Our Live Chat! of Charlie Sheen's "20/20" interview was our most exciting and successful one yet. If you only read CityBeat and haven't turned on a television or visited a Web site this week, you're probably wondering why everyone is shitting all over Charlie Sheen. We still haven't figured that out yet, but check out the highlights from our Live! Chat so you can stay relevant with your friends and co-workers:
Charlie recalls being "born dead":
If you think you can stifle the magic that is Charlie Sheen, you're nothing but a sad troll to him:
So these buzzkill execs decided to cancel Two and a Half Men, but there are plenty of other career options for Sheen:
Charlie's words of wisdom were more magical than any kind of commentary we chatters could possibly come up with. We voted on our fave Sheenism.
Jon Cryer of Two and a Half Men and Pretty in Pink stopped by to say hello, dish a little gossip and give us his resume.
Stay tuned for our next L!ve Chat!!
It’s holiday time, y’all! Whether you celebrate Chrimbus, Festivus (Google it for a fun Easter egg), Ludachristmas, Eggmas or any other equally spiritual special occasion, now is that magical time of year where it’s acceptable to get drunk in front of your boss and/or Grandma, go on a shopping spree at 4 a.m. and eat your weight in HoneyBaked Ham. OK, some of us do these things year-round, but now we can’t be judged for it!
For some reason, it’s perfectly normal this time of year to go door-to-door singing unsolicited tunes to strangers. It’s also a good excuse to talk to your best friend’s wife, with whom you’re secretly in love.
Music is a major factor in this wonderfully insane season, so I’ve collected a sampling of this year’s best holiday tunes for all the good little CityBeat readers. Gather ‘round!
Rapper DMX spit some classic rhymes for New York radio channel 105.1 FM:
The Roots produce pure magic week to week on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and all their musical projects. Earlier this year, Fallon and the crew teamed up with musical guest Carly Rae Jepsen backstage to perform her The Song That Shall Not Be Named using children’s/beginner instruments. Their follow-up? Mariah Carey’s infectious holiday anthem, “All I Want For Christmas Is You.”
And who could forget the holiday collaboration we’ve all been waiting for — the reunion of Sandy and Danny — This Christmas from Olivia Newton-John Travolta (easiest celeb couple name ever). Apparently everything that’s ever existed is getting rebooted and, at this point, I think even my one-eyed cat has recorded a Christmas album, so it’s no real shocker that the Grease duo would team up again for a holiday record. But between Travolta’s Chia Pet hair, ON-J’s scary Juvederm face and the following low-budge music video, This Christmas is making my eyeballs beg for the impending apocalypse.
Speaking of hot
messes, while it’s always fun to get drunk on your employer’s dime, it is
important to keep yourself in check at your work’s holiday party. No canoodling
with co-workers, challenging your boss to a drink-off or dancing Gangnam style. Thought Catalog has some hepful dos and don’ts here.
Everything is Terrible (via Videogum) got its hands on a clip from a 1988 Christmas television special starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, his Twins buddy Danny Devito, Mike Tyson, Country singer Randy Travis, old lady and champion bowler Marie Gretter and a bunch of probably terrified children.
While Arnold’s Austrian Antichristmas tradition may sound scary, it’s not nearly as freaky as having Mike Tyson scream a Christmas carol into the face of an innocent child. Also, I’m pretty sure that when Ah-nahld manhandled the little girl who joked that he needed singing lessons, he may have brokes that little girls’ ribs. This looks more like a Tim and Eric sketch than a primetime family program, but I guarantee if you show this to your kids, they will never misbehave again.
It's not Christmas in America until the Kardashian-Jenner family bestows its annual holiday card upon our unworthy eyes. Peep that Photoshopped piece here and find equally funny, scary and confusing family photos in this list of "34 of the most jovially insane family holiday cards ever sent."
Oktoberfest Zinzinnati is taking over downtown this weekend, bringing around 500,000 guests! Once you've had your fill of schnitzel, Spaten and sauerkraut, stop by the CityBeat booth for the official Oktoberfest guide and register for a VIP MPMF Package and other prizes.
The hurricane-meets-nor’easter was revving up Sunday but meteorologist and (way too) frequent IJCGE reference Lindsay Lohan just wanted everyone to calm the hell down.
I mean, hasn’t anyone else read The Secret? Don’t you people know the power of positive thought?
Twitter became a useful source of photos and updates, as it often does in times of crisis, but unfortunately many of the messages and images tweeted were false or doctored (as they often are in times of crisis). Go here to check out some incredible popular images (and find out if they're real or fake).
