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The Morning After
 
by Danny Cross 05.20.2011
Posted In: Rapture at 12:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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What if the Rapture Actually Happens?

Most people have probably already heard about the widespread belief that the Rapture will occur sometime tomorrow. It's been reported here, here and by this guy, who says what will happen is God opening up all the graves on Earth and everything in those graves coming up out of the ground, their bodies transforming into spirits and going up to heaven, followed by any believers.

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by Jac Kern 06.01.2012
at 04:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
 
 
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I Just Can't Get Enough

By now, you’ve probably seen Isaac Lamb’s masterfully choreographed routine/marriage proposal to Amy Frankel. The Portland, Ore. couple reached cyber stardom with YouTube video “Isaac’s Live Lip-Dub Proposal” — just one week after being posted, it's approaching 12 million views.

It is important to note that despite various website mentions, this is decidedly not “hipster” (except maybe the dancing Jews, that might be some kind of underground art trend). The song is a 2010 hit Pop song by “Hawaiian Elvis” Bruno Mars. A similar performance can be seen on this very popular television show. Nonetheless, it is really damn cute. I dare you to not get misty-eyed.

It might not be everyone’s dream proposal, but it’s such a representative 2012 slice of life: popular music, Glee-esque dancing, technology (Skype, YouTube). Just imagine their first dance as husband and wife…

If you’re not one of the couple million people who saw Battleship, don’t waste your money quite yet. Here’s every line of dialogue Rihanna says in the box office bomb.

School lunches usually suck. Although over the years many schools have committed to serving healthier, more substantial meals, the thought of cafeterias conjures up memories of greasy sloppy joes, canned fruit and square pizza. Most kids don’t mind it — who didn’t look forward to grilled cheese day? Kids aren’t concerned with nutritious content. Kids who aren’t Martha Payne, that is. GOOD shared the blog of this 9-year-old Scottish girl who became fed up with her inadequate school lunches. Under the careful supervision of her Dad, Payne created NeverSeconds, a blog of her daily school lunch with ratings (which adorably calculate number of mouthfuls and pieces of hair in every meal). The blog hasn’t even been up for two months and Payne is already getting recognition from the likes of school lunch champion Jamie Oliver. Payne, under the moniker Veg (as in Veritas Ex Gustu, which is Latin for Truth in Tasting), also invites children from around the world to send in photos and analyses of their healthy or sub-par school meals. What a cool little chick.

Anchorman 2 is really coming.

Mark Zuckerberg had a pretty busy couple weeks. He launched Facebook in the stock market, updated his relationship status and married a girl that did not dump him in The Social Network, honeymooned in Italy and ate McDonald’s there. And everyone’s pissed about all of it.

Did anyone else nearly run their car off the road when they hear what sounds like Morgan Freeman’s sweet, heavenly voice on a … library commercial?

That’s right, a guy who really sounds like Morgan Freeman voiced a commercial for the Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County.

 
 
by Charlie Gibson 06.09.2009
Posted In: Charlie's Corner at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
 
 

'The Hangover' Movie Review by Charlie

I rarely go to the movies anymore. I’m just too poor to spend $10 to see something I can download for free shortly after the release date.

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by Jac Kern 12.09.2011
Posted In: Culture, Events, Fun, Northside, Music at 10:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Your Weekend To Do List: 12/9-12/11

Santa Claus is coming to town a little early this year. SantaCon kicks off at noon Saturday, when Santas of all sorts will gather on Fountain Square, then disperse around the city, singing, passing out candy and bringing holiday cheer to area bars and restaurants. To participate, email santa@cincinnatisantacon.com and follow @CincySantacon on Twitter to find them around town.

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by Christine Mersch 07.08.2010
Posted In: Fun, Holidays at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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A Thrilling, Memorable Trip to South Africa

The large signs started showing up right outside of Ellis Park as we drove to the USA vs. Slovenia soccer match: "Johannesburg is ready." Sure, these signs were meant to tell foreigners that South Africa had everything in order for the 2010 World Cup. But they also seemed to be a pep-me-up for South Africans, as if the signs were saying, "Johannesburg is ready. Right, guys? Right?"

Before I left on my trip to South Africa to enjoy the World Cup, plenty of people tried to discourage me. My mom said it was too dangerous, and my friends wondered why I'd want to fly that far just for a soccer game.

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by Jac Kern 02.01.2012
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Life, Culture, Fun at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
 
 
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Shit Cincinnatians Say


I guess it was only a matter of time. The Shit Girls Say viral phenomenon has sparked hundreds of knock-offs: Shit Black Guys Say, Shit Girls Say to Gay Guys, Shit Nobody Says are among my favorites. Now, we have our own.

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by Jac Kern 05.24.2011
Posted In: Is this for real?, Fun, Animals, Life at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 

Dealing With Humans: Cincinnati Zoo Edition

I like to think of myself as a pretty normal person, perfectly capable of interacting with a variety of other humans. I watch bad television and sometimes shop at Wal-Mart, yet I enjoy ethnic food and DIY projects. MFin' renaissance woman. But sometimes, despite a breadth of interests and activities, I cannot deal with people. Enter the Cincinnati Zoo.

