WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
 

Grumpy Old Warriors Shuffle off the Box Office Radar

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 6, 2013
In The Last Stand, a few opening weekend masochists forced themselves to watch as Schwarzenegger’s small border town sheriff and a ragtag collection of kooky deputies fought against a supposedly elite extraction team seeking to transport a notorious racecar driving drug kingpin back across the border.  
by Jac Kern 12.20.2012
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Holidays at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough...Holidays

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

It’s holiday time, y’all! Whether you celebrate Chrimbus, Festivus (Google it for a fun Easter egg), Ludachristmas, Eggmas or any other equally spiritual special occasion, now is that magical time of year where it’s acceptable to get drunk in front of your boss and/or Grandma, go on a shopping spree at 4 a.m. and eat your weight in HoneyBaked Ham. OK, some of us do these things year-round, but now we can’t be judged for it! For some reason, it’s perfectly normal this time of year to go door-to-door singing unsolicited tunes to strangers. It’s also a good excuse to talk to your best friend’s wife, with whom you’re secretly in love. Music is a major factor in this wonderfully insane season, so I’ve collected a sampling of this year’s best holiday tunes for all the good little CityBeat readers. Gather ‘round! Rapper DMX spit some classic rhymes for New York radio channel 105.1 FM: The Roots produce pure magic week to week on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and all their musical projects. Earlier this year, Fallon and the crew teamed up with musical guest Carly Rae Jepsen backstage to perform her The Song That Shall Not Be Named using children’s/beginner instruments. Their follow-up? Mariah Carey’s infectious holiday anthem, “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” And who could forget the holiday collaboration we’ve all been waiting for — the reunion of Sandy and Danny — This Christmas from Olivia Newton-John Travolta (easiest celeb couple name ever). Apparently everything that’s ever existed is getting rebooted and, at this point, I think even my one-eyed cat has recorded a Christmas album, so it’s no real shocker that the Grease duo would team up again for a holiday record. But between Travolta’s Chia Pet hair, ON-J’s scary Juvederm face and the following low-budge music video, This Christmas is making my eyeballs beg for the impending apocalypse. Speaking of hot messes, while it’s always fun to get drunk on your employer’s dime, it is important to keep yourself in check at your work’s holiday party. No canoodling with co-workers, challenging your boss to a drink-off or dancing Gangnam style. Thought Catalog has some hepful dos and don’ts here. Everything is Terrible (via Videogum) got its hands on a clip from a 1988 Christmas television special starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, his Twins buddy Danny Devito, Mike Tyson, Country singer Randy Travis, old lady and champion bowler Marie Gretter and a bunch of probably terrified children. While Arnold’s Austrian Antichristmas tradition may sound scary, it’s not nearly as freaky as having Mike Tyson scream a Christmas carol into the face of an innocent child. Also, I’m pretty sure that when Ah-nahld manhandled the little girl who joked that he needed singing lessons, he may have brokes that little girls’ ribs. This looks more like a Tim and Eric sketch than a primetime family program, but I guarantee if you show this to your kids, they will never misbehave again.It's not Christmas in America until the Kardashian-Jenner family bestows its annual holiday card upon our unworthy eyes. Peep that Photoshopped piece here and find equally funny, scary and confusing family photos in this list of "34 of the most jovially insane family holiday cards ever sent."
 
 

The Expendables 2

0 Comments · Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Round two of the 1980s action hero retirement road show features full-on supporting roles for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis, but Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham are still the least expendable players in the game.  

Aug. 26-Sept. 1: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Today the newspaper with the funniest arrest stories in town took another step forward by posting a series of poll questions asking what fast-food places offer the best value for a poor person’s $5. Among The Enquirer's choices were the Subway $5 Footlong, the KFC $5 Fill up Box, assorted value menus and whatever amount of chili you can get for $5. Enquirer editors said they would have included spending $5 at a grocery store but that shit takes too long.  

July 1-7: Worst Week Ever!

1 Comment · Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Those of us who have frequented West Chester in the past to purchase geometrically shaped light fixtures know how welcoming the township can be. That's why we were surprised today to hear that leaders there are considering converting the township into a city, which would give them the ability to impose a 1 percent income tax. Critics say that will upset members of the Cincinnati Tea Party because they've never had to protest in their own neighborhood before.  

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