CityBeat Blogs - Nintendo <![CDATA[The Ultimate Season Shattered]]>

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Unfortunately for me, I don't have a Lenny Small around to shoot and blame for the things that went wrong.

On Saturday I was fixin' to play some Tecmo SuperBowl with my homies when I noticed the red light on the 'Tendo flashing on and off, which to a certain demographic of American males automatically means that any saved progress you had stored in that little gray box has surely scattered to the four winds.---

Gone … Not here anymore … Not around … Four weeks of games … down the drain … A complete loss of all saved data.


Somehow maybe we pissed Tecmo off by trying to record its every movement, habit and tendency. Who knows? All I know is that a little piece of me died when it happened. I felt like I was putting something in a shoebox, lining the inside with blankets and burying it in the backyard. I guess it's better that this monumental data loss occurred in Week 4 … than, say, any week after that.

It still sucks though. Things were really starting to come around. I was so distraught that I lost to Danny Cross when he came over and lied to us about the Bearcats playing basketball that day. I didn't get to see the game Sunday, but still struggle to understand how UC lost by so much. Basically, as I feared, the world can be a cruel place where everything you've been working for can be smashed on the floor, swept up and put into a trash can. Even your feelings.

All we wanted to do was play every game of the season and see what teams did best and who ended up in the Super Bowl, featuring the Mighty Bombjacks Halftime Show. It's easy to say, "The Nintendo is 21 years old. I guess you can't expect it to not F up."

I don't know what precautions can be taken in the future to increase the likelihood of preserving the season's saved data. The Nintendo is a moody machine, prone to anger. I wonder if we bubble wrapped it what would happen. I guess you can't just pack it in and give up on everything that goes the opposite of the way you wanted it to. All that there is left to do is pick the controller back up and run downhill and guess the play you think your opponent is going to use.

Life goes on.

However, I still fear that we have pissed Tecmo off for the above-stated reasons and that completion of a season in the manner previously described is not going to be easily accomplished. It also won't happen soon, if at all.

Although I am upset about what has transpired, at least I am now contemplating feigning a religious affiliation in order to please Tecmo and trick it into letting us complete what would be The Ultimate Season.

Thank you kindly.

<![CDATA[Tecmo Update, and Peter King Has It Easy]]>

I'm short on time and ideas. Prevailing circumstances have kept me and my homey from finishing Week 3 of the Greatest Season Ever before due time came. Merrill Hoge busted off 179 rushing yards in a game, Vinny T and the Bucs got loose. My homey's Chiefs lost to the Oilers. Both our teams are 2-1. There's a lot of football left to be played.

Now I will channel the ALF of sports analysts, Peter King. From time to time I read his column on, and that guy has got it made. What an incredibly easy thing to do. I love talking about snackin' and travel and such.---

I bet it takes King about 30 minutes tops to write his Monday Morning QB column … and he doesn't live where broken glass on the ground from car windows is a daily sight. To be King, I figure, you begin like this:

“Man, did you guys see that (insert team name vs. insert team name) game yesterday? Crazy, huh? I talked to my dawg about it and, the thing he said about it was 'That's crazy!' Furthermore, I know (insert dawg's name) from back at (insert name of something here) and he told me that in this situation, like back in (insert year and place here) the same thing happened. As a (insert position here) you've got to know better than to (insert verb here) in that situation.”

I talk about football with people a lot. If a big company hired me a stenographer who knew how to keep quiet, thousands of hours of my inane conversations could be melted into copy, and I'd be paid.

Then King gives you "Ten Things I Think I Think"...

1. I'm going to be late to work today ... 75 percent chance.

2. If my wallet isn't in the car, I'm going to be even poorer than I thought, and I’ll have to go through all sorts of lame processes to get muh ID and things back.

3. I won't wear my gloves when I leave, but I'll bring them in case it gets colder.

4. Devin Harris' half court shot last night was unbelievable.

5. Jacque Jones will make the Reds Opening Day Roster.

6. Homer Bailey will not.

7. Why do I misplace my wallet, when I know I will need it in the future...

8. Well, you get the point.

King complains about coffee like my grandmother used to complain about other people's cooking. The guy gets paid to write about coffee. I can do the same for whiskey: I drank a bottle of whiskey, it was great!

Lastly, because of time constraints caused by a plethora of factors conspiring against me, I will mimic Mr. King's "Interesting Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week." King likes getting all Andy Rooney about travel experiences ... even though you can rest assured that he is afforded more luxurious options than the average Joe Schmo, who doesn't have a column about snackin' and such. So here's mine: While the "TANK" style newer Metro buses are cleaner and more open, ain't but nowhere to sit inside them.

That's all, folks.

<![CDATA[Tecmo Super Bowl — the Ultimate Season]]>


The greatest idea of my awesome life was to find a friend who lives less than a quarter-mile from my place who has Tecmo Super Bowl and likes to play it. We recently began a new experiment — starting a season and putting every single team on “MAN” control.---

Each person picks one team they will use for the entire season, and we will play out the rest of the schedule with me being first player during Week 1 and player two during Week 2. This ensures that amongst the remaining teams, we each get to use them at least around half the time.

I'm a man of great confidence in my Vinny Testaverde and his Tampa Bay Buccaneers. My friend knows he's borderline shitty and can't pass, so for the season he took the two-headed monster backfield of Barry Word and Christian Okoye and the rest of the Chiefs that come with it.

Last night we finished the final game of Week 2. It's pretty great to throw passes to Rick Fenney and Pat Beach. Reminds me of the carefree days when the pressures of life and being pushed to its margins weren't comprehended, let alone fretted over.

The Bucs are 1-1. His Chiefs are 2-0. I also know as soon as I get around to putting one of his RBs into the hospital with an injury of some sort, his tailspin will begin.

We split Week 1, and no one won more than 2 games in a row. However, Week 2 ended up with me playing the role of Jonas Salk and my friend playing that of Polio. I don't think he won more than three games. I beat him with terrible teams, hit a field goal from my own 40 and no time left to squeeze by him with Ken O'Brien and the Jets … and did all sorts of terrible things to him. I fear that he will either repay the favor in Week 3 or cease wanting to continue our Tecmo season experiment.

Tecmo games take like 15 to 20 minutes, tops. Madden takes more than an hour sometimes and the only reason one idiot wins or loses is because of his or her superior understanding and knowledge of audibles and other geeky button memorization. Tecmo gives you four running plays and four passes. Tecmo is football at its best. I prefer to bypass John Madden wondering aloud, "I wonder how many hamburgers and hot dogs this place is going to sell at half time."

During a Chargers vs. 49ers game last night, the god damn thing reset, and the Power button's red light began flashing.

No bueno.

I swear to Christ that if this season (and I don't care how it happens) somehow gets erased and reset, my creeping suspicion that there is nothing good in this world will cement itself into my thought process and define me.

I want to see the stats at the end of the year. I want to continue benching Troy Aikman in favor of Babe Laufenberg because I don't like Troy and think he is an idiot who hates on the New York Football Giants too much when on FOX.

I just hope that our Nintendo keeps chugging along and that its decades-old circuitry and wiring holds up, allowing us the opportunity to play hundreds more games and get to the playoffs where the music gets all serious.

Bless this day, the Lord has made.