WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Jac Kern 06.24.2014 87 days ago
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Movies, Humor at 03:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

A role on a Law and Order episode is a rite of passage for actors — it won’t necessarily guarantee success, but nearly every major TV actor has done time in the Law and Order franchise. I mean honestly, if you haven’t portrayed a bludgeoned child prostitute, an over-affectionate music teacher or an undercover crack dealer, I’m really not interested in the rest of your body of work. Who doesn’t love recognizing actors before they made it in old SVU reruns, or seeing more established actors guest-star on new episodes? One minute it’s, “Hey, isn’t that bailiff the neighbor from Shameless?” Next thing you know, it’s 3 a.m. on a Tuesday and you’re in an IMDB black hole. We’ve all been there. Thankfully for fans of Orange Is the New Black that are obsessive TV watchers, someone has cross-referenced the L&O archives to create this list of every Orange character’s appearances on everyone’s favorite gavel-thumping series. Fun Fact: OITNB star Taylor Schilling has never appeared on L&O — and her IMDB page starts in 2007. Newbie! Fun Fact No. 2: Taylor Swift recently got a cat and named it Olivia Benson, so. It’s been a very Dick Wolf week. Since TV and food go together like Benson and Stabler (never forget), Ben & Jerry’s is releasing a line of Saturday Night Live-inspired ice cream flavors. Lazy Sunday — named after the Andy Samberg/Chris Parnell rap video that put the SNL Digital Shorts on the map in 2005 — is not flavored with Mr. Pibb and Red Vines (missed opportunity), but rather yellow and chocolate cupcake pieces in vanilla cake batter ice cream with a chocolate frosting swirl (I seriously gained four pounds typing that). Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch, a chocolate and sweet cream ice cream swirled with marshmallow, fudge-covered almonds and caramel clusters for no apparent reason, pays tribute to Kristen Wiig’s prankster schoolgirl character. Two additional SNL flavors will roll out later this year. Double Dare was a gem of a game show from Nickelodeon’s heyday. But stacked up against today’s sophisticated offerings like American Ninja Warrior, the family-friendly DD probably wouldn’t work in the new millennium. At least we’ll always have Marc Summers and these faaaabulous pri-zes! History will be divided into two times: before there were selfies and when everyone just gave up on life. If this is true, Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis will find themselves on both sides of history, as they recently recreated their famous selfie Polaroid self-portrait photograph from Thelma and Louise.   Athletes are no strangers to hecklers. Take a pastime that’s revered on a religious level for many fans, then add alcohol — it’s not always going to be classy. During last week’s rain-delayed Reds game against the Pirates in Pittsburgh, one spirited Pirates fan took to heckling Joey Votto and Brandon Phillips. His taunts echoed in the near-empty stadium, ringing loud and clear for an amused Phillips. The second baseman responded by signing a ball for the heckler, thanking him for the support and asking him to kindly “shut the phuck up,” and posing for a picture.   This will go down as the friendliest interaction between a Cincinnati athlete and a Pittsburgh fan, ever. In news that makes us say, “What, w-why?” Lifetime is making a TV movie about the making of Saved by the Bell. There’s already been an E True Hollywood Story on SBTB (why yes I can confirm this, having seen it multiple times – don’t judge me), so there really is no need for another dramatized look at the ‘90s hit. The stars (aka “Who?” x 6 — see them all here) look like Bratz Babyz versions of the originals, but they were selected by original SBTB casting director Robin Lippin, for whatever that’s worth. It’s going to be terrible. And I’m going to watch it as soon as it premieres.
 
 
by Jac Kern 06.12.2014 100 days ago
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Movies, Humor at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Orange Is the New Black is back and it’s better than I imagined. The Netflix series centered on a women’s prison premiered its second season Friday and, despite my earnest intentions to pace myself, I couldn’t help but get through 12 of the 13 episodes (Thanks a lot, autoplay). One of the striking differences this season is the fact that this is no longer The Piper Show. Yes, our blonde convict is still a major player, the thread throughout the series. But as Piper becomes more acclimated to prison life, she begins to share much more in common with her fellow prisoners, and we get a look into those women’s backstories — in such a fulfilling way. If you weren’t already invested in Red, Poussey, Morello and the other inmates, you will be after learning the very different and often surprising reasons they ended up in Litchfield. As for Piper, she’s hardened (perfectly if not cheesily represented by her selection of a 40 over a bottle of champagne on a night out during her furlough)— but not to the point where last season’s character is unrecognizable. If anything, the shift makes her more likable. For now, I’m holding off on the finale. I don’t want it to end! Photographer Jeff Friesen has shot series of fun images using LEGOs for what’s culminated in an upcoming book, The United States of LEGO, available this September. In the series, each state is depicted in a scene full of colorful bricks and plastic yellow people (See Ohio here). Another, titled “Bricksy,” uses the popular toy to recreate various Banksy pieces. Poet and thespian of our generation James Franco basically recounted Lindsay Lohan’s pursuit of him for Vice’s Fiction Issue. This “work of creative writing” that I’m just going to assume is completely true claims LiLo shamelessly came after Franco while they were both staying at Beverly Hills’ Chateau Marmont. In the end, she settled for a bedtime story reading of A Perfect Day for a Bananafish. I’m not sure which part crushes my childhood memories the most: The fact that the Parent Trap ginge has fully blossomed into a desperate trash monster; or that Daniel Desario is actually a pseudo-intellectual douche/tattletale; or that I now have to burn my entire Salinger collection. Nicolas Cage may have done his share of shitastic films in recent years, but you have to hand it to him: dude has a sense of humor about himself. This fact was illustrated recently in a photo of Cage, at a Guns N’ Roses concert with Andrew Dice Clay, dressed to the nines in a T-shirt with his meme-face on it. Anyone remember Clone High? The MTV toon depicted a high school for clones of historical figures throughout time, was weirdly hilarious and, thus, was cancelled after one season in 2003. The creators, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, have since put out a successful string of productions: 21 Jump Street (and its sequel, 22 Jump Street, in theaters tomorrow), Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and The LEGO Movie. They talked recently of revisiting Clone High as either a show or movie — read more here. Lil' Kim welcomed a baby girl this week, Lil' Lil' Kim. Sorry. But seriously, Blue Ivy, North West, Jermajesty, all y’all epic-named babies watch out. Royal Reign is in the house. In things that are making me feel feelings this week: the Dumb and Dumber To trailer.  
 
 

(Orange Is the New) Black Friday

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Jenji Kohan’s dark comedic take on the true story of Piper Kerman’s stint in a federal women’s prison was a runaway hit on Netflix in its 2013 debut. Now Orange Is the New Black is back (full season on Netflix Friday) with another 13 funny, disturbing and thought-provoking episodes.  

Summer TV Preview

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 14, 2014
The long-awaited summer is upon us, and with it comes new series and seasons of shows worth checking out between beach vacations and barbecues.  
by Jac Kern 04.23.2014
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Humor, Movies at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

