WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Jac Kern 04.16.2014 4 hours ago
at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Senior prom is a special milestone for many American teens, but even traditions as old as school dances change over time. Intimate one-on-one dates have given way to group dates and attending as friends. Flip-flops and cutout cocktail dresses replaced the overdone evening look for many girls. And now a southern-fried specialty is getting in the prom game. Kentucky Fried Chicken — What? Yes. — partnered with Louisville florists to create the chicken corsage. For $20, Louisville residents can purchase a corsage from Nanz and Kraft Florists that includes a $5 gift card to KFC, where folks can then go buy the perfect piece of chicken. It can only be assumed that after prom, girls will press the greasy chicken bone between their yearbook pages, just like their moms did with their corsages when they were young. It’s confirmed: Stephen Colbert will take over the Late Show desk once David Letterman retires sometime in 2015. That’ll mean no more Colbert Report and, likely, the end of the host’s faux-servative character. Start the countdown to the announcement of a new reality show following Letterman, Leno (and, let’s just be honest — Craig Ferguson and Conan O’Brien) around Ex-Host Island. Move over, old people! Slightly younger people are takin' yer jerbs!In the contemporary classic Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan’s Cady describes Halloween as, “the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Well, Coachella must be kind of like Halloween for celebrities, except instead of wearing lingerie and some form of animal ears, they throw on the most jumbled assortment of terrible fashion fads. Not sure about the new cream-colored designer jumpsuit you purchased? Try it out in the middle of the desert! Want to channel Woodstock without ever having been to, read about or seen a photo of Woodstock? Grab a Native American headdress and wear that shit to Coachella. The fest is HQ for floral head wreaths, jorts and combat boots (often all worn at once), and for some reason I cannot pull myself away from the celeb photos of this mess. It’s like someone made a slot machine with various teenagers’ style blogs on Tumblr and everyone going to Coachella must take a spin to determine their outfit. “Ooh, I got a bindi, a latex bra, a crocheted duster and gladiator sandals!” Just look at these famous attendees, capped off with Koachella Kweenz Kylie and Kendall Jenner.  But seriously, you need to see this video that’s (probably) of Leonardo DiCaprio Coachin’ it up (people say that, right?) at an MGMT performance, which makes me feel weird and old. And since I brought up Lindsay, the supposedly sober starlet was supposedly washing down all that Coachella dust and glitter with vodka this weekend. The reports come days after the latest episode of her Oprah docu-series, in which she admits to drinking alcohol after her latest stint in rehab. Also, there were a lot of emo scenes of Lindsay filming herself crying. Get it together, girl. OPRAH WILL CUSS AT YOU AGAIN. And everyone knows if Oprah has to cuss at you twice, you will spontaneously burst into flames. Celebrispawn in the media is quite the hot topic as of late, particularly thanks to Dax Sheppard and Kristen Bell vs. Papz (this will definitely be a court case our children will study in history class). But what about fake famous babies — fair game? OK! Leslie Knope is pregnant! Pawnee's upcoming addition will be the Prince George of fictional TV comedy births. Which is to say, a very big deal. Parks and Rec's Leslie and Ben will be the best parents ever. I think I speak for fans everywhere by saying we can't wait for his or her first playdate with the world’s most attractive child, Ann and Chris’ little Oliver. Sunday was an epic night for television with the final Mad Men premiere (sort of) and a crazy-ass episode of Game of Thrones. These two are great popular, critically-acclaimed dramas, but they’re on complete opposite ends of the style spectrum. Mad Men’s seventh season debut was gradual and calculated (as always), giving viewers a chance to fill in the blanks between Season Six and now, speculate on what’s to come and read into every little detail. And by detail, I mean Pete’s California Ken Doll look, which was #flawless. Ratings were way down Sunday — the lowest-rated premiere since the second season's in 2008. Some attribute the drop to a lackluster episode, but the truth is probably that everyone was too busy losing their shit over this week’s Game of Thrones to get into the cool Mad Men mood. Without giving too much away (and because I spoiled “the incident” for myself since I can’t stay off the damn Internet — so I know it sucks), Thrones fans who hadn’t already read the books were treated to a truly righteous, bubbly, bloody scene this week that totally flips the script for many of our favorite characters. Can’t these people get through one wedding without having to immediately plan a funeral? New movie trailers to hit the Interwebz: bestseller-turned-likely blockbuster Gone Girl; two red band previews for 22 Jump Street (The College Years); Sex Tape, starring Cameron Diaz and a manorexic Jason Segel, a comedy that’s exactly what you think it’s about; and Jon Favreau’s take on the foodie world, Chef. Aaand it looks like Jay-Z and Beyoncé may tour together for a string of shows this summer, so I need to go quit my job and fulfill my dreams of being a roadie. Byé!
 
