WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Jac Kern 09.17.2014 36 days ago
at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Last week was Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in New York, the time of year when style trends are set, when fashion gods are carried from runway to runway, when Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen emerge from their tiny troll lair to present a new collection of looks for their line, The Row. Here are the sisters trying to convince us they’re human before the show. I dare you to only watch once. I like to think they’re communicating using a sort of Morse code-esque troll twin hand gestures beneath that scarf. Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes welcomed their baby girl into the world on Friday. In case you need to check yourself: There’s a days-old human out there with better genes, a bigger bank account, cooler parents and a nicer home that is already more famous than you’ll ever be. Seriously, though, I hope they have a dozen body guards watching that baby at all times. Between all the Hey Girls and The Notebook fans out there still praying for the reunion of Ryan and Rachel and anyone wanting to use Mendes-Gosling DNA for a voodoo-like beauty regime (guilty as charged), someone is bound to try to steal that baby.When Fox 19 reality series Queen City ended, we were left with a void of shows featuring mildly interesting locals interacting with each other in staged scenarios. Thankfully, Dayton CW has given us The Valley. The show stars six Miami Valley-area high school grads during the summer before they head off to college. Cameras follow the group as they hang out at area attractions, meet “mentors” and explore personal issues — all while providing superfluous commentary after the fact. Think Real Housewives without the Botox or budget. Yes, it’s bad. Sadly, not even bad in a good way. If I wanted to see awkward kids mingle in forced situations, I’d watch teens on the Levee explore the confusing world of “group hangs.” And if I did that, I’d be a fucking weirdo. I’m not throwing shade at the kids involved — I shudder to think what 18-year-old me would do on a local reality show. But who is the audience for a show like this? Find out for yourself and watch the first episode here. Miss New York Kira Kazantsev may have won the Miss America crown this Sunday, but Miss Ohio MacKenzie Bart stole the show with her talent: ventriloquism. Obviously, Miss Ohio Roxy was robbed. Saturday Night Live returns for its 40th season next Saturday, Sept. 27 and, as usual, there will be some casting changes. Last year’s newbies John Milhiser, Noël Wells and Brooks Wheelan were let go; Mike O’Brien will leave the stage and return to the writers room. SNL’s resident Kim Kardashian (also a lot of other great characters) Nasim Pedrad departed to star in the upcoming Fox comedy Mulaney. Colin Jost, who took over Weekend Update with Cecily Strong when Seth Meyers left, will return to the desk without Strong (though she’s still a cast member). SNL writer and Daily Show correspondent Michael Che will replace her as co-anchor. Finally — hope you’re ready to feel old — the show will bring on its first player born in the ‘90s as 20-year-old comic Pete Davidson joins the cast. Chris Pratt hosts the season opener next week with music guest Ariana “Not A Baby” Grande. Nasim Pedrad may have taken her talents elsewhere, but we can still enjoy her work in this unaired skit where she plays —to perfection — Aziz Ansari. New movie trailers to hit the Interwebz: After plenty of teases, the first full-length preview of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay is out; Serena —the 35th film starring Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper — places the stars in 1920s North Carolina; John Wick stars Keanu Reeves as a former hit-man thrown back into the game.
 
 
by Jac Kern 02.13.2014
Posted In: Humor at 04:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Cincinnati Is the Most Everything

City ranks in another pointless list

Just in time for Valentine’s Day shopping, Amazon.com released a list of the 20 “most romantic” cities, based on sales data of romance novels, sex and relationship books, romantic comedy DVDs, Barry White CDs (seriously) and sexual wellness products (per capita) since Jan. 1, 2010. As your aunt, boss and childhood neighbor probably already shared on Facebook, Cincinnati made the list — we’re the 15th most romantic city, guys. Lists like these are generally an attempt to quickly grab a mass audience with some kind of marketing motive. Positive or negative, when a city is mentioned on a national list, there’s a built-in readership that will talk about and share the story on social media. Do they spark “debate?” Sure. Are these useful, proactive conversations? Rarely. But hey, we’re No. 1 (or, in this case, 15)! The Queen City landing on some arbitrary sales-based list is nothing new. For some reason, a 2010 Daily Beast list that dubs Cincy the "craziest" city is making its rounds again as of late. The criteria used to create this list include “psychiatrists per capita, stress, eccentricity and drinking levels,” all quantitative data, no doubt. Here are a few other examples of how Cincinnati stacks up on recent national countdowns: 2011: Most Social via Mashable 2011: Most Bed Bugs via Orkin 2012: (One of the) Most Racist via Deadspin, whose love for Cincinnati knows no bounds. 2013: (10th) Most Polluted via Time 2013: Trendiest (on Twitter) via Washington Post 2013: (72nd) Most Livable City (but the only Ohio city on the list) via Livability.com Did we miss any? Which pointless Cincinnati list is your favorite — or least fave?
 
 
by Jac Kern 04.17.2013
Posted In: Music, Movies, Humor, TV/Celebrity at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Upon reading recent entertainment news, you may find yourself wondering, “Are awards shows are still happening?” The answer is yes, but not anything that really counts. The MTV Movie Awards took place Monday night, hosted by the Australian fireball that is Rebel Wilson. She’s stolen scenes in Bridesmaids, Pitch Perfect and Workaholics, and while she made a good host for the second-rate, teen-targeted show, it was kind of disappointing that 90 percent of her jokes were about either her vagina or her weight. Other low points included Taylor Lautner’s attempt at comedy (Side Note: How will the MTV Movie Awards live on now that the Twilight series is over?), Selena Gomez’s possibly offensive Bollywood-inspired performance and the fact that the whole production was essentially a giant lead-up to the premiere of the Hunger Games: Catching Fire trailer (Oh, that’s how the show will continue…). But there were some quality moments, namely during the Comedic Genius award presentation. Get More: 2013 MTV Movie Awards, Latest Movie News, Will Ferrell Peter Dinklage presented this prestigious prize to Will Ferrell (they worked together in Elf) and you could tell that The Dinks was thinking, “Don’t these people know I am Tyrion Lannister? I am too good for this shit,” the whole damn time. Ferrell came out in a money-printed suit, dropping classic WF hilarity (aka saying literally anything in his Ron Burgundy voice) and sufficiently creating plenty of buzz for the forthcoming Anchorman sequel. The best part, however, was when a shwasted Aubrey Plaza stormed the stage during Will’s acceptance speech. With glazed-over eyes, a plastic cup of booze and “# The To Do List,” (her upcoming movie) written on her chest, the actress hopped onstage, half-heartedly tried to grab the popcorn award from Will’s hands, quickly realized how this looked to everyone else, then ran back to her seat. Ferrell did not take this opportunity to embarrass her further, as she clearly regretted the stunt immediately.                                        "What the shit was I thinking?! I’m such an idio—Smile for the camera!"Plaza was escorted out of the show after the stunt, and you know you’re at a new level of drunk when you must be removed from an MTV event. On Monday, she gave us this morning-after tweet of shame: Logo’s NewNowNext Awards followed on Monday night. With a fabulous mix guests (Read: drag queens for DAYS) and campy categories, it was a fun event that didn’t take itself too seriously. Which is good, because that shit was hella low-budge. Check out the whole show here. Now that Arrested Development’s Netflix premiere date has been officially announced (May 26!), promotional material and fan-created goodies are rolling out in full force. Designer Josh Cox created these awesome record sleeves for each member of the Bluth clan. My favorite:And speaking of Arrested Development, Brandon Killham, the actor who played young Michael Bluth also played a young Dick Whitman on this week’s Mad Men (and in previous episodes). Oh, and he also played a young Brian Moser/Rudy Cooper on Dexter. Mind = Blown. Why am I obsessed with celebrity Coachella fashion? I don’t know, but if you feel like getting sucked into a denim cutoff-crop top-hippie-hobo abyss, browse photos here. Holy shit, Glee finally did a school shooting episode — sort of. Sue Sylvester’s right-hand woman, Becky, brought her father’s gun to school because, as a student with Down syndrome, she was nervous to graduate and leave the school’s safe haven. She wanted to keep it for protection. The gun went of by accident when Becky was discussing the issue with Sue in her office, and no one was hurt. To protect Becky, Sue took the blame for the gun and was fired. It is not clear if or when Jane Lynch’s character will return, but it is likely. Check out the controversial scene here. Louis C.K.’s HBO special, Oh My God debuted last Saturday and, to no one’s surprise, it was poignant, intelligent and laugh-out-loud hilarious. For such a dark, crude comic, I found the larger themes of many jokes to have something of a positive message. OK, not every joke… Check out the New York Times’ recent interview with Louie here. And now, for a segment I’d like to call “Hold Up, Y’all, Cincinnati’s on the TV!” Trew Quackenbush and Corey Ward, the guys behind gourmet grilled cheese and tomato soup spot Tom + Chee, announced Friday that they will be featured on ABC’s Shark Tank in an episode airing at 9 p.m. May 17.  Lauren Brown, local chef at Igby’s who starred in the single greatest television show of all time, will also appear on the small screen. Brown will be one of four chefs competing on Chef Wanted with Anne Burrell to be hired on as head chef at Nikki Beach in Miami, Fla. The episode airs at 10 p.m. April 25 on Food Network. The show also featured Jeff Ruby and The Precinct on a recent episode (Spoiler Alert: The winning chef didn’t even end up accepting the job offer).
 
 

Miles and Miles and Still At Home

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I read an article once that said you should never date (or eventually marry) someone you can’t travel with, and as far as advice goes, that’s in the same ballpark as shacking up before putting a ring on it — another warning I ignored on my trek down the altar.  

The Great Eight Debate

City, Duke Energy spar over streetcar construction technicality

3 Comments · Tuesday, March 6, 2012
If you listen to many native Cincinnatians, they will tell you their hometown is different from other cities. Special. Unique even. What works everywhere else doesn’t always work in the Queen City, and vice-versa. Whether the provincial attitude is due to a sense of pride or a neurotic inferiority complex, its accuracy ultimately is a matter of personal opinion.  

July 20-26: Worst Week Ever!

1 Comment · Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Barack Obama and John Boehner walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here … just kidding — what do you assholes want?” This stupid joke is a lot funnier than what actually happened when Obama and Boehner walked into a meeting room in an attempt to avoid a government default, only to walk back out and blame each other for walking away.  

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