I find it completely unfair how the media treats our celebrities, and since you’re in the media I have a little question to ask you: Shut up, I’m not even going to ask you a question. You’re just going to talk more shit about Kanye acting like a dick or David Hasselhoff getting wasted.  

I recently sat down with Stuart MacKenzie from The Lions Rampant in a semi-professional setting (The Comet) to discuss the band's new album, 'It's Fun to Do Bad Things.' But instead of focusing on leather pants, his Sammy Hagar-esque blond ambition and Rock & Roll, the convo veered off the record into his love life and other things he doesn't want his mom to read about.  

The fact that Cincinnati, despite its size, feels like a place where everybody knows your name is a really charming quality, but it makes it difficult to interview people.I recently sat down with Stuart MacKenzie from The Lions Rampant in a semi-professional setting (The Comet) to talk about the band's new album.  

Dear Maija, So I was at the Reds game the other night and this 50-year-old lady sitting in front of me bent over to pick up a deshelled peanut from the ground. When she did this it showed off her lace thong. She then proceeded to eat the peanut that had just been sitting on the ground.  

Nothing signals the arrival of fall in Cincinnati quite like the docking of the U.S.S. Nightmare, the 75-year-old “haunted” steamboat, on Riverboat Row. Now in its 18th year of scary service, it still features fan favorites like the Rat Lady, Captain Mitchell’s daughter and a slew of freaky crewmembers. This year their 40-something exhibits, including the torture chamber, will be supplemented with a Family Fun Center, which includes Laser Rage, the area’s only floating laser tag arena. Preview weekend this weekend. Normal hours start Sept. 25.  

You can support UCAN, the nonprofit spay and neuter clinic, which will host its first fundraising walk downtown Sunday at Sawyer Point. For a registration fee of $20, you can help UCAN continue its mission of population control, which includes a TNR (trap-neuter-release) program for feral cats. Since April of 2007 they’ve performed more than 18,000 affordable spay and neuter surgeries. Registration for the walk begins at 10 a.m., and the walk begins at 11, rain or shine. There will also be music, food, an animal communicator, vendors, microchipping, dog agility demonstrations, games, contests, raffles and more.  

The Chamber Music Network takes over the Cincinnati Art Museum for its annual celebration of chamber music, Chamberpalooza. The event will feature free chamber music sampler concerts — ranging from Classical to Jazz to Choral — special activities for children, a musical instrument “petting” zoo and drawings to win assorted chamber music tickets, CDs and T-shirts. Noon-4 p.m.  

This floppy-haired comedian and star of both his own Comedy Central show, Important Things With Demetri Martin, and the new Ang Lee film, Taking Woodstock, brings his live stand-up act to the Cintas Center on Xavier University’s campus. His brand of clean, comedic musings often leads to observations like, “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” 7:30 p.m.  

Dear Maija, I'm homeless, but I've been working really hard on trying to get my life back together. (I used to play a trumpet outside of sporting events but some kids stole it one night after the Reds lost.) Lately I've been writing a lot, but I can't get my work published in the local homeless newspaper because all they seem to write about is how offensive you are.  

Dear Maija, I am seriously afraid of monsters. I hate scary movies, Halloween and freaky looking people. Well, the other day I went to my friend's house to watch reruns of 'Sex and the City,' and she turned on this crazy new show about vampires and, like, five minutes into it there was full-on sex!