If you've never been to DANCE_MF and/or have no idea what I'm talking about, you are probably an adult human with a respectable job or children who doesn't necessarily find a monthly need to get really close, drunk and dancey with a bunch of twenty- to thirtysomethings. But DMF is more than a party.   

Enjoy three days chock full of live music, rides, games and tasty food from restaurants like Maggiano's, Qdoba and Jag's Steak and Seafood. Musical acts include Friday headliners The Gin Blossoms (pictured), who topped the charts with their alt-rock hit "Hey Jealousy." Also on the bill Friday are Big Whiskey and Sullivan Janszen Band. Friday-Sunday.  

DANCE_MF, Cincinnati’s prestigiously sweaty monthly dance party, celebrates its first anniversary Saturday with a giant booze cruise aboard the River Queen riverboat. Replete with the usual dancing, DJs, video projections and, of course, Razzle Bear, DMF’s furry arctic mascot, this birthday party will have everything you’ve come to expect from DMF and more, including free beer, wine and cake. There will even be a live performance on deck by local Indie poppers The Seedy Seeds to celebrate the release of their new video, “Drive Me to the Center.”  

If you love kissing people too, stop by Fountain Square 2-3 p.m. Saturday for the Nationwide Kiss-In. What is the Nationwide Kiss-In? According to its Web site, the Kiss-In is a response “to a recent wave of incidents where police or law enforcement officers harassed or arrested LGBT people for kissing.” If you want to let people know that you think kissing isn’t a crime, come with a loved one (or no one) to spread some love and affection. And this isn’t just for members of the LGBT community, it’s for everyone.  

Back in the old days, the early '90s, I wasn't old enough to understand Angela's worldview in 'My So Called Life,' and I was never going to work in a record store like Empire Records. And I know the Gin Blossoms were probably never that cool to listen to, unlike Archers of Loaf or Dinosaur Jr. or something, but they were on the soundtracks to the movies and shows I wanted to live in.  

We’ve been telling you about county fairs all over the far reaches of the Cincinnati area (aka Butler County), so it’s only fair (ha) we tell you about the 154th annual Hamilton County Fair, our local venue for tractor pull/4-H/terrifying-ride entertainment. Nestled conveniently between the Norwood Lateral and Ronald Reagan Highway at 7801 Anthony Wayne Ave., the fair promises five days of all the country you can handle right here in the city. There will be rides, tractor/truck pulls, demolition derbies, green-friendly displays, a parade, a petting zoo, cow milking, magic shows, live bands and livestock competitions. Tuesday-Saturday.  

Mainstrasse Village will again play host to Corridor 127’s yard sale (the world’s longest), which stretches 654 miles from West Unity, Ohio to Gadsden, Ala. From Thursday-Sunday the Sixth Street Promenade will be lined with vendors trying to turn their trash into cash, and possibly your treasure. You won’t know what people are selling unless you check it out. I need a bookshelf and a kitchen table. There’s no charge for bargainers, browsers, shoppers or the curious. 8 a.m.-4 p.m. daily through Sunday.  

"Love Your Neighbor" with this installment of Second Sunday on Main. This eclectic neighborhood event kicks off with a lineup of Blues, Roots Rock and Funk bands. Special events include a celebrity chef demo with Chef Jose Salazar of The Palace, a Christian Moerlein Beer Garden, diverse artsy vendors, Main Street shops and food booths. Noon-5 p.m. Sunday on Main Street, between 13th and Liberty streets.  

Dear Maija, I'm writing to you regarding my neighbor and his goddamn dog. I work really hard to keep my lawn looking nice so my friends who are renters get jealous. But this dog — some kind of pug/bulldog freak mix — goes straight to my greenest grass every time it has to take a poo.  

Dear Maija, I'm a 61-year-old woman who only uses the Internet to watch John Matarese's helpful stories about that Spongebob show (he isn't one of those gays, is he?), but some of the others ('Monsters, Inc.' and the one with the unionized penguins) are just offensive. Sometimes I think some of these shows shows (and my granddaughter when she talks about birds) are purposely using metaphors that I don't understand.