I spent a hefty number of hours watching Trapped in the Closet this past holiday weekend, thanks to IFC’s marathon of the R. Kelly Hip Hopera followed by a debut of a new chunk of chapters. Despite my avid enthusiasm for T in the C as a teen, I must have lost track of the final few chapters because I totally forgot that by the end of the first two installments, a majority of the characters (hilarious flowchart here) have likely been exposed to AIDS.                                                                                Deleted Scene R. Kelly released 18 new chapters last Friday and, in true T in the C style, few questions were answered and even more now stand. The quick and dirty: Rosie and Randolph are Pimp Lucius’ parents! R. Kelly played two new characters: a therapist (who counseled Rufus and Cathy) and a scary gangster with a fang-like grill named Beeno (for real). Between scenes, the camera would cut away to interviews with various characters on a talk show (likely setting for the next installment). There was also a point where Rev. Mosley was shown on a commercial hawking books — they showed a real, Chicago phone number that connected to a hilarious recording. Still, no one knows where the hell Chuck is and we never got any real answers about “the package” they might all have but don't worry — Kelly has penned a reported 85 additional chapters, some to be released next year, and look out, Broadway: Trapped is coming to the stage!                                                                                                      "Oh shit!" Speaking of marathons of the non-active persuasion, it just wouldn’t be a long weekend without a good Law and Order marathon — often with a relevant theme! This summer, I’m pretty sure I saw a Labor Day SVU marathon of episodes featuring women about to give birth. Ever wondered how all those final court rulings stack up? Overthinking It (via Buzzfeed) looked into every verdict of the original series’ 450 court cases over 20 seasons. Check ‘em out! Because EVERYTHING NEEDS A PREQUEL/SEQUEL/REBOOT NOW, Sam Raimi (Evil Dead, Spider-Man 1-3) is bringing a fresh take on the classic story of The Wizard of Oz this March. James Franco stars as Oscar Diggs, a Kansas magician who is whisked away to a magical land where goes onto become the eponymous wiz. Oz: The Great and Powerful certainly will be a visual playground for audiences and the storyline — which precedes both the original book and film — actually seems interesting. Plus, a trio of top-notch actresses (Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams) portraying young versions of those infamous witches? I'm in. Watch the trailer: So, if you were worried there wouldn’t be a good opportunity to drop LSD at a movie this spring, fear not. RuPaul’s Drag Race returns for a fifth season this January and for those missing out on the fabulosity, it’s basically Logo’s version of American Idol or America’s Next Top Model, but with way more prosthetic boobs and junk tucking. Hosted by the baddest queen of all, RuPaul’s Drag Race pits drag queens against each other in various challenges to be judged on makeup and hair, costume design, on-camera performances, musical acts, comedy and much more. The show is campy, hilarious and, for a show about men dressed up as over-the-top women, surprisingly real. If you need any more reason to tune into the premiere, local entertainer Penny Tration (real name: Tony Cody) has been cast as a contestant! Penny was voted onto the show as this season’s Facebook fan favorite, which is pretty major. See the Cincy star at 0:51 in this trailer: Get More: Watch RuPaul's Drag Race Full Episodes, RuPaul, Logo TV Penny Tration performs Saturdays at The Cabaret (above Below Zero Lounge) in addition to several other regular appearances. Check out a show while you can — Penny’s ‘bout to be mad famous. It is said that as one star rises, another falls. And after the debut of Lindsay Lohan’s anticipated role in Liz and Dick, it looks like that train wreck’s career has suffered a fatal blow.                                                                                                    “Did somebody say blow?” What was — shockingly — supposed to be a serious tribute to Elizabeth Taylor and her relationship with Richard Burton turned out to be a Lifetime channel disaster. Then again, what else was anyone expecting from the network that brought us My Stepson, My Lover and She Woke Up Pregnant? Surely, few had high hopes for Lindsay and everyone else associated with this mess — Liz Taylor’s shoes are tough to fill, so it was kind of unfair to put a young and arguably unstable actress in that position. But all poor writing, directing and casting aside, Lindsay does need to take some of the blame on this one. If Cooter from True Blood was able to mask his New Zealand accent with a mediocre Burton impression, couldn’t Lindsay have at least tried to out-act her smoker’s voice? And I’m sorry, but no 26-year-old should be able to play a woman in her 50s more convincingly that a girl her own age. Somebody, please, fix that face. If you'd rather read entertaining reactions than actually sit through this piece of crap, Huffington Post collected a bunch of Liz and Dick tweets you can read here. Lindsay, I actually am rooting for you, so here’s my advice: Why don’t you go back to your Mean Girls ginge look, take a couple years off, get your Eat Pray Love on in India or whatever and come back to us once you’ve “found yourself” or Disney decides to cast you as Aunt Vicki in their Parent Trap remake. Whichever comes first.

