CityBeat Blogs - Culture http://www.citybeat.com/cincinnati/blogs-1-1-1-33-101.html <![CDATA[I Just Can't Get Enough]]>

Cincinnati is now a temporary home for Cate Blanchett (this year’s winner of the Best Actress Oscar for Blue Jasmine), Rooney Mara (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Side Effects, Her), Sarah Paulson (The American Horror Story anthology, 12 Years a Slave) and Kyle Chandler (The Wolf of Wall Street, Zero Dark Thirty, the Friday Night Lights series) as filming for Todd Haynes’ upcoming movie Carol is in full swing! Some of the stars (and a giant movie crew) were spotted filming at their first location, Eden Park, as well as along US 52 in New Richmond and Spare Time Grill in Alexandria, Ky. The Enquirer’s Glenn Hartong was able to catch a glimpse at Mara and Paulson looking straight out of the '50s filming a scene at the now-closed diner.

Photo: The Enquirer/Glenn Harton. See more photos here.

The film is based on is based on Patricia Highsmith’s 1952 novel (published as both Carol and The Price of Salt) about Carol (Blanchett), a wife in a loveless marriage on the brink of divorce who falls in love with a young woman, Therese (Mara). The book was revolutionary at the time for portraying a lesbian relationship, and doing so in a non-stereotypical light. Chandler will portray the titular character’s husband while Paulson plays Abby, Carol’s best friend.

Filming continues this week at a home on Grandin Avenue in Hyde Park. Retro Westside institution Maury’s Tiny Cove will be closed April 1 for a day of filming Blanchett and Mara’s characters’ first date. Cincy Magazine tweeted  that the Cincinnati Club, where the mag’s office is located, will also be used to shoot the film at an unspecified date. We’ll keep an eye out — the building is right across the street from CityBeat’s HQ. Search #carolmovie on Twitter for the latest dish on the movie and its local filming and tweet us if you have a run-in with any of the stars!

Even if Carol wasn’t filmed exclusively in Cincinnati, the adaptation sounds like a great premise for a film. Unfortunately the same can’t be said about most of the recent movies based on books and other, previous movies. This week in remake fuckery, we have Rosemary’s Baby and The Birds — two classic ‘60s horror films undergoing contemporary reworkings. Zoe Saldana will take on Mia Farrow’s iconic role in a made-for-TV version of Rosemary coming to NBC; Transformers director Michael Bay is apparently producing the remake of Hitchcock’s feathery flick. We can only guess that Bay will replace said birds with laser-shooting Velociraptors. 

Now and forever:

Speaking of dinosaurs, paleontologists in Alaska last week discovered a miniature species of tyrannosaurs about half the size of its close relative, the T. rex — essentially, what the prehistoric Paris Hiltons were carrying around in their designer mammoth skin handbags. Teacup-Rex!  

A post I found recently on Imgur (because Reddit still confuses/scares me) recalls the story of when the United Way decided to release 1.5 million helium balloons into the air in Cleveland in 1986, breaking the world record. The photos of the event are stunning, but — as anyone with a tiny bit of foresight could tell you — the mega-balloon launch totally backfired. Not only did this result in more than 1.5 million pieces of plastic trash around the region and as north as Ontario, but also reportedly hindered a missing person search on Lake Erie.

Peep this less dismal, totally ‘80s news segment about the event:

Kermit the Frog rang in the New York Stock Exchange Monday. Muppets Most Wanted opens in theaters Friday.

Everyone’s talking about “Strangers Kissing,” a viral video of 20 strangers making out for the first time that’s actually (somehow) an ad for women’s clothing label Wren. A bit contrived, I suppose, but definitely intriguing and pretty hot.

Jimmy Fallon put his own twist on the vid…with puppies and kitties.

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<![CDATA[Trending Topics]]>

Each week our intern Amber will be exploring what Cincinnatians are interested in by scouring the local Twitter trends and reporting on what she’s found. From serious tweets to goofy hashtags, she’ll highlight what Cincy’s been buzzing about. So get to tweeting, folks.

#RAW
This is a wrestling reference hashtag. I’m sorry, but how was this trending and not Bates Motel? I am ashamed of you, Cincinnati. I know they are both scripted, but at least Bates has good acting and an awesome plot. FYI: Norma Bates did start trending though, thank god. In this week’s episode, Norman visits Ms. Watson’s grave way too much, Norma makes a scene at a city hall meeting and Bradley blasts some guy’s head off and ends up in Norman’s bedroom asking for his help. Poor Norman, surrounded by all these crazy bitches. All you WWE fans better get hip to Bates Motel.

Xavier
Muskie fans were blowing up their newsfeeds expressing their frustration after Monday night’s game when they lost to Seton Hall 71-62. Monday’s upset left many fans complaining about wasting their last Hopslam and chugging too much wine. On top of all the frustration, Matt Stainbrook went down with a knee injury and left the locker room on crutches. Better luck next year? Maybe.

#PLL
I actually watched some of this show, Pretty Little Liars, for once. Awkward used to be my Tuesday night show (don’t judge me), but since Jenna and the crew are AWOL until next season, I figured I’d give this show a shot since I was apparently the only female in Cincy not watching it. I am a few seasons behind, so I don’t really get all the drama and who I should love/hate yet, but not a bad show from what I’ve seen so far. The season finale is Tuesday, March 18 at 8 p.m. on ABC Family.

