Miley Cyrus kicked off her Bangerz tour in expected fashion: with a mini-Britney, a gigantic phallic hot dog, the return of the infamous foam finger and Miley entering the stage via a giant Miley head, sliding down a giant Miley tongue. Here’s a look at this recent performance of “Party in the USA,” basically a children’s patriotic school play, if said children drank a bathtub full of molly-laced Kool-Aid first.
Side note: This is what U.S. History class will look like in 2064.
We’re more than halfway through the Olympics and the U.S. is currently in third place for medal standings with 23 medals —the most decorated country at this point.
There have been some ups and downs: Superstars Shaun White and Shani Davis failed to attain medals and other U.S. favorites scored much lower than expected. But history was made with Charlie White and Meryl Davis winning the first U.S. gold in Olympic ice dancing; bobsledder Steven Holcomb again broke a 62-year losing streak for the States (he and Steve Langton won bronze in the two-man race, medaling for the first time since 1952; Holcomb in 2010 also led his four-man sled team to the country’s first medal in that event in 62 years); and the U.S. commanded the podium for men’s ski slopestyle as Americans
The best spectacle came on the ice rink, though. Is that any surprise? With music, dancing and sparkly costumes, the other sports just don’t compete when it comes to entertainment. Retired ice princess Johnny Weir hasn’t missed a step with his flawless looks while providing figure skating commentary for NBC — Gawker has been on Weir Watch, documenting his sassiest ensembles and accessories.
Is anyone else kicking themselves for having just discovered Russian skating god Evgeni Plushenko? The highly decorated figure skater embarked on his fourth Olympics in Sochi this year after undergoing surgery on his spine in early 2013. Plush won Russia’s first gold at the games, competing in two team events before kicking off the figure skating short program. Sadly — and right after NBC aired an amazing reel on Plush and his very interesting history — the skater injured himself during practice, just before he was about to compete. Plush withdrew from the event, retiring from his sport effective immediately.
So this kind of thing happens all the time with athletes who push their bodies to the limit. But Plushenko is more than just a talented skater. He was a presence — with “top three in Russian woman” wife — as this now-viral showcase (aka not a competition) performance proves.
And finally we have The Faces of Figure Skating, which pretty much speaks for itself.
This dude is a dead-ringer for David Wain seeing a pair of boobs for the first time.
You know that Crystal Head vodka that comes in a cool glass skull? Well, fun fact, Dan Aykroyd founded the company, and some scientists created a face based on the “skull’s” dimension. Here’s what it would look like if the Crystal Head was a real guy:
Jimmy Fallon took over The Tonight Show hosting duties Monday and it’s already clear fans of his Late Night jokes, skits and recurring bits can expect just about the same from his new show and time slot. A cavalcade of celebrities welcomed Fallon on Monday, with Lindsay Lohan, Rudy Giuliani, Lady Gaga and other famous New Yorkers paying up as if they lost a bet that he’d never take over Tonight. Fallon’s first guest was Will Smith who, along with Jimmy, schooled us on the Evolution of Hip-Hop Dancing. I also finally discovered that The Roots, when introducing Fallon, aren’t just yelling random numbers (I thought they were area code shout outs?), which became clear when ?uestlove enthusiastically shouted, “One!” at the start of the first show.
Fallon’s gonna kill it. So it’s definitely appropriate that his original Saturday Night Live audition tape is making its rounds. Spoiler Alert: Jimmy is a baby and auditioning for SNL appears to be the most terrifying experience ever.
Upstairs is busy with rigidity and drama this week, and it’s about what it’s always about: bribery and corruption.
The big pig debacle is teaching all of the upstairs cast about life and hard work. Mr. Blake and Mr. Gillingham are in the same room with Mary, and things get heated. Mr. Blake finally exits, but not without leaving a trail of sexual tension behind him.
Nobody knows how Robert is “getting on” in America because he is slowly becoming an insignificant character on the show and in the family.
Mr. Blake handles Mary’s child (what’s his name/he’s never around) and Mary is obviously super turned on by that, as told by the widening of her eyes.
Edith and Mary have been rather nice to each other lately, but oh how I miss the rotten cattiness.
