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The Morning After
 
by Hannah McCartney 11.13.2013
Posted In: Fun, Culture, Humor, Life at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
 
 
nipperts-snow-penis

Penis Sighting at Nippert Stadium

There was a 100-yard penis at UC yesterday and nobody told us about it

UPDATED 3:29 P.M. "This definitely puts Nippert Stadium in a hard place."
"He just wanted to stick it to the man."
"Hopefully the dean doesn't blow up in his face." — Staff writer German Lopez

UPDATED 3:28 P.M. "If that prankster doesn't keep it up, he might just get off with a warning." — Hannah McCartney

UPDATED 3:22 P.M. "You didn't say anything about this guy potentially getting caught and getting the shaft
." — Staff writer Ge
rman Lopez

Snow angels are for rookies. And snow penises, evidently, are for University of Cincinnati students.

Somehow the folks at Hypervocal and Uproxx caught wind of this before us because we spent all morning trying to fix our blogging system, but someone took advantage of Monday night's snowfall in a non-traditional way, if by non-traditional you mean drawing a humongous awkwardly and disproportionately-shaped penis on the field at University of Cincinnati's Nippert Stadium.

According to the Hypervocal and Uproxx stories, a UC student took a photo of the public work of art and Tweeted the image, but deleted it later because she felt guilty about it . Of course, by then it was too late, and now it will live down in penis-themed viral web content forever.

I want to make a lot of jokes about this, but Hypervocal and Uproxx have already had a BALL doing that themselves.

Jizz Angle



No word yet if the student has been PENalized.
 
 
by Hannah McCartney 11.08.2013
Posted In: Fun, Humor, Culture, Is this for real? at 03:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 
cranley

The Many Twitter Faces of John Cranley

John Cranley had only a few unsullied hours of golden time on social media to celebrate his mayoral win on Wednesday before he became the subject of at least two Twitter accounts created solely to troll him, and they're worth a follow if you'd describe your sense of humor as somewhat to very immature or are still totally salty about Cran-man's victory.

So far, we know of @CranleyVille and @MayorCranley, both of which have taken to creating alternate, highly egotistical and cartoon-like depictions of our new mayor.

While whoever is behind CranleyVille clearly has more time on his or her hands (whoever it is tweeted 90 times in three days),  both provide some pretty amusing fodder for 4 p.m. on a Friday afternoon.

Why social media has quickly taken to poking fun at Cranley in every way possible — or whether or not a Qualls victory would have brought something like an "Afghan Girl Qualls" to life — we'll never know. And while CityBeat holds a great deal of respect for the mayoral position and for Cranley, that doesn't mean we're not allowed to be immature and laugh a little bit.

Oh, and here's the real deal, too.
 
 
by Hannah McCartney 11.07.2013
Posted In: Music, Culture at 01:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
personalized_ohio2

This Could Be Ohio's New State Country Song

For whatever reason, Americans deem it a necessary source of pride for us to award the states we live in all sorts of symbolic attributes, such as an official state amphibian (Ohio: spotted salamander), official state muffin (Minnesota: blueberry) or an official state "sport" (Maryland: walking?). And Oklahoma's unofficial state sport is apparently obesity — their official meal is "fried okra, squash, cornbread, barbecue pork, biscuits, sausage and gravy, grits, corn, strawberries, chicken-fried steak, black-eyed peas, and pecan pie."

Now, there's a very real possibility that sometime soon, the state of Ohio will add to its arsenal of symbols (our state drink is tomato juice?) by adopting its own state "Country" anthem: On Wednesday, Nov. 6, Ohio Rep. Nick Barborack (D-Lisbon) introduced House Bill 330 to the general assembly, which would give the state an official Country song called "Ohio" by Lisbon, Ohio musician Zach Paxson.

Here's the song that's been Ohio's official, official song since 1969:


Old-timey, for sure, but at least there's some pretty imagery thrown in there. Everybody likes moonlit streams and freedom.

And we all know "Hang on Sloopy," the '60s Pop Rock ditty that was actually wasn't designated our state Rock song until 1985, when the House passed a resolution with a bunch of references to the song, including phrases like: 

WHEREAS, "Hang On Sloopy" is of particular relevance to members of the Baby Boom Generation, who were once dismissed as a bunch of long-haired, crazy kids, but who now are old enough and vote in sufficient numbers to be taken quite seriously; and

WHEREAS, Adoption of this resolution will not take too long, cost the state anything, or affect the quality of life in this state to any appreciable degree, and if we in the legislature just go ahead and pass the darn thing, we can get on with more important stuff.

The '80s were a weird time for a lot of things, so this makes a lot of sense. The introduction of Paxson's song, however, feels a little out of the blue.

Paxson's video, and the lyrics to the song, from Paxson's website (SIC to the errors):


Austin Texas was a great place
but I couldn’t wait to get home with a big smile on my face
and see those green farms and factories
as I made my way through my favorite city’s
Chorus
So give me a cold one at the end of the day
and a “w” for the scarlet and gray
this still is the greatest place that I’ve ever known
OHIO, OHIO
Every morning I pass them
in their work boots and their business suits but we all come from the same roots
and we’re the keeper of great names
cause we got the rock ‘n’ roll and the football hall of fame
Chorus
So give me a cold one at the end of the day
and a “w” for the scarlet and gray
this still is the greatest place that I’ve ever known
OHIO, OHIO

Chorus
So give me a cold one at the end of the day
and a “w” for the scarlet and gray
this still is the greatest place that I’ve ever known
OHIO, OHIO, we’re the pulse of America here in the heart of it all
OHIO

What do you think of it? I only made it through the first 30 secondsI grew up in a rural town and any varietal of  Country music makes me hurt inside. Plus, I found the video, which is a kind of schizophrenic mix of a bunch of really blurry photos accompanied by WordArt lyrics, hard to watch.