I’m a huge fan of locally-produced commercials-gone-viral. Cincinnati’s Fick Chiropractic Centers current ad might not be up there with Jamie Casino, but it does feature a killer beat that deserves some attention. Is anyone else just tickled by the concept of a local doctor employing a beatmaker for a commercial? It totally caught me off guard while watching Fox 19 Morning News (aka the Jacki Jing Variety Hour — bitch has more devoted fans than Lady Gaga, just peep their posts on her Facebook page. Locals — including my boyfriend — are totally enamored by her beautiful glamour shots, bubbly attitude and penchant for cosplay. How are the rest of us supposed to compete, Jacki?!). Are you sick of Beyoncé yet? Trick question: If you answered “Yes,” please get out of here immediately. NO ONE is sick of Beyoncé ever, in fact, parody videos and choreographed routines to her songs are still pouring out of the woodwork four months after the release of her self-titled album. The latest tribute of note comes from self-proclaimed “star on the rise” Chanel Carroll, who’s serving up student loan realness in her take on “Partition” called “Tuition.” ‘Cause we all just want live that debt-free life. Everything about this is flawless, from her JLo-circa-2000 vibe to the clip art to the cameo by Ashley from Sallie Mae. I would crown her as winner of the Internet for the week, but she shares the title with this dude who’s been reviewing fast food and other grub from his car since 2012. Check out one of Daym Drops’ most popular videos, featuring Five Guys Burgers and Fries. I want this guy to narrate my life or at least read my eulogy because dude describes a plain drive-thru burger with the eloquence of a poetic preacher. And of course there’s a musical remix. OH MY DAYUM! Avril Lavigne continues her assault on our earholes with the confusing, excruciating “Hello Kitty.” The Canadian singer responsible for 80 percent of ties bought by young women in 2002 apparently has a massive Asian following, but the Japanime-style video is more of a cringe-worthy misstep than cultural tribute. Hey white pop stars, stop using Asian women (or any women for that matter) as props! Lily Allen, another 2000s pop relic, is also coming out with new music and a record that automatically gets my support by taking a dig at Kanye West. Sheezus drops next month; the album’s titular new single is a total lady anthem with praise for the Lorde and rhymes about…periods. Whatever, I’m digging it. This week in movie remake fuckery: A Mrs. Doubtfire sequel is in the works, because nothing from your childhood is sacred! Mara Wilson, who starred as the youngest child in the film (as well as Matilda in the ‘90s Roald Dahl film adaptation) revealed on social media that she wouldn’t be a part of it, as she’s been out of the acting game for several years — which, according to over-each headlines, translated into Wilson “slamming” the sequel, making the private former child actor a trending topic. While we may never see a grown-up Natalie Hillard or Matilda 2 (thank sheezus), you can enjoy Wilson’s musings on her blog. And just because: Mrs. Doubtfire as a horror film. Also, Goonies 2 is also officially a go. Thanks, Spielberg. Hey, that’s not Pit Bull, it’s Amy Poehler! Orange Is The New Black  is back on Netflix for a second season June 6 and the new trailer is here. The whole gang’s back, with a few additions, but the lingering question remains: Where is Pennsatucky?! It was recently reported that Laura Prepon signed on for Season Three as rumors circulate about her being the future ex-wife of Tom Cruise. This is what I like to call Scientology Sads: When you think you like someone — a famous person, obviously, because the group might as well be called Celebentology — but it turns out they’re a Scientologist. Such a shame.
 
 

Top TV Trends of 2013

0 Comments · Monday, December 23, 2013
Trends — whether in fashion, music or on television — are only slightly noticeable as they emerge, but become abundantly obvious in hindsight. From fleeting fads to more memorable moments,  
by Jac Kern 09.18.2013
Posted In: Movies, TV/Celebrity, Humor at 12:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

With two episodes of Breaking Bad left, everyone’s gone a little Walter White crazy — you’d think actual meth fumes were being released from our televisions. Jimmy Fallon & Co. have had a Breaking Bad spoof in the works for a while now, teasing fans all the while with photos and hashtags like #JokingBad. The nearly 13-minute sketch is a hilarious Late Night take on Bad, starring Fallon as Walt and (Steve) Higgins as Jesse and complete with all the references you’d expect, plus some cameos you wouldn’t. Bask in the glory that is “Joking Bad!” (Mild spoliers from seasons 1-4, if you’re being picky.) And while we’re at it, check out Drakeing Bad — a blog of illustrations by Barry Schwartz and Shea Serrano (who brought the world Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Book) featuring iconic Breaking Bad scenes…with rapper/former Degrassi High student Drake randomly inserted, replacing various characters. Again, sort-of spoilers abound, so anyone who intends to watch Bad but isn’t caught up should proceed with caution (if at all). And may god have mercy on your soul. Saturday Night Live returns to NBC for its 39th season Sept. 28 (Tina Fey will host; Arcade Fire is the musical guest) and with the new season comes lots of changes. We already know Fred Armisen, Jason Sudeikis and Bill Hader will no longer be gracing the SNL stage with their presence this year, and now newcomer Tim Robinson has been banished to the writers’ lair (JK, maybe it's really cool there). The rest of 2012-2013’s cast, including soon-to-be Late Night host Seth Meyers, is sticking around. New people: Fresh featured players will include Beck Bennett (that suited dude in the AT&T commercials who spends far too much time in children’s classrooms), Kyle Mooney (he and Bennett are in comedy group Good Neighbor), Upright Citizens Brigade member and Cracked contributor Noel Wells (the only new female to join the cast), SNL writer Mike O'Brien, Comedy Central’s comic to watch Brooks Wheelan and John Milhiser, another UCB-er. Changes: Meyers will retain his Weekend Update duties until he takes over Late Night in February and, possibly, throughout the full season. Last year’s featured player Cecily Strong will join him at the desk and take over Weekend Update when Meyers eventually leaves. Strong was probably best remembered for her character, Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party (which I still think is kind of meh) and a pretty accurate interpretation of a porn star-turned-home shopping model. We’ll see how she transitions into this much larger role! Confession time! I’m kind of seriously into Insane Clown Posse Theater on Fuse. I turned it on as a joke once, but now I actually find it pretty hilarious. (Note: If anyone sees me rocking JNCOs and cornrows while drinking Faygo, send help!) It’s basically Mystery Science Theater 3000 but with ICP’s Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope unleashing their offensive insights on an array of music videos. They also bring on guests like Tom Green, Coolio and comedian Jim Norton, talk with them for a little bit, react to more videos and then awkwardly tell them to leave. I never would have guessed ICP could be so entertaining and —dare I say — likable! I mean, I’d think they would just objectify video vixens, which they certainly do, but there’s an equal amount of homo-erotic comments I’d never expect. And their constant inaccurate facts that have to be corrected onscreen get me laughing every time. At the very least, add this to your “drinking show” watch list, because that is a perfectly acceptable pastime as well as a good way to categorize TV shows, OK? Catch ICP Theater at 11 p.m. Wednesdays on Fuse. Taystee from Orange Is the New Black (Government name: Danielle Brooks) is gonna be a Girl, the series’ first black female character. Every mother and girlfriend’s worst nightmare was was released Tuesday as Grand Theft Auto V. The game allows players to wreak havoc on the streets of San Andreas, get high and drunk and even check out a strip club where dancers in private rooms give a topless show (digital boobs!). So yes, the infamous game has and will continue to spark controversy and backlash over the amount of violence and overall incorrigible behavior, but anyone with half a brain cell who watches or plays the game can see it is rife with satire, almost making fun of the culture it represents. The visuals, attention to detail and amazing pop culture and allegorical Easter eggs woven in the game are nothing short of astounding.                                         Get your character this Drive-esque jacket and crush skulls in style!How often do you think, “Good job, fast food restaurant,” or “Smart advertising, national chain eatery!”? Probably never, and that’s why Chipotle’s new promo, The Scarecrow, is getting so much attention. The fast-casual Mexican chain has cut ties with McDonald’s (its former majority partner) and plans to be the first U.S. restaurant chain to go GMO-free. Now, with this haunting anti-factory farm ad (with a little help from Fiona Apple on vocals), Chipotle is taking its “Food With Integrity” motto even further.
 
 

Locked up and Loving It with Jenji Kohan

1 Comment · Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Based on a true story, Orange Is the New Black (now available on Netflix) follows Piper Chapman (played by a very convincing Taylor Schilling) as she trades in her Brooklyn yuppie life with a loving fiancé for 15 months in lock-up and a prison wife.  
by Jac Kern 07.17.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Music at 01:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

