by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
One good thing about Halloween falling on a Thursday is that we get two
weekends of celebrity costumes to dissect.
Heidi Klum always pulls out the stops for Halloween, hosting a major
bash every year. And her costumes are always over-the-top. This year is no
different, though Heidi wasn’t dressed in a crazy cyborg suit or a scary Kali
goddess getup — Ms. Project Runway was
unrecognizable as an old ass lady!
a 15 percent chance this is actually just Heidi Klum after a week with no Botox,
green juice or airbrush artists.
There are essentially three categories in which Halloween costumes fall:
“sexy” costumes, offensive costumes and pop culture costumes. As Julianne Hough
proved with her Orange Is the New Black-face
ensemble, it’s typical for costume categories to overlap. Here are
my fave star costumes of the year, which happen to all be celebs dressed as
other celebs. #meta
Miley as Lil' Kim
Honey Boo Boo family as the Kardashian Klan
Ellen as Nicki Minaj
Jenny McCarthy as Miley’s moufSo apparently "funeral selfies" are a goddam thing – Bust, The
Jezebel and others are all talking about the trend this week. Some people argue that kids of the digital age
don’t know how to express their feelings except by documenting every passing
moment — no matter how somber — on social media. This is just the modern way of
grieving! Which actually make sense because, come to think of it, when I went
to a funeral as a young teen, all the kids would snap self-portraits in church
with disposable cameras, run to Walgreen’s afterward and then scan them to our
LiveJournal pages — hashtags just weren’t invented yet! Oh wait, none of that
actually happened because that’s fucking strange behavior no matter your generation.
Guy Fieri né
FERRY is all over the news this week. The intolerable TV “chef” got into a
recorded altercation with his drunk hairdresser who had just gotten sloshed on a plane
(taking them to Flavortown, I presume).
Fighting is never the answer, children, but who wouldn’t want to beat
down the person responsible for basing a real hairstyle......off of a hat primarily
given as a gag gift:
“Flaming Flair Hair Visor,” not the
actual scalped head of Guy Fieri
Two days after the cat fight, the King of Donkey Sauce found himself in court
testifying against the man who allegedly stole his neon yellow Lamborghini (which is
equally as obnoxious as Guy himself), resulting in one of the best trial sketches of all time.
From one example of tragically iconic headwear to another, Limp Bizkit’s
Fred Durst is working on a CW show about his life. The only way this could
possibly come to fruition is if the CW audience of 12-19-year-olds watch out of ignorance ("What's a limp biscuit?").
If you ever want to make a ridiculous childhood dream come true, you should
probably move to China, where all weirdly wonderful things happen. Latest
example: Shanghai’s Kerry Hotel recently installed the world’s largest ball pit
— an empty swimming pool full of ONE MILLION brightly colored plastic balls.
While the child in me is ready to cannon ball into this vast abyss of
happiness, my realistic adult side can only assume there are exponentially more
snakes, dead rats
and petrified diapers at the bottom than regular ball pits…
Everyone wants to be like the “cool kids.” It’s the reason many people
pick up smoking, get tattoos or experience really bad spray tans — to emulate
some super hip senior in school. So it goes without saying that Harrison Ford
is a perpetual cool kid. When Ford appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to chat about Ender’s Game, Fallon was captivated by Ford’s cool grandpa pierced
ear. So captivated, in fact, that he allowed Ford to pierce his own. In front
of a live audience. FOR REAL. From
Ford’s piercing procedure to his choice of jewelry, the result was TV gold.
Ali G is back! Sacha Baron Cohen is reviving his original character for the
new network FXX. The channel will air old episodes with new material (intros to
skits — not full new episodes, though) in February 2014. Respek.
This week in Craigslist Perfection: Local Edition — Are you a tall,
handsome man who works at or frequents the Northside Tavern? Your great-great granddaughter
has traveled from the future to meet you. Details here.
by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
At the risk of
inducing widespread PTSD flashbacks, I invite everyone to recall 2011’s
Internet Public Enemy No. 1, Rebecca Black. The teen, who is probably a decent
human undeserving of worldwide hatred, assaulted eardrums on a massive scale
with her music video gone viral, “Friday.” The worst realization to come out of
Friday-gate wasn’t the sorry state of the music industry or even the online bullying Black faced,
but the fact that, apparently, rich people will throw a few thousand dollars at
a greedy producer to create a shitty song and music video for their marginally
and songwriter Patrice Wilson was one of the driving forces behind “Friday” and
if you wanted to give his work another chance, you’re in luck. He worked with
Nicole Westbrook to record a song not about one day of the week (that’s so 2011),
but one day of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Thanksgiving.
Kraft Mac-n-Cheese – AY! Stove Top stuffing – AY! We
one-percenters should have better food than this.
While we’re on the
topic of social phenomena ripe for mockery, it’s fitting to recognize Food
Network’s Guy Fieri (Real Name: Guy Ferry. Yeah, douchebag status: confirmed)
who recently opened a new restaurant in New York City. It seems most people
either love or hate Guy. He co-owns five California restaurants and hosts the
popular Diners, Drive-ins and Dives,
on which he travels the country highlighting off-the-beaten-path chow-down
spots — so, clearly he’s got some fans out there. Others are a bit turned off
by his labored “Rock-N-Roll” façade, his annoying catchphrases
and his penchant for bowling shirts. I can’t trust a man who purposefully styles
his hair like a goofy visor hat from Cappel’s,
and apparently New York Times’ Pete Wells isn’t a fan either. In his Nov. 13 take-down piece on the new Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar in Times Square, Wells completely ripped
the joint apart limb from tribal tattooed limb. While any attempt to seriously
review what sounds like a black hole for overweight tourists would probably
prove futile, I feel Wells could have been a bit more creative in his blasting
of Fieri. Guy’s an easy target, so why go with the cliched “Dear Guy,” letter
format, punctuated by a series of overly sarcastic questions? At this point I’m
waiting for a cynical review of Wells’ review (please tweet any findings to
@jackern), but I have to hand it to the reviewer for this service assessment
that made me choke on my morning coffee: “The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a
real restaurant.” Find the full story here.
Fans got a first
look at Brad Pitt zombie action flick World
War Z last week. The film, based on Max Brooks’ 2006 novel of the same
name, may stray farther from the text than fans have hoped, judging by the
(Though it’s important to note how
deceiving these first looks can be). The book reflects on a worldwide war on
zombies after the fact, using interviews with survivors to paint the terrifying
picture, whereas the film appears to be a straight-up zombie movie. However it
turns out, zombie purists beware: These may be the quickest and most agile
last week’s election, gay marriage is now legal nine states. It’s a great feat
for equality, but we’ve got a long way to go. In fact, gays across America have
given straight, conservative men an ultimatum: Vote to legalize same-sex
marriage, or they will marry the crap out of your girlfriends.
Portlandia, the hilarious sketch comedy
spoofing counter-culture trends, returns to IFC Jan. 4. The show stars SNL’s
Fred Armisen and Sleater-Kinney/Wild Flag guitarist-singer Carrie Brownstein — quite possibly my
favorite non-romantic duo — in a series of timely skits about the hipster sect
of popular culture. All the good little boys and girls of Oregon and beyond can
get an early sampling of the two with the “Winter in Portlandia”
holiday special on Dec. 14. Fans will see Peter and Nance go low-carb to stave
off winter blubber and meet Candace’s son as he swings by Women and Women First
during his holiday visit.
Here’s the first skit from the
upcoming third season: