by Jac Kern
Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings
Deadspin’s Albert Burneko recently determined a signature
food that represents each of the 50 states (plus Washington, D.C.) and ranked each
dish/state accordingly — from The Greats and Goods (deep-dish pizza, pulled
pork sandwiches) to The Better-Than-A-Finger-In-The-Eyes (chicken-fried steak,
hamburger casserole)…and worse. Ohio was ranked dead last with Cincinnati chili,
which came in at No. 52. “But there’s only 51 states including D.C.,” you may
be thinking. Well, the delicate Burneko added “Being hit by a car” as No. 51 to
really drive the point home.
“Cincinnati chili is the
worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world,” Burneko writes,
describing our hometown favorite as “horrifying diarrhea sludge.”
It really stings (much like the raging heartburn that follows any successful Skyline
adventure). Not every Cincinnatian ingests three-ways whole like a ravenous
python. I like a coney or five-way every now and then, but I much prefer making
it fresh at home (Skyline’s grainy, runny consistency can be a little
off-putting, I’ll admit) — which, to all my Cincy-born friends who’ve moved
away, is not only possible, but incredibly simple. Stop acting like you’re
deprived of your native foods and get to browning some beef.
But I digress. Sure, I understand the outside disdain for this
not-really-chili chili, but our artery-clogging lunch staple pales in
comparison to No. 47, Alaska’s akutaq. Also known as “Eskimo ice cream,” this
delightful dish is comprised of berries and WHIPPED FAT. Ain’t no way a cheese
coney is grosser than fruit-laced lard.
Does someone shit-talking (literally?) your favorite snack make you
wanna rage? Calm down with these manatees.
Winter is coming — well, the cool chill of fall is upon us — but Game of Thrones is still months away. So
this new (and possibly the best?) Bad Lip Reading of Game of Thrones
should hold you over until March/April. Comprised of scenes from the first
season of Thrones (so maybe a slight,
vague spoiler alert? Spoiler Threat Level: Blue), the latest BLR actually
follows a plot, in which Westeros meets Adventureland.
And it’s brilliant.
If only there was a Game of Thrones amusement park for real. Though if
it were authentic, most people would probably find themselves getting beheaded at the
food court before their visit was complete.Kanye put a ring on it.
If you thought January’s Golden Globes ceremony was the best awards show in
recent history, you were correct (Source: Me). Hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Few
killt it and hence, they’ve been invited back to run the show in 2014 and 2015.
As if the Golden Globes weren’t already the second-best awards show for
watching for drunken celebrity hijinks (beat only by IFC’s Independent Spirit
Awards), we can now rest assured there will be plenty of intentionally funny
bits throughout the next two events. FOUR MORE YEARS!Watch the always-talented Ohio State University marching band moonwalk like never before in their recent Michael Jackson halftime tribute (and prepare for a jaw-drop at 4:15 and 4:40).
Ever had to contact Netflix because streaming delays were cramping your Pretty Wild marathon (no judgment)? Like
most 21st century customer service departments, Netflix allows users to chat
live with a representative to help fix their issue. Of course, this function
can be a goldmine for trolls or just plain unhelpful. Sometimes, however, the
live chat customer service experience can be a positive and hilarious one.
Netflix customer service rep Michael kicked off the exchange in a jovial
fashion, speaking like a ship captain:
When customer Norm responded in a similarly playful tone, it was smooth
sailing form there. (I know, I need to take a seat now.)
Now I kind of wish my Netflix would malfunction…
The real reason anyone subscribes to Entertainment
Weekly, their Reunion Issue, is on stands! The casts of Boy Meets World, Mystic Pizza, The X-Files,
School of Rock and many more
reassembled for the issue, proving yet again that women stars of the ‘80s and
‘90s looks strikingly more attractive now than they were two decades ago on
Gillian Anderson, hubba hubba. DD: You pretty fine, too.
For more before-and-afters, go here .
When Beyoncé shares a Beyoncé-inspired DIY dance video, the world watches.
You know what they say, "Every time a young Asian guy dances to Beyoncé, an angel gets its wings."Finally, someone sent a private messaged of this dog costume photo to CityBeat's Facebook page. Presented without comment, Muttley Cyrus: