy of being a kid is the adventure. It’s all about having fun, throwing caution to the wind! Ten-year-olds don’t worry much about safety or the fact that death is lurking behind every corner. Some people believe we, as a society, are too overprotective of our children — we shelter them. But across generations we can all probably agree we did some pretty fucked up shit in our youth we’d never dream to attempt now. For kids around the northern New Jersey area between 1978 and 1996, Action Park in Vernon, N.J., played a role in those haunting memories of destructive youth decisions. Check out this short, highly entertaining doc on “the world’s most dangerous theme park.” The Most Insane Amusement Park Ever (Full Length) by insane-amusement-park So we’ve all had a good laugh about this defunct attraction (except all those people who died or got hurt). Well, surprise, bitch! Action Park has reopened, and everyone’s freaking out about it. Tim & Eric fans: Check out the Steve Brule Name Generator, for your health! (I got Jranice Kringus, which is what I will answer to exclusively from this point on.) In other news, apparently we’re still talking about Grumpy Cat. The Internet-famous feline was recently united with her doppelganger, Peter Dinklage, and is also in a new Honey Nut Cheerios commercial. Nelly, you’re in good company! #beegotswag #whyisthishappening Remember “First Kiss,” that hot black-and-white viral vid with strangers making out (that was actually somehow a clothing ad)? Well, now there’s “The Slap,” a hands-on response to Wren’s kissing project. It features Haley Joel Osment so it is obviously amazing. Between recording what’s become known as a rape anthem, pissing off Marvin Gaye’s family and probably cheating on/breaking up with/desperately trying to win back wife Paula Patton, Robin Thicke is generally disliked by most humans at this point. So VH1 thought this was a good opportunity to open up Twitter to questions for the singer. Apparently they never heard about #AskRKelly. It went about as well as you’d expect. New movie trailers to hit the Interwebz: Fury, a World War II action drama from David Ayer (End of Watch, Training Day) starring Brad Pitt, Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower and a way-too-method Shia LaBeouf; odd-couple comedy St. Vincent that has nothing to do with Annie Clark starring Bill Murray, Chris O'Dowd, Naomi Watts and Melissa McCarthy in a role that doesn't appear to be that same sloppy, stupid fat lady caricature; and dark comedy The Skeleton Twins, in which Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig play recently reunited troubled twins.
 
 
by Jac Kern 09.11.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Humor, Movies, Culture at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Back-to-school shopping was always pretty fun as a kid, but for child divas of the ‘80s and ‘90s, Lisa Frank made school supplies more than just educational basics — they were Technicolor accessories you were allowed to bring to school! Lisa Frank produced folders, posters, backpacks, pencils, notebooks and other craft and school supplies in the ‘80s and ‘90s that featured vibrant, colorful characters. It's like a child-friendly acid trip come to life. As The Atlantic reveals below, Lisa Frank is actually a real person and, despite the fact that she is a very private person, she recently gave a brief promotional interview after Urban Outfitters bought her vintage stock. Check it out, take the hand of a rainbow tuxedoed panda and walk down memory lane (and look out for a young Mila Kunis!) as you peek into Lisa Frank Incorporated: Today, as Americans and people across the world remember 9/11, concerned about a possible war between the United States and Syria, young people are left with one question: What rhymes with hug me? Yes, Robin Thicke's “Blurred Lines,” the song version of that friend who was really fun at a party but doesn't know when to throw the towel in and call a cab, features plenty of questionable lyrics, but "You wanna hug me/What rhymes with hug me" has turned the average Top 40 listener into a regular investigative reporter. What does rhyme with “hug me?!” Thankfully, the WRWHM lyric generator is here to help, with a variety of fun options. Unfortunately, if you’re a rhyme Nazi like myself, you’ll be disappointed to find many non-rhyming examples, similar to the assumed "fuck me" in the song. (He's inferring "fuck me," right? Right?!) Fifty Shades of Grey, the Twilight fan fiction that made it OK for women to openly read shitty romance novels again (thank god!), has been on its way to the silver screen for a while now. All the while, fans have been speculating who would portray the book’s main characters, particularly the BDSM-loving Christian Grey. Well, wait no more, horny moms — Sons of Anarchy’s Charlie Hunnam will soon be the recipient of endless deliveries of cable ties and Lane Bryant panties, as he is officially the face of Mr. Grey. I guess this is a good move for him because every human with a vagina will throw their dollars and undies at anything Shades, but Jax Teller? Really? Taking on the role of Grey’s girl, Ana, is Dakota Johnson, daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, who I’ve referred to as “the Stanford girl who slept with Justin Timberlake in The Social Network” more than once. Here are some peeps who turned down the roles. Four years ago, Mac from Always Sunny (in Season Five’s “The World Series Defense”) wrote a very emotional, sticker-filled letter to Philadelphia Phillies’ second baseman Chase Utley. It’s been a long wait, but Utley finally responded. Ever want to watch celebrities recount their first sexual encounters to your favorite Full House heartthrob? I know, you’ve been waiting for years. Finally, here’s Losing It With John Stamos. Australian comedian Chris Lilley is back with a new project featuring one of fans’ favorite characters. For those unfamiliar with the comic chameleon that is Lilley, cancel all of your plans, log onto HBO Go (or borrow someone’s account) and watch Summer Heights High and Angry Boys (Lilley’s first series, We Can Be Heroes, is not available to stream anywhere as far as I can tell, but you should buy that shit if you can find it). Lilley makes these amazing mockumentary-style series in which he plays multiple characters, often different genders, ages and nationalities, and he does so in a way that is so realistic, poignant, raw and hilarious, you’d really have to think twice before calling it “drag” or “blackface” — he becomes these characters. In Lilley’s upcoming series, he will reprise his role of Ja’mie King, prissy bitch supreme featured in WCBH and SHS. Ja'mie: Private School Girl will debut on HBO Nov. 24. Please enjoy this Ja’mie mash-up, you fugly povos. And as we welcome on new series, we say goodbye to another: True Blood will end after its seventh season next summer. Bon Temps better go out with a bang. And by bang, I mean a barrage of full-frontals (Spoilers!).
 
 
by Zohair Hussain 09.04.2013
Posted In: Culture, TV/Celebrity, Music at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 
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'Blurred Lines': Styled vs. Sensationalized, or Why 'We Can’t Stop'

As readers' interests shift, integrity seems to lose its main market in reporting

Following last week’s “scandal” at the MTV Video Music Awards, the pacing of news and reporting made itself known as a speed force to be reckoned with. In the minute-by-minute duration and aftermath of the performance of one, Miley Cyrus, and her “partner in crime”, Robin Thicke, new age media came together to do what it does best: twitter our feed with dribble and spit-up commentary. It can’t be denied that news reporting, in many ways, is stepping further away from hard facts and closer to tabloid gossip. In a day and age where Twitter is the new paperboy, it can’t be denied that the facts are coming faster. And while this could be an opportunity for better news, more quickly, more often than not we’re trading chances for quick links to real stories with 140 character quips on MC-Hammer-like “did you see her butt”s (#chauvanistsforCyrus). The real disappointment comes, though, when we look to major media outlets (Still trusted by some. Take off the aluminum hat, Johnny.) the next day for hard-hitting news, only to see that they’ve decided to throw their own hats in the ring. With prize-winning headlines such as CNN’s “Miley Cyrus twerks, stuns VMAs crowd,” the morning news was just as obsessed as the evening newsfeed. As a reporter, a writer, an observer, this obsessive, sprawling focus is what scares me most. It isn’t the performance itself, full of dancers dressed as teddy bears or Cyrus’ gyrating hips on Thicke’s overly hyped crotch (See “Blurred Lines” for more details). It isn’t so much the event that took place, as it was the reactive reports that left an extra, bitter after taste to my morning coffee. Even arts reporting, perceived to have more lenient, pop-culture laced subject matter, used to hold itself to similar standards of respectful re-tellings of facts rather than fiction. Though there had once been a clear distinction between opinion pieces and news articles, even in the realm of aesthetic focus, the lines are suddenly more blurred than ever. And where does that leave us, the “responsible” voices? Culture is, in many ways, defined by the voices that carry out its most essential conversations. If we are of the few so lucky as to have a readership, our words carry the weight of decades of said cultural insight and historical backing. What do we have to say for ourselves when these words, our influence, sacrifice authenticity for celebrity? Integrity for popularity? What are we really accomplishing when we re-draw the line between honest reporting and scandalized, gossip mongering, and honest words inch closer to the latter? What would our (fore)mothers say? This isn’t to say that there aren’t some voices, some news outlets out there, who aren’t doing it right. While most couldn’t look away from Cyrus’ extended tongue (search “Venom” and “Marvel Comics” for more details), The Guardian, for example, wouldn’t look past the more subtly digressive implications of the performance. Did you miss the moment where the young, stage-dominant, Caucasian Miley Cyrus groped her not so white back up dancers? (The Guardian didn’t.)   Some took an even more seasoned route, using temperance techniques to stop the sensational train in its tracks. In Rolling Stone's initially deceptive write up, “It's Miley, Bitch: The Tongue That Licked the World”, Rob Sheffield gave a more balanced account of the 2013 Video Music Awards, mentioning Cyrus almost in passing, and spending his time taking equal shots at all the stars involved in what he said was MTV’s attempt to make “sure this year’s VMA party was a real show. With a little help from Miley." I ask again: What are we creating when we allow objectivity to bend to the will of popular demand, asking for glitter and jazz and sensationalized headlines? Nothing. We are creating a secular sinkhole of informational access. We lead our readers right back where they started. And that says to me that there must be a change made. The truth is, we CAN stop. If we want to. Why can’t we create insight, rather than propagate fan mongering, rather than cling to one star's fateful decision to wear her teddy bear out that night? Let the reporters report and the readers decide. It’s now or never. Robin Thicke will age (even more so, it seems) Miley Cyrus will find Disney again (and a few more times after that), “Blurred Lines” will find its way off the Billboard charts (catchy can only be caught for so long), but the honest word —that will last for…at least a few more years.  
 