At this point you’re probably wondering when beloved superstar Coco is going to weigh in on the storm. Don’t worry, Mrs. Ice-T reported live from their New Jersey home:
Sandy was ruining homes and shutting down electricity, the creators of The Jersey Shore continued their own assault
on America. With the MTV hit ending
after this season (not to mention the destruction of Snookie and Co.’s stomping
grounds, the iconic boardwalk at Seaside Heights) 496 Productions has reportedly set its sights on Bengals cheerleader and
teen-banger Sarah Jones for a new reality series. Cameras will follow the 27-year-old former teacher and her relationship with
the now 18-year-old Cody York. Jones began an affair with York when he was a 17-year-old
student at the high school where she taught.
So, for the record, the woman cheated on her husband with an underage student and not only does she not get jail time or have to register as a sex offender, she will actually profit from it. Yes, I will obviously be watching this show.
Since it is
Halloween, check out these pics of the best Canadian bitch move in history,
aka Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley and his girlfriend dressed as D’s ex, Avril
Lavigne, and her current piece, Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger. (Most vomit-inducing sentence ever?)
OK, enough destruction and anguish for one day. Enjoy this video of a pug hopping up stairs.
At the risk of inducing widespread PTSD flashbacks, I invite everyone to recall 2011’s Internet Public Enemy No. 1, Rebecca Black. The teen, who is probably a decent human undeserving of worldwide hatred, assaulted eardrums on a massive scale with her music video gone viral, “Friday.” The worst realization to come out of Friday-gate wasn’t the sorry state of the music industry or even the online bullying Black faced, but the fact that, apparently, rich people will throw a few thousand dollars at a greedy producer to create a shitty song and music video for their marginally talented child.
Record producer and songwriter Patrice Wilson was one of the driving forces behind “Friday” and if you wanted to give his work another chance, you’re in luck. He worked with Nicole Westbrook to record a song not about one day of the week (that’s so 2011), but one day of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Thanksgiving.
Kraft Mac-n-Cheese – AY! Stove Top stuffing – AY! We one-percenters should have better food than this.
While we’re on the
topic of social phenomena ripe for mockery, it’s fitting to recognize Food
Network’s Guy Fieri (Real Name: Guy Ferry. Yeah, douchebag status: confirmed)
who recently opened a new restaurant in New York City. It seems most people
either love or hate Guy. He co-owns five California restaurants and hosts the
popular Diners, Drive-ins and Dives,
on which he travels the country highlighting off-the-beaten-path chow-down
spots — so, clearly he’s got some fans out there. Others are a bit turned off
by his labored “Rock-N-Roll” façade, his annoying catchphrases
and his penchant for bowling shirts.
I can’t trust a man who purposefully styles his hair like a goofy visor hat from Cappel’s, and apparently New York Times’ Pete Wells isn’t a fan either. In his Nov. 13 take-down piece on the new Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar in Times Square, Wells completely ripped the joint apart limb from tribal tattooed limb. While any attempt to seriously review what sounds like a black hole for overweight tourists would probably prove futile, I feel Wells could have been a bit more creative in his blasting of Fieri. Guy’s an easy target, so why go with the cliched “Dear Guy,” letter format, punctuated by a series of overly sarcastic questions? At this point I’m waiting for a cynical review of Wells’ review (please tweet any findings to @jackern), but I have to hand it to the reviewer for this service assessment that made me choke on my morning coffee: “The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant.” Find the full story here.
Fans got a first look at Brad Pitt zombie action flick World War Z last week. The film, based on Max Brooks’ 2006 novel of the same name, may stray farther from the text than fans have hoped, judging by the trailer. (Though it’s important to note how deceiving these first looks can be). The book reflects on a worldwide war on zombies after the fact, using interviews with survivors to paint the terrifying picture, whereas the film appears to be a straight-up zombie movie. However it turns out, zombie purists beware: These may be the quickest and most agile undead yet.
After last week’s election, gay marriage is now legal nine states. It’s a great feat for equality, but we’ve got a long way to go. In fact, gays across America have given straight, conservative men an ultimatum: Vote to legalize same-sex marriage, or they will marry the crap out of your girlfriends.
Portlandia, the hilarious sketch comedy spoofing counter-culture trends, returns to IFC Jan. 4. The show stars SNL’s Fred Armisen and Sleater-Kinney/Wild Flag guitarist-singer Carrie Brownstein — quite possibly my favorite non-romantic duo — in a series of timely skits about the hipster sect of popular culture. All the good little boys and girls of Oregon and beyond can get an early sampling of the two with the “Winter in Portlandia” holiday special on Dec. 14. Fans will see Peter and Nance go low-carb to stave off winter blubber and meet Candace’s son as he swings by Women and Women First during his holiday visit.
Here’s the first skit from the upcoming third season:
If you weren't one of the 12 readers during our Academy Awards live chat, you really missed out on some intriguing conversation and delicious snacks. Thankfully, however, you can still read the chat in its entirety here. It might not be as funny as reading it live, or it might be funnier. Go find out.