#19HSHysteria
If this just isn’t confirmation that Cincinnatians are obsessed with their alma maters, then I don’t know what else is. Fox 19 set up a March Madness style bracket of all the high schools in the area and launched a Twitter competition. I’m reppin’ the Newport Wildcats, who already lost in the first round to Simon Kenton. Voting for the North bracket is going on now until midnight tonight.

Ukraine
I saved this one for last for a reason. Ukraine was trending all week. I haven’t been keeping this blog for very long, but nothing has ever stayed trending for an entire week before, as long as I’ve been keeping track. I also saved it for last because honestly, I don’t know what to say about the crisis in Ukraine. I guess it’s good that people are taking to social media for such a serious matter, but most of the people tweeting about it seem more clueless than me. I do know that most Americans want our government to mind their own damn business and do something about those crazy fucking Russians.

Also trending: Oscars, World Cup, #LiesToldByFemales, WCW (can this one just die already,) Taco Bell, #Scandal and The Lakers.

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<![CDATA[Trending Topics]]>

Each week our intern Amber will be exploring what Cincinnatians are interested in by scouring the local Twitter trends and reporting on what she’s found. From serious tweets to goofy hashtags, she’ll highlight what Cincy’s been buzzing about. So get to tweeting, folks. 

#SK2K

Sean Kilpatrick became the second player to score 2,000 career points at UC during the Bearcats’ game against Louisville on Feb. 22. The only other Bearcat who tops his record is Oscar Robertson, "The Big O," whose career points totaled 2,973 by 1960. Fans from Cincinnati and beyond were showing their love for Kilpatrick all over Twitter on Sunday.

#DaleJr

As in Dale Earnhardt Jr., the superstar of NASCAR. Earnhardt won the Daytona 500 for the second year in a row and as part of his celebration, he finally decided to create a Twitter. In 10 hours, the racecar driver accumulated over 450,000 followers — 515,000 by Wednesday and 526,000 by Friday. I’ve had my Twitter for years and I’m barely pushing 200 followers. Anyway, who says NASCAR is only for the Southern folk? 

Texas 

A judge in Texas voided the ban on gay marriage in the state this week. An outpour of support for the judge’s decision was evident throughout the nation. Following suit in equality, an Arizona judge vetoed a bill that would allow businesses to refuse service to the LGBT community due to their “religious rights” being violated. Of course, Cincinnati also made moves toward a more equal community when announcements of a domestic partner registry for same-sex couples were made. 

#Reds

Thursday was the start of spring training for the Reds. The boys took the win, 8-3 over the Indians, in the Cactus League Opener. It doesn't matter if you think Homer Bailey's extension is a total waste or that Joey Votto should have won the Face of MLB competition, one thing we can all enjoy is the sweet sound of Marty Brennaman’s voice and the memories of warm weather it has brought with it for the past 50 years. 

#NewOscarCategories

You know I had to do at least one funny trend. People just made up categories that should be in the Oscars:

@Weinheimerandy: Tyler Perry presents the Tyler Perry Oscar for best performance by Tyler Perry.
@startpuking: Movies so bad you yell, Sharkeisha! No!
@MnightShelton: Best Seth Rogan film in a non-Apatow production

Also trending: Stiles, #WatchingTop13, Taco Bell, #Scandal, Penn State, Son of God and #BBN.

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<![CDATA[Cincinnati Featured in National Geographic Traveler]]>

"As much of America decamped for the suburbs or the coasts, artists, craftspeople, and entrepreneurs rebuilt entire Cincinnati neighborhoods alongside impassioned longtimers," reads an article from the April 2014 issue of National Geographic Traveler.

Cincinnati is more and more getting recognition for our renaissance attitude in national media, and this article touches on everything from our breweries to the 21c and the city's vast collection of every-era architecture and food and nightlife.

Read the full article here.

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<![CDATA[I Just Can't Get Enough]]>

Miley Cyrus kicked off her Bangerz tour in expected fashion: with a mini-Britney, a gigantic phallic hot dog, the return of the infamous foam finger and Miley entering the stage via a giant Miley head, sliding down a giant Miley tongue. Here’s a look at this recent performance of “Party in the USA,” basically a children’s patriotic school play, if said children drank a bathtub full of molly-laced Kool-Aid first.

Side note: This is what U.S. History class will look like in 2064.


We’re more than halfway through the Olympics and the U.S. is currently in third place for medal standings with 23 medals —the most decorated country at this point.

There have been some ups and downs: Superstars Shaun White and Shani Davis failed to attain medals and other U.S. favorites scored much lower than expected. But history was made with Charlie White and Meryl Davis winning the first U.S. gold in Olympic ice dancing; bobsledder Steven Holcomb again broke a 62-year losing streak for the States (he and Steve Langton won bronze in the two-man race, medaling for the first time since 1952; Holcomb in 2010 also led his four-man sled team to the country’s first medal in that event in 62 years); and the U.S. commanded the podium for men’s ski slopestyle as Americans Joss Christensen, Gus Kenworthy and Nick Goepper took home the gold, silver and bronze, respectively.