 

'Silicon Valley' Delivers Smart Nerd Humor

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Move over, Sheldon. The Big Bang Theory may have helped popularize or mainstream “nerd culture,” but Silicon Valley keeps it real with sharp wit, spot-on tech references and just a touch of social awkwardness — the makings of any true geek.  
by Jac Kern 04.09.2014 7 days ago
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Humor at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

The fellas of Mad Men showed off their mad manes (sorry) when Jon Hamm and Pete Campbell revealed some pretty epic ‘dos to the public this week.Let’s start with Mr. Draper. Apparently in all my research of Jon Hamm (Read: browsing his free-ballin’ pics), neither I — nor the rest of the Internet — realized the star had appeared on the short-lived dating show The Big Date in 1996. The USA Network game show was hosted by Mark Walberg (the Antiques Roadshow one, not the triple-nipple one). Then-25-year-old Hamm, identified on the show as a waiter, rocked the classic ‘90s parted shaggy ‘do (which I like to call the Shawn Hunter). And as if that wasn’t enough to confuse your boner (or ladyboner), just watch as he describes his perfect first date: (Cut to the 2-minute mark for Hamm’s introduction, but seriously just watch the whole thing). TOTAL FABULOUSITY! For some unknown reason that will go down as one of life’s biggest mysteries, Hamm did not go on to win a date. FOR SHAME! OK, fast forward to modern times at the Mad Men premiere party last week. Vincent Kartheiser aka Pete Campbell showed up looking like he started to pull a Britney before changing his mind and running to the red carpet.Apparently the actor shaves his bang area (why does that sound so dirty) so his character Pete can have a receding hairline  — because obviously — but couldn’t he achieve that look with makeup and a bald cap? Or why not just shave the whole thing? This is especially bothersome to me because, as a child, I was convinced you didn't need to "grow out" your bangs once you grew tired of them, you just had to cut them off. This could have been me:                                       WHAT IS HAPPENING Mad Men’s final season premieres Sunday night at 10 p.m. on AMC. Like Breaking Bad, this final season will be split between this year and next. Read more in this week’s TV column. This week in movie remake fuckery: The Goonies 2 is coming atchu. David Letterman realized Leno wasn’t backing out of retirement this time, so he hopped on the bandwagon and announced he’d be leaving The Late Show in 2015. Chelsea Handler also recently revealed she’ll be leaving E! when her contract is up in a few months, and is one of many celebs rumored to be considered to take Dave’s place. (Her first change: Swap out Stupid Pet Tricks for Stupid Vagina Tricks. Or maybe just Stupid Tricks, a game show with hookers? Call me for more ideas, Chels!) Stephen Colbert is at the center of these rumors as well, as his Colbert Report contract also ends at the end of this year. Meanwhile Late Late host and Letterman follow-up Craig Ferguson waits in the shadows as 75 percent of Americans still think Craig Ferguson is "the black guy from The Office." Wah waaahhh Iconic album art like The Beatle’s Abbey Road can transform ordinary places into fan destinations. Check out these classic record covers inserted into their respective Google street view locations. Normally grown-ass women with a hardcore love for Disney turn me off — everyone’s entitled to a nostalgia fest every now and again, but you should not see Frozen three times in theaters if you do not have a child in your life. And there’s a new announcement for you: Anna Kendrick hosted Saturday Night Live for the first time this weekend and her debut featured not one but two nods to Disney with her Beauty and the Beast-themed monologue and, later, a Little Mermaid bit. But — as you’ll see from the links — Kendrick’s stint was anything but basic. Bravo, Anna! This will certainly be a highlight episode of the season. Could you use $500,000? Have you always wanted to be on TV? Are you either a soft-spoken racial minority or a loud-mouthed racist? Big Brother is casting its 16th season and the crew will be in Cincinnati next month to scope prospects. According to the online application, casting is curious about important personal information like applicants' weight, hair color and a “self biography” of a whopping 70 words. Those interested in being locked in a house, recorded 24/7 by 65 cameras and 98 microphones and pitted against some of the worst human beings on the planet can apply in person at Mount Adams Pavilion between 11 a.m. and 5 p.m. Friday, May 2.
 
