WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 
by Jac Kern 10.16.2013
at 09:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Britney Spears’ infectious single “Work Bitch” has the singer using a Madonna-esque faux accent to bring the Jesse Pinkman-inspired message that if you want the finer things in life (a Lamborghini, martinis, to look hot in a bikini, etc.), they won’t just be handed to you. You better work for it. Bitch. But just how much work would it take to purchase the items Brit lists off in the song? MTV investigates. Based on national average salary of $43,000, it would take us regular folk 52 years of work to buy a 2013 Bugatti Veyron (which runs more than $2 million). You want a Maseratti? You better work — for nearly three years to flip that six-figure bill. Martinis and bikinis are generally much more affordable, unless you’re looking to the Diamond is Forever cocktail sold at the Tokyo Ritz-Carlton. This $18,241 Grey Goose martini is served with a 1-carat diamond garnish. Check out the “Work Bitch” video below, which is basically just shots of B. Spears in a desert, leaning on things and continuing to rock the black jazz pant like it’s 1997. Homegirl should have taken her own advice — I find myself screaming the chorus at her for the lazy dancing! Apparently Charlie Hunnam values Jax over Christian (as he damn well should) — the British actor has backed out on his Fifty Shades of Grey role due to “scheduling conflicts.” Fans who want to see him sexin’ it up or flexing his butt cheeks can just continue watching Sons of Anarchy and old Queer as Folk episodes. What to Japanese children, Peter Griffin and Always Sunny have in common? They’re all featured in this amazing and unexplainable video. So this is what all our friends who go overseas to “teach English” are really up to… Elizabeth Berkley can probably never adequately express her excitement over anything. After all, her caffeine pill-fueled breakdown as Jessie Spano on Saved By the Bell is immortalized for all time. “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so — SCARED!” We’ve seen it a million times. But Berkley doesn’t shy away from this meme-like scene from a show she starred in 20 years ago. She embraces it. Berkley is competing on the current (and 17th?!) season of Dancing With the Stars and it’s no surprise that she’s got killer moves — who hasn’t seen her dance her tits off in Showgirls? But it was quite a surprise when she and partner Val Chmerkovskiy took viewers through an ‘80s time warp by reprising that iconic scene and dancing to the Pointer Sisters' hit. Get it, Jessie! Rapper’s Real Name or Republican Congressman? Test your knowledge now! The dream team behind viral music videos “Friday” and “It’s Thanksgiving” have unleashed another extremely literal Auto-Tune-heavy “song” to crawl into your ears and take up residence in your brain. Highly respected producer Patrice Wilson strays from the topic of specific days his latest pre-teen ditty, “Chinese Food.” (Though he continues his trend of showing up in animal costume, which is not at all disconcerting). Alison Gold’s video is simple — it’s just a song about a girl and her love of beautiful chow muh-muh-muh-muh-mein. Wilson must be in on the ridiculousness because he also produced Jimmy Kimmel’s hilarious spoof video, “Sausage Party.”  Hate all you want, but you know dude is probably too busy Scrooge McDucking his piles of cash to care.
 
 
by Jac Kern 09.11.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Humor, Movies, Culture at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

Back-to-school shopping was always pretty fun as a kid, but for child divas of the ‘80s and ‘90s, Lisa Frank made school supplies more than just educational basics — they were Technicolor accessories you were allowed to bring to school! Lisa Frank produced folders, posters, backpacks, pencils, notebooks and other craft and school supplies in the ‘80s and ‘90s that featured vibrant, colorful characters. It's like a child-friendly acid trip come to life. As The Atlantic reveals below, Lisa Frank is actually a real person and, despite the fact that she is a very private person, she recently gave a brief promotional interview after Urban Outfitters bought her vintage stock. Check it out, take the hand of a rainbow tuxedoed panda and walk down memory lane (and look out for a young Mila Kunis!) as you peek into Lisa Frank Incorporated: Today, as Americans and people across the world remember 9/11, concerned about a possible war between the United States and Syria, young people are left with one question: What rhymes with hug me? Yes, Robin Thicke's “Blurred Lines,” the song version of that friend who was really fun at a party but doesn't know when to throw the towel in and call a cab, features plenty of questionable lyrics, but "You wanna hug me/What rhymes with hug me" has turned the average Top 40 listener into a regular investigative reporter. What does rhyme with “hug me?!” Thankfully, the WRWHM lyric generator is here to help, with a variety of fun options. Unfortunately, if you’re a rhyme Nazi like myself, you’ll be disappointed to find many non-rhyming examples, similar to the assumed "fuck me" in the song. (He's inferring "fuck me," right? Right?!) Fifty Shades of Grey, the Twilight fan fiction that made it OK for women to openly read shitty romance novels again (thank god!), has been on its way to the silver screen for a while now. All the while, fans have been speculating who would portray the book’s main characters, particularly the BDSM-loving Christian Grey. Well, wait no more, horny moms — Sons of Anarchy’s Charlie Hunnam will soon be the recipient of endless deliveries of cable ties and Lane Bryant panties, as he is officially the face of Mr. Grey. I guess this is a good move for him because every human with a vagina will throw their dollars and undies at anything Shades, but Jax Teller? Really? Taking on the role of Grey’s girl, Ana, is Dakota Johnson, daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, who I’ve referred to as “the Stanford girl who slept with Justin Timberlake in The Social Network” more than once. Here are some peeps who turned down the roles. Four years ago, Mac from Always Sunny (in Season Five’s “The World Series Defense”) wrote a very emotional, sticker-filled letter to Philadelphia Phillies’ second baseman Chase Utley. It’s been a long wait, but Utley finally responded. Ever want to watch celebrities recount their first sexual encounters to your favorite Full House heartthrob? I know, you’ve been waiting for years. Finally, here’s Losing It With John Stamos. Australian comedian Chris Lilley is back with a new project featuring one of fans’ favorite characters. For those unfamiliar with the comic chameleon that is Lilley, cancel all of your plans, log onto HBO Go (or borrow someone’s account) and watch Summer Heights High and Angry Boys (Lilley’s first series, We Can Be Heroes, is not available to stream anywhere as far as I can tell, but you should buy that shit if you can find it). Lilley makes these amazing mockumentary-style series in which he plays multiple characters, often different genders, ages and nationalities, and he does so in a way that is so realistic, poignant, raw and hilarious, you’d really have to think twice before calling it “drag” or “blackface” — he becomes these characters. In Lilley’s upcoming series, he will reprise his role of Ja’mie King, prissy bitch supreme featured in WCBH and SHS. Ja'mie: Private School Girl will debut on HBO Nov. 24. Please enjoy this Ja’mie mash-up, you fugly povos. And as we welcome on new series, we say goodbye to another: True Blood will end after its seventh season next summer. Bon Temps better go out with a bang. And by bang, I mean a barrage of full-frontals (Spoilers!).
 
 

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