The best spectacle came on the ice rink, though. Is that any surprise? With music, dancing and sparkly costumes, the other sports just don’t compete when it comes to entertainment. Retired ice princess Johnny Weir hasn’t missed a step with his flawless looks while providing figure skating commentary for NBC — Gawker has been on Weir Watch, documenting his sassiest ensembles and accessories.

Is anyone else kicking themselves for having just discovered Russian skating god Evgeni Plushenko? The highly decorated figure skater embarked on his fourth Olympics in Sochi this year after undergoing surgery on his spine in early 2013. Plush won Russia’s first gold at the games, competing in two team events before kicking off the figure skating short program. Sadly — and right after NBC aired an amazing reel on Plush and his very interesting history — the skater injured himself during practice, just before he was about to compete. Plush withdrew from the event, retiring from his sport effective immediately.

So this kind of thing happens all the time with athletes who push their bodies to the limit. But Plushenko is more than just a talented skater. He was a presence — with “top three in Russian woman” wife — as this now-viral showcase (aka not a competition) performance proves.

And finally we have The Faces of Figure Skating, which pretty much speaks for itself.

This dude is a dead-ringer for David Wain seeing a pair of boobs for the first time.

You know that Crystal Head vodka that comes in a cool glass skull? Well, fun fact, Dan Aykroyd founded the company, and some scientists created a face based on the “skull’s” dimension. Here’s what it would look like if the Crystal Head was a real guy:

Jimmy Fallon took over The Tonight Show hosting duties Monday and it’s already clear fans of his Late Night jokes, skits and recurring bits can expect just about the same from his new show and time slot. A cavalcade of celebrities welcomed Fallon on Monday, with Lindsay Lohan, Rudy Giuliani, Lady Gaga and other famous New Yorkers paying up as if they lost a bet that he’d never take over Tonight. Fallon’s first guest was Will Smith who, along with Jimmy, schooled us on the Evolution of Hip-Hop Dancing. I also finally discovered that The Roots, when introducing Fallon, aren’t just yelling random numbers (I thought they were area code shout outs?), which became clear when ?uestlove enthusiastically shouted, “One!” at the start of the first show.

Fallon’s gonna kill it. So it’s definitely appropriate that his original Saturday Night Live audition tape is making its rounds. Spoiler Alert: Jimmy is a baby and auditioning for SNL appears to be the most terrifying experience ever.

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<![CDATA[How to Become a Cincinnatian, for Non-Natives]]>

They say you move to Cincinnati and put on a pair of goggles — the longer you stay, the harder it is to take them off. And why would you want to? I’ve lived here for five years and still manage to fall deeper in love with this city every day. For all you newcomers, here are some necessary guidelines for your initiation into the greatest city in the Midwest.

1. Pick a chili, not a side. The East side/West side rivalry is deeply rooted in competitive turf wars and stubborn rationalizations. When brought up in conversation, it’s usually best to remain indifferent and let your eyes glaze over until the fighting stops.

2. Become a regular at (at least) one bar in Over-the-Rhine. Find your favorite bartender at Neon’s and dance to the ‘8os music at Japp’s on a Saturday night. Discover new music at MOTR or wind down with some jazz at 1215 Wine Bar.

3. Understand that high schools — and the culture surrounding them — are really important here. “Are you from around here?” is almost always followed by, “So what high school did you go to?” Cincinnatians stick to their alma maters like glitter on glue, and everyone has a reputation.

4. See The Cincy Brass play at Mr. Pitiful’s before you die (or move). Request the song “Let Me Clear My Throat” by DJ Kool. Gyrate on everyone.

5. Get to know Kentucky. Bounce around the Levee and Mainstrasse. End your night with a cheesy goetta omelet at the Anchor Grill. Trust me on this one.

6. Cincinnati has the second largest Oktoberfest in the world (The WORLD!) second only to Munich. Dress like a German, drink like a German, eat like a German.

7. Develop a severe case of road rage while driving on I-75. Perfect the ability to stare someone down after cutting you off.

8. Vote. Get involved with this city’s politics. Picket City Hall or write a letter to an editor. Cincinnati had a record-breaking low voter turnout in the 2013 mayoral election — make your voice heard.

9. Give back to your neighborhood. Volunteer at the Freestore Foodbank or tutor kids at Wordplay Cincy. Teach an art class or buy someone an umbrella on a rainy day. Start a collaborative effort to make this city the best it can be.

10. Master the Metro and make friends with the drivers. Sit up front and strike up a conversation with a stranger. Try not to fall when the metro slides down one of Cincinnati’s many 90-degree angles.

11. Appreciate Cincinnati sports. Tailgate at a Bengal’s game, cheer on the Cyclones and pledge your allegiance to Brandon Phillips’ smile.

12. EAT ALL THE GOETTA. And LaRosa’s. And Graeter’s. Now start training for the Flying Pig.

13. Find your favorite city park with your favorite view of the skyline against Kentucky. Feel safe tucked away in the hills. Ponder about the meaning of life.

14. Roll your windows down and go 10 miles over the speed limit on the Roebling Bridge. Listen to the whirring sound. Just do it.

15. Develop a deep love for all things Cincinnati and defend your city when people talk shit. Recognize that you are a part of something larger than yourself — that Cincinnati isn’t just the Queen City — it’s a community and a network and a lineage of diverse Midwesterners who all contribute to making this place a force to be reckoned with.

Oh, and read CityBeat.

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<![CDATA[Penis Sighting at Nippert Stadium ]]> UPDATED 3:29 P.M. "This definitely puts Nippert Stadium in a hard place."
"He just wanted to stick it to the man."
"Hopefully the dean doesn't blow up in his face." — Staff writer German Lopez

UPDATED 3:28 P.M. "If that prankster doesn't keep it up, he might just get off with a warning." — Hannah McCartney

UPDATED 3:22 P.M. "You didn't say anything about this guy potentially getting caught and getting the shaft
." — Staff writer Ge
rman Lopez

Snow angels are for rookies. And snow penises, evidently, are for University of Cincinnati students.

Somehow the folks at Hypervocal and Uproxx caught wind of this before us because we spent all morning trying to fix our blogging system, but someone took advantage of Monday night's snowfall in a non-traditional way, if by non-traditional you mean drawing a humongous awkwardly and disproportionately-shaped penis on the field at University of Cincinnati's Nippert Stadium.

According to the Hypervocal and Uproxx stories, a UC student took a photo of the public work of art and Tweeted the image, but deleted it later because she felt guilty about it . Of course, by then it was too late, and now it will live down in penis-themed viral web content forever.

I want to make a lot of jokes about this, but Hypervocal and Uproxx have already had a BALL doing that themselves.

Jizz Angle



No word yet if the student has been PENalized.
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<![CDATA[The Many Twitter Faces of John Cranley]]> John Cranley had only a few unsullied hours of golden time on social media to celebrate his mayoral win on Wednesday before he became the subject of at least two Twitter accounts created solely to troll him, and they're worth a follow if you'd describe your sense of humor as somewhat to very immature or are still totally salty about Cran-man's victory.

So far, we know of @CranleyVille and @MayorCranley, both of which have taken to creating alternate, highly egotistical and cartoon-like depictions of our new mayor.

While whoever is behind CranleyVille clearly has more time on his or her hands (whoever it is tweeted 90 times in three days),  both provide some pretty amusing fodder for 4 p.m. on a Friday afternoon.

Why social media has quickly taken to poking fun at Cranley in every way possible — or whether or not a Qualls victory would have brought something like an "Afghan Girl Qualls" to life — we'll never know. And while CityBeat holds a great deal of respect for the mayoral position and for Cranley, that doesn't mean we're not allowed to be immature and laugh a little bit.

Oh, and here's the real deal, too.
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<![CDATA[This Could Be Ohio's New State Country Song ]]>

For whatever reason, Americans deem it a necessary source of pride for us to award the states we live in all sorts of symbolic attributes, such as an official state amphibian (Ohio: spotted salamander), official state muffin (Minnesota: blueberry) or an official state "sport" (Maryland: walking?). And Oklahoma's unofficial state sport is apparently obesity — their official meal is "fried okra, squash, cornbread, barbecue pork, biscuits, sausage and gravy, grits, corn, strawberries, chicken-fried steak, black-eyed peas, and pecan pie."

Now, there's a very real possibility that sometime soon, the state of Ohio will add to its arsenal of symbols (our state drink is tomato juice?) by adopting its own state "Country" anthem: On Wednesday, Nov. 6, Ohio Rep. Nick Barborack (D-Lisbon) introduced House Bill 330 to the general assembly, which would give the state an official Country song called "Ohio" by Lisbon, Ohio musician Zach Paxson.

Here's the song that's been Ohio's official, official song since 1969:


Old-timey, for sure, but at least there's some pretty imagery thrown in there. Everybody likes moonlit streams and freedom.

And we all know "Hang on Sloopy," the '60s Pop Rock ditty that was actually wasn't designated our state Rock song until 1985, when the House passed a resolution with a bunch of references to the song, including phrases like: 

WHEREAS, "Hang On Sloopy" is of particular relevance to members of the Baby Boom Generation, who were once dismissed as a bunch of long-haired, crazy kids, but who now are old enough and vote in sufficient numbers to be taken quite seriously; and

WHEREAS, Adoption of this resolution will not take too long, cost the state anything, or affect the quality of life in this state to any appreciable degree, and if we in the legislature just go ahead and pass the darn thing, we can get on with more important stuff.

The '80s were a weird time for a lot of things, so this makes a lot of sense. The introduction of Paxson's song, however, feels a little out of the blue.

Paxson's video, and the lyrics to the song, from Paxson's website (SIC to the errors):


Austin Texas was a great place
but I couldn’t wait to get home with a big smile on my face
and see those green farms and factories
as I made my way through my favorite city’s
Chorus
So give me a cold one at the end of the day
and a “w” for the scarlet and gray
this still is the greatest place that I’ve ever known
OHIO, OHIO
Every morning I pass them
in their work boots and their business suits but we all come from the same roots
and we’re the keeper of great names
cause we got the rock ‘n’ roll and the football hall of fame
Chorus
So give me a cold one at the end of the day
and a “w” for the scarlet and gray
this still is the greatest place that I’ve ever known
OHIO, OHIO

Chorus
So give me a cold one at the end of the day
and a “w” for the scarlet and gray
this still is the greatest place that I’ve ever known
OHIO, OHIO, we’re the pulse of America here in the heart of it all
OHIO

What do you think of it? I only made it through the first 30 secondsI grew up in a rural town and any varietal of  Country music makes me hurt inside. Plus, I found the video, which is a kind of schizophrenic mix of a bunch of really blurry photos accompanied by WordArt lyrics, hard to watch.

