by Danny Cross
Posted In: baseball
at 02:28 PM | Permalink
Former MLB meathead goes ROFL on Twitter
Former Major League
Baseball player Jose Canseco doesn’t have the best image. After
breaking into the majors as a super fast, freaky power hitter with
the Oakland A’s and winning a World Series with his fellow Bash
Brother/performance-enhancing-drug-user Mark McGwire, Canseco’s career and reputation were marred by injuries and a series of embarrassing
moments on and off the field.
In 1992, Canseco was
traded to another team while he was in the on-deck circle waiting to
bat. In 1993, a fly ball bounced off his head and over the fence for
a home run — This Week In Baseball in 1998 named the incident the
greatest blooper of the show’s first 20-plus years. Canseco then
asked his manager to pitch in a game even though he was an
outfielder, which resulted in an elbow injury that required surgery.
During the PED witch
hunt of the early 2000s, Canseco apparently took exception to MLB’s
— and the media’s — obsession with how huge Barry Bonds’ body
and head had gotten and released a tell-all book called Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big, in which he claimed that the majority of MLB players were on steroids. Since then, Canseco has
generally been seen as a doofus who does silly things to maintain his
celebrity and make relatively small amounts of money, such as
participating in reality shows, claiming Madonna liked him more than
he liked her and training for a mixed martial arts fight and then losing in 77 seconds.
Canseco in the
past few days has apparently attempted to rectify all his wrongs with a series
of tweets aimed at schooling all the “morons” who don’t believe
in global warming. It reads as a passionate, if grammatically flawed, cry for reason in the wake of the mass consumption and
laziness that has led to the death of thousands of polar bears and,
apparently, Al Gore.
The following is a
collection of the tweets, which have made quite an impression on the
Twitter community, ranked in order of hilariousness. Be the first to receive future advice on world-changing lifestyle tips from Jose Canseco by following him @JoseCanseco.8. The tweet that got
it all started — Canseco alerts the public that he is going to drop some serious
knowledge about global warming the following day, likely using an
7. While this tweet was
certainly informative, the “reduce, reuse, recycle” motto has
been known even by the laziest non-recyclers for a long time. The
Playboy celebrity golf tournament reference is funny, though — classic Canseco.
6. “How do we stop
global warming?” A relevant question, completely reasonable coming
from someone like Canseco who probably doesn’t actually know the
5. Here’s where
Canseco starts really lashing into the skeptics, his frustration with
mass consumption demonstrating a larger level of understanding of the
issue, which likely surprised many readers. Canseco also introduces
the concept of polar bears in this tweet, which is essential to later
4. Ridiculously bad
grammar aside, Canseco again makes a good point — in some countries
families indeed share much less space than we use in America. The
second reference to polar bears is really funny and for some reason unexpected.
3. Canseco in this
tweet proves that he’s not going to let the issue of lazy,
over-consuming humans fizzle out after a couple of liberal-esque polar bear
references. Jose is now invoking the sacrifices of the pioneers, who
didn’t use any electricity and just slept in flannel pajamas even
when it was snowing. A pretty good point.
2. Jose Canseco thinks
Al Gore is dead.
1. If Canseco is
correct that lowering your body temperature at night will make you
live 20-percent longer, then he’s probably well on his way to
solving global warming. Energy savings aside, Canseco’s hope that
he’ll live into his seventies rather than dying in some stupid way
during the next 10 years is likely what led to this outburst of
by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
President Barack Obama’s second inauguration or, as it will be remembered,
Michelle Obama’s Bang-auguration
or, perhaps, Beyonce-gate.
I think we can all
agree that most of the event was kind of coma-inducing, right Sasha?
Between all the
swearing-ins and speeches, frozen onlookers and viewers at home were treated to
James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful” and (OK) Kelly Clarkson’s
rendition of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” (meh). Richard Blanco became the first
Hispanic and openly gay as well as the youngest Inauguration poet (pretty cool,
I guess). Sadly, we didn’t get any true diva moments a la Aretha Franklin’s
iconic hat game
of 2009. Of course, not until Beyonce
took the stage for the National Anthem.
Editor’s Note: I really try to not constantly cover
the Beyonce beat, but she keeps being fabulous every damn week.
So Ms. Bey comes
out with a chic black dress, emerald earrings and her weave on-point, and belted out a fabulous National Anthem with enough flair but not too much
Christina Aguilerizing. Joe Biden was all over that shit.
wouldn’t be a true BK moment without a little drama, she ripped out her
earpiece mid-way through, and just kept on going. Note to self: sporadically
rip out earpieces more often in everyday life to show when I mean business. I’m
not sure if anyone really knows what that move means, but within 24 hours of
the Inauguration, everyone went from discussing Michelle’s bangs to accusing
Beyonce of lip synching the performance. Blasphemy! Beyonphemy!
Here’s a raw cut
of her singing via Vanity Fair.
It sounds like may
be singing with a backing track, which I feel like is fair game when performing
in front of a gigantic crowd. But if that’s lip-synching, Bey deserves an
award. That’s the most convincing lip synching I’ve ever seen, and I was the
first place winner for SharonFest’s 1999 “Puttin’ on the Hits” lip synch contest.
