Andy Dalton truly is a personified pumpkin spice latte, isn’t he?
Real Housewives of New Jersey stars Teresa and Joe Giudice last week both plead guilty to multiple counts of fraud and were sentenced to 15 months and 41 months in federal prison, respectively. Teresa will serve her sentence first beginning in January 2015. Joe faces deportation to his native Italy following his jail time. The two sat down with Andy Cohen for an exclusive interview that aired Monday on Bravo. The network reportedly paid big bucks for the one-on-one — according to some sources, enough to cover their restitution — but Bravo denied the claims. A hefty paycheck would explain some of the tough, pressing questions Cohen was able to get away with. (At one point as we were watching Part One, my boyfriend hushed me — “I’m trying to hear this,” he said — which has certainly never happened during a Bravo program. Ever.) Part Two of the interview airs Thursday at 9 p.m.
The Giudices serve as a reminder not to commit bank fraud, mail fraud, wire fraud, bankruptcy fraud or lie on loan applications or forget to pay your taxes. And if you do, try not to throw lavish parties in your tacky suburban castle on national television. On the upside, they did just provide me with an excellent pop-culturally relevant Halloween costume idea. Thanks, Tre!
Related: Fellow New Jerseyan and tanning enthusiast Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has also recently been charged with tax fraud conspiracy. Way to make the Garden State proud.
Lil Jon, “Lil Lena” Dunham, Fred Armisen, children of famous folks and other celebs teamed up for an epic Rock the Vote video:
Because we just can’t let that terrible club anthem died quietly, can we?
Some of the scariest shows of the season start up this week, with American Horror Story: Freak Show debuting tonight on FX and The Walking Dead’s fifth season premiere Sunday on AMC. Read more about these shows and others to watch in this week’s TV column.
We already know a TWD spinoff/companion series is in the works, though few details have been revealed, and now we’re learning American Horror Story will get a related offshoot. I know what you’re thinking: each season basically is a spinoff of the AHS franchise. But this is a little different. Ryan Murphy will direct a new series based on the same anthology format and American setting for American Crime Story. Each season (presuming its success matches that of AHS) will follow a different true American crime, beginning with one of the most followed court cases of all time: The O.J. Simpson trial. American Crime Story: The People Vs. O.J. Simpson has already been ordered as a 10-episode series for FX. Read more here.
Portlandia’s feminist bookstore sketch may be a hilarious
fiction, but it’s filmed in real Portland bookshop In Other Words. The IRL
Women and Women First is at risk of closing and it needs your help!
Alfonso Ribeiro of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is on Dancing with the Stars so of course he did “The Carlton”:
Human grumpy cat Aubrey Plaza will provide the voice for actual Grumpy Cat (real name: Tardar Sauce) in a Lifetime Christmas special! Who knew people still cared about Grumpy Cat? Moreover, who knew Lifetime made intentionally funny programs?
John Malkovich has portrayed a plethora of characters over the years and now he’s taken on the stars of famous photographs in some cool recreated shots by Sandro Miller:
See them all here.
As “fannibals” of the artfully demented Bryan Fuller spectacle await the next course of NBC’s Hannibal, we get a taste of what’s to come. Whereas the first season focused on French cuisine, pulling episode titles from traditional French courses, and the second did the same with Japanese fare, it appears Season Three will be Italian, judging by Fuller’s tweet of the first episode’s script, titled “Antipasto.” We last saw Hannibal (in one of the most insane episodes of any show ever) on a plane to France — perhaps this season finds him in Italy? With the possibility that nearly every character on the show is dead, maybe this season will totally flip the script and just become the creepiest cooking show of all time. I can see it now: “Today on Eating Hannibal, we have a special guest joining Chef Lecter. Please welcome Bobby Flay! Well, parts of Bobby Flay…”
If you like miniature things, animal videos and eating, you are one of billions of people who use the Internet. Also, you may be familiar with the tiny hamster that eats tiny versions of human treats, like in this video, where he enjoys an authentic Mexican feast of tiny burritos.
Well, Tiny Hamster is back, this time taking on competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi:
You may also be familiar with Jasmine Tridevil.
In a shocking turn of events, it seems that Total Recall prostitute
wannabe claiming to have a third breast added to her body is a FRAUD. Doctors
agree the surgery would be nearly impossible to pull off and my eyeballs agree
that the shit looks fake. Drag queens have been using prosthetic breast plates
Jasmine clearly will go to any lengths to get a TV show — besides actually
getting a third boob, I guess. And she appears to have a past of creating stunts
for media attention. Ya been Snopes’d, girl!
And speaking of Total Recall, the star of the movie’s 2012 remake Colin Farrell has been confirmed as one of the many speculated-about leads for the second season of HBO's True Detective. Vince Vaughn was also confirmed as another star in an HBO press release yesterday. Farrell will play Ray Velcoro, "a compromised detective whose allegiances are torn between his masters in a corrupt police department and the mobster who owns him,” according to the release. Vaughn will portray Frank Semyon, “a career criminal in danger of losing his empire when his move into legitimate enterprise is upended by the murder of a business partner.” Both actors had been rumored to star in the show for a while now, so if they’re confirmed we can probably expect Taylor Kitsch to formally come aboard soon. The show will also feature a female lead, after getting some kickback for the lack of leading ladies in Season One. Mad Men’s Elizabeth Moss and Michelle Forbes (aka Maryanne the maenad from True Blood) are two possibilities from the rumor mill — they’re also listed on the show’s IMDB page, along with Kitsch, but that’s not offish — and supposedly Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel, Abigail Spencer, Malin Akerman, Oona Chaplin, Jaimie Alexander and Brit Marling have all read for a part. Fast & Furious director Justin Lin will direct the first two episodes, which should make us all nervous. Awesome director of Season One Cary Joji Fukunaga won an Emmy for his work; this season will feature several different directors.
Kirsten Dunst stars in a lovely “short film” that actually more of a PSA about how not to be a weird dick to celebrities and other humans in general.
Love this but seriously, do celebrities really use Uber?
IJCGE is finally back after a hiatus to work on other piling projects — including this week’s cover story on the locally filmed reality show Rowhouse Showdown. Check it out here! And yes, even my serious projects and cover stories require Facebook stalking and marathon TV-watching. Deal with it.
So what’s happened in the last few weeks? Everybody is married now, so we missed that. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie; Ashlee Simpson and Evan “Diana Ross’ Son” Ross; Donnie "Not Mark" Wahlburg and Jenny McCarthy; Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade (clearly getting more yawn-worthy as we go down the list) — even Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel, aka Pete Campbell and Rory Gilmore, tied the knot — the most important couple of them all. Congrats! Everyone else: you don’t matter.
Recently the Lifetime
network had a meeting where they brainstormed which piece of 1990s nostalgia
they should desecrate on air. They couldn’t decide between Saved By the Bell and Clueless,
so they just decided to do two TV movies in one week: The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story on Labor Day and The Brittany Murphy Story this Saturday.
Lifetime’s SBTB flick promised lots
of juicy dramatization — it’s based on Dustin Diamond's 2009 book Behind the Bell. But juicy it was not,
and the entire thing was narrated by Screech
of all people (who, according to this depiction, liked to drink vodka during karate lessons)!
Probably not as terrible as a Brittany Murphy movie, though. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some B-Murph. Uptown Girls is one of my favorite movies. Her voice acting for King of the Hill’s Luanne was flawless. And, obviously, her character Tai from Clueless is a voice of the generation. But the poor woman died nearly five years ago, can’t we let her rest in piece and respect her family? Oh, we can’t?
Yes, that’s a somber-girly version of the Night at the Roxbury song. Lifetime has two more forever-too-soon biopics in the works: one on Aaliyah and another on Whitney Houston.
Guy Fieri and his Flavortown mobile stopped in Cincinnati in July to film his Food Network show Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. It was revealed last week that an entire episode will be devoted to restaurants in Over-the-Rhine. Typically, the show features a few different restaurants in three different cities. In “One Street Wonders,” airing Oct. 10, Fieri visits Taste of Belgium, Senate and Bakersfield. His visit to Northside’s Melt will air Sept. 12; his stop at Island Frydays in Corryville airs Sept. 26. Here’s a sneak preview of the episode:
Fall is just around the corner (if that’s what you want to call that 10-day period between the excruciating sauna of summer and frozen hell of winter), which means two things: people are less judgmental about the choice to remain mostly indoors and lots of TV shows are coming back. A match made in heaven!
