WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Jac Kern 02.12.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Comedy at 04:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
archer

I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Some believe that thousands of years from now, when people examine the things we post and share on the Internet (the horror!), our collective obsession with cat photos will mimic the Egyptians' feline-friendly hieroglyphics. While I’d hate to see this century remembered for I Can Has Cheezburger, our cat fancy cannot be denied. Further proof: Monopoly is replacing its iron piece (who knows what those are anymore, anyway?!) with a cat. Most Archer fans know the voices behind their favorite ISIS staffers, but Vulture found the real-life inspiration for each animated character. How much tail do you think Sterling doppelganger Jason Fitzgerald is getting? Snowstorm Nemo rocked the Northeast last week, and we all know what that means for grocery stores: Is eye-posuction a thing? Lil’ Kim debuted her latest face recently, and homegirl doesn’t even look like the same species (perhaps she’s just another feline worshipper?). I’m sure I’d do a lot of fucked up stuff to myself if I was a badass millionaire rapper, but go under the knife to this point? I think not. What happened to our demure, pasty-sporting, natural beauty? Another day, another reinterpretation of Disney princesses. People can’t get enough of that shit! Bust recently featured artist Yudi Chen’s awesome male versions of classic princesses, including “Cinderfella,” “The Little Merman” and a bearded Rapunzel. One of the most annoying aspects of Facebook (and damn is that saying something) is getting its own television incarnation — Farmville: the TV show (via Videogum). Who could forget Sweet Brown, the 2012 Internet sensation from Oklahoma City, Okla. whose spirited news interview post-apartment fire went viral? You may know her from the “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That” meme. Few surpass meme status, but Sweet Brown booked herself a dentist commercial! Via Dlisted: If you’re an Always Sunny fan, you know all about the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, Dennis Reynold’s method for luring and abandoning women, aka “erotic conquests.” Find your own system for torturing romantic pursuits here. This is mine: J - Justify Approach A - Accept Fault C - Cry Together Q - Quality Time U - Unexpected Action E - Engage Physically L - Lend Money I - Inspire Hope N - Nurture Dependence E - End Relationship Just in time for Valentine’s Day! (Thanks, Hannah!) An Internet hacker known as Guccifer recently published photos and “sensitive correspondence” from the Bush family, including both former presidents. The most interesting find? Evidence of Dubya’s interest in the arts. Via The Smoking Gun: Yes, this appears to be a self-portrait of GWB in the shower. All together now: Bush-hacked! Now, look at all this stuff fitting perfectly into unrelated stuff: http://thingsfittingperfectlyintothings.tumblr.com/
 
 

Sept. 14-20: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, September 21, 2011
If you were to drive north on I-75 toward Monroe during the past year, it’s likely that you noticed something missing along the way: highway expansion projects (check), multiple TGI Fridays locations (yup), anatomically correct horse statue (still there), giant Jesus statue signaling a touchdown in football (dude, where’d it go?!?). That’s because Touchdown Jesus was smote by god last year.  

Make Sure You’re Happy Enough, Or Else

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 4, 2011
As the news slowly spread of Osama bin Laden's death, a crowd spontaneously gathered in front of the White House. “How nice,” I thought initially. Many of us sought out each other for comfort on the day of the 9/11 attacks nearly a decade ago, so it’s fitting we also share the capture of the plot’s mastermind. My sense of satisfaction, however, soon turned to nagging discomfort as the crowd began smiling, waving flags, dancing and chanting, “USA, USA!” For good measure, they also sang lyrics from the old 1969 Pop song “Na, Na, Hey, Hey, Kiss Him Goodbye.”  

Another Seven Days of Cigarette Taxes and Bathroom Breaks

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 25, 2009
George W. Bush made some pretty important decisions in office: how to respond to 9/11, when to invade Iraq, how often to let Scooter Libby watch 'Ally McBeal' on TV. But we're about to learn a lot more about GW's thought process through his new book, 'Decision Points.' But those close to Bush say the publisher has cut out all the parts where he made decisions based on whether a TV commercial was for a sex hotline or a flavored alcoholic beverage, which leaves out most of 2002.  

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