WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 

Worst Week Ever!: March 5-11

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 12, 2014
P&G is the Mitt Romney of corporations, a baby-eating psychopath that no amount of coaxing or media manipulation can transform into something you’d want at your dinner table.  
by Jac Kern 09.18.2013
Posted In: Movies, TV/Celebrity, Humor at 12:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

With two episodes of Breaking Bad left, everyone’s gone a little Walter White crazy — you’d think actual meth fumes were being released from our televisions. Jimmy Fallon & Co. have had a Breaking Bad spoof in the works for a while now, teasing fans all the while with photos and hashtags like #JokingBad. The nearly 13-minute sketch is a hilarious Late Night take on Bad, starring Fallon as Walt and (Steve) Higgins as Jesse and complete with all the references you’d expect, plus some cameos you wouldn’t. Bask in the glory that is “Joking Bad!” (Mild spoliers from seasons 1-4, if you’re being picky.) And while we’re at it, check out Drakeing Bad — a blog of illustrations by Barry Schwartz and Shea Serrano (who brought the world Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Book) featuring iconic Breaking Bad scenes…with rapper/former Degrassi High student Drake randomly inserted, replacing various characters. Again, sort-of spoilers abound, so anyone who intends to watch Bad but isn’t caught up should proceed with caution (if at all). And may god have mercy on your soul. Saturday Night Live returns to NBC for its 39th season Sept. 28 (Tina Fey will host; Arcade Fire is the musical guest) and with the new season comes lots of changes. We already know Fred Armisen, Jason Sudeikis and Bill Hader will no longer be gracing the SNL stage with their presence this year, and now newcomer Tim Robinson has been banished to the writers’ lair (JK, maybe it's really cool there). The rest of 2012-2013’s cast, including soon-to-be Late Night host Seth Meyers, is sticking around. New people: Fresh featured players will include Beck Bennett (that suited dude in the AT&T commercials who spends far too much time in children’s classrooms), Kyle Mooney (he and Bennett are in comedy group Good Neighbor), Upright Citizens Brigade member and Cracked contributor Noel Wells (the only new female to join the cast), SNL writer Mike O'Brien, Comedy Central’s comic to watch Brooks Wheelan and John Milhiser, another UCB-er. Changes: Meyers will retain his Weekend Update duties until he takes over Late Night in February and, possibly, throughout the full season. Last year’s featured player Cecily Strong will join him at the desk and take over Weekend Update when Meyers eventually leaves. Strong was probably best remembered for her character, Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party (which I still think is kind of meh) and a pretty accurate interpretation of a porn star-turned-home shopping model. We’ll see how she transitions into this much larger role! Confession time! I’m kind of seriously into Insane Clown Posse Theater on Fuse. I turned it on as a joke once, but now I actually find it pretty hilarious. (Note: If anyone sees me rocking JNCOs and cornrows while drinking Faygo, send help!) It’s basically Mystery Science Theater 3000 but with ICP’s Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope unleashing their offensive insights on an array of music videos. They also bring on guests like Tom Green, Coolio and comedian Jim Norton, talk with them for a little bit, react to more videos and then awkwardly tell them to leave. I never would have guessed ICP could be so entertaining and —dare I say — likable! I mean, I’d think they would just objectify video vixens, which they certainly do, but there’s an equal amount of homo-erotic comments I’d never expect. And their constant inaccurate facts that have to be corrected onscreen get me laughing every time. At the very least, add this to your “drinking show” watch list, because that is a perfectly acceptable pastime as well as a good way to categorize TV shows, OK? Catch ICP Theater at 11 p.m. Wednesdays on Fuse. Taystee from Orange Is the New Black (Government name: Danielle Brooks) is gonna be a Girl, the series’ first black female character. Every mother and girlfriend’s worst nightmare was was released Tuesday as Grand Theft Auto V. The game allows players to wreak havoc on the streets of San Andreas, get high and drunk and even check out a strip club where dancers in private rooms give a topless show (digital boobs!). So yes, the infamous game has and will continue to spark controversy and backlash over the amount of violence and overall incorrigible behavior, but anyone with half a brain cell who watches or plays the game can see it is rife with satire, almost making fun of the culture it represents. The visuals, attention to detail and amazing pop culture and allegorical Easter eggs woven in the game are nothing short of astounding.                                         Get your character this Drive-esque jacket and crush skulls in style!How often do you think, “Good job, fast food restaurant,” or “Smart advertising, national chain eatery!”? Probably never, and that’s why Chipotle’s new promo, The Scarecrow, is getting so much attention. The fast-casual Mexican chain has cut ties with McDonald’s (its former majority partner) and plans to be the first U.S. restaurant chain to go GMO-free. Now, with this haunting anti-factory farm ad (with a little help from Fiona Apple on vocals), Chipotle is taking its “Food With Integrity” motto even further.
 