Isobel Crawley is encouraging Branson to find socialism again, but he finds Sarah Bunting instead. Bunting, the political teacher with a pretty smile, seems to be a fitting replacement for Sybil. Maybe. As always, I am still grieving over Sybil and Matthew, and it might still be too soon for me. Too. Soon.
Aunt Rosamund, who is usually an ice cold bitch, is keeping Edith’s secret baby a secret. Which is really, really hard for her. Still no word from Michael Gregson, and the Dowager Countess finds out about the secret baby because that woman doesn’t miss a beat. Rosamund reassures Edith with, “You are not happy, but at least free”.
Cousin Rose is caught with Jack Ross in public again, and Branson’s feathers seem ruffled. Remember when Matthew used to swoop in and rescue Rose (and the entire family) from insufferable embarrassment? This time, however, Rose is not just partying and making a fool of herself. She seems to truly enjoy Ross’s company (or at least the thrill of it). When Ross seems weary of the situation, she comforts him by saying, “Isn’t it time people knew there are bigger and better values than the mean spirited ones they live by?” Later, when she finally reveals she is ENGAGED, it seems she only wants to get married to a black guy to piss her mother off.
Is anyone else getting sick of how bitter Daisy has been over Alfred? Now Alfred wants to marry Ivy, and Mrs. Patmore is tweakin’ about handling this much drama. Ivy is in the exact same situation as Daisy was with William in seasons one & two. Minus World War I and awkward family guilt trips. Mrs. Patmore has become somewhat of a guidance counselor and authority figure for the younger staff, and it’s an enjoyable dynamic. She may pretend to hate it, but on the inside she loves being that maternal figure in Daisy and Ivy’s life. After Daisy says goodbye to Alfred, Mrs. Patmore expresses her pride: “If you were my own daughter, I couldn’t be prouder than I am now.”
Anna finally confesses to Mary that Lord Gillingham’s valet Mr. Green, was her rapist. Lord Mary’s realization gave me chills, mainly because I’m not used to seeing that much of a reaction from her. After some sleuthing, Mr. Bates totally knows Mr. Green was the one who raped his wife, and he plans to do something about it. Mary Convinced Mr. Gillingham to relieve Mr. Green from his duties, but HE’S DEAD AND BATES PROBABLY KILLED HIM.
Molesley and Miss Baxter share a tender moment about feeling “fragile” and
their loyalties to Thomas, the mischievous under butler.
Until next week,
“Life kicks the stuffing outta ya sometimes, doesn’t it?" – Molesley
The ten-year anniversary of Kanye West’s College Dropout album was Monday, Feb. 10. Other than just making me feel old, this album does bring back memories. Many people tweeted that it was one of the best rap albums produced and, with songs like “Through the Wire,” “All Falls Down” and “Slow Jamz,” it very well could be. Even if you don’t like rap or Kanye West, the dude rapped “Through the Wire” with a broken jaw and his mouth wired shut. There’s just something you have to respect about that.
No, not the drink... She was a 1930s child star that worked her way up from acting and singing to a place in politics. Temple was a young star that never went on to be plagued with the many misfortunes of child performers today. Is it the media, the relentless spotlight, the ruthless critics or the constant negativity on social media that drive so many to overindulge in drugs and drinking today? Even in the tweets about Temple, some were saying she died of AIDS, that she was a racist and a communist. Really? She died at age 85 and so many of the stars we all grew up with probably won’t even live to be half that old.
Tons of people were thankful for their hot cocoa and caramel macchiato this week due to the below-freezing temps again. Throw in the whole “Dumb Starbucks” stunt and you have thisa trending topic in Cincy. I predict Graeter’s will be trending at some point this summer and there will be pictures of banana splits and chocolate milkshakes everywhere. Someone should make a “Dumb Graeters” and see how much money their old cup sells for.
Ahh, ‘tis the season for another funny trend thanks to Valentine’s Day. What is it about Tuesday afternoons that makes it so difficult for people to work? Now, imagine these sayings on a little candy heart from your sweetie:
It’s not me, it’s you.
If only someone loved you.
You were almost my first choice.
Front: ILY, Back: I’m Leaving You.