This Sunday, instead of burying my head under a pillow until 1 p.m., the boyfriend and I decided to pay a visit to the yearly Zoo Babies attraction. The weather was sunny and warm, and neither of us were hungover - a perfect and rare opportunity to look at little animals.

Nearly anyone can enjoy a trip to the zoo, but I know very well that this type of attraction is particularly appealing to little humans - children. And sometimes children don't know how to walk yet or their biological walking timers shut off and they need assistance, i.e. strollers. I know they're necessary, but some of these devices are more comparable to a slightly smaller Prius. Of course, you have to let kids cut in front of your or you're a total bitch. But, god damnit, I paid $14 to be here and I want to see the manatees, too.

So what are you supposed to do? Wait patiently for the throng of toddlers to peep new baby giraffe, Zuri and then try your damnedest to see past their gooey fingerprints smudging the glass window once it's your turn.

Strollers suck (though they're much more obtrusive at packed festivals - watch out for those bad boys this weekend at The Taste!), but Sunday I found a worse alternative that I thought only existed as a joke in the '90s - baby leashes. I witnessed countless seemingly behaved youngsters strapped in a fuzzy, cuddly, stuffed-animal themed LEASH. How lazy of a parent do you have to be to think the best way to prevent your kid from jumping into the polar bear cave is to attach them to a harness?


                                      However, it's another issue if you're hypoglycemic and hyperactive. A hyper-hypo.

You better believe I gave a big old side-eye to each of these parents. For the love of god, go back to the tricked out, view-obstructing, toe-crushing stroller! Anything is better than a child leash.

Thankfully, dedicated individuals have devoted their time to stop this injustice.

Of course, there's another group of humans that left me mimicking the gorillas:

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                                             The I-don't-give-a-fuck crew.

So we're in the Jungle Trails, a peaceful, shaded area with plenty of space and lots of cool creatures. I'm just trying to get a good view of a zebra when I hear a stern, "Excuse me. There is no smoking anywhere in the zoo." Now, this dude was kind of dickish, gettin' up in somebody's bidness while wiping his kid from head to toe with sanitizer. But, holy shit, some bitch was actually smoking a cig by the animals! She quickly extinguished her smoke (possibly into the animal sanctuary - I was trying not to stare) with a raspy "Sah-ree." With that, it was time to escape to the air-conditioned nocturnal animal space.

It was pretty dark and kind of hard to see these critters (hello, nocturnal!) and one particularly grimy child next to me began smacking the window next to me.

"Wake up! Where is it?" he shouted, as a little partner in crime joined him in glass-banging. Half-concerned for the adorable lemur on the other side, half-worried someone might mistake these shit heads as my own offspring, I used my best waitress voice and said, "Hey guys, we shouldn't tap on the glass, OK?" and pointed to the dozens of signs suggesting the same. They continued.

We made our way back outside, to see my most anticipated animals, the bonobos. These apes share 98.7% of DNA with humans and are completely capable of learning many people things, like understanding English and using American Sign Language. (Side note: I'm half-way through Water for Elephants author's latest novel Ape House, in which bonobos play a huge role. It's a great read.) They're sweet.

Once again, I found myself behind a bunch of kids who probably can't pronounce bonobo and probably won't remember seeing them, but I kept my patient pants on. Until grimy kid #1 resurfaced…on the other side of a rope barrier, pounding on the gate. Sure enough, the brat belonged to cig lady who, at this point was enjoying (her fifth?) draft beer.

"C'mon, stop it. You're not supposed to be there," she yawned.

"I wanna see if he'll attack me! I wanna see if he'll attack me!"

This continued for a few minutes. I felt my mouth drop and I turned around to see I wasn't the only one in awe. Anyone who makes me feel like I'd be a competent mother has some serious issues. Maybe child leashes are appropriate in certain situations.

I guess I didn't really learn how to better cope with people, but I did discover this: animals are way cooler than humans, and their babies are cuter.

 
 
by Hannah McCartney 06.15.2009
Posted In: Life, Dating at 02:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 

Craigslist Crusades

I admit it. I am a Craigslist addict. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?

It started back in April while I was still at college. My friend Ashley and I began scheming to find an apartment to share in Cincy for the summer, dreading living under parental control after a year of complete freedom in college.

Before class, I began checking the “apartments” listings all over Cincinnati, constantly searching for a cheaper, cooler, better place to rent.

That lasted for a while. As the school year came to a close, I started thinking about how much I needed to find a summer job / make money before heading back to Ohio.

So my addiction magnified.

Almost every day, I checked the job postings. Before I knew it, I found myself skimming stuff like the “manufacturing” and “systems/network” job postings, even though I fully knew I a) lacked any smidgeon of qualification b) had absolutely no interest in working in a peanut processing plant c) had no clue what the hell systems/network even meant.