Today is also the kick-off of American Craft Beer Week. That’s a thing! Cincinnati has a rich brewing history, so it’s no surprise that local watering holes are celebrating the creation and consumption of delicious craft beer. Tonight, Arnold’s taps Bell’s Third Coast Ale — one of two fifth-barrels in the entire city. Find Arnold’s full ACBW schedule here.
The Crazy Fox in Newport hosts open mic and all-night happy hour every Monday. All musicians are welcome to perform in a friendly atmosphere, beginning at 8:30 p.m. The Seedy Seeds’ Margaret Darling guest hosts this week.
It's Only A Day Away
Tomorrow, Northside Tavern hosts a fundraiser for End Slavery Cincinnati. Help raise awareness about human trafficking in the country and right here in Cincinnati from 5-10 p.m. There will be live music from The Flavor Junkies and Wild Mountain Berries, door prizes and more, for $5 at the door.
This American Life presented a live cinema event last Thursday that featured its standard true storytelling format, but with ample visual elements. In addition to anecdotes from David Sedaris, Tig Notaro and others, there were also dance performances, a hilarious short film from Mike Birbiglia and an interactive performance by OK GO. The theater in Newport where I watched the show was far too empty — I found the show more entertaining than any movie in theaters right now! Those who missed out have another chance to check out the program in theaters Tuesday. Sure, it will be a recording of the live show, but the charm and excitement of the live format will surely shine through. Without spoiling anything, the stories they were able to assemble were killer: laugh-out-loud, misty-eyed, thought-provoking TAL goodness.
Be sure to download this free app before you go — the TAL crew pulled some strings to allow audiences to use their phones at one point in the performance. Go here to find nearby theaters screening the show tomorrow at 7:30 p.m. Can I gush any more? No. It’s worth the $20 ticket. Please go.
Ricky, Julian and Bubbles bring the trailer park to town for
a night tomorrow! For those unfamiliar, Trailer Park Boys is a Canadian
mockumentary-style comedy series and movies that has developed a
cult following over the past decade. It’s white trash hilarity at its finest.
If last year’s live show was any indication, Tuesday’s “Community Service Variety
Show” is sure to bring the LOLs. Buy tickets here.
It’s October 3rd. Let’s observe a moment of silence for 2005-era Lindsay Lohan.
Tina Fey (who wrote Mean Girls) will soon end another hilarious quotable
venture as 30 Rock which kicks off
its final season Thursday on NBC. We’ll see Liz and Criss on their quest to make
plant baby, Jenna prepare for her wedding and countless more priceless
moments from Kenneth, Jack, Tracy and the others. Go brush up on your Lemonology
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, another returning fall comedy, is always willing to shake things up to keep the show spontaneously funny (cut to “fat Mac”). This season the show features an all new cast!
If you want to
lose your last hope for humanity, peep the comments on Facebook. One fan
know what networks should do ... ASK the people when they are thinking of new
cast members ! people watch the show for the cast not the content for the most
“You're joking? Why is Stephanie Tanner from Full House on it?!?” complained another, clearly confusing DJ with the middle Tanner sister (amateur).
And FX better watch their numbers because some people will no longer be tuning in: “not good!!!!! writers will deeply regret new cast because there is no way on earth the original can be outdone a nd guess what? COUNT ME OUT AS VIEWER!”
In other fake television news, the Twitter du jour has to be Fake Louie Episodes (@FakeLouieEps). Highlighting the simple yet absurd storylines featured on Louis C.K.’s FX hit, Louie, the tweets feature three-sentence descriptions of episodes that could totally exist — they just haven't been written yet.
Hey, should you really be wearing that fedora? Click here to find out.
In fact, if you find yourself on the above Tumblr or notice even your closest friends hiding your incessant Facebook statuses, peep this handy flowchart to decided what to share and what to keep to yourself
culture isn’t always nipple slips and baby bumps, we lost two TV stars this
past week. Sahara Davenport (also known as Antoine Ashley) of RuPaul’s
Drag Race and Sons of Anarchy’s
Johnny Lewis, both in their twenties, flew up to the big boob tube in the sky.
It has not been reported how Davenport passed; Lewis, who played the lovable
“Half Sack” on Sons, allegedly
murdered his elderly landlord before falling to his death from his roof. Find
if you want to spend the rest of your day crouched in the fetal position in a
dark room, quietly sobbing.
On July 21, the Roadshow will make a stop at an area venue (not yet announced) and hopefully make a few locals a little bit richer (but just a few — it's honestly more fun to watch when people's precious collectables aren't worth jack).
By now you've heard all about the Golden Globe awardees (and, if not, click here). But anyone who watched this hot mess of an awards show knows that the true winners are all of us viewers. Ricky Gervais made us wet our pants in laughter with one hell of a hosting job, Ryan Seacrest made us all uncomfortable as he showed off his "interviewing skills" and the show provided us with plenty of drinking game opportunities (every time someone says "Hollywood Foreign Press," take a shot!).