This hashtag was supposedly started about Shaun White, the snowboarder. Of course, if you’re not following the Olympics this trend could be seriously misconstrued. Whoever started this had to have seen the blatant double meaning. If you want to start a trend on Twitter, by all means go for it, but use your damn brain. Regardless of what this hashtag means, it should say #IfIWereWhite. You’re welcome, grammar Nazis.
Apparently MTV has a show that is not about the young and pregnant or the young and drunk. Congratulations, Teen Wolf, apparently you are worthy of watching.
So, Big Lots will be the official discount seller of Hostess products. Each week an assortment of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Ho-Hos will be shipped to Big Lots everywhere and sold for cheap. Big Lots is based in Columbus, so it makes sense that this would be trending in Cincinnati. In light of this trend, many people were offering some of their best thrifty advice. Here were a few tips I found interesting:
Don’t use the heated dry cycle on your dishwasher; it saves money on
your energy bill.
Make a grocery list and only buy what is on it. This helps to curb impulse buying at the store. This one is definitely harder than it sounds.
Go to the thrift store first. Many places have a rack with all brand new clothes sent from the store because they weren’t selling, were returned, have a crooked seam or something minor.
Bring your coffee from home. Figure out how much you spend a week on coffee compared to investing in a coffee pot and making your own. The savings are more than you’d expect.
Follow @Thriftinnati or go to www.cincinnatithrift.com for more info on thrifting and thrift stores in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky.
Also trending: Marcus Smart, Michael Sam, #Curling, #SoChi, #HoneyBooBoo, Valentine’s Day, #SingleLife and #ForeverAlone.
This weekend, Alcott and Phodographer hosts My Furry Valentine, one of the largest pet adoption events in Ohio. The event features more than 500 adoptable pets that include (but are not limited to) dogs, cats, rabbits, rats, mice, ferrets and amphibians from more than 40 different rescue and shelter groups from the Greater Cincinnati area. It’s sort of like speed dating except with animals, but way better. Every pet adopted from the main event will go home with a free goody bag, a collar and leash and the chance to win a pet-themed raffle basket.
My Furry Valentine is housed in a 50,000-square-foot West Chester warehouse — so wear comfortable shoes for lots of walking. More than 5,000 people are expected to show, so be prepared to park far and walk or take a shuttle to the event. (Shuttles will be continuously driving from the parking lots to the main event.)
The event features family-friendly games, face painting, balloon and caricature artists and live entertainment. Food and beverages will also be available for purchase. Parking and admission are free.
Who knows, maybe you could become Internet-famous by teaching your new pet how to use a toilet. The next Lil Bub could be out there, just waiting to be adopted by a loving family.
The event will take place this Saturday from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Flexi USA, 8494 Firebird Drive, West Chester.
Just in time for Valentine’s Day shopping, Amazon.com released a list of the 20 “most romantic” cities, based on sales data of romance novels, sex and relationship books, romantic comedy DVDs, Barry White CDs (seriously) and sexual wellness products (per capita) since Jan. 1, 2010. As your aunt, boss and childhood neighbor probably already shared on Facebook, Cincinnati made the list — we’re the 15th most romantic city, guys.
Lists like these are generally an attempt to quickly grab a mass audience with some kind of marketing motive. Positive or negative, when a city is mentioned on a national list, there’s a built-in readership that will talk about and share the story on social media. Do they spark “debate?” Sure. Are these useful, proactive conversations? Rarely. But hey, we’re No. 1 (or, in this case, 15)!
The Queen City landing on some arbitrary sales-based list is nothing new. For some reason, a 2010 Daily Beast list that dubs Cincy the "craziest" city is making its rounds again as of late. The criteria used to create this list include “psychiatrists per capita, stress, eccentricity and drinking levels,” all quantitative data, no doubt.
Here are a
few other examples of how Cincinnati stacks up on recent national countdowns:
2011: Most Social via Mashable
2011: Most Bed Bugs via Orkin
2013: (10th) Most Polluted via Time
2013: Trendiest (on Twitter) via Washington Post
2013: (72nd) Most Livable City (but
the only Ohio city on the list) via Livability.com
we miss any? Which pointless Cincinnati list is your favorite — or least fave?
They say you move to Cincinnati and put on a pair of goggles — the longer you stay, the harder it is to take them off. And why would you want to? I’ve lived here for five years and still manage to fall deeper in love with this city every day. For all you newcomers, here are some necessary guidelines for your initiation into the greatest city in the Midwest.
1. Pick a chili, not a side. The East side/West side rivalry is deeply rooted in competitive turf wars and stubborn rationalizations. When brought up in conversation, it’s usually best to remain indifferent and let your eyes glaze over until the fighting stops.
2. Become a regular at (at least) one bar in Over-the-Rhine. Find your favorite bartender at Neon’s and dance to the ‘8os music at Japp’s on a Saturday night. Discover new music at MOTR or wind down with some jazz at 1215 Wine Bar.
3. Understand that high schools — and the culture surrounding them — are really important here. “Are you from around here?” is almost always followed by, “So what high school did you go to?” Cincinnatians stick to their alma maters like glitter on glue, and everyone has a reputation.
4. See The Cincy Brass play at Mr. Pitiful’s before you die (or move). Request the song “Let Me Clear My Throat” by DJ Kool. Gyrate on everyone.
5. Get to know Kentucky. Bounce around the Levee and Mainstrasse. End your night with a cheesy goetta omelet at the Anchor Grill. Trust me on this one.
6. Cincinnati has the second largest Oktoberfest in the world (The WORLD!) second only to Munich. Dress like a German, drink like a German, eat like a German.
7. Develop a severe case of road rage while driving on I-75. Perfect the ability to stare someone down after cutting you off.
8. Vote. Get involved with this city’s politics. Picket City Hall or write a letter to an editor. Cincinnati had a record-breaking low voter turnout in the 2013 mayoral election — make your voice heard.
9. Give back to your neighborhood. Volunteer at the Freestore Foodbank or tutor kids at Wordplay Cincy. Teach an art class or buy someone an umbrella on a rainy day. Start a collaborative effort to make this city the best it can be.
10. Master the Metro and make friends with the drivers. Sit up front and strike up a conversation with a stranger. Try not to fall when the metro slides down one of Cincinnati’s many 90-degree angles.
11. Appreciate Cincinnati sports. Tailgate at a Bengal’s game, cheer on the Cyclones and pledge your allegiance to Brandon Phillips’ smile.
12. EAT ALL THE GOETTA. And LaRosa’s. And Graeter’s. Now start training for the Flying Pig.
13. Find your favorite city park with your favorite view of the skyline against Kentucky. Feel safe tucked away in the hills. Ponder about the meaning of life.
14. Roll your windows down and go 10 miles over the speed limit on the Roebling Bridge. Listen to the whirring sound. Just do it.
15. Develop a deep love for all things Cincinnati and defend your city when people talk shit. Recognize that you are a part of something larger than yourself — that Cincinnati isn’t just the Queen City — it’s a community and a network and a lineage of diverse Midwesterners who all contribute to making this place a force to be reckoned with.
Oh, and read CityBeat.
Dumb Starbucks, we hardly knew you!
The “parody” coffee shop, which mimicked the real Starbucks' name, logo, menu (Dumb Frappuccino, Dumb Espresso, served in Dumb Tall, Dumb Grande or Dumb Venti), everything — even font — opened in L.A. Friday only to be shut down by the Los Angeles Health Department Monday. Forbes posted Dumb Starbucks’ “frequently asked questions,” which explains that by adding the word “dumb,” it’s protected by parody law. Therefore the “coffee shop” was actually recognized as an art gallery and the coffee, art. Guests, who lined up out the door and around the strip mall where Dumb Starbucks set up shop, were treated to friendly service and free coffee and pastries (there were even CDs for sale at checkout, including a “Dumb” Norah Jones album). The real Starbucks acknowledged the parody shop, explaining the two had no connection and they were pursuing legal action.
Word about the stunt (which it obviously was, dummies) spread across the Internet via various comedians’ Twitters, so some it was no surprise that a comic was at the helm. Nathan Fielder, deadpan genius with the Comedy Central show in which he “helps” struggling business by offering ridiculous ideas (among other meta satirical “pranks”), revealed himself as the owner with this video:
Now I really can’t wait for the next season of Nathan For You.
Some big changes are happening to NBC’s long-running late-night shows, and you can read all about them in this week’s TV column. After some sad goodbyes (Jay Leno’s final episode of Tonight, Jimmy Fallon’s last time hosting Late Night and Seth Meyer’s final Weekend Update segment), there’s a lot to look forward to. Fallon brings house band The Roots and announcer/sidekick Steve Higgins with him — hopefully the same goes for all the celebrity drinking games and generally bizarre bits and skits. Like this gem:
As for Late Night, Seth Meyers starts his run Monday, Feb. 17 and in a total surprise announcement, Meyer’s old SNL buddy and modern comedic god Fred Armisen will be the show’s band leader.
The Olympics have taken over NBC (miss you, Parks and Rec) and oh, what a hot mess they’ve been! Plumbing problems and strange bathroom setups in the Sochi hotels, the Olympic rings mega-fail during the opening ceremony, the fact that it’s actually too warm for any of these damn outdoor winter sports — the list goes on. C’mon, Russia, you can’t even get winter right? At least we’ll always have this:
I'm not ashamed to admit VH1's Couples Therapy is one of my favorite shows on right now. With The Real L Word disappearing without a trace, I am finally able to get my Whitney-Sada fix (the couple is featured on Therapy), plus Jon Gosselin is apparently dating another mega-bitch and "Teen Mom" Farrah Abraham is equally intriguing and frustrating and alienesque. But the true star of the show is Ghostface Killah's girl, Kelsey Nykole...'s hair.
Remember Celebrity Death Match? The MTV claymation classic pitted musicians, actors and other famous people in pop culture or the news against each other in an over-the-top gruesome fight to the death. Showdowns included Marilyn Manson v. Charles Manson, Mariah Carey v. Jim Carrey (featuring Drew Carey) and Lil’ Kim v. Little Richard. Well, a few years after its 1998 debut, Fox presented a toned-down real-life version with Celebrity Boxing, which went down as one of TV Guide’s worst shows of all time. Has-beens like Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams (of The Partridge Family and The Brady Bunch, respectively) took to the ring in what usually just a really sad battle. Only two episodes aired. So how do you take a bad idea like Celebrity Boxing to another level of shame? Add in the man at the center of one of the most controversial murder trials in recent years!
George Zimmerman was set to box rapper DMX in a televised match, but
both DMX and boxing promoter Damon Feldman have backed out, presumably after
thinking about it for three seconds. The fight is still on for now and will be
broadcast from a secret location this March, Zimmerman just needs an opponent.
In completely unrelated news, Brooklyn Nine-Nine co-stars Andy Samberg and Chelsea Peretti used to be childhood friends.
EDITH IS PREGNANT AND SHE’S KEEPING THE BABY, PEOPLE. But her significant other, Michael Gregson, is still mysteriously missing. If he ends up dead, the Grantham spawn will officially be cursed with forever losing their loved ones in freak accidents.
Robert “went to America” (aka filming The Monuments Men) while Rose sat
in a canoe with Jack Ross, the only reoccurring black male character. This
plot-line feels very forced to me. Instead of focusing on the romance of her
whirlwind relationship, the show focuses more on the scandal of it all.
The Dowager Countess fell ill with
bronchitis, and her frenemy/nemesis Isobel Crawley nursed her back to health.
While Violet ran a fever and cursed at her caretaker, Isobel smirked at the
fact that she will be able to say she saved Violet’s life. By the end of this
week’s show, they were playing cards like old friends.
Lady Mary — who has never let a speck of dirt touch her porcelain skin — had a mud fight with Charles Blake. Since every man she interacts with is a potential suitor, this was an interesting scene. Because Blake is actively trying to dismember her estate farm by farm, he is not exactly her friend. Although, this could create some perfectly awkward sexual tension. They share a special moment — and by which I mean they looked at each other five seconds longer than normal — until they were interrupted by Ivy.
Not too much is happening downstairs this week, but the servants take part in their usual hijinks.
While Daisy and Ivy bickered over Alfred’s return visit, Mrs. Hughes and Carson tried to keep the hormones at bay. Which never works.
Anna’s rapist, Mr. Green, ominously returned to Downton just as pompous as ever. His comments to Mrs. Hughes blaming Anna for the assault were eerie and uncomfortable. Mr. Bates has confirmed his suspicions about who attacked and raped his wife after he sees Anna reaction to Mr. Green’s presence.
We are all scared as to what he will do next.
“I’m married, I know everything.” – Lady Mary
Each week our intern Amber will be exploring what Cincinnatians are interested in by scouring the local Twitter trends and reporting on what she’s found. From serious tweets to goofy hashtags, she’ll highlight what Cincy’s been buzzing about. So get to tweeting, folks.
So it’s official: There will, in fact, be six more weeks of winter, according to Phil, the Groundhog’s Day spokes-rodent. For one, I never knew the groundhog had a name! He has even been on The Oprah Winfrey Show, but most people in Cincinnati are probably ready to go find and kill him after the weather we've endured. I am cool with winter and all, but it’s really sad when 30 degrees feels warm. As long as these six weeks don’t include another polar vortex, I think we’ll survive.
I know it seems like every day is a day for something. I could probably live without Ice Cream Day or Chocolate Pudding Day (lord knows my thighs could), but this day of awareness, on Feb. 4, is one I can deal with. On World Cancer Day, people are asked to spread awareness and remember those who passed away fighting cancer or currently dealing with cancer. @TCSociety made a good point: “Remember that a moment of awkwardness could save a lifetime! Talk about Testicular Cancer.” Talk about breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, skin cancer, too, and go get checked, then get re-checked. It could save your life!
Really? I don’t know if it’s sad or just funny that this was trending at #3 in the USA and #2 in Cincinnati this week. How these things get started and why so many people actually do it, I’ll never know. It does make for some comic relief at 3:30 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon. Here were some that actually made me chuckle:
Up! In My Pants
Great Expectations In My Pants
The Dark Knight Rises In My Pants
Clueless In My Pants
A Series of Unfortunate Events In My Pants
#HottestCollegeInAmericaThe Cincinnati Bearcats beat the University of Connecticut on Thursday 63-58, which makes it their 15th straight win. I don’t know anything about basketball, so I’ll just say there was a lot of running, dribbling and shooting. The team is rising in the ranks of its division and momentum is high. School spirit is what being in college is all about, besides the whole degree thing. Whether you are a student, faculty member, staff member, alumni or just a fan, a sense of pride is among us. You don’t have to know anything about basketball to enjoy seeing a local team make sports headlines. Keep it up, fellas!
I seriously couldn’t figure out why Netflix was trending, but as I began scrolling through all the tweets, I noticed something. There were a lot of single people dwelling on the fact that Netflix would be their only date on Valentine’s Day. There is nothing wrong with watching Netflix on Valentine’s Day — hell, that’s probably what I will be doing with a bottle of bourbon. Just remember, it’s only one day, it will be over soon and then it’s on to the next irrelevant holiday. Plus, if you don't have a date, you don’t have to buy anyone else a gift and you can buy yourself all the half-off chocolate you want the next day. If you are hung up on the fact that Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching and Netflix isn’t an acceptable date for you, here are a few single-friendly events to treat yourself to:
Pretty in Pink at The Esquire
A classic '80s night, what’s not to love? Dress up in your favorite pink prom dress or tuxedo and there will be a costume contest before the show! $7-$9.75. 10:30 p.m. at Esquire Theater.
Southgate House Revival
Three shows take place under one roof: Elk Creek at 9 p.m. in the Sanctuary, Hank Erwin at 9:30 p.m. in the Lounge and Hot For Alice at 10 p.m. in the Revival Room. Get some friends together for some live music and cheap drinks.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstein Are Dead
The story of “Hamlet” told from the perspective of these two quirky characters. $22-$35. 7:30 p.m. at Cincinnati Shakespeare Company.
Other things that were trending: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, The Superbowl, #Bearcats, #PLL, #LHHNY, Sochi and The Olympics.