WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Jac Kern 11.06.2013
Posted In: Humor, Holidays, TV/Celebrity at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

One good thing about Halloween falling on a Thursday is that we get two weekends of celebrity costumes to dissect. Heidi Klum always pulls out the stops for Halloween, hosting a major bash every year. And her costumes are always over-the-top. This year is no different, though Heidi wasn’t dressed in a crazy cyborg suit or a scary Kali goddess getup — Ms. Project Runway was unrecognizable as an old ass lady! There’s a 15 percent chance this is actually just Heidi Klum after a week with no Botox, green juice or airbrush artists. There are essentially three categories in which Halloween costumes fall: “sexy” costumes, offensive costumes and pop culture costumes. As Julianne Hough proved with her Orange Is the New Black-face ensemble, it’s typical for costume categories to overlap. Here are my fave star costumes of the year, which happen to all be celebs dressed as other celebs. #meta Miley as Lil' Kim                                                    Honey Boo Boo family as the Kardashian Klan                                                                        Ellen as Nicki Minaj Jenny McCarthy as Miley’s moufSo apparently "funeral selfies" are a goddam thing – Bust, The Atlantic, Jezebel and others are all talking about the trend this week. Some people argue that kids of the digital age don’t know how to express their feelings except by documenting every passing moment — no matter how somber — on social media. This is just the modern way of grieving! Which actually make sense because, come to think of it, when I went to a funeral as a young teen, all the kids would snap self-portraits in church with disposable cameras, run to Walgreen’s afterward and then scan them to our LiveJournal pages — hashtags just weren’t invented yet! Oh wait, none of that actually happened because that’s fucking strange behavior no matter your generation. Guy Fieri né FERRY is all over the news this week. The intolerable TV “chef” got into a recorded altercation with his drunk hairdresser who had just gotten sloshed on a plane (taking them to Flavortown, I presume). Fighting is never the answer, children, but who wouldn’t want to beat down the person responsible for basing a real hairstyle......off of a hat primarily given as a gag gift: Pictured: “Flaming Flair Hair Visor,” not the actual scalped head of Guy Fieri Two days after the cat fight, the King of Donkey Sauce found himself in court testifying against the man who allegedly stole his neon yellow Lamborghini (which is equally as obnoxious as Guy himself), resulting in one of the best trial sketches of all time. From one example of tragically iconic headwear to another, Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst is working on a CW show about his life. The only way this could possibly come to fruition is if the CW audience of 12-19-year-olds watch out of ignorance ("What's a limp biscuit?"). If you ever want to make a ridiculous childhood dream come true, you should probably move to China, where all weirdly wonderful things happen. Latest example: Shanghai’s Kerry Hotel recently installed the world’s largest ball pit — an empty swimming pool full of ONE MILLION brightly colored plastic balls. While the child in me is ready to cannon ball into this vast abyss of happiness, my realistic adult side can only assume there are exponentially more snakes, dead rats and petrified diapers at the bottom than regular ball pits… Everyone wants to be like the “cool kids.” It’s the reason many people pick up smoking, get tattoos or experience really bad spray tans — to emulate some super hip senior in school. So it goes without saying that Harrison Ford is a perpetual cool kid. When Ford appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to chat about Ender’s Game, Fallon was captivated by Ford’s cool grandpa pierced ear. So captivated, in fact, that he allowed Ford to pierce his own. In front of a live audience. FOR REAL. From Ford’s piercing procedure to his choice of jewelry, the result was TV gold. Da Ali G is back! Sacha Baron Cohen is reviving his original character for the new network FXX. The channel will air old episodes with new material (intros to skits — not full new episodes, though) in February 2014. Respek. This week in Craigslist Perfection: Local Edition — Are you a tall, handsome man who works at or frequents the Northside Tavern? Your great-great granddaughter has traveled from the future to meet you. Details here.
 
 
by Jac Kern 11.14.2012
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Culture, Movies at 02:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

At the risk of inducing widespread PTSD flashbacks, I invite everyone to recall 2011’s Internet Public Enemy No. 1, Rebecca Black. The teen, who is probably a decent human undeserving of worldwide hatred, assaulted eardrums on a massive scale with her music video gone viral, “Friday.” The worst realization to come out of Friday-gate wasn’t the sorry state of the music industry or even the online bullying Black faced, but the fact that, apparently, rich people will throw a few thousand dollars at a greedy producer to create a shitty song and music video for their marginally talented child. Record producer and songwriter Patrice Wilson was one of the driving forces behind “Friday” and if you wanted to give his work another chance, you’re in luck. He worked with Nicole Westbrook to record a song not about one day of the week (that’s so 2011), but one day of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Thanksgiving. Kraft Mac-n-Cheese – AY! Stove Top stuffing – AY! We one-percenters should have better food than this. While we’re on the topic of social phenomena ripe for mockery, it’s fitting to recognize Food Network’s Guy Fieri (Real Name: Guy Ferry. Yeah, douchebag status: confirmed) who recently opened a new restaurant in New York City. It seems most people either love or hate Guy. He co-owns five California restaurants and hosts the popular Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, on which he travels the country highlighting off-the-beaten-path chow-down spots — so, clearly he’s got some fans out there. Others are a bit turned off by his labored “Rock-N-Roll” façade, his annoying catchphrases and his penchant for bowling shirts. I can’t trust a man who purposefully styles his hair like a goofy visor hat from Cappel’s, and apparently New York Times’ Pete Wells isn’t a fan either. In his Nov. 13 take-down piece on the new Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar in Times Square, Wells completely ripped the joint apart limb from tribal tattooed limb. While any attempt to seriously review what sounds like a black hole for overweight tourists would probably prove futile, I feel Wells could have been a bit more creative in his blasting of Fieri. Guy’s an easy target, so why go with the cliched “Dear Guy,” letter format, punctuated by a series of overly sarcastic questions? At this point I’m waiting for a cynical review of Wells’ review (please tweet any findings to @jackern), but I have to hand it to the reviewer for this service assessment that made me choke on my morning coffee: “The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant.” Find the full story here. Fans got a first look at Brad Pitt zombie action flick World War Z last week. The film, based on Max Brooks’ 2006 novel of the same name, may stray farther from the text than fans have hoped, judging by the trailer. (Though it’s important to note how deceiving these first looks can be). The book reflects on a worldwide war on zombies after the fact, using interviews with survivors to paint the terrifying picture, whereas the film appears to be a straight-up zombie movie. However it turns out, zombie purists beware: These may be the quickest and most agile undead yet. After last week’s election, gay marriage is now legal nine states. It’s a great feat for equality, but we’ve got a long way to go. In fact, gays across America have given straight, conservative men an ultimatum: Vote to legalize same-sex marriage, or they will marry the crap out of your girlfriends. Portlandia, the hilarious sketch comedy spoofing counter-culture trends, returns to IFC Jan. 4. The show stars SNL’s Fred Armisen and Sleater-Kinney/Wild Flag guitarist-singer Carrie Brownstein — quite possibly my favorite non-romantic duo — in a series of timely skits about the hipster sect of popular culture. All the good little boys and girls of Oregon and beyond can get an early sampling of the two with the “Winter in Portlandia” holiday special on Dec. 14. Fans will see Peter and Nance go low-carb to stave off winter blubber and meet Candace’s son as he swings by Women and Women First during his holiday visit. Here’s the first skit from the upcoming third season:
 
 

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