This week brings the premieres of the final seasons of Boardwalk Empire (Sunday) and Sons of Anarchy (Tuesday). Go here for a full fall TV preview.
New movie trailers to hit the Interwebz: You’re Not You stars Emmy Rossum as an inexperienced but determined caregiver to Hilary Swank’s character, a woman diagnosed with ALS; Jon Stewart’s directorial debut Rosewater follows a journalist (Gael García Bernal) detained and interrogated in Iran.
Many longtime Parks and Recreation fans are well aware of actor Chris Pratt’s greatness, but sometimes it takes the combination of a personal trainer and a blockbuster action flick for an actor to get big mainstream recognition. Sure, Parks and Rec’s Andy Dwyer may be all buff now, but Pratt is definitely not just relying on that body — he’s even exploring other aspects of the entertainment business, like rapping!
When on a radio show recently, Pratt talked about living in a van in Hawaii, smoking weed every day and blasting The Chronic 2001 on repeat. (Yes, Chris Pratt really was basically Andy Dwyer and yes, this story will fuel fantasies for years to come.) Thankfully, all that weed fog didn’t cloud his memory, as he proved by rapping the better half “Forgot About Dre” from memory, to perfection.
Between his actually good rap skills and his obvious musical talent as seen on Parks (Mouse Rat for life!), Pratt could probably be a successful musician. I can hear it now: Matchbox 20 meets Eminem…
The titular line from The Killers’ song “Are We Humans or Are We Dancer” has been dubbed the weirdest lyric ever. Am I alone in just now realizing “dancer” wasn’t plural? Am I alone in giving this any thought at all?
Aug. 1, Netflix dumped a bunch of streaming movies and shows — due to the
constantly expiring contracts with distributors — but several more were added. You
may have to find other ways to watch Airplane!, Paper Moon and Heartbreaker,
but you can now stream Air Bud, Kinky Boots, the Rocky franchise, Spice World and several other movies,
plus new show releases throughout the month.
Lea Michele is latest on the growing list of random celebrities appearing in the final season of Sons of Anarchy. The squeaky-clean Glee star joins the likes of Marilyn Manson and Courtney Love.
Peep this vid of Jax Teller himself, Charlie Hunnam, addressing Comic Con fans from the Sons set.
And to think he was thisclose to starring in 50 Shades…
Beyoncé dropped a remix of
“Flawless” this weekend. The track features Nicki Minaj — fresh album art azz controversy
— and in it Bey acknowledges, for the first time, the infamous elevator
incident of 2014. Quel scandale!
Peep these popular movies and TV shows rendered as Little Golden Book-style children’s reads.
So Marnie from Girls is going to play Peter Pan in NBC’s live staging of the musical. Really not sure how I feel about this, especially considering my confusion over always casting a woman to play the man-boy. Does it somehow make it less disturbing that the character is an adult, acts like a kid, and takes children from their room at night? Like, "Hey, guys, this actually isn’t scary because Peter Pan is really a lady!”? I mean, far be it from me to insist on more men onscreen — There just aren’t enough! — but all the guys I know with Peter Pan Complex are far from impish, androgynous waifs.
OK, what the shit is happening here:
Katy Perry’s videos always carry a strong WTF factor, but “This Is How We Do” hurt my brain/eyeballs. There’s a twerking ice cream cone, random nods to famous works of art, inedible tacos and pizza (the nerve!) and a sprinkling of cultural appropriation. Basically I haven’t felt as hypnotized, confused and old since I watched “We Won’t Stop” for the first time. Get off my lawn, girls!
movie trailers to hit the
Interwebz: Disney musical Into the Woods starring Meryl Streep, Anna Kendrick and Chris Pine; dark comedy Birdman, which centers on an actor (Michael Keaton), known for his superhero role in films, as he attempts to create a Broadway play; and Christopher Nolan's Interstellar: wormholes and space travel with Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Chastain.
