We’ve been telling you about county fairs all over the far reaches of the Cincinnati area (aka Butler County), so it’s only fair (ha) we tell you about the 154th annual Hamilton County Fair, our local venue for tractor pull/4-H/terrifying-ride entertainment. Nestled conveniently between the Norwood Lateral and Ronald Reagan Highway at 7801 Anthony Wayne Ave., the fair promises five days of all the country you can handle right here in the city. There will be rides, tractor/truck pulls, demolition derbies, green-friendly displays, a parade, a petting zoo, cow milking, magic shows, live bands and livestock competitions. Tuesday-Saturday.  

Mainstrasse Village will again play host to Corridor 127’s yard sale (the world’s longest), which stretches 654 miles from West Unity, Ohio to Gadsden, Ala. From Thursday-Sunday the Sixth Street Promenade will be lined with vendors trying to turn their trash into cash, and possibly your treasure. You won’t know what people are selling unless you check it out. I need a bookshelf and a kitchen table. There’s no charge for bargainers, browsers, shoppers or the curious. 8 a.m.-4 p.m. daily through Sunday.  

"Love Your Neighbor" with this installment of Second Sunday on Main. This eclectic neighborhood event kicks off with a lineup of Blues, Roots Rock and Funk bands. Special events include a celebrity chef demo with Chef Jose Salazar of The Palace, a Christian Moerlein Beer Garden, diverse artsy vendors, Main Street shops and food booths. Noon-5 p.m. Sunday on Main Street, between 13th and Liberty streets.  

Dear Maija, I'm writing to you regarding my neighbor and his goddamn dog. I work really hard to keep my lawn looking nice so my friends who are renters get jealous. But this dog — some kind of pug/bulldog freak mix — goes straight to my greenest grass every time it has to take a poo.  

Dear Maija, I'm a 61-year-old woman who only uses the Internet to watch John Matarese's helpful stories about that Spongebob show (he isn't one of those gays, is he?), but some of the others ('Monsters, Inc.' and the one with the unionized penguins) are just offensive. Sometimes I think some of these shows shows (and my granddaughter when she talks about birds) are purposely using metaphors that I don't understand.  

I just started dating this guy, and he's really sweet and cute and all that stuff. Problem is, he is very dedicated to his band and making it big in music. It consumes a lot of his free time and he works really, really hard at it, which is fine. The issue is I HATE HIS BAND.  

Dear Maija, I am a 30-year-old man with a decent job (almost six figures) and I’m interested in a woman at work. She’s about my age (maybe just a bit younger!) and we have a great work relationship. The thing is, this other dude just got run right out of the company for slapping a different woman on the ass after giving her some instructions.  

This eclectic monthly neighborhood festival (in OTR) goes global with the theme “Global Groove,” focusing on, as you can imagine, World Music. There will also be Drag Races aka men running in heels, unique shopping, a celebrity chef demo with the chef from the Iron Horse Inn, City Cellars wine tastings, a Christian Moerlein beer garden and vintage clothing from Megpie Vintage. Noon-5 p.m.  

If you don’t like kids, cultures, critters or crafts, I probably wouldn’t go to this festival. The “kids” part is up to you or your friends. Find some children and bring them here. And then the Zoo provides the “culture,” “critters” and “crafts.” There will be belly dancing, a Samba parade, live music from Robin Lacy & DeZydeco, a bird show, Menhdi art, face painting, a portable circus, create-a-craft, music from DJ Pillo, everyone’s favorite educator/comedian/folk musician Zak Morgan and more. 9 a.m.-6 p.m. at the Zoo.  

Dear Maija, My friends and I recently spent an entire Saturday drinking Coors Light and whacking golf balls against a rental property. This week we found out that the owners of Coors are super-dick Republicans who support awful political causes (I don't know what kind of run-in Pete Coors ever had with the gay community, but boy is he uncomfortable with it). How are we supposed to get wasted without feeling guilty?