 
by Jac Kern 03.06.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Movies, Music, Humor at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

In what can best be described as #whitepeopleproblems, Will Smith inadvertently caused a county-wide school lockdown last week in Ambridge, Pa. An area high school was organizing a Fresh Prince of Bel Air themed dance (whatever that means) so, naturally, some students were getting really into it — 19-year-old Travis Clawson even changed his voicemail recording to his own cover of the iconic theme song. Unfortunately, an local office receptionist was not in on the joke.The woman did not understand the voicemail recording when she called Clawson to confirm an appointment (it has not been confirmed whether or not this woman was in a coma from 1990-1996, but that is really the only justifiable excuse for not knowing that tune). At some point during the recording, perhaps when she heard “shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school,” the woman was worried there had been a school shooting (“shootin’ some peo-ple outside of the school?”) and called the police, who issued a lockdown at that high school and all other schools in the county. Of course, it was soon discovered that their was no incident and everyone was cleared. But it just goes to show you...                                                 Parents Receptionists Just Don't Understand As Eminem so eloquently said, Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records, but what’s considered a cuss word these days? Ask Lil Poopy. This 9-year-old Boston native raps about lots of stuff kids like, such as money, fine foods and coke. Yeah, Lil Poopy calls himself a coke boy (he also calls himself Lil Poopy), but, according to the “Pop That Remix” lyrics, “Coke ain’t a bad word, Coca Cola/Coke ain’t a bad word, it’s only soda.” Vice featured the tiny rapper in January, but Poopy’s making news again now as his father is being investigated by family services. (Thanks, Amberly!) Did you know Chipotle has a secret menu? The next time you’re in the Mexican fast food mecca, try ordering a Quesarito. You know, if you could use a spare 1500 calories.                                                     Bask in its cheesy, caloric glory! Cruises can’t seem to catch a break these days, and I’m not talking about Tom’s quest for a new robot bride. Ever since that Carnival Cruise became a gigantic floating overflowing toilet last month, people are not really into vacationing by boat. Partly because of this, CityBeat now has to find a new annual team-building event because the Mark McGrath & Friends Cruise has been cancelled. SPOILER ALERT, maybe: American Horror Story rumor time! Fans of the show have been theorizing the next season’s theme since co-creator Ryan Murphy announced there were clues about the next season throughout Asylum. Many of the actors from both previous seasons will be returning, including Jessica Lange, Evan Peters, Lily Rabe, Taissa Farmiga, Sarah Paulson and Frances Conroy. The third season’s theme, which changes with installment, still remains a mystery. Here’s what we know: Set to premiere in October, this season will jump around time periods, but will primarily stay in the present. It will take place in a setting where “true horror has happened” (three locations, apparently). “Evil glamour” will be a theme and Murphy has said it will be a more humorous season and he hopes to include a Romeo and Juliet-like romance, similar to the relationship between Tate (Peters) and Violet (Farmiga) in Season One. After scrutinizing the last season for clues, hearing songs like “Love Potion No. 9” and “I Put a Spell on You,” my watch-group and I were hoping for a voodoo storyline taking place in the swampy south, like New Orleans. But the Internet by and large agreed the next season would be devoted to witches (not necessarily throwing out our wish — voodoo is practiced by witch doctors). And when it was announced that Kathy Bates would be joining the season (breathe, breathe, breathe), the witch theory seemed perfect. Can you imagine Bates and Lange as two badass mystic bitches?! AHS alum Dylan McDermott thinks so! According to the actor, who played Ben in the inaugural season and Johnny “Son of Bloody Face” in No. 2, the next chapter will follow the Salem Witch Trials. SQUEE!Because everyone loves lists, Complex counts down the funniest comedies of all time, from The Three Stooges to 30 Rock. Hey, ever wondered how many people were killed off in Quentin Tarantino movies, and how they bit the dust? Miramax got you.
 
 

Summer Dining Deals, and Chickens in Your Backyard

0 Comments · Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Quick: During what month can you learn how to raise urban chickens in your own backyard and get $2 million in free food and wine from Jeff Ruby? Yep, it could only be August in Cincinnati.  

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