Clearly, I'm biased, and I don't really get why there are several politicians taking the time to lobby for this to join "Hang on Sloopy" and "Beautiful Ohio." The bill is just waiting to be signed to a committee, so it will be awhile before a decision is made. But it's worth thinking about. Does it deserve to join the ranks of Ohio's tomato juices and bullfrogs? Or are state symbols just generally not supposed to make any sense?

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<![CDATA[Cincinnati's Trivia Nights ]]> Nerds tend to gravitate toward other nerds because it's okay to talk about things like Star Wars, city referendums and why Apple products are superior to anything that is not an Apple product. Social drinkers tend to like hanging out with other social drinkers so that everyone's jokes seem funnier and it feels OK to eat enough nachos to serve a small family or do things like jump in public fountains.

Much like peanut butter and jelly or Wes Anderson movies and white people, when combined these two traits form a harmonious swirl of glee and whimsy.

There are myriad watering holes around Cincinnati with trivia nights featuring prizes and all sorts of food and drink specials and cash prizes for winning teams. Here are a bunch organized by day. 


MONDAYS:

Brew House 

 Mondays, 7:30-9:30 p.m., 1047 E. McMillan St., Walnut Hills, (513) 961-9058
Win gift certificates to the Brew House.

Mount Lookout Tavern

Mondays, 8 p.m., 3209 Linwood Ave., Mount Lookout, (513) 871-9633
$50 1st Place. 

Neons Unplugged

Mondays, 7 p.m., 208 E. 12th St., Over-the-Rhine, (513) 827-9361.


TUESDAYS:

Jefferson Social

Tuesdays, 10 p.m., 101 East Freedom Way, The Banks, (513) 381-2623.
$40 1st Place.

Mayday 
Tuesdays, 8 p.m., 4227 Spring Grove Ave., Northside, (513)-541-0999
 
Willie’s Western Hills
Tuesdays, 9 p.m., and Thursdays, 7 p.m., 6380 Glenway Ave., Western Hills, (513)-922-3377

WEDNESDAYS:

Avenue Brew 

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 310 Fairfield Ave., Bellevue, Ky., (859) 261-4381

Flipdaddy’s

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 7453 Wooster Pike, Mariemont, (513) 272-2337

Keystone Hyde Park 

Wednesdays, 8 p.m., 3384 Erie Ave., Hyde Park, (513) 321-2150.
Drink specials, $40 1st Place.

Molly Malone’s

Wednesdays, 8 p.m., 112 E. 4th St., Covington, Ky., (859)-491-6659
$2 draft special and prizes.


Longworth's

Wednesdays, 8 p.m. 1108 Gregory St., Mount Adams, (513)-651-2253
Drink specials, 1/2 price apps.


Next Chapter

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 940 Pavilion St., Mount Adams, (513)-381-1905


THURSDAYS:

Beer Sellar

Thursdays, 8 p.m., 301 Riverboat Row, Newport, Ky., (859) 431-6969
$35 1st Place - $20 for best team name.


Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments.
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<![CDATA[Three-Year-Old Talks to His Poop (Viral Video)]]> Cheesestring, poutine, pickle chips, an apple, chocolate thingies, more chocolate thingies — this kid has seriously inhaled a shit ton of food. And now he's worried about overflowing the toilet. In his words, ugh.


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<![CDATA[I Just Can't Get Enough]]>

Back-to-school shopping was always pretty fun as a kid, but for child divas of the ‘80s and ‘90s, Lisa Frank made school supplies more than just educational basics — they were Technicolor accessories you were allowed to bring to school! Lisa Frank produced folders, posters, backpacks, pencils, notebooks and other craft and school supplies in the ‘80s and ‘90s that featured vibrant, colorful characters. It's like a child-friendly acid trip come to life. As The Atlantic reveals below, Lisa Frank is actually a real person and, despite the fact that she is a very private person, she recently gave a brief promotional interview after Urban Outfitters bought her vintage stock. Check it out, take the hand of a rainbow tuxedoed panda and walk down memory lane (and look out for a young Mila Kunis!) as you peek into Lisa Frank Incorporated:


Today, as Americans and people across the world remember 9/11, concerned about a possible war between the United States and Syria, young people are left with one question: What rhymes with hug me? Yes, Robin Thicke's “Blurred Lines,” the song version of that friend who was really fun at a party but doesn't know when to throw the towel in and call a cab, features plenty of questionable lyrics, but "You wanna hug me/What rhymes with hug me" has turned the average Top 40 listener into a regular investigative reporter. What does rhyme with “hug me?!” Thankfully, the WRWHM lyric generator is here to help, with a variety of fun options. Unfortunately, if you’re a rhyme Nazi like myself, you’ll be disappointed to find many non-rhyming examples, similar to the assumed "fuck me" in the song. (He's inferring "fuck me," right? Right?!)