Then came the [ETC] category. One of my personal favorites. I started looking here when my job search was failing and I realized how desperate I was for money. The [ETC] listings contain every odd job you could dream up. Fluent in Thai? Want to iron shirts for cash? Mow lawns? Teach tantra? Somebody wants to pay you.

I couldn’t help myself—I kept checking the [ETC] listings to see if I qualified to participate in a dish soap research study or maybe a coffee drinker focus group.

Then came the best part. The missed connections. I can’t even remember how I wandered over to the personals sections. Curiosity is the only reasonable explanation.

Previously, my primary sources of internet humor were textsfromlastnight.com and fmylife.com. But the missed connections were better because they were never really intended to be funny in the first place. Call me a cynic, but it seems like a bit more than wishful thinking to hope that that sexy Wal-mart cashier was checking you out, too, and wandered over to Craigslist just hoping you’d confess your longing in poetic prose. Kind of like this one: “We exchanged eye contact that was fraught with attraction, anxiety, curiosity, longing, despair, hopelessness, hopefulness, an urge to say hi and an urge to say "stop looking at me.’”

Or maybe this one: “’Oh Starbucks barista girl at the 4th and Vine location... how in love am I with you? Let me count the ways… ‘Chocolate frappacino’ you gently said as you slammed the cup to the counter without even looking up... I imagine cartoon hearts must have shot out of my spine and into the air.”

If the missed connections section of Craigslist has taught me anything, I’ve learned that there are a whole slew of romance novelists in Cincinnati just waiting to be discovered. People are so optimistic; they take time to write these postings just hoping it will be read in time for them to reignite that flame kindled in a parking lot, coffee shop, whatever.

I am fully aware of how incredibly dorky/pathetic it is that I have wasted so much time on Craigslist. But I don’t care. Reading the classifieds is a great source for procrastination, humor and insight into the genuine hopes/dreams/hallucinations of people all over the ‘Nati.

Go check out Craigslist. Just not the creepy sections. Who knows, maybe you really did catch the eye of that super cute waiter/librarian/barista. Or maybe you can make a quick $50 for participating in a left-handed research study. It’s all gold.


 
 
by Jac Kern 07.23.2009
Posted In: DIY at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 

D.I.Y. Samurai: The Knot

Marriage is not in my foreseeable future and I would much rather crash a reception than plan a wedding, but it’s summer and I must acknowledge wedding season. Until recently, I worked at a private club which hosted events like wedding receptions. This was a classy joint, so I worked at some gorgeous loose-budget parties, to say the least. A few things that really bugged me about these receptions were the ridiculous price tags on some of the smaller aspects of the events and the amount of crap I’d have to throw away once the guests departed. So, while I am no professional, I’ve picked out some D.I.Y. alternatives with the help of my high-end wedding observations, my library of craft books and some hot conscientious wedding Web sites. There’s a ton of them out there and any bride- or groom-to-be should check ‘em out if they’re trying to save – or go – green at their wedding.

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by Jac Kern 04.12.2013
Posted In: Eats at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 
tom+chee

Tom and Chee to Appear on 'Shark Tank'

Local grilled cheese chain will be featured on ABC's investment opportunity reality show

Trew Quackenbush and Corey Ward of gourmet grilled cheesery Tom + Chee announced Friday that they will be featured on ABC's Shark Tank in an episode airing at 9 p.m. May 17.

T + C is no stranger to TV – the grilled cheese mecca has already been featured on The Today Show, Amazing Eats and Man v. Food Nation — but this one’s a little different. Entrepreneurs of all kinds pitch their businesses to a panel of investors in hopes for a potential deal. But they don’t call it Shark Tank for nothing. The “sharks” — a panel of five millionaire/billionaire investor-entrepreneurs including Mark Cuban, Lori Greiner, Barbara Corcoran, Robert Herjavec, Daymond John and Kevin O'Leary — are often brutal in their critiques of people’s business plans and concepts. Participants are much more likely to walk away with a bruised ego than an actual deal. Simply appearing on the show, though, can create a lot of buzz for a business, so perhaps it's worth it to have the creator of FUBU publicly stomp on your dreams.

It will be interesting to see what kind of deal the Tom + Chee guys have in mind. Usually on the show, entrepreneurs present a product they need help mass producing, marketing and getting into retail outlets/e-commerce. Ward and Quackenbush will likely seek funds for additional restaurant locations. T + C currently has five locations in Cincinnati, Newport and Louisville, but perhaps they are looking to expand nationwide. Whatever the outcome, big ups to anyone who will voluntarily step to the sharks — and Mark Cuban’s scary face — on national television.

Here's a taste of the Tank:

This announcement comes on National Grilled Cheese Day, so you should probably celebrate with a deliciously gooey T + C sammy. Today's featured sandwich, naturally, is the Shark Bite: roasted mako shark (yes, actual shark), jalapeño aioli, parmesan garlic chips, diced tomato, gouda and pepper jack cheeses on sourdough bread — available in Cincinnati locations only.

 
 

 

 

 
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