SATURDAY JUNE 1: A fight during a kindergarten graduation
ceremony in Cleveland today made national news. The brawl broke out
after refreshments were spilled, which is exactly what the little kids
had spent the past year learning you aren’t supposed to do.
TUESDAY MAY 21: The hits just keep on coming for
Abercrombie & Fitch. After recently being called out for
discriminatory hiring practices, its Hollister Co. brand has been found
guilty of discriminating against shoppers with physical impairments.
WEDNESDAY MAY 8: Some people would rather go to jail than
have to set foot inside a mall. Thanks to a recently announced event by
the Springdale Police Department and several other local agencies, the
two experiences will become more alike starting next week.
WEDNESDAY MAY 1: People love to complain, and one of the
old standbys when doing so is feeling tired. In response to everyone
always whining about feeling tired or hungover, many food companies have
begun producing snacks with caffeine added to them.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 17: The Vermont House of Representatives last
week approved a bill that will reduce the penalty for possessing up to
an ounce of marijuana. The bill passed by a 2-to-1 margin, which shouldn’t
come as much of surprise in the state that Phish is from.
MONDAY APRIL 15: Believe it or not, a cruise ship full of
people are miserable and pissed off. In the most recent case of this
happening, a seven-day Caribbean cruise on a Crown Princess ship turned
real un-fun after the toilets stopped flushing.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 3: Weed, gay marriage, what’s next?
Apparently, the next liberal trend to sweep the nation will be bringing
your pet along to work with you so you can both be miserable and
TUESDAY MARCH 26: Former presidential candidate and regular
source of quotes that sound way too dumb to be true Rep. Michele
Bachmann today learned that her campaign is under investigation by an
independent ethics panel on Capitol Hill.
THURSDAY MARCH 7: The American thing to do is buy an even
bigger and more expensive TV than the one you already have even though
it works just fine. Fountain Square, located in America, will soon
follow this cultural imperative.