Fifty Shades of Grey, the Twilight fan fiction that made it OK for women to openly read shitty romance novels again (thank god!), has been on its way to the silver screen for a while now. All the while, fans have been speculating who would portray the book’s main characters, particularly the BDSM-loving Christian Grey. Well, wait no more, horny moms — Sons of Anarchy’s Charlie Hunnam will soon be the recipient of endless deliveries of cable ties and Lane Bryant panties, as he is officially the face of Mr. Grey. I guess this is a good move for him because every human with a vagina will throw their dollars and undies at anything Shades, but Jax Teller? Really? Taking on the role of Grey’s girl, Ana, is Dakota Johnson, daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, who I’ve referred to as “the Stanford girl who slept with Justin Timberlake in The Social Network” more than once. Here are some peeps who turned down the roles.

Four years ago, Mac from Always Sunny (in Season Five’s “The World Series Defense”) wrote a very emotional, sticker-filled letter to Philadelphia Phillies’ second baseman Chase Utley. It’s been a long wait, but Utley finally responded.


Ever want to watch celebrities recount their first sexual encounters to your favorite Full House heartthrob? I know, you’ve been waiting for years. Finally, here’s Losing It With John Stamos.

Australian comedian Chris Lilley is back with a new project featuring one of fans’ favorite characters. For those unfamiliar with the comic chameleon that is Lilley, cancel all of your plans, log onto HBO Go (or borrow someone’s account) and watch Summer Heights High and Angry Boys (Lilley’s first series, We Can Be Heroes, is not available to stream anywhere as far as I can tell, but you should buy that shit if you can find it). Lilley makes these amazing mockumentary-style series in which he plays multiple characters, often different genders, ages and nationalities, and he does so in a way that is so realistic, poignant, raw and hilarious, you’d really have to think twice before calling it “drag” or “blackface” — he becomes these characters.

In Lilley’s upcoming series, he will reprise his role of Ja’mie King, prissy bitch supreme featured in WCBH and SHS. Ja'mie: Private School Girl will debut on HBO Nov. 24. Please enjoy this Ja’mie mash-up, you fugly povos.

And as we welcome on new series, we say goodbye to another: True Blood will end after its seventh season next summer. Bon Temps better go out with a bang. And by bang, I mean a barrage of full-frontals (Spoilers!).

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<![CDATA['Blurred Lines': Styled vs. Sensationalized, or Why 'We Can’t Stop']]> Following last week’s “scandal” at the MTV Video Music Awards, the pacing of news and reporting made itself known as a speed force to be reckoned with. In the minute-by-minute duration and aftermath of the performance of one, Miley Cyrus, and her “partner in crime”, Robin Thicke, new age media came together to do what it does best: twitter our feed with dribble and spit-up commentary.

It can’t be denied that news reporting, in many ways, is stepping further away from hard facts and closer to tabloid gossip. In a day and age where Twitter is the new paperboy, it can’t be denied that the facts are coming faster. And while this could be an opportunity for better news, more quickly, more often than not we’re trading chances for quick links to real stories with 140 character quips on MC-Hammer-like “did you see her butt”s (#chauvanistsforCyrus).

The real disappointment comes, though, when we look to major media outlets (Still trusted by some. Take off the aluminum hat, Johnny.) the next day for hard-hitting news, only to see that they’ve decided to throw their own hats in the ring. With prize-winning headlines such as CNN’s “Miley Cyrus twerks, stuns VMAs crowd,” the morning news was just as obsessed as the evening newsfeed.

As a reporter, a writer, an observer, this obsessive, sprawling focus is what scares me most. It isn’t the performance itself, full of dancers dressed as teddy bears or Cyrus’ gyrating hips on Thicke’s overly hyped crotch (See “Blurred Lines” for more details). It isn’t so much the event that took place, as it was the reactive reports that left an extra, bitter after taste to my morning coffee.

Even arts reporting, perceived to have more lenient, pop-culture laced subject matter, used to hold itself to similar standards of respectful re-tellings of facts rather than fiction. Though there had once been a clear distinction between opinion pieces and news articles, even in the realm of aesthetic focus, the lines are suddenly more blurred than ever. And where does that leave us, the “responsible” voices?

Culture is, in many ways, defined by the voices that carry out its most essential conversations. If we are of the few so lucky as to have a readership, our words carry the weight of decades of said cultural insight and historical backing. What do we have to say for ourselves when these words, our influence, sacrifice authenticity for celebrity? Integrity for popularity? What are we really accomplishing when we re-draw the line between honest reporting and scandalized, gossip mongering, and honest words inch closer to the latter? What would our (fore)mothers say?

This isn’t to say that there aren’t some voices, some news outlets out there, who aren’t doing it right. While most couldn’t look away from Cyrus’ extended tongue (search “Venom” and “Marvel Comics” for more details), The Guardian, for example, wouldn’t look past the more subtly digressive implications of the performance. Did you miss the moment where the young, stage-dominant, Caucasian Miley Cyrus groped her not so white back up dancers? (The Guardian didn’t.)  

Some took an even more seasoned route, using temperance techniques to stop the sensational train in its tracks. In Rolling Stone's initially deceptive write up, “It's Miley, Bitch: The Tongue That Licked the World”, Rob Sheffield gave a more balanced account of the 2013 Video Music Awards, mentioning Cyrus almost in passing, and spending his time taking equal shots at all the stars involved in what he said was MTV’s attempt to make “sure this year’s VMA party was a real show. With a little help from Miley."

I ask again: What are we creating when we allow objectivity to bend to the will of popular demand, asking for glitter and jazz and sensationalized headlines? Nothing. We are creating a secular sinkhole of informational access. We lead our readers right back where they started.

