TUESDAY MAY 21: The hits just keep on coming for Abercrombie & Fitch. After recently being called out for discriminatory hiring practices, its Hollister Co. brand has been found guilty of discriminating against shoppers with physical impairments.

WEDNESDAY MAY 8: Some people would rather go to jail than have to set foot inside a mall. Thanks to a recently announced event by the Springdale Police Department and several other local agencies, the two experiences will become more alike starting next week.

WEDNESDAY MAY 1: People love to complain, and one of the old standbys when doing so is feeling tired. In response to everyone always whining about feeling tired or hungover, many food companies have begun producing snacks with caffeine added to them.

MONDAY APRIL 29: Cincinnati police were kept busy today searching for a large monkey on the loose near Union Terminal. Witnesses on the scene said the primate ran through a tunnel near Dalton Avenue.

WEDNESDAY APRIL 17: The Vermont House of Representatives last week approved a bill that will reduce the penalty for possessing up to an ounce of marijuana. The bill passed by a 2-to-1 margin, which shouldn’t come as much of surprise in the state that Phish is from.

MONDAY APRIL 15: Believe it or not, a cruise ship full of people are miserable and pissed off. In the most recent case of this happening, a seven-day Caribbean cruise on a Crown Princess ship turned real un-fun after the toilets stopped flushing.

WEDNESDAY APRIL 3: Weed, gay marriage, what’s next? Apparently, the next liberal trend to sweep the nation will be bringing your pet along to work with you so you can both be miserable and underpaid together.

Members of the Kentucky state legislature are pondering the merits of "angel investors," while admitting that rich angels are crucial when it comes to competing with Ohio businesses.

TUESDAY MARCH 26: Former presidential candidate and regular source of quotes that sound way too dumb to be true Rep. Michele Bachmann today learned that her campaign is under investigation by an independent ethics panel on Capitol Hill.

WEDNESDAY MARCH 13: WWE! readers might be surprised to learn that those of us whose jobs necessitate following real news are, in general, quite terrified of the future. For every pop culture or sports story we actually care about, there are dozens of stories about things like nuclear weapons, environmental catastrophes and murderers who act nice before they kill people.

THURSDAY MARCH 7: The American thing to do is buy an even bigger and more expensive TV than the one you already have even though it works just fine. Fountain Square, located in America, will soon follow this cultural imperative.

THURSDAY FEB. 28:  The Zumba Nightclub Series and rapper/DJ Lil Jon will provide the tunes for a Zumba class to be held at Bogart’s to be held April 13.

SATURDAY FEB. 23: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has created a free iPad app that lets you “solve disease puzzles” to figure out the origin of the contagion which made a group of people sick.

SUNDAY FEB. 17: Today marks the 50th birthday of basketball star and cultural icon, His Airness, Michael Jordan. As one of the most exciting and dominant athletes ever, Jordan won titles at the collegiate and pro levels, was an All Star like 29 times and notably saved the human race from alien criminals in Space Jam.

WEDNESDAY JAN. 23:  State Board of Education President Debe Terhar has made some folks not so happy. She shared a link on Facebook from some pitiful source who posts things like photos of our president with the caption “Where’s Lee Harvey Oswalt when you need him?” (their misspelling, not ours).