by Jac Kern
at 09:54 AM | Permalink
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
Britney Spears’ infectious single “Work Bitch” has the singer using a
Madonna-esque faux accent to bring the Jesse Pinkman-inspired message
that if you want the finer things in life (a Lamborghini, martinis, to look hot
in a bikini, etc.), they won’t just be handed to you. You better work for it.
Bitch. But just how much work would it take to purchase the items Brit lists
off in the song? MTV investigates.
Based on national average salary of $43,000, it would take us regular
folk 52 years of work to buy a 2013 Bugatti Veyron (which runs more than $2
million). You want a Maseratti? You better work — for nearly three years to
flip that six-figure bill. Martinis and bikinis are generally much more
affordable, unless you’re looking to the Diamond is Forever cocktail sold at
the Tokyo Ritz-Carlton. This $18,241 Grey Goose martini is served with a
1-carat diamond garnish.
Check out the “Work Bitch” video below, which is basically just shots of B.
Spears in a desert, leaning on things and
continuing to rock the black jazz pant like it’s 1997. Homegirl should have
taken her own advice — I find myself screaming the chorus at her for the lazy dancing!
Apparently Charlie Hunnam values Jax over Christian
(as he damn well should) — the British actor has backed out on his Fifty Shades of Grey role due to
“scheduling conflicts.” Fans who want to see him sexin’ it up or flexing his
butt cheeks can just continue watching Sons
of Anarchy and old Queer as Folk
What to Japanese children, Peter Griffin and Always Sunny have in common? They’re all featured in this amazing
and unexplainable video.
So this is what all our friends who go overseas to “teach English” are
really up to…
Elizabeth Berkley can probably never adequately express her excitement
over anything. After all, her caffeine pill-fueled breakdown as Jessie Spano on
Saved By the Bell is immortalized for
all time. “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so — SCARED!”
We’ve seen it a million times. But Berkley doesn’t shy away from this meme-like
scene from a show she starred in 20 years ago. She embraces it.
Berkley is competing on the current (and 17th?!) season of Dancing With the Stars and it’s no
surprise that she’s got killer moves — who hasn’t
seen her dance her tits off in Showgirls?
But it was quite a surprise when she and partner Val Chmerkovskiy took viewers through
an ‘80s time warp by reprising that iconic scene and dancing to the Pointer
Sisters' hit. Get it, Jessie!
Rapper’s Real Name or Republican Congressman? Test your knowledge now!
The dream team behind viral music videos “Friday”
and “It’s Thanksgiving”
have unleashed another extremely literal
Auto-Tune-heavy “song” to crawl into your ears and take up residence in your brain. Highly
respected producer Patrice Wilson strays from the topic of specific days his latest pre-teen ditty,
“Chinese Food.” (Though he continues his trend of showing up in animal costume,
which is not at all disconcerting). Alison Gold’s video is simple — it’s just a
song about a girl and her love of beautiful chow muh-muh-muh-muh-mein.
Wilson must be in on the ridiculousness because he also produced Jimmy
Kimmel’s hilarious spoof video, “Sausage Party.”
Hate all you want, but you know dude is probably too busy Scrooge McDucking
his piles of cash to care.
by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
Back-to-school shopping was always pretty fun as a kid, but for child
divas of the ‘80s and ‘90s, Lisa Frank made school supplies more than just
educational basics — they were Technicolor accessories you were allowed to bring
to school! Lisa Frank produced folders, posters, backpacks, pencils, notebooks
and other craft and school supplies in the ‘80s and ‘90s that featured vibrant,
colorful characters. It's like a child-friendly acid trip come to life. As The Atlantic
reveals below, Lisa Frank is actually a real person and, despite the fact that
she is a very private person, she recently gave a brief promotional interview
after Urban Outfitters bought her vintage stock. Check it out, take the hand of
a rainbow tuxedoed panda and walk down memory lane (and look out for a young Mila Kunis!) as you peek into Lisa Frank
Today, as Americans and people across the world remember 9/11, concerned about
a possible war between the United States and Syria, young people are left with
one question: What rhymes with hug me? Yes, Robin Thicke's “Blurred Lines,” the song version
of that friend who was really fun at a party but doesn't know when to throw the towel in and call a cab, features plenty of questionable lyrics, but "You wanna hug me/What
rhymes with hug me" has turned the average Top 40 listener into a regular
What does rhyme with “hug me?!”
Thankfully, the WRWHM
lyric generator is here to help, with a variety of fun options. Unfortunately,
if you’re a rhyme Nazi like myself, you’ll be disappointed to find many non-rhyming
examples, similar to the assumed "fuck me" in the song. (He's
inferring "fuck me," right? Right?!)
Fifty Shades of Grey, the Twilight fan fiction that made it OK for women to openly read
shitty romance novels again (thank god!), has been on its way to the silver
screen for a while now. All the while, fans have been speculating who would
portray the book’s main characters, particularly the BDSM-loving Christian
Grey. Well, wait no more, horny moms — Sons of
Anarchy’s Charlie Hunnam will soon be the recipient of endless deliveries
of cable ties and Lane Bryant panties, as he is officially the face of Mr. Grey. I guess this is a good move for him because every human with a
vagina will throw their dollars and undies at anything Shades, but Jax Teller? Really? Taking on the role of Grey’s
girl, Ana, is Dakota Johnson, daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, who
I’ve referred to as “the Stanford girl who slept with Justin Timberlake in The Social Network” more than once. Here
are some peeps
who turned down the roles.
Four years ago, Mac from Always
Sunny (in Season Five’s “The World Series Defense”) wrote a very emotional,
sticker-filled letter to Philadelphia Phillies’ second baseman Chase Utley. It’s been
a long wait, but Utley finally responded.
Ever want to watch celebrities recount their first sexual encounters to
your favorite Full House heartthrob?
I know, you’ve been waiting for years. Finally, here’s Losing It With John Stamos.
Australian comedian Chris Lilley is back with a new project featuring
one of fans’ favorite characters. For those unfamiliar with the comic chameleon that
is Lilley, cancel all of your plans, log onto HBO Go (or borrow someone’s account)
and watch Summer Heights High and Angry Boys (Lilley’s first series, We Can Be Heroes, is not available to
stream anywhere as far as I can tell, but you should buy that shit if you can find it). Lilley
makes these amazing mockumentary-style series in which he plays multiple
characters, often different genders, ages and nationalities, and he does so in
a way that is so realistic, poignant, raw and hilarious, you’d really have to
think twice before calling it “drag” or “blackface” — he becomes these characters.
In Lilley’s upcoming series, he will reprise his role of Ja’mie King,
prissy bitch supreme featured in WCBH and
SHS. Ja'mie: Private School Girl
will debut on HBO Nov. 24.
Please enjoy this Ja’mie mash-up, you fugly povos.
And as we welcome on new series, we say goodbye to another: True Blood will end
after its seventh season next summer.
Bon Temps better go out with a bang. And by bang, I mean a barrage of full-frontals (Spoilers!).