And that says to me that there must be a change made. The truth is, we CAN stop. If we want to.

Why can’t we create insight, rather than propagate fan mongering, rather than cling to one star's fateful decision to wear her teddy bear out that night? Let the reporters report and the readers decide. It’s now or never. Robin Thicke will age (even more so, it seems) Miley Cyrus will find Disney again (and a few more times after that), “Blurred Lines” will find its way off the Billboard charts (catchy can only be caught for so long), but the honest word —that will last for…at least a few more years.

 

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<![CDATA[Findlay After Four Encourages Awareness of Later Market Hours]]>

Findlay After Four is a new way to promote shopping at Findlay Market on Thursdays between 4-6 p.m. The goal is to make sure Findlay Market frequenters and newcomers alike are aware of the market’s hours.

The hope is to drive more shoppers to the market and begin to chip away at the confusion around market hours. Even though Findlay is packed with shoppers and vendors during the weekends, but things tend to quiet down during the week — especially later in the day, but Findlay After Four is looking to change that while encouraging vendors and merchants to stay open until the market’s later hours.

Every Thursday, Findlay Market has a variety of activities planned to encourage people to take the time to visit the market and shop. Beginning at 4 p.m. later today, there will be a cooking demonstration by a guest chef, and recipe cards will be handed out so shoppers can take them and find ingredients for the dish throughout Findlay. Christian Moerlein and MadTree beers will be available at the OTR Biergarten, and there will be a raffle and giveaways. There will be new activities each Thursday through August.

Findlay Market reminds me in so many ways of the time I spent studying abroad in Paris, France, where there really aren’t any supermarkets or grocery stores. In Paris, if you want groceries, flowers, or even a new pet, you go to the market. There are markets all over the city and they’re just beautiful — always bustling with friends, family, and the smell of freshly baked bread. After my time in France, I had a newfound appreciation for the marketplace. Going there has always been a mixture of a family tradition and a field trip: my mom shopped there with her parents and brother every week growing up, but after spending my childhood in the suburbs, it was always hard for her to find the time to take me down there for family grocery shopping trips as often as she’d liked — which makes me even more excited for the idea of Findlay After Four.

I’m especially looking forward to a new excuse to make the trek from West Chester to Findlay Market. I feel so lucky to have such a link to my mom’s past and her family traditions, as well as a way to connect with my hometown in such a diverse environment. Not only is Findlay Ohio’s oldest continuously operated public market; it’s also a year-round home to dozens of food merchants selling meat, fish, fresh produce, flowers, cheese and — my favorite part — it boasts the largest tea selection in the Midwest at Churchill’s. It’s also a gathering place for street performers, farmers markets, shoppers and people watchers.

For more information on hours, vendors and special events, visit www.findlaymarket.org.

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<![CDATA[Turns Out Kids Aren't Racist Assholes]]> The Fine Brothers are "filmmakers and new media pioneers" who have created a pretty successful web series called "Kids React," where they film kids reacting to stuff. 

The latest in their child-watching oeuvre is a video about the now infamous interracial Cheerios ad. Infamous because Cheerios literally had to disable the video's YouTube comments section because of the amount of incredibly hateful, racist commentary.

In the Kids React video, children are shown the controversial ad and asked a series of questions, including why they think it upset people. The kids, it turns out, are stumped; they didn't even register anything unusual about the parents or the family. (Because there isn't.)

The Fine Brothers preface the video by saying "This episode of Kids React will discuss the sensitive subject of racism and its impact on individuals, families and the world at large. The opinions of children about these issues can give incredibly valuable insight into where our society really is and where we are headed as a people."

If these kids' reactions are any indicator, we're on the right path. That being said, the Fine Brothers are from New York and they film in L.A., a reality that the children address in the video mentioning that people in other parts of the country might still be "behind the times."

Video:
  

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<![CDATA[Here Are the Top Five Cincinnati Innovates Entries ]]>

There's $100,000 on the line waiting to be handed out to 12 ambitious groups of Cincinnatians with big ideas, and every applicant is hoping to earn your vote.

They're all contestants in Cincinnati Innovates, a contest designed to support Cincinnatians with progressive, transformative ideas of any kind — and sometimes they're pretty quirky. This year there's an entry to raise awareness about how to steep tea, one for a woman named Mickey who wants to expand her CheeseSicles (frozen cheesecake on a stick) biz, another proposal that wants to develop a local indoor shrimp farm and one that wants funding to make "Bitch Bras" for dogs. But go look for yourself...there are plenty more, including the folks behind the Please and Carriage House Farm outdoor dinner series, recently profiled in a CityBeat cover story here.

Some of the proposals have a potential to impact not just Cincinnati, but also the great, big world outside us. Voting ends July 15, so there's still time to shake up the rankings; the proposal with the most votes when the polls close will win $2,500, but the rest will be doled out by judges after deliberation.

Last year the top winner was "Skinny Mom," spearheaded by Brooke Griffin. Griffin won $25,000 to support her network of mom bloggers who share info on food, fashion, fitness and family trends.