 

Breaking 'Mad'

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 9, 2014
It’s the beginning of the end for Don Draper, the ’60s and another quality AMC drama as Mad Men (Season Premiere, 10 p.m. Sunday) embarks on the first half of its final chapter.   

Spring TV Preview

0 Comments · Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Spring is coming — despite what the weather would have us believe — with a fresh crop of new series and returning favorites.  
by Jac Kern 06.25.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Humor, Movies at 03:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

James Gandolfini, who rose to icon status with his leading role in The Sopranos, died Wednesday in Italy from a heart attack. He was 51 years old. Holsten’s, the New Jersey ice cream shop featured in the final scene of the legendary television series’ finale, paid tribute to Gandolfini by reserving the booth where he and his on-screen family filmed their last shot. Let’s remember Tony Soprano by watching this 2002 clip of Jim on Sesame Street, where he talks to Zoe about how it’s OK to feel scared sometimes. Hold me. Via Jezebel: Pageant hopefuls are no strangers to harsh public scrutiny – just ask Miss Utah USA, Marissa Powell. But most contestants don’t have to worry about being criticized for being too cute. At the 25th annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest in Petaluma, Calif., freaky is fabulous. You’ll find everything from hairless, cross-eyed mutts with missing body parts to patchy, freckled pooches with potbellies and snaggleteeth. The Chinese crested, seen here, is an iconic “Ugly” dog with features often exhibited by this contest’s winner — but not this year.                                            Pictured: a NOT UGLY ENOUGH DOGThis weekend, Walle, a “late entry” 4-year-old beagle-boxer-basset mix, won the crowd over with his gigantic head (ugly?), the hump on his back (ugly?) and the ability to sit upright on his butt (ugly?!). Like Potter Stewart, when it comes to ugly, I know it when I see it and I ain’t seein’ it. Sashay away, Walle. You’re too pretty for this game. What do you get when you cross the egotistical prince of Hip Hop with a beloved stylistic filmmaker? Kanye Wes. Molly Miley Cyrus’ evolution into full-on festival groupie/Tumblr chick is complete. Check out her new vid for “We Can’t Stop,” featuring cameos by taxidermy, a My Size Barbie, Pepto-Bismol blood, smoke bomb crotches and a hot dog piñata: #WHATISHAPPENING Noisey raises some “important questions” about the video since it is both impossible and futile to even form an opinion about it. All I know is Miley’s fervent ass shaking/slapping and non-drug references are making me totally uncomfortable. Just a few years ago I relied on older friends to explain drug stuff to me and now I’m feeling totally weirded out by Miley and her rolling (or whatever the term is now), twerking, thumb-sucking friends. Yet, I can’t stop…watching this freaky mess over and over! Is your stockpile of Twinkies starting to dwindle? Fear not, Tallahassee, because select Hostess snacks are set to be back on store shelves July 15. Metropoulos & Co. and Apollo Global Management teamed up to buy Twinkies, CupCakes, Donettes and other Hostess cakes so we can continue to fill our bodies with preservative-rich baked goods for years to come. The Steve Jobs biopic starring Ashton Kutcher is in theaters Aug. 16. Check out the new trailer: Ashton’s Steve Jobs is legit but, so help me God, if I have to hear that Macklemore & Ryan Lewis song one more time… Tightrope walker Nik Wallenda crossed a gorge near the Grand Canyon on live television Sunday, walking 1,500 feet above the ground on a two-inch cable, and didn’t fall to his death. Good job, Nik! Wallenda comes from a family of tightrope walkers — his great-grandfather Karl Wallenda, born in Germany in 1905, began performing at age 6. Nik became the first person to cross Niagra Falls on a high wire last June and Sunday’s stunt gave him the title as the first aerialist to walk directly over the Little Colorado River Gorge. There weren’t any harnesses, cables or safety nets — just a pole to hold for balance. Wallenda prayed loudly to Jesus throughout the 23-minute spectacle. At the peak of the gorge crossing, 13 million viewers tuned in either on TV or online, a staggering number compared to the 2.7 million who tuned into the game-changing Mad Men finale also on Sunday night (the series’ biggest audience ever). Why do people watch this stuff? It's kind of sick, even if there's a 10-second body splatter insurance delay.                                             :'(   :'(   :'(
 