Just for fun, here’s our pre-Thrones and Aquaman Momoa singing in a scene from his Baywatch days.
What a voice! I had no idea Jason Momoa was the lead singer of the Crash Test Dummies.
Miles Ahead filming kicked off Monday. The most recent film to be shot locally
stars Don Cheadle as Jazz legend Miles Davis and focuses on the musician’s
five-year “silent period,” leading to his 1969 record In a Silent Way. Ewan McGregor and Michael Stuhlbarg (Boardwalk Empire) also star. Scenes will be filmed in dozens of local locations. Movie crews were seen today in Northside, while I caught Cheadle in a bright blue suit topped with Davis’ signature
unkempt 'fro filming at Seventh and Elm streets Monday afternoon. Cheadle is
making the film with the help of Indiegogo funding.
Many of the donation prizes for the film have sold out, but there are still some perks left — for example, for $100 you can catch an advance screening of the film, where The Cheadz (that’s my nickname for him now that we’re basically friends) will be in attendance. He’ll also do a Q&A after the movie. Pretty cool I guess, but in “What are we doing with our lives?” crowdfunding news, this Columbus, Ohio-based potato salad Kickstarter currently has more than $53,000 in pledges. And it’s open for 24 more days. It’s original goal was $10. If you’re confused about how a crowdfunding site relates to picnic side dishes, this description from the project should help:
I'm making potato salad.
Basically I'm just making potato salad. I haven't decided what kind yet.
It’s pretty hilarious until you realize the funds raised for this joke of a project could actually pay off your student and car loans and that no joke Kickstarter you could create will ever be as successful. So just give up already.
So I know 2002 will soon be calling, asking for its pop culture references back, but this delicious parody/remix of Eminem's “Lose Yourself” via Gizmodo is winning the Internet right now.
The headline Millennials have been waiting for is making its rounds on every news site and blog everywhere: Netflix Will Pay You to Watch Netflix.
Harry Potter fans will be happy to know author J.K. Rowling has published a new story in the series on her site Pottermore. The new Potter tale catches up with the wizard and his pals in their adulthood. This is Rowling’s first Harry-centric piece since publishing the series’ final novel seven years ago.
New movie trailers to hit the Interwebz: Jimi: All Is by My Side, starring André "3000" Benjamin as Mr. Hendrix; Before I Go To Sleep, with Nicole Kidman, Colin Firth and Mark Strong in what sounds like Memento meets 50 First Dates; and Horrible Bosses 2. Because Hollywood.
Here at IJCGE, we’re in the business of talking trash and making jokes, not patting ourselves on the back. That being said, some readers might be interested to know that this blog was recognized last week at the Cincinnati Society for Professional Journalists’ Excellence in Journalism awards, which we assure you sounds incredibly fancier that it actually is. I Just Can’t Get Enough nabbed first place for Lifestyle Reporting — just one of several awards CityBeat received. So rest assured, when you come here for the latest Beyoncé scoop or completely biased awards show commentary, you’re utilizing an award-winning source.
And speaking of Queen Bey — who just topped Forbes’ Most Powerful list (Bow down, Oprah) — locals got the rare opportunity to breathe the same air as Mrs. Carter last weekend (just kidding, of course — we all know Bey is an alien robot goddess that does not require oxygen like us plebs). Jay Z and Beyoncé’s On the Run tour made its second stop at Great American Ballpark Saturday; read our review here. Spoiler Alert: It was the best thing that has ever happened.
Part of the joy of being a kid is the adventure. It’s all about having fun, throwing caution to the wind! Ten-year-olds don’t worry much about safety or the fact that death is lurking behind every corner. Some people believe we, as a society, are too overprotective of our children — we shelter them. But across generations we can all probably agree we did some pretty fucked up shit in our youth we’d never dream to attempt now. For kids around the northern New Jersey area between 1978 and 1996, Action Park in Vernon, N.J., played a role in those haunting memories of destructive youth decisions. Check out this short, highly entertaining doc on “the world’s most dangerous theme park.”
Tim & Eric fans: Check out the Steve Brule Name Generator, for your health! (I got Jranice Kringus, which is what I will answer to exclusively from this point on.)
