There will be a moment on July Fourth in
which you realize that it might be too hot to be day-drinking outside.
Then things will get hazier and you’ll eat too much before passing out
all sweaty during or shortly after some nearby fireworks spectacle.
For many Cincinnatians, the scariest part
of going across the Western Hills Viaduct is not knowing which lane you
should be in as you wrap around that McDonald’s that greets you on the
West Side — one wrong turn and you could be headed down State Street and
wondering both what year it is and if parts of Gummo were filmed
Gender roles are weird. Men are supposed
to love going to Hooters because the restaurant is named after tits and
their servers do the best job they can at patting backs and flirting
with customers while acting as minimally repulsed as possible.
For journalistically inclined folks like
Megyn Kelly of Fox News, the 12th month of the year is as good a time as
any to make it clear to young viewers that Santa Claus and Jesus were
good, hard-working Caucasians.