 
by Jac Kern 06.20.2013
Posted In: Humor, TV/Celebrity, Music, Movies at 11:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Japan is the breeding ground for freaky trends that never (thankfully) make it across the ocean. In fall of 2012 we were introduced to “bagel heads,” a temporary look achieved by injecting saline into the forehead until a dome is formed, then creating a creating a small crater in the center. The end result looked like a bagel or donut implant in your forehead. Totes desirable. Then there's ganguro, a Japanese fashion trend where harajuku meet Snooki, resulting in orangey-tan girls that look freshly plucked from an anime cartoon (tanime?) and now…eyeball licking? Gawker reports conjunctivitis is running rampant in Japanese middle schools with the sudden popularity of kids licking each others' MFing eyeballs. Japan, I will take your cat cafés and affinity for all things tiny (see below) but keep your tongues away from my see-holes. Portlandia has been renewed for two more seasons! The Simpsons is definitely ingrained in American popular culture. Once an edgy, almost salacious TV show, Homer & fam are pretty mild in comparison to television’s modern-day exports — animated or otherwise. So it’s no surprise that Universal Studios announced a Simpson’s theme park to open this summer at its Orlando, Fla., resort with a full replica of the fictional town of Springfield. There’s a Krusty Burger, Kwik-E-Mart, Duff Brewery (yes, an actual brewery with beer created exclusively for the park) and, of course, Springfield would not be complete without Moe’s Tavern. Go here to check out photos and video from the newly-opened park. Twitter Chitter: This week, everyone’s RTing Feminist Taylor SwiftApparently Hodor (real name: Kristian Nairn), gentle giant and Bran Stark’s personal Segway on Game of Thrones, is actually a real 21st century person and DJ. Check him out!                                                        If Hodor’s a DJ, Winterfell's a dance floor Veneers, dwarf darts and chest beating — that’s what you can really look forward to going into The Wolf of Wall Street, Martin Scorsese’s new film based on the story of ‘90s stock market criminal type, Jordan Belfort. OK, that and Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill(‘s freaking veneers) and Matthew McConaughey. Can Leo’s dance move at 1:34 be the new Harlem Shake? The song playing in the background is off Kanye West’s new album, Yeezus, which came out Tuesday. Kanye, who apparently is a father now (apparently, because since Kim hasn’t produced so much as a bowel movement in the past decade without an accompanying press release, no one can really be too sure about this baby thing), promoted the new album with an American Psycho-inspired commercial — I am not calling this a short film — starring Scott Disick, Kourtney Kardashian’s baby daddy, and Jonathan Cheban, Kim K’s main butt buddy/occasional frienemy. Behold: Before American Psycho fans call blasphemy, author Bret Easton Ellis has come out saying he actually wrote the spoof himself. Mad Men’s penultimate season — arguably its darkest yet — wraps up this Sunday. Now that the merged agencies have agreed on a name and logo, they’re ready to go public! Check out this awesome press release (via Mad Men’s Facebook page) SC&P letter:
 
 

The Dog Days of Summer

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 19, 2013
It’s time to spark up a J, laugh out loud and then question your existence with an Australian guy in a gnarly dog suit. Wilfred’s back (10 p.m. Thursdays, FX).  

All Hail Billith

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Now in its sixth season, Southern-fried vampire drama True Blood (9 p.m. Sundays, HBO) has truly “turned.” What started as a somewhat realistic take on the genre, suspenseful and sexy with a wink of camp, is now a full-blown supernatural soap opera.  

Summer TV Preview

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 5, 2013
When fun in the sun loses its draw, it’s nice to retreat in the AC with some quality TV. Here are some returning favorites and new picks to watch out for this season. HBO Documentary Film Serie  

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