From diva drama to
sports scandals, Notre Damer Manti Te’o has been all over the news for the past
week. I don’t follow sports closely enough to have known about Te’o and his
epically tragic story of losing both his grandmother and girlfriend on Sept. 11, 2012 and then immediately hitting the
field and leading the Irish to beat Michigan 20-3. But people love a good,
sappy sports story, so I can understand why the story would get picked
up by Sports Illustrated. This was back in fall 2012, and the story probably
fell off most people's radar within a month or two. But Deadspin
followed up on the story and, in this INSANE investigative piece, discovered that, basically, the “girlfriend” in question never existed,
Te’o got catfished and was probably in on the whole thing. You've heard all about it on the news, but the details in the Deadspin story are absolutely cray.
Our editor Danny
is all about Jose Canseco’s unintentionally hilarious Twitter, but Sammy Sosa is beginning to take the lead in
the battle for the strangest social media accounts. Completely ignoring the
fact that he’s got some kind of Vitiligo thing going on, Sammy’s
Pinterest and Twitter are odd in their own respects. His Twitter info reads: "I
am the real Sammy Sosa. I will always love baseball, but now I'm a businessman
and entrepreneur." And it appears he responds to every tweet that so much as
mentions his name. Over on Pinterest, a site used primarily by women to “pin” and share everything
from recipes and DIY projects to fashion tips and fitness inspiration, Mr. Sosa
has turned it into his personal portrait portfolio.
Yes, most of the images he’s
pinned are photographs of himself posing around various office furniture. Each one is titled, “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I'm the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.”
Every Thursday I
watch Project Runway with my
boyfriend Jeff and our friend John. The design competition (which now, thanks
to Project Runway reboots, is always
on in some capacity, every single week) is on Lifetime, certainly a
female-targeted channel, as embarrassing as that may be for the female population. Additionally, I’d bet PR would draw mostly women on any
channel, and one could tell be just the commercials alone. First off, every
other ad is for Yoplait. The other half can be divided between Weigh Watchers, NuvaRing
and Tampax. Really, what else does a modern woman need? Yahoo (via Bust) has
the answer to this question:
Harmonie Korine‘s latest flick Spring Breakers finally has a trailer out and
never before have you so seriously wanted to see a movie starring ex-Disney starlets and Kevin Federline.
Somehow the Vice
(NSFW) did not make the preview, but they do have a confirmed role in the film.
Normally when a
show gets a One Million Moms protest, I want to watch it even more, but I can officially say for the first
time that I am agreement with these crazy bitches. Oxygen has pulled All My Babies’ Mamas, a reality show that was going to follow rapper Shawty
Lo and the 11 kids he had with 10 different women. Though we’ll never get to
see how the show turned out, it sounds like an extended version of the “Family
Flavors” episode of Flavor of Love. On second
thought, I kinda want to see it now…
And since it’s my
dream to be ?uestlove’s baby mama, here he is with Captian Kirk Douglas as Black
Simon and Garfunkel on Late Night with Jimmy
0 Comments · Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Jose Canseco owes my friend Jarrett an apology and an audiobook.
The former Major League Baseball
player/steroid user/reality TV weirdo last March posted a series of
tweets aimed at schooli
by Danny Cross
Posted In: baseball
at 12:13 PM | Permalink
Former ballplayer says no icebergs = no shipwreck
When Jose Canseco last
month offered his sincere concern over the world’s energy
consumption and various global warming issues that have resulted, we at
CityBeat were quick to report such thoughtful commentary. In a story
titled “Ranking Jose Canseco’s Global Warming Tweets” we
provided some background on the former Major League Baseball
player/steroid user/author and recapped his series of
Most of us believed
that our immense enjoyment of Canseco’s socio-political commentary
would be short-lived — after following him on Twitter for a few
days we were offered only recaps of him winning long drive
competitions and pleading with Major League clubs to sign
him even though he’s 47.
Then on Sunday
something awesome happened. Apparently inspired by the recent release of
Titanic 3D, Canseco in fewer than 144 characters again blew everyone’s
minds: “Titanic 100 years wOw. Global warming couldve saved
titanic. Sad to say.”
Canseco was prompted by skeptics to elaborate: “Because we don't recycle and consume
like crazy icicles are non existent. Titanic wouldve still existed
today," he wrote.
He then showed frustration with the people who didn’t understand the irony he was describing: “You
clowns it's very simple. With global warning the weather is hotter so
the icebergs would be melted and titanic saved.”
Canseco went back to blasting our wasteful lifestyles: “100 years
ago people actually cared about planet and respected nature. Now we
can care less and consume energy like it's free.”
And then, for good
measure, he offered a couple slices of personality that prove follow Jose Canseco on Twitter will continue to be a worthwhile endeavor, political activism or not: “Titanic
reminds me of the days I had two yachts in Miami but no icicles" and “I had a bat I named Titanic .It was biggest rawlings ever made
and beautiful and unbreakable dont know where Titanic is now.”
It’s good to know
that influential people like Jose Canseco are taking on such causes,
even after learning that Al Gore is not dead. Hug 4 u, Jose.
0 Comments · Wednesday, April 4, 2012
We at CityBeat try hard to
maintain high journalistic standards, as evidenced by last week’s
internal editing debate over whether a freelancer who used the word
“shit” was literally referencing “feces” or “stuff” (turns out it was
0 Comments · Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Three years ago Jose Canseco wrote a book about all the steroid use that took place in baseball during the 1990s and early 2000s, but everyone in the sports world said, "Shut up Canseco, you suck!" Now the former Bash Brother, who admitted to using steroids and sticking needles in other players' butts during his entire career, would like an apology from everyone who didn’t believe him.