It’s October 3rd. Let’s observe a moment of silence for 2005-era Lindsay Lohan.
Tina Fey (who wrote Mean Girls) will soon end another hilarious quotable
venture as 30 Rock which kicks off
its final season Thursday on NBC. We’ll see Liz and Criss on their quest to make
plant baby, Jenna prepare for her wedding and countless more priceless
moments from Kenneth, Jack, Tracy and the others. Go brush up on your Lemonology
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, another returning fall comedy, is always willing to shake things up to keep the show spontaneously funny (cut to “fat Mac”). This season the show features an all new cast!
If you want to
lose your last hope for humanity, peep the comments on Facebook. One fan
know what networks should do ... ASK the people when they are thinking of new
cast members ! people watch the show for the cast not the content for the most
“You're joking? Why is Stephanie Tanner from Full House on it?!?” complained another, clearly confusing DJ with the middle Tanner sister (amateur).
And FX better watch their numbers because some people will no longer be tuning in: “not good!!!!! writers will deeply regret new cast because there is no way on earth the original can be outdone a nd guess what? COUNT ME OUT AS VIEWER!”
In other fake television news, the Twitter du jour has to be Fake Louie Episodes (@FakeLouieEps). Highlighting the simple yet absurd storylines featured on Louis C.K.’s FX hit, Louie, the tweets feature three-sentence descriptions of episodes that could totally exist — they just haven't been written yet.
Hey, should you really be wearing that fedora? Click here to find out.
In fact, if you find yourself on the above Tumblr or notice even your closest friends hiding your incessant Facebook statuses, peep this handy flowchart to decided what to share and what to keep to yourself
culture isn’t always nipple slips and baby bumps, we lost two TV stars this
past week. Sahara Davenport (also known as Antoine Ashley) of RuPaul’s
Drag Race and Sons of Anarchy’s
Johnny Lewis, both in their twenties, flew up to the big boob tube in the sky.
It has not been reported how Davenport passed; Lewis, who played the lovable
“Half Sack” on Sons, allegedly
murdered his elderly landlord before falling to his death from his roof. Find
if you want to spend the rest of your day crouched in the fetal position in a
dark room, quietly sobbing.
Duchess Kate was hospitalized last week for Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is pretty much a fancy way of saying “bad baby morning barfs.” My professional opinion is that her tiny 12-year-old boy body has gone into shock now that it requires more than its usual daily dose of three saltines and a grapefruit. Will and Kate’s baby is approximately the size of a pea at this point and people are already putting Kate’s nonexistent stomach under a microscope, asking absurd questions like "Could it be twins?" And, ever the bastion of journalism, US Weekly has a timeline of the duchess’ body changes over the past 10 years here. See Kate’s shape transform from fettuccine to spaghetti to spaghetti a la fetus before your eyes!
I’m rarely one to say “poor princess” and I love a good celebrity pregnancy as much as the next sad fool, but Kate's gone through more than a year of royal pressure to get knocked up, and now she is, but not even at the standard pregnancy announcement 3-month mark yet. Let up on her womb, yo!
If Kate was like us lowly commoners, she’d likely be Instagramming her tiny bump and tweeting from inside the hospital (Nuthin 2 worry bout, just tummy troubles #preggers). Call it over-sharing, but most people announce their monumental life moments on social media. So, thankfully, if you were trying to recall the major events you experienced this past year, Facebook has gone ahead and just done it for ya. Just go to your page, click See your 2012 Year in Review or go to facebook.com/yearinreview/[your Facebook url]. A slideshow of photos you’ve been tagged in rotates above a list of friends you’ve added and pages you’ve liked in the past 12 months. Scrolling further down, Facebook has generated what it believes to be the 20 “biggest moments” from your year, including status updates, photos and links. I’m assuming those who’ve posted about starting a new job, getting engaged/married, moving to a new city or having a baby — royal or otherwise — would see those types of announcements highlighted, but for losers like me that just incessantly post pointless crap, this feature is pretty damn funny.
3/20 "biggest moments" of my year include fictional characters and alcohol.
Social media is more than just a place to show off how great your life is to all your lame high school friends #thankful. It’s also a platform to reach out to public figures and celebrities. And while a member of Smash Mouth probably doesn’t fall into either category in the year 2012, Jon Hedren became determined to get a response from the band once Smash Mouth got a verified Twitter account in 2011.
Now, for those who don’t remember, Smash Mouth was a San Jose-based Pop/Rock band that provided songs for every major movie trailer and/or film credits in the late ‘90s-early ‘00s (Mystery Men, Shrek, Rat Race, Inspector Gadget — and that’s just “All Star”). They also mastered the art of the pencil-thin chin strap.
Holy shit, it’s Dane Cook…
Jon tweeted multiple silly messages to the band, but the one stood out: