Saturday Ian and I played Nintendo Wii for about 8 hours straight. No joke. I was just warming up my arm for ping pong that night. To get our game faces on we all decided to have a pizza party to fill our tummies to the brim with prime protein and pure ping pong nutrition! Then it was off to the Gypsy Hut to start scouting the talent on the table. I am a regular customer to the Gypsy Hut ping pong table so I have seen most of the faces that occupy the Ping Pong Party Plaza.
His name has been altered to protect his identity.
D. Cross was just like any ordinary man with an online profile. He uploaded pictures of his spring break trip to Panama City, complete with tags of his new found friends that he met while intoxicated with the sweet sin of Homo sapien love. His friend count started to rise every day, getting poked left and right from people that live in his city and people that went to the same graduate school. D. Cross was on top of the internet social networking world!
Fall makes me want to get all bundled up to go poking around outside to look at natural things like changing leaves. My roommate just went up to Circleville for the annual pumpkin festival which inspired me to have some wholesome fall fun of my own. I made two of my friends wake up earlier than they wanted to on a Sunday morning so we could trek out to Milford and go to Rouster's Apple House.
Ah, the spring has sprung and days are growing longer. No more depressing winter cold invading our souls and sucking our lives away as we nap into the afternoon. The imprint in my bed will soon start to rise and my silhouette will disappear. Winter fades into the past and mid-terms or finals come to an end, meaning only one thing: It is finally Spring Break! The ultimate unsupervised vacation for minors and the equally immature freshman in college.
Since that time, he’s gotten married, had two kids, founded a BMX company called Failure Bikes and built even more backyard trails and ramps. Bischoff has pretty much kept it real, maintaining his BMX lifestyle while growing up and settling down in Cincinnati’s stodgy East Side.
(Full disclosure: The author of this blog has known Bischoff for 15 years and used to shred his trails all the time.)
So it only makes sense that his most recent endeavor was to offer his lifestyle to the rest of the world via participating in one of TV’s most popular reality shows (right?). The man who affectionately goes by “Beardo” and “The Beard” is one of 20 contestants on Survivor: Caramoan — Fans vs Favorites, which premiers Feb. 13.
Bischoff couldn’t officially speak with the media on Jan. 11, the day CBS announced the cast, but if he could have he probably would have said something like, “I don’t know, man. Survivor was crazy. It ruuuled.”
CityBeat will ask the appropriate CBS PR person for an opportunity to speak with our friend soon.
This particular Survivor format involves 10 new
contestants in one tribe trying to out-survive 10 people who previously
participated in other seasons of the show but didn’t win. Among
Bischoff’s tribes-people are a former Miss Missouri winner, a female racecar
driver and former United States Marine Corps Sgt. Shamar Thomas, who is
Internet famous for yelling at New York City cops for intimidating
Occupy Wall Street protesters.
Survivor host Jeff Probst told Entertainment Weekly the weather is a problem during this season and there are evacuations and things “out of the norm.” Probst also said there’s some type of love connection (probably just people infatuated with Bischoff’s massive beard).
Here’s Bischoff’s official bio at cbs.com. He answered the question of, “If you could have three things on the island, what would they be and why?” with: “1) My iPod — I constantly listen to music. It is a huge part of my life. I also would want to view photos of my wife and kids. 2) A pen and notebook — to work on song lyrics and keep a daily diary. 3) A video camera — to film myself doing wild stuff!”
And here’s 16 seconds of him doing some BMX stunts:
The past three years I have been Batman for Halloween. It was always an easy choice; just throw on some thermals, put on a jock strap and head out the door with the utility belt as a wallet and road dog holder.
Most people have probably already heard about the widespread belief that the Rapture will occur sometime tomorrow. It's been reported here, here and by this guy, who says what will happen is God opening up all the graves on Earth and everything in those graves coming up out of the ground, their bodies transforming into spirits and going up to heaven, followed by any believers.
If Mark Twain was right about Cincinnati being 10 years behind the times nearly a century ago, it would be safe to expect the Industrial Revolution and Internet age by now to have dropped our fair city even further behind society’s advancements.
If the Oct. 8 Cincinnati Bike Plan open house at the McKie Recreation Center in Northside is an indication that Cincinnati is finally sincere about promoting bicycles as a legitimate transportation option, that would put us approximately 40 years behind the most progressive American cities in this regard. But it’s better late than never, according to the nearly 100 people who showed up to participate in the information-gathering session with city engineers and design groups currently working on the city’s first comprehensive bike plan since 1976.
Deciding which route to take in disciplining children is surely a tough decision. The closest thing I have to spawn is a gang of pets, and they don't know "sit" from "shut the hell up," so I guess training a little human would be even harder.
Today, it seems two extreme concepts of discipline stand out (usually while I'm shopping at a seedy Kroger location): the pulling-the-kid-by-the-arm-while-yelling-at-and-occasionally-spanking-them-onlooking-shoppers-be-damned or the children-deserve-freedom-and-isn't-he-adorable-shit-momma-needs-a-break. Surely, there's a happy medium between publicly berating your 4-year-old and falling into a dopey gaze as you let the kid scale shelves in aisle 6B. Thankfully, that's where Potty Mouth Soap comes in!
Made locally in Maineville, Ohio, creators of Potty Mouth Soap promise effective use of their product will help "nip the lip." The press release, sent to myself at CityBeat's office, is quite well-written, featuring enough alliteration to make Carrie Bradshaw squeal:
"Sick of the sass? Tired of the talking back?…Potty Mouth Soap is an all-natural, safe way to help discipline your kids. What's more, it's fun and effective." Fun? Just tell that to Ralphie.
It was...soap POISONING!
Not sure if it's effective, but hilariously (?) enough, there is a link to this video on Potty Mouth Soap's homepage:
The release continues:
"It's made with all-natural, non-toxic ingredients including coconut oil, palm oil and purified water. So when your little darling dares to sass you can feel completely safe when placing Potty Mouth Soap at the edge of their mouth. And that yucky taste will help nip the lip that you're so fed up with."
I know what you're thinking. "My kids are the worst when we're in public, but how can I keep a bar of soap in my purse?" Potty Mouth Soap gotchu.
Enter Potty Mouth Spray. This portable "Cinnamint" mouth spray if perfect for Krogering. The website warns, "Don't leave home without it!"
On the "How to Use Potty Mouth Soap" tab are four YouTube videos above the text that's printed on the press release. One would think these would be how-to videos on soaping your kids, or examples of children who need to be soaped. The videos include one of a baby "biting" (but really placing her toothless mouth upon) a dog, the infamous "David After the Dentist" and "Charlie Bit Me."
Now in Auto-Tune form
Now, it kind of seems like the soap method might just teach kids to shove gross things in people's mouths when they say something they don't like, but I'm no parent. I guess I've come across some 9-year-olds who might deserve to get soaped, but a freaking baby? They don't even know how to make words yet! And seriously, no person should ever be accountable for what they say when high, after the dentist or otherwise.
"Gotta teach 'em young," you say? "This is probably better than the belt method." Well, bars and spray are $3-$5 a pop and include a sticker reward chart for positive behavior.
No gold star for you!