What a week, guys. While I usually like to keep things light around here, this week's pop culture round-up is peppered with some upsetting current events. So, if you experience an occasional case of the sads, watch Carley Rae Jepsen throw a terrible first pitch, rock out to Britney’s new song  or look at this adorable, tiny cat who’s being rehabilitated via crochet therapy. By now you’ve heard about the Asiana Airlines Boeing 777 that crash landed at San Francisco International Airport the weekend before last. Three people have died as a result of the crash and more than 180 others were hospitalized for injuries. Unfortunately, when it comes to sharing the news of such catastrophes, many television networks are primarily concerned with breaking the story first. More than, say, getting the facts straight. Take it away, KTVU! The San Fransisco Fox affiliate has retracted the information and apologized for the error, but Asiana confirms it will sue the station. It was recently revealed that a summer intern at the National Transportation Safety Board was the culprit who wrongfully confirmed the incorrect, racist — and, OK, some may say comical — names to KTVU. In other news, apparently the National Transportation Safety Board hires 10-year-old boys into its summer internship program! So, to all our summer interns who get tired of fact-checking and entering calendar listings all day — sorry, guys. This is why you can’t have nice things. Taking this whole mess a step further, comedian Patton Oswalt tweeted in response to the KTVU debacle:   Salon saw the tweet, gasped, clutched its pearls and unleashed an ever-updated story proverbially wagging its finger at Oswalt for being racist, even though his joke Tweet was completely within the context of the KTVU blunder. Check it out here. Brooklyn-based writer Joe Veix submitted a hilarious post on BuzzFeed last week, only to have it deleted and then become banned from the site within minutes. What heinous article could he have possibly tried to publish? This awesome BuzzFeed parody. According to Bullett, Veiz said the community editor banned him for being “mean spirited,” but this shit is just plain funny to me. Beyoncé performed a sold-out concert in Nashville this Saturday. In attendance were Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss (who actually wrote Destiny’s Child’s “Bills, Bills, Bills” and “Bug-a-Boo”),“Kid President” Robby Novack and yours truly! A Beyoncé fan since I first put The Writing’s on the Wall in my Walkman, the show was a true spectacle and — I’m not a bit ashamed to admit — a dream come true. Mrs. Carter served up around 30 songs that spanned from her Destiny’s Child days (“Survivor”) to her early solo stuff (“Crazy in Love,” “Baby Boy”) to her most recent album (“Run the World,” “Love on Top”) and her newly leaked jams. One of my favorite performances of the night was her new leaked-but-not-officially-released song that’s featured on a Pepsi commercial, “Grown Woman.” Queen Bey, her pop-and-lockin’ duo, “Les Twins,” (new dream: to have my own ambiguously named sidekicks!) and backup dancers got down and played around onstage to an Afro-beat in more fun, casual attire than the dramatic garb of the rest of the show. I love my Divayoncé, but it was a refreshing departure and a great song. At one point, Bey hopped on a harness and flew over the crowd to a smaller stage in the back of the arena...                                    My very high quality, professional photo of this epic moment...where she performed “Irreplaceable” — allowing a few lucky fans, including Kid Prez and one hoarse, hyperventilating mega-fan, to sing “To the left, to the left” — and “Survivor.” You best believe I did the choreography. Between acts, while Bey changed up her freakum dresses/weaves, they played these awesome short films — everything from Beyoncé as a broke-down princess to personal videos (everyone freaked when we saw her kiss Blue Ivy, and a shot of her with President Obama got massive cheers) to a remix of “Love on Top.” Her backup singers — "The Mamas" — and her entire band — which included drums, brass, guitar and bass — were all incredibly talented black women. They got plenty of bi screen shots and Bey shout outs throughout the show, which I thought was really cool.In short, it was amazing — Mike, I hope you approve of my usage in this instance! At the end of the night, Beyoncé asked for "A moment of silence, for Trayvon.” The George Zimmerman trial verdict had been reached at 10 p.m. Saturday — it was likely most concert goers were unaware of what had happened (I had no phone service throughout the whole show, 8-11:30 p.m., which includes her opener, Luke James). After the somber moment, Beyoncé sang  “I Will Always Love You” which led into “Halo.” People are loving Weeds creator Jenji Kohan’s Orange is the New Black, the latest Netflix series now available in its entirety. Orange is based on the memoir of Piper Kerman, who spent 15 months in a minimum security women’s prison for money laundering and drug trafficking. Check it out! In especially sad news, actor and singer Cory Monteith, best known as Finn from Glee, was found dead in a Vancouver hotel room Saturday. The coroner reports a mix of alcohol and heroin was the cause of death. The 31-year-old was open about his past struggles with addiction and sought treatment at a rehab facility in April. His girlfriend, 26-year-old Lea Michele, also stars in the hit show. Why don’t you go to www.vogue.co.uk. With your arrow keys, hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A. Keep clicking A. Now feel less sad! Syfy’s Sharknado touched down Thursday, proving the only thing more terrifying than a shark tornado is the revival of Tara Reid’s acting career. The original 90210’s (I can’t believe I have to say that) Ian Ziering also starred. The movie got such a response, particularly on social media, SyFy is already planning a sequel for 2014, set in New York. Anyone else notice Otis from The Walking Dead is now a vampire therapist on True Blood?
 
 

Thoroughly Modern 'Newsroom'

0 Comments · Wednesday, July 10, 2013
It’s September 2011. Occupy Wall Street is in its early stages, the country mourns the 10-year anniversary of 9/11, the 2012 election race is in full swing — a tumultuous and exciting time to re-enter The Newsroom (10 p.m. Sundays, HBO).  

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