In other news, apparently we’re still talking about Grumpy Cat. The Internet-famous feline was recently united with her doppelganger, Peter Dinklage, and is also in a new Honey Nut Cheerios commercial. Nelly, you’re in good company! #beegotswag #whyisthishappening
Remember “First Kiss,” that hot black-and-white viral vid with strangers making out (that was actually somehow a clothing ad)? Well, now there’s “The Slap,” a hands-on response to Wren’s kissing project. It features Haley Joel Osment so it is obviously amazing.
recording what’s become known as a rape anthem, pissing off Marvin Gaye’s
family and probably cheating on/breaking up with/desperately trying to win back
wife Paula Patton, Robin Thicke is generally disliked by most humans at this
point. So VH1 thought this was a good opportunity to open up Twitter to
questions for the singer. Apparently they never heard about #AskRKelly.
It went about as well as you’d expect.
New movie trailers to hit the Interwebz: Fury, a World War II action drama from David Ayer (End of Watch, Training Day) starring Brad Pitt, Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower and a way-too-method Shia LaBeouf; odd-couple comedy St. Vincent that has nothing to do with Annie Clark starring Bill Murray, Chris O'Dowd, Naomi Watts and Melissa McCarthy in a role that doesn't appear to be that same sloppy, stupid fat lady caricature; and dark comedy The Skeleton Twins, in which Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig play recently reunited troubled twins.
A role on a Law and Order episode is a rite of passage for actors — it won’t necessarily guarantee success, but nearly every major TV actor has done time in the Law and Order franchise. I mean honestly, if you haven’t portrayed a bludgeoned child prostitute, an over-affectionate music teacher or an undercover crack dealer, I’m really not interested in the rest of your body of work.
Who doesn’t love recognizing actors before they made it in old SVU reruns, or seeing more established actors guest-star on new episodes? One minute it’s, “Hey, isn’t that bailiff the neighbor from Shameless?” Next thing you know, it’s 3 a.m. on a Tuesday and you’re in an IMDB black hole. We’ve all been there. Thankfully for fans of Orange Is the New Black that are obsessive TV watchers, someone has cross-referenced the L&O archives to create this list of every Orange character’s appearances on everyone’s favorite gavel-thumping series.
Fun Fact: OITNB star Taylor Schilling has never appeared on L&O — and her IMDB page starts in 2007. Newbie!
Fun Fact No. 2: Taylor Swift recently got a cat and named it Olivia Benson, so. It’s been a very Dick Wolf week.
Since TV and food go together like Benson and Stabler (never forget), Ben & Jerry’s is releasing a line of Saturday Night Live-inspired ice cream flavors. Lazy Sunday — named after the Andy Samberg/Chris Parnell rap video that put the SNL Digital Shorts on the map in 2005 — is not flavored with Mr. Pibb and Red Vines (missed opportunity), but rather yellow and chocolate cupcake pieces in vanilla cake batter ice cream with a chocolate frosting swirl (I seriously gained four pounds typing that). Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch, a chocolate and sweet cream ice cream swirled with marshmallow, fudge-covered almonds and caramel clusters for no apparent reason, pays tribute to Kristen Wiig’s prankster schoolgirl character. Two additional SNL flavors will roll out later this year.
Double Dare was a gem of a game show from Nickelodeon’s heyday. But stacked up against today’s sophisticated offerings like American Ninja Warrior, the family-friendly DD probably wouldn’t work in the new millennium. At least we’ll always have Marc Summers and these faaaabulous pri-zes!
History will be divided
into two times: before there were selfies and when everyone just gave up on
life. If this is true, Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis will find themselves on
both sides of history, as they recently recreated their famous
Polaroid self-portrait photograph from Thelma
Athletes are no strangers to hecklers. Take a pastime that’s revered on a religious level for many fans, then add alcohol — it’s not always going to be classy. During last week’s rain-delayed Reds game against the Pirates in Pittsburgh, one spirited Pirates fan took to heckling Joey Votto and Brandon Phillips. His taunts echoed in the near-empty stadium, ringing loud and clear for an amused Phillips. The second baseman responded by signing a ball for the heckler, thanking him for the support and asking him to kindly “shut the phuck up,” and posing for a picture.