Did you know there's such a thing as National Etiquette Week? And that it's happening right fucking now?
Of course there is. This is America, motherfuckers.
Well, while the rest of the country is practicing their table manners and shit, we in Ohio apparently don't give a damn, according to a recent study conducted by Seattle-based Marchex Institute.
The bitches at Marchex apparently listened in on 600,000 calls placed from consumers to businesses across 30 different industries, and found that out of all 50 states, Ohioans are most likely to go AWOL on the phone.
Washington state was the least likely to curse. They swore about every 300 conversations; we dropped expletives about every 150 exchanges.
According to the findings, Washingtonians were also 800 times more likely to be afraid of caterpillars and use only anti-bacterial soap, while Ohioans were 46 times more likely to crush beer cans with their hands or eat store-bought apples before they even washed them.
We're guessing Washingtonians probably say things like, "Bejabbers!" or "Criminy!" when shit goes wrong. And that's just fuckin' lame.
Oh, and guys, don't forget — tomorrow is National Sea Monkey Day.
This weekend is all mothers, so grab your mom, grandma, baby-mama or other motherly-type and take her out for a good time! The next few days are packed with stuff to do, with moms or otherwise.
The 44th annual Appalachian Festival is already in
full gear at Coney Island, with tons of live music, handmade artisan crafts,
storytelling, food and an authentic pioneer village — for those who like to
kick it super old-school. The fest runs until 9 p.m. Friday, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.
Saturday and 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Sunday. Tickets are $1-$8. Get a full lineup of
activities and performances here.
Cincinnati Rollergirls games are pretty much a guaranteed good time. Fun, fierce, badass chicks battle on the rink; $1 happy hour beers; hilarious roller derby nicknames; meet-and-greet with the girls after the game — need we go on? Roll out to the Cincinnati Gardens Saturday as the CRG face Toronto Roller Derby and The Dire Skates of Richmond, Ind., in a double-header. Saturday is Scout and Kids Night, so bring the chillun for a family-friendly event. Get tickets here and read our interview with Rollergirl Sydney “Big Ugly” Greathouse.
Whether you’re looking to welcome a furry friend to your family or you want to treat your pup to a day on the town, head downtown to the Duke Energy Convention Center for Petopolis Saturday-Sunday. This pet expo features animal adoption opportunities, pet fashion shows (hopefully straight out of Anchorman), trick competitions, demos, informational seminars, activities for the kids and tons of vendors. Plus, moms will get complimentary pet photos for Mother’s Day. Go here for more information.
Oktoberfest is months away, but local German enthusiasts can get their fill of beer, sausage and Gemütlichkeit at the Cincinnati Donauschwaben Society’s Schwabenfest Friday-Saturday. Have your fill of homemade sausages, German brews, pretzels and cream puffs, compete in the stein-holding competition and, if you’re coming from Petopolis, dogs are welcome in the biergarten.
Maybe you prefer more American-style fare. In that case, swing by Sawyer Point from 2-10 p.m. Saturday for the Cincinnati Wing Fest. This free food festival features chicken wings and side dishes ($2+) from Knocback Nat’s, Rooster’s, Montgomery Inn, Buffalo Wings and Rings and several other area restaurants.
Saturdays is a great opportunity to buy some artwork, jewelry, baked goods,
clothing or home goods for mom (or yourself — no judgment). Stop by local businesses
along Hamilton, Chase and Spring Grove avenues from 6-10 p.m. Saturday for
sales, extended hours, drinks and food specials. Check out a full list of
participating shops, restaurants and bars here.
Everyone’s talking about the punk-themed Met Ball today, but I’m still in awe from last night’s RuPaul’s Drag Race season finale and reunion, where America’s Next Drag Superstar was crowned in true pageant style. It’s easy to confuse the two: both are over-the-top parades of outrageous fashion, debut ‘dos and bodies squeezed into numerous pairs of Spanx, but only one event has RuPaul, so I’m focusing on that one.
The spotlight was on the final three dragsters, Roxxxy Andrews, Jinkx Monsoon and Alaska, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Penny Tration, Cincinnati’s own queen supreme who was voted onto this season by viewers — only to be eliminated in the first episode.
Like any good queen, Penny varies up her looks, but I’ve never seen her like this before! E! put Penny on their worst dressed list, but any press is good press, right? With a leotard made from the fabric of the dress she wore when she was eliminated, manic makeup and a tiny tuft of hair on her big bald head, homegurl looked like a pageant baby Treasure Troll on crack, and by that I obviously mean she looked amazing.
Detox, who I originally pegged as the winner but only made it to the final four, also stole the show with this incredible black-and-white look. No Photoshop!
And Season 4 winner, Sharon Needles, served up Pee Wee Herman realness in this hot little number:
In the end, the camptatstic Jinkx, “Seattle’s premier Jewish narcoleptic drag queen” took the crown!
The full trailer for True Blood’s sixth season is here. All hail Billith!
This shit is so far beyond, but I don’t think any amount of supernatural caca could keep me from indulging in this mess year after year. Season Six premieres June 16.
Ever since the unveiling of that crazy Tupac hologram at 2012’s Coachella fest, there have been rumors of similarly reviving other dead musicians and performers, including TLC’s Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez. With a TLC reunion on the horizon, the idea has come up again but for now we can just settle for this peek at VH1’s upcoming TLC biopic. I am not familiar with two of the actresses, but Lil Mama plays Left Eye. I just can’t right now.
RIP Marge Simpson! Simpsons creator Matt Groening’s mother, Margaret, the inspiration for the iconic blue-haired matriarch, has passed away at age 94. Looking at her obituary, I learned Groening tucked a bunch of autobiographical bits into The Simpsons. The real Marge was actually married to a Homer, and had daughters named Maggie and Lisa. Her maiden name, Wiggum, is used in the show as the resident police chief’s name.
Since Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet soundtrack was basically the playlist of my childhood, I figured the music selections for The Great Gatsby would be on-point. I was right. Stream the whole soundtrack, featuring Beyoncé, Andre 3000, Fergie, Lana Del Rey and a heavy coat of flapper Jazz, via NPR.
Miss this week’s Mad Men? Here’s all you need to know: