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Isaac Thorn
 

Dec. 7-13: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 14, 2011
In the Clifton redevelopment stategy, National retailers Great Clips, Firehouse Subs and Dibella’s Old Fashioned Submarines will lease some of the 80,000 feet of retail space. Opening two more places to get subs within a quarter mile of Quizno’s, Jimmy John’s and Potbelly doesn’t seem like the wisest thing to do.  

Nov. 16-21: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Hamilton County commissioners are still trying to figure out how to most tactfully inform people that the property tax breaks they were promised when construction of two sports stadiums aren’t gonna happen. Monzel and Portune  were said to be intrigued by interweaving Walmart sales terms like “rollback” into the political discourse because people like Walmart so it’s probably a good way to break bad news to people.  

Nov. 2-8: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 9, 2011
When a reporter asked a few parents in line if they thought something was wrong with an educational system in which some schools are so much better than others that they warrant camping out to get into, he was informed that if his “drug addict parents did things like this” he “wouldn’t be making $20,000 a year, living in an apartment and standing out in the cold like a dumbass” with them.  

Sept. 21-27: Worst Week Ever!

1 Comments · Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Some of Mason’s brightest residents panicked today, believing that a small plane landed on the side of Interstate 71. What was thought to be a plane turned out to be a prop built on The Beach Waterpark’s property. Hours later, things got even more confusing when some of the first responders passed Kings Island and became certain they were in France because they saw the Eiffel Tower.  

August 10-16: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The Lexington Herald Leader today reported that the state of Kentucky will give a 75-percent property tax break to a sweet biblical theme park that will have a full-sized replica of Noah's Ark. The state has already given $43 million in incentives to the Answers in Genesis folks who brought you The Creation Museum, which you and your friends always planned on getting stoned and visiting but never did.  

July 27-Aug. 2: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Two Romanian men were arrested today on charges of reprogramming Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards to dispense cash at ATMs. Both suspects were in the country on journalism visas and used the hacked cards to swipe $17,703 from a Chase Bank in Queens, N.Y. The suspects’ haul from the job earned them a slew of charges and two spots on the “100 Top Paid Journalists in America 2011” list.  

June 15-21: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Angry Vancouver residents took to the streets today after their beloved Canucks lost Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals to the Boston Bruins, doing their best to re-create scenes from the last stages of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Coverage of the riot began once the American media’s disbelief of the normally docile Canadians’ ability to riot subsided, and was followed by the filing of video that surprisingly showed that those participating were not wearing flannel shirts.  

Riverfront Redux?

The Cincinnati Reds look to repeat as Central Division champs

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Cincinnati sports fans are justifiably skeptical of their teams’ yearly promises of greatness. Our recent sports history has left many with a “believe it when we see it” philosophy when it comes to local teams’ on-field success. But when Jay Bruce’s rocket-laser walk-off home run against the Astros on Sept. 28, 2010, caromed off the batter’s-eye pavilion in center field, Great American Ball Park exploded into the greatest celebration in its short history.  

March 23-29: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 30, 2011
A newspaper article today described Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine’s support for a proposal to regulate Internet cafes (is this 1995?) and game parlors (is this 1955?) that offer games with cash prizes. DeWine says regulating "mom and pop" wagering institutions is of far greater importance than giving any attention to how the Buckeye State’s plethora of casinos set to open in the next few years will primarily function as conduits for recipients of government aid to piss their welfare and social security checks away one pull of the one-armed bandit at a time.  

Oct. 6-12: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Police Chief Tom Streicher has notified his officers in a good old-fashioned memo that they should be on the lookout for distracted drivers who might be texting. A ban on texting while driving has been passed, and now, after being briefed on what exactly text messaging is, Streicher wants it to be enforced.