 

Wash-Off Color

5 Comments · Wednesday, September 4, 2013
I’m not saying whites can’t and shouldn’t keep recording Blues, Hip Hop, Jazz, Gospel or they should quit appropriating black African influences. Please. Keep it up. Let’s us know we’re alive and that we were here. Just stay in your lane.  
by Jac Kern 08.28.2013
Posted In: Humor, Music, Is this for real? at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough...VMAs

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards melted the face off the Internet, so if you’re still trying to form an opinion and sift through gif reactions, or you’re one of those people pretending you don’t know what the VMAs are — the Moonman has been around since 1983 and the VMAs have been pooping out pseudo-controversy for just as long. You know what they are. Sit back down — don’t worry, momma’s here. If you really don’t watch the VMAs, it’s important to understand that the V and A do not matter — MTV rarely plays music videos, as we all know, and no one ever remembers who actually wins the Mooman by the end of the night. The respected academy of critics are teens who vote for whichever marginally talented star tweets the most. You watch for the pop culture experience — whether it’s Fiona Apple’s “bullshit” acceptance speech, the Britney-Madonna kiss or Beyonce’s baby bump announcement, crazy shit goes down at the VMAs. And this year was no different. The big draw of the night was Lady Gaga’s big comeback. It’s been two years since a big performance and release, and Mama Monster also is back from a hip injury that kept her out of the public eye for a bit. Gaga opened the show with her new single, “Applause,” which was welcomed by audience boos (those turned out to be staged. Gaga — go figure.). The performance looked like some kind of jazzy, art school, off-broadway number, complete with dudes in leotards and onstage weave and costume changes, ending in LG in a big ass brown curly wig, a mermaid shell bra and thong. Her body was siiiiick (eat it, haters) and it was nice to see her look/act like a human — this is not the meat dress-wearing, alien goth princess, Jo Calderone Gaga. This is ARTPOP Gaga. Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Lady Gaga She seemed a little more down-to-earth, if that’s possible? Like she was having fun, and not taking it too seriously. Which is good, because her new song is in a fucking Kia commercial. Next up is the kind of moment that makes careers and ends presidencies. Just kidding. It’s just Miley! So I (like every human with access to the Internet) detailed my roller coaster of emotions when I first watched Miley Cyrus’ video “We Can’t Stop.” And I must say, I have no problem with MiCy growing up and changing directions. Alternatively, I have no problem with her being a completely fake, manufactured product (cut to Lady Gaga —Government Name: Stefani Germanotta — looking like the normal girl she actually was less than a decade ago, on an episode of Boiling Points. Most pop stars were once Hannah Montanas before their producers gave them "molly" and a rejected Rihanna beat, OK?). I have no qualms with her getting an fierce haircut and wearing denim diaper shorts and juxtaposing her former good girl image with her current hot lady looks. But there's a difference between shifting from Country to Pop or Disney kid to edgy starlet and purposefully quashing your saccharine image by motorboating a woman's thonged butt on TV just for the shock factor. I see you Miley, and I will not respond to you. One note I must make about the performance is Miley did share the spotlight with the black chicks from her "We Can't Stop" video. (Side note: those giant bear backpack apparatuses they’re wearing look really heavy!) Many critics of the vid questioned why these “friends” only appeared in one scene of the video, when she appears to be so immersed in black culture throughout (See: Conversation on cultural appropriation I’m not prepared to start here). Once Miley was done assaulting her backup dancers, rubbing her fur-covered crotch and definitely not lip synching (for better or worse), the two songs that had everyone clutching their pearls this year came to an uncomfortable head as Robin Thicke made his way onstage. Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Miley Cyrus Thicke’s video for “Blurred Lines” sparked up just as much controversy as Miley’s in recent months. From scantily-clad models (plus a naked one in the uncensored version) to lyrics like “I know you want it” — plus dumb hastags all over the place — there were bound to be some haters. But, doesn’t that description sound comparable if not tamer than nearly any popular music video circulating right now? Now, I can understand the concern about the subject of “blurred lines” when there is so much right-wing bullshit about rape culture going on right now. But the video came out in March, and it wasn’t until recently, once a few people started writing about their disapproval, that other folks started recycling these opinions and making parody videos that completely miss the point. Look, I’ve got a soft spot for Robin Thicke. He started off more than a decade ago as an R&B singer — he’s got a smooth-as-a-baby’s-butt voice so of course his songs are going to be sexual and of course some of his videos are going to feature sexy girls. He’s married to actress Paula Patton, whom he’s been with since he was 16. They have an adorable son named Julian Fuego. If anything, Miley would corrupt him! So Miley rips off her PedoBear onesie to reveal the two-piece from the “Blurred Lines” video and everyone realizes yes, she’s going there. The world looked on in sheer terror as she twerked every which way upon Thicke, stroking him and herself with a We’re No. 1 finger you see at hockey games. Miley’s butt looked really scary and Robin looked like Beetlejuice. Let’s all cleanse ourselves by looking back on Thicke’s earlier, hairier years. One actual quality performance of the night came from Justin Timberlake. Sure, he’s ubiquitous, but damn, the dude is talented. JT sang and danced his way across every stage in the Barclays Center, never missing a beat or breath, touching on hits from all throughout his career. Naturally, everyone was waiting for the anticipated *NSYNC reunion, and every time a cluster of male back-up dancers rushed onstage, I thought that was the moment. Finally, four shadowy figures emerged from an illuminated stage, and Justin joined them in the center. I hate to be a spoilsport, but, *NSYNC, you’re tearin’ up my heart. Nearly any millennial Pop lover was either a Backstreet Boy or *NSYNC fan, and I was more of an *NSYNC girl. Nevertheless, when I recently had the opportunity to attend the BSB reunion concert of PNC Pavilion, you better believe I screamed my lungs out with the rest of the crowds of pathetic women. I had to hand it to the ‘Boys — they looked more attractive as 40-year-olds than they did 20 years ago! They were in shape, still had their chops and were really good sports about it. The concert really was a fun time. So when I saw an overweight, wobbling Chris Kirkpatrick struggling to pull his jacket over his tummy, I could not focus on anything else. A single tear ran down my cheek. And why the hell, of all songs to play during this rare moment, would they sing “Girlfriend?!” I still love you, *NSYNC, but reunion wasted, in my opinion. Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Justin Timberlake More stuff: This picture is NOT the Smith family reacting to that Miley mess I just recounted. This is a still taken during Gaga’s performance and it’s not even an accurate reaction, so stop sharing it, ya losers. Drake, Bruno Mars, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and Kanye also performed, and no one is going to say anything about that. Drake reminds me of a dinosaur and his song was really boring. Kanye performed in a shadow in front of a screen cuz he’s a dad now and he can’t be bothered with camera close-ups, guys. The camera cut away to reaction shots from Taylor Swift so often, she should be credited as a co-host. Good god. Katy Perry’s new song "Roar" ended the night with a boxing-themed performance by the Brooklyn Bridge, but it seems like everyone was too busy freaking out about Miley to notice. It was pretty fun, but apparently it sounds a lot like Sara Bareilles’ “Brave.” Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Katy Perry In other news, even D-list celebs, Like Dharma & Greg’s Thomas Gibson can get catfished. Breaking Bad’s Anna Gun (Skyler White) wrote a New York Times op-ed about how everybody HATES her — or at least the character she plays — any how this widespread abomination doesn’t seem to carry over to male characters on television. Remember "Beauty and the Beat?" In his latest video, my newest hero Todrick Hall takes it to the next level and tells the story of Cinderella using the music of Beyoncé. Rupaul’s Drag Race star Shangela plays the fairy god mother. Naturally!  
 
 

Whole Foods Vinyl, Thicke Thief and Cloning Lennon

0 Comments · Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Whole Foods announces it is testing the waters to see if its customers will buy vinyl albums while they healthily/expensively food shop, Robin Thicke is having Gaye issues and a dentist/tooth collector is claiming the John Lennon's rotted-out molar he bought for $30,000 will help scientists make a human clone of the late Beatle.  

Macy's Music Festival Night 2

Aug. 1 • Paul Brown Stadium

0 Comments · Thursday, July 30, 2009
Macy's Music Festival has been part of Cincinnati summers in one form or another since 1962, bringing to town two jam-packed nights of old-school R&B heroes and legends and some like-minded, younger whippersnappers. Head down to Paul Brown Stadium on Saturday to catch legends Anita Baker and The O'Jays plus Jazmine Sullivan, Joe and Robin Thicke.  

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