The applicants who've earned the top 5 votes so far are as follows:

1.) 3DLT.com - These guys want to create an online database based off the iStockphoto model, instead for 3D designs that can be purchased and printed at home, online or at a local 3D print shop. If you haven't heard about 3D printing, you probably will soon — it's what gave Buttercup the duck a new leg and it can also be used to print things like eyeglasses, jewelry, casts and tons of other things. Their website is already up and running, but they're looking for support to work on making 3D printing more accessible to the public.

2.) Fly Up Fitness - Applicant Brent Kruithof's inspiration for Fly Up Fitness, the portable fitness device, arose from his frustration with his busy schedule that made it difficult to make trips to gym. His "Fly Up" device uses body weight as resistance to exercise chest muscle, but the video shows a bunch of other ways to get your fitness on that don't look too terribly intimidating.

3.) Perfect Pass - This one's targeting a pretty specific market: quarterbacks. Pat McLaughlin, football coach at Moeller High School, developed "Perfect Pass" to train quarterbacks to throw a football properly by building muscle memory.  

4.) Please & Carriage House Education Kitchen - CityBeat last month covered Please & Carriage House Farm's dynamic outdoor dining series taking place this summer, and now the duo is looking for funding to grow its system into a full-scale facility offering "education kitchen" classes and workshops to encourage the community to use and appreciate local, healthy foods.

5.) Fit Mommies - There is apparently a humongous and very active community of moms trying to get rid of their pooches. Fit Mommies is a local workout program designed specifically for prenatal and postnatal fitness. They're hoping to win so they can expand the business into a mobile app and an online workout platform.

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<![CDATA[Last Chance for The Answers Issue]]> You have one more chance to submit us a question for CityBeat's first-ever Answers Issue — after today, we're closing the polls, sorting through all the questions and divvying them up amongst our reporting team. We'll spend the next few weeks hunting down the answers to your questions as best we can and bringing back all the info in a special themed issue sometime in July.

Ask us questions a
bout life in the Queen City you want answered — that means anything on city politics, arts and culture, food, sports, neighborhoods, E. coli in the Ohio River, bird law, Cincinnati's lizard history, what an inmate eats for breakfast at the Hamilton County Justice Center, etc. Whatever's on your mind.

Go here to submit us the best questions you've got.
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<![CDATA[The Answers Issue Needs You!]]>

Hopefully, you've heard about CityBeat's first Answers Issue by now, and hopefully, by now you've submitted plentiful golden, glowing and totally insightful questions you want us to answer.

If you haven't, however, there's still time to rack your brain for the most stump-worthy questions about life in Cincinnati so we, CityBeat's faithful editorial staff, can do some sleuthing, drink some Red Bull, make some calls, read some files, spend a few hours on Google, hit up the library, talk to some fortune-tellers — whatever we can to get your questions answered.

Ask us questions about life in the Queen City you want answered — that means anything on city politics, arts and culture, food, sports, neighborhoods, E. coli in the Ohio River, bird law, what an inmate eats for breakfast at the Hamilton County Justice Center, etc. Whatever's on your mind.

You submit your question (check out the Answers Issue page here), and our dutiful reporting team will pick the ones we like best, divide them up and bring you back the answers in an issue sourced directly from you guys. Your questions will be anonymous when we print them.

We could use a lot more questions, you inquiring minds. Here's the question submissions form.

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<![CDATA[I Just Can't Get Enough]]>

Remember The Greatest Event in Television History, the 15-minute special on Adult Swim in which Jon Hamm and Adam Scott remade the intro to ‘80s detective series Simon & Simon, shot-by-shot? If not, watch the clip here, and stick around after the credits for the original theme song to truly appreciate the attention to detail.

Well, as you’ll hear from impeccable host Jeff Probst in the clip below, he lied to us last year. It wasn’t the greatest event in television history. THIS IS:


That's right, Adam Scott and Amy Poehler (with help from Horatio Sans) recreated the beginning credits to Hart to Hart, another ‘80s detective drama. Here’s the original:



Flawless.

If your significant other suddenly begins behaving differently — working late hours, cancelling plans, hanging out with new people you’ve never met, being secretive — there’s a possibility he or she may be cheating on you. You have two options: confront your loved one with honesty and concern and try to repair your relationship or call Cheaters.

Now in its 13th season, Cheaters really is one of those bottom-of-the-barrel shows.First of all, Spoiler Alert: Yes, they’re cheating on you. No one’s paying a camera crew to document some anticlimactic shit. Secondly, people (myself included) actually watch these public, messy splits as entertainment! Who would sign up for this?

For those classier than I who’ve never seen the show, here’s the gist: Cheaters sends a surveillance crew to investigate a suspicious complaintant’s partner. After a few days of “detective work,” the show’s host brings the evidence to the complaintant and offers them the chance to confront the cheater (generally in a very public and/or embarrassing situation). Of course, they do. Madness ensues.

Cheaters’ longtime host Joey Greco rose to iconic status when, during the confrontation of a woman’s cheating boyfriend, he was stabbed in the gut by the fleeing boyfriend. Later evidence suggests the stabbing might have been staged, but Greco will forever go down in reality TV infamy as the man who would take a knife to reunite a woman with the man who cheated on her…or something. Sadly, Greco stepped down as host in 2012, a fact I was not aware of until this weekend when I caught the show during some late-night channel surfing. It turns out Grecs has been replaced by a younger host with a certain L.A. coke junkie dead-eyed je ne sais quoi.