Clearly, I'm biased, and I don't really get why there are several politicians taking the time to lobby for this to join "Hang on Sloopy" and "Beautiful Ohio." The bill is just waiting to be signed to a committee, so it will be awhile before a decision is made. But it's worth thinking about. Does it deserve to join the ranks of Ohio's tomato juices and bullfrogs? Or are state symbols just generally not supposed to make any sense?

 
 
by Hannah McCartney 11.06.2013
Posted In: Fun, Drinking, Culture at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
 
 
triviahomer

Cincinnati's Trivia Nights

Here are places you can marry your loves for drinking and being nerdy

Nerds tend to gravitate toward other nerds because it's okay to talk about things like Star Wars, city referendums and why Apple products are superior to anything that is not an Apple product. Social drinkers tend to like hanging out with other social drinkers so that everyone's jokes seem funnier and it feels OK to eat enough nachos to serve a small family or do things like jump in public fountains.

Much like peanut butter and jelly or Wes Anderson movies and white people, when combined these two traits form a harmonious swirl of glee and whimsy.

There are myriad watering holes around Cincinnati with trivia nights featuring prizes and all sorts of food and drink specials and cash prizes for winning teams. Here are a bunch organized by day. 


MONDAYS:

Brew House 

 Mondays, 7:30-9:30 p.m., 1047 E. McMillan St., Walnut Hills, (513) 961-9058
Win gift certificates to the Brew House.

Mount Lookout Tavern

Mondays, 8 p.m., 3209 Linwood Ave., Mount Lookout, (513) 871-9633
$50 1st Place. 

Neons Unplugged

Mondays, 7 p.m., 208 E. 12th St., Over-the-Rhine, (513) 827-9361.


TUESDAYS:

Jefferson Social

Tuesdays, 10 p.m., 101 East Freedom Way, The Banks, (513) 381-2623.
$40 1st Place.

Mayday 
Tuesdays, 8 p.m., 4227 Spring Grove Ave., Northside, (513)-541-0999
 
Willie’s Western Hills
Tuesdays, 9 p.m., and Thursdays, 7 p.m., 6380 Glenway Ave., Western Hills, (513)-922-3377

WEDNESDAYS:

Avenue Brew 

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 310 Fairfield Ave., Bellevue, Ky., (859) 261-4381

Flipdaddy’s

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 7453 Wooster Pike, Mariemont, (513) 272-2337

Keystone Hyde Park 

Wednesdays, 8 p.m., 3384 Erie Ave., Hyde Park, (513) 321-2150.
Drink specials, $40 1st Place.

Molly Malone’s

Wednesdays, 8 p.m., 112 E. 4th St., Covington, Ky., (859)-491-6659
$2 draft special and prizes.


Longworth's

Wednesdays, 8 p.m. 1108 Gregory St., Mount Adams, (513)-651-2253
Drink specials, 1/2 price apps.


Next Chapter

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 940 Pavilion St., Mount Adams, (513)-381-1905


THURSDAYS:

Beer Sellar

Thursdays, 8 p.m., 301 Riverboat Row, Newport, Ky., (859) 431-6969
$35 1st Place - $20 for best team name.


Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments.
 
 
by Jac Kern 11.06.2013
Posted In: Humor, Holidays, TV/Celebrity at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
web-blog-ijustcantgetenough-3

I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

One good thing about Halloween falling on a Thursday is that we get two weekends of celebrity costumes to dissect.

Heidi Klum always pulls out the stops for Halloween, hosting a major bash every year. And her costumes are always over-the-top. This year is no different, though Heidi wasn’t dressed in a crazy cyborg suit or a scary Kali goddess getup — Ms. Project Runway was unrecognizable as an old ass lady!

There’s a 15 percent chance this is actually just Heidi Klum after a week with no Botox, green juice or airbrush artists.

There are essentially three categories in which Halloween costumes fall: “sexy” costumes, offensive costumes and pop culture costumes. As Julianne Hough proved with her Orange Is the New Black-face ensemble, it’s typical for costume categories to overlap. Here are my fave star costumes of the year, which happen to all be celebs dressed as other celebs. #meta

Miley as Lil' Kim

                                                   Honey Boo Boo family as the Kardashian Klan

                                                                       Ellen as Nicki Minaj

Jenny McCarthy as Miley’s mouf

So apparently "funeral selfies" are a goddam thing – Bust, The Atlantic, Jezebel and others are all talking about the trend this week. Some people argue that kids of the digital age don’t know how to express their feelings except by documenting every passing moment — no matter how somber — on social media. This is just the modern way of grieving! Which actually make sense because, come to think of it, when I went to a funeral as a young teen, all the kids would snap self-portraits in church with disposable cameras, run to Walgreen’s afterward and then scan them to our LiveJournal pages — hashtags just weren’t invented yet! Oh wait, none of that actually happened because that’s fucking strange behavior no matter your generation.

Guy Fieri né FERRY is all over the news this week. The intolerable TV “chef” got into a recorded altercation with his drunk hairdresser who had just gotten sloshed on a plane (taking them to Flavortown, I presume).

Fighting is never the answer, children, but who wouldn’t want to beat down the person responsible for basing a real hairstyle...

...off of a hat primarily given as a gag gift:

Pictured: “Flaming Flair Hair Visor,” not the actual scalped head of Guy Fieri

Two days after the cat fight, the King of Donkey Sauce found himself in court testifying against the man who allegedly stole his neon yellow Lamborghini (which is equally as obnoxious as Guy himself), resulting in one of the best trial sketches of all time.