WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Danny Cross 03.29.2012
Posted In: baseball at 02:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 
canseco tweets-1

Ranking Jose Canseco’s Global Warming Tweets

Former MLB meathead goes ROFL on Twitter

Former Major League Baseball player Jose Canseco doesn’t have the best image. After breaking into the majors as a super fast, freaky power hitter with the Oakland A’s and winning a World Series with his fellow Bash Brother/performance-enhancing-drug-user Mark McGwire, Canseco’s career and reputation were marred by injuries and a series of embarrassing moments on and off the field. In 1992, Canseco was traded to another team while he was in the on-deck circle waiting to bat. In 1993, a fly ball bounced off his head and over the fence for a home run — This Week In Baseball in 1998 named the incident the greatest blooper of the show’s first 20-plus years. Canseco then asked his manager to pitch in a game even though he was an outfielder, which resulted in an elbow injury that required surgery. During the PED witch hunt of the early 2000s, Canseco apparently took exception to MLB’s — and the media’s — obsession with how huge Barry Bonds’ body and head had gotten and released a tell-all book called Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big, in which he claimed that the majority of MLB players were on steroids. Since then, Canseco has generally been seen as a doofus who does silly things to maintain his celebrity and make relatively small amounts of money, such as participating in reality shows, claiming Madonna liked him more than he liked her and training for a mixed martial arts fight and then losing in 77 seconds. Canseco in the past few days has apparently attempted to rectify all his wrongs with a series of tweets aimed at schooling all the “morons” who don’t believe in global warming. It reads as a passionate, if grammatically flawed, cry for reason in the wake of the mass consumption and laziness that has led to the death of thousands of polar bears and, apparently, Al Gore. The following is a collection of the tweets, which have made quite an impression on the Twitter community, ranked in order of hilariousness. Be the first to receive future advice on world-changing lifestyle tips from Jose Canseco by following him @JoseCanseco.8. The tweet that got it all started — Canseco alerts the public that he is going to drop some serious knowledge about global warming the following day, likely using an aggressive tone. 7. While this tweet was certainly informative, the “reduce, reuse, recycle” motto has been known even by the laziest non-recyclers for a long time. The Playboy celebrity golf tournament reference is funny, though — classic Canseco. 6. “How do we stop global warming?” A relevant question, completely reasonable coming from someone like Canseco who probably doesn’t actually know the answer. 5. Here’s where Canseco starts really lashing into the skeptics, his frustration with mass consumption demonstrating a larger level of understanding of the issue, which likely surprised many readers. Canseco also introduces the concept of polar bears in this tweet, which is essential to later hilarity. 4. Ridiculously bad grammar aside, Canseco again makes a good point — in some countries families indeed share much less space than we use in America. The second reference to polar bears is really funny and for some reason unexpected. 3. Canseco in this tweet proves that he’s not going to let the issue of lazy, over-consuming humans fizzle out after a couple of liberal-esque polar bear references. Jose is now invoking the sacrifices of the pioneers, who didn’t use any electricity and just slept in flannel pajamas even when it was snowing. A pretty good point. 2. Jose Canseco thinks Al Gore is dead. 1. If Canseco is correct that lowering your body temperature at night will make you live 20-percent longer, then he’s probably well on his way to solving global warming. Energy savings aside, Canseco’s hope that he’ll live into his seventies rather than dying in some stupid way during the next 10 years is likely what led to this outburst of social consciousness.
 
 
by Jac Kern 01.24.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Goddam wind, Performances, Music, Movies at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Monday was President Barack Obama’s second inauguration or, as it will be remembered, Michelle Obama’s Bang-auguration or, perhaps, Beyonce-gate. I think we can all agree that most of the event was kind of coma-inducing, right Sasha? Between all the swearing-ins and speeches, frozen onlookers and viewers at home were treated to James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful” and (OK) Kelly Clarkson’s rendition of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” (meh). Richard Blanco became the first Hispanic and openly gay as well as the youngest Inauguration poet (pretty cool, I guess). Sadly, we didn’t get any true diva moments a la Aretha Franklin’s iconic hat game of 2009. Of course, not until Beyonce took the stage for the National Anthem. Editor’s Note: I really try to not constantly cover the Beyonce beat, but she keeps being fabulous every damn week. So Ms. Bey comes out with a chic black dress, emerald earrings and her weave on-point, and belted out a fabulous National Anthem with enough flair but not too much Christina Aguilerizing. Joe Biden was all over that shit. Because it wouldn’t be a true BK moment without a little drama, she ripped out her earpiece mid-way through, and just kept on going. Note to self: sporadically rip out earpieces more often in everyday life to show when I mean business. I’m not sure if anyone really knows what that move means, but within 24 hours of the Inauguration, everyone went from discussing Michelle’s bangs to accusing Beyonce of lip synching the performance. Blasphemy! Beyonphemy! Here’s a raw cut of her singing via Vanity Fair. It sounds like may be singing with a backing track, which I feel like is fair game when performing in front of a gigantic crowd. But if that’s lip-synching, Bey deserves an award. That’s the most convincing lip synching I’ve ever seen, and I was the first place winner for SharonFest’s 1999 “Puttin’ on the Hits” lip synch contest. Truth. From diva drama to sports scandals, Notre Damer Manti Te’o has been all over the news for the past week. I don’t follow sports closely enough to have known about Te’o and his epically tragic story of losing both his grandmother and girlfriend on Sept. 11, 2012 and then immediately hitting the field and leading the Irish to beat Michigan 20-3. But people love a good, sappy sports story, so I can understand why the story would get picked up by Sports Illustrated. This was back in fall 2012, and the story probably fell off most people's radar within a month or two. But Deadspin followed up on the story and, in this INSANE investigative piece, discovered that, basically, the “girlfriend” in question never existed, Te’o got catfished and was probably in on the whole thing. You've heard all about it on the news, but the details in the Deadspin story are absolutely cray. Our editor Danny is all about Jose Canseco’s unintentionally hilarious Twitter, but  Sammy Sosa is beginning to take the lead in the battle for the strangest social media accounts. Completely ignoring the fact that he’s got some kind of Vitiligo thing going on, Sammy’s Pinterest and Twitter are odd in their own respects. His Twitter info reads: "I am the real Sammy Sosa. I will always love baseball, but now I'm a businessman and entrepreneur." And it appears he responds to every tweet that so much as mentions his name. Over on Pinterest, a site used primarily by women to “pin” and share everything from recipes and DIY projects to fashion tips and fitness inspiration, Mr. Sosa has turned it into his personal portrait portfolio.   Yes, most of the images he’s pinned are photographs of himself posing around various office furniture. Each one is titled, “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I'm the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.” Every Thursday I watch Project Runway with my boyfriend Jeff and our friend John. The design competition (which now, thanks to Project Runway reboots, is always on in some capacity, every single week) is on Lifetime, certainly a female-targeted channel, as embarrassing as that may be for the female population. Additionally, I’d bet PR would draw mostly women on any channel, and one could tell be just the commercials alone. First off, every other ad is for Yoplait. The other half can be divided between Weigh Watchers, NuvaRing and Tampax. Really, what else does a modern woman need? Yahoo (via Bust) has the answer to this question: Controversial filmmaker Harmonie Korine‘s latest flick Spring Breakers finally has a trailer out and never before have you so seriously wanted to see a movie starring ex-Disney starlets and Kevin Federline. Somehow the Vice twins (NSFW) did not make the preview, but they do have a confirmed role in the film. Normally when a show gets a One Million Moms protest, I want to watch it even more, but I can officially say for the first time that I am agreement with these crazy bitches. Oxygen has pulled All My Babies’ Mamas, a reality show that was going to follow rapper Shawty Lo and the 11 kids he had with 10 different women. Though we’ll never get to see how the show turned out, it sounds like an extended version of the “Family Flavors” episode of Flavor of Love. On second thought, I kinda want to see it now… And since it’s my dream to be ?uestlove’s baby mama, here he is with Captian Kirk Douglas as Black Simon and Garfunkel on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
 
 

The Real History of #yeswecanseco

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Jose Canseco owes my friend Jarrett an apology and an audiobook.  The former Major League Baseball player/steroid user/reality TV weirdo last March posted a series of tweets aimed at schooli  
by Danny Cross 04.17.2012
Posted In: baseball at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
screen shot 2012-04-17 at 1.21.59 pm

Canseco: ‘Global Warming Could’ve Saved Titanic’

Former ballplayer says no icebergs = no shipwreck

When Jose Canseco last month offered his sincere concern over the world’s energy consumption and various global warming issues that have resulted, we at CityBeat were quick to report such thoughtful commentary. In a story titled “Ranking Jose Canseco’s Global Warming Tweets” we provided some background on the former Major League Baseball player/steroid user/author and recapped his series of hilarious tweets. Most of us believed that our immense enjoyment of Canseco’s socio-political commentary would be short-lived — after following him on Twitter for a few days we were offered only recaps of him winning long drive competitions and pleading with Major League clubs to sign him even though he’s 47. Then on Sunday something awesome happened. Apparently inspired by the recent release of Titanic 3D, Canseco in fewer than 144 characters again blew everyone’s minds: “Titanic 100 years wOw. Global warming couldve saved titanic. Sad to say.” Canseco was prompted by skeptics to elaborate: “Because we don't recycle and consume like crazy icicles are non existent. Titanic wouldve still existed today," he wrote. He then showed frustration with the people who didn’t understand the irony he was describing: “You clowns it's very simple. With global warning the weather is hotter so the icebergs would be melted and titanic saved.” Skeptics satisfied, Canseco went back to blasting our wasteful lifestyles: “100 years ago people actually cared about planet and respected nature. Now we can care less and consume energy like it's free.” And then, for good measure, he offered a couple slices of personality that prove follow Jose Canseco on Twitter will continue to be a worthwhile endeavor, political activism or not: “Titanic reminds me of the days I had two yachts in Miami but no icicles" and “I had a bat I named Titanic .It was biggest rawlings ever made and beautiful and unbreakable dont know where Titanic is now.” It’s good to know that influential people like Jose Canseco are taking on such causes, even after learning that Al Gore is not dead. Hug 4 u, Jose.
 
 

March 28-April 3: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 4, 2012
We at CityBeat try hard to maintain high journalistic standards, as evidenced by last week’s internal editing debate over whether a freelancer who used the word “shit” was literally referencing “feces” or “stuff” (turns out it was poo).  

Another Seven Days of New Rules and Old Inmates

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Three years ago Jose Canseco wrote a book about all the steroid use that took place in baseball during the 1990s and early 2000s, but everyone in the sports world said, "Shut up Canseco, you suck!" Now the former Bash Brother, who admitted to using steroids and sticking needles in other players' butts during his entire career, would like an apology from everyone who didn’t believe him.  

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