It’s a good time to be a Louie C.K. fan. And probably a good time to be Louie C.K., since in the last year the comedian has nabbed two Emmys, wrapped a successful third season of his FX series and pretty much single-handedly changed the way performers distribute media. Where most performers might ride this wave until it crashes, taking on additional projects and endorsements, C.K. is taking the opportunity to lay low for a bit. The comedian is taking an extended break from the spotlight, putting his show Louie on hiatus until 2014. Yes, it sucks to wait more than a year for a great series, but even his most devoted fans must wipe their tears and acknowledge this smart move. Instead of ordering extra episodes, cranking out more material until he gets so burnt out he pulls a Chappelle, C.K. will be able to take the time to continue producing (directing, writing and starring in) more hilariously dark shows. Speaking of good shows we have to wait so very long for, here’s a fun Breaking Bad dance jam to get you through ‘til next summer. No spoilers, but I’ll warn you, it’s mighty addictive (heh). Everyone with an Instagram account and Starbucks latte believes they are a photographer, but most of us leave the real snapping to the pros, knowing better than to fake such a talent. Right? When two real photogs discovered an alarming number of crappy pictures taken by supposed “professionals,” they decided to call these fools out with one message: You Are Not A Photographer. The highly anticipated film Skyfall hits theaters next month, but Bond fans are already geeking out over the new theme song by Adele: This is the singer’s first release since her award-winning 2011 album, 21. She’s due to give birth to her first child any day now. Remember Dane Cook? He was that comedian that was pretty funny for about 15 minutes in 2005 but quickly joined the likes of Nickelback and Ed Hardy enthusiasts in the Douchebag Hall of Fame. Well, Dane Cook’s still around and he still sucks. Cook was set to star in a new NBC sitcom, Next Caller. Cook played host of a sex and dating-type radio show, “Booty Call,” oddly paired with a new, bubbly female co-host. I know what you’re thinking. When does this television gold hit the airwaves?! Unfortunately, NBC found the final product so dismal, they scrapped the entire series after filming four of six episodes. So, for the record, NBC felt throwing money in the toilet was a better plan than giving Cook screen time. I’ll admit, I gave Cook props for appearing on a second season episode of Louie in which he faced the accusations that he steals jokes (from C.K., in fact). But watch the Next Caller post-mortem trailer and you’ll agree this cancellation was for the best. Now, to wash away that gritty pockmarked face from your memory, enjoy this story about Ed, the peg-leg pug!Ed is one of Australia’s first rescue dogs to receive a prosthetic limb. Let this be a reminder to spay and neuter your cats and dogs and support rescue pets over breeders.It was recently announced that two of my all-time favorite humans will host next year’s Golden Globes. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will take over for Ricky Gervais, who hosted the tribute to film and television for the past three years. I could go on at length about my love for this duo, carefully citing my favorite works (everything they've ever done), but I’ll leave my official endorsement to this: Bitches get stuff done. As far as politics go, I'm pretty sure all we need to know is there was a debate Monday night and Mitt Romney has binders just chock full of women. Yes, November is going to be quite an interesting month. Who’s to say what the outcome will be? So many insane characters — how can we keep them all straight? Oh, I’m not talking about the election. I’m referring to the MFing return of R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet Hip Hopera. Trapped capped off with 22 chapters released between 2005-2007. The maestro has composed an additional 20 chapters to be released on IFC on Black Friday, Nov. 23 — a perfect way to spend your holiday eating leftovers. Here’s a peek at the latest, Chapter 23. Take it from R. Kelly, “These next chapters of Trapped in the Closet is gonna be so craaaazy."