With Jenny Slate’s new, ahem, “abortion comedy” Obvious Child coming to theaters (no word on a Cincy screening yet), I could highlight many examples of the comedian’s genius: Marcel the Shell with Shoes On; Mona Lisa from Parks and Rec; “PubLIZity” on Kroll Show; even the f-bomb heard ‘round the world on her SNL debut. But I truly cannot get enough of Catherine, one of the strangest and most hilarious little web series I’ve ever watched! Take about 30 minutes and watch this gem from beginning to end. Then lather, rinse, repeat.
Nearly 20 years after Tupac Shakur’s death, a police officer present at the scene that night has come forward to reveal the rapper’s last words: “Fuck you.” OK then.
Conan O’Brien is a true talent, and I love the guy but I’ve hardly tuned in to his show since his move to TBS (kind of like how I “support” local restaurants but still just eat Taco Bell anyway sometimes). But I did tune in recently to catch what is apparently a recurring bit: Clueless Gamer. Conan, not a big video gamer, tests out a new or classic game, mocking various aspects to comedic results. Last week Conan test-drove Watch Dogs, which was released across platforms Tuesday.
Conan and I are about the
same speed when it comes to video games. He can’t help but focus on the
futuristic fashion choices and unrealistic aspects or run over a sidewalk of
people with a stolen UPS truck or, in turn, inevitably perturb avid gamers.
Bill Murray. Dude seems to be living the life of a retired playboy, despite the fact that he’s still very active in Hollywood. Besides being a pretty much universally loved actor and comedian, in his off time he’s campaigning to be inducted in the Cool Guy Hall of Fame. In his latest move, Murray addressed a bachelor party at a Charleston steakhouse on finding “the one,” and then led the group in lifting the groom-to-be into the air. Watch the magic here. Next up: Bill Murray delivers baby in out-of-service elevator, fashions a diaper out of own T-shirt.
Ever noticed how Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith bears a striking resemblance to Will Ferrell? According to Ferrell, the two are confused so often it’s beginning to become and issue. The doppelgangers met last week to decide once and for all who was who, and which was the better drummer on The Tonight Show (aka Where Celebrities Go to Act a Fool). The results were predictably outstanding:
Fans of True Detective are chomping at the bit for any clues about next season’s stars and settings. Recent rumors stated Jessica Chastain was offered a lead, but the Zero Dark Thirty actress claims that isn’t the case. Thankfully series creator Nic Pizzolatto revealed a few details about Season Two: This round — a completely new case, setting and cast — will feature three leads instead of two (Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson starred in Season One), it will focus on “hard women, bad men and the secret occult history of the United States transportation system,” and the action will take place in a California city — somewhere more off-the-beaten path than L.A. Considering the bit of pushback regarding the lack of substantial female characters last season, we can likely expect more focus on at least one woman.
The AMC network bid farewell to two beloved characters recently (spoilers coming). Porkchop — Chihuahua, star of Small Town Security and HBIC of JJK Security — was put to sleep in last week's episode of the reality show. And in "not so real but also pretty sad" news, Mad Men character Bert Cooper passed away in Sunday's mid-season finale. The SC&P co-founder died right after watching the historic Apollo 11 moon landing of 1969 — but don't worry, actor Robert Morse is still going strong. Coop bid farewell to Don Draper — and viewers — in a sweet, surreal and theatrical final scene.
And just like that, “Awards Season” comes to a close. Does anyone else think it went out with more of a bore than a bang?
were preceded by the Film Independent Spirit Awards Saturday. I was introduced
to this indie movie celebration last year and was pleasantly surprised by the
fun, fast-and-loose nature of the show in addition to its highlighting of
lesser-known, smaller-budget films compared to the Academy Awards. Maybe it was
due to Jameson no longer sponsoring the event/getting everyone wasted; perhaps
it was the fact that many of the winners went on to receive Oscars in similar
categories the very next day. Either way, I found this year’s show, hosted by
Patton Oswalt, to be just a little blah.
See for yourself here.
Sunday night was not much of a departure from that feeling. I do love me some Ellen — she can always deliver consistently funny material everyone can relate to. She picked on stars without being too mean and rocked some fab suits, but it takes more than that to keep me awake through a 15-hour production like the Oscars.
But there were plenty of both touching and funny moments throughout the night. Supporting actor and actress winners, Jared Leto and Lupita Nyong’o, delivered thoughtful, emotional acceptance speeches (while looking freaking gorge). Leto — who I still can’t believe was the oldest nominee in that category — spoke about his mother’s inspiring perseverance, the conflicts in Venezuela and Ukraine and the victims of AIDS as well as discrimination (both central themes of Dallas Buyers Club). He also looked sharp in a cream tux with burgundy tie and the most coveted ombré locks of any human man.
And, clearly, the 42-year-old gets his looks from his hot ass mother. But seriously, maybe we should consider the fact that Jordan Catalano is a vampire. Any thoughts, Pharrell?
Speaking of, Pharrell performed his Oscar-nominated hit, "Happy," in what appeared to be a legit GAP ad circa 2003.
who won for her role in 12 Years a Slave,
also gave a heartfelt acceptance speech.
Everyone is crushing on Lupita right
now, myself included, but let’s talk about her equally attractive brother,
They’re basically the Kenyan Tegan & Sara in that they are super hot siblings with super cool androgynous hairdos.
Fans of Her (which nabbed Best Adapted
Screenplay) no doubt cried, rewound, and cried again as Karen O of the Yeah
Yeah Yeahs and Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend performed “The Moon Song” from the film, which totally got shut
out by that stupid Frozen song everyone (including local weather guys) won’t shut up about.
Broadway darling Idina Menzel went on to perform the Frozen's “Let It Go,” but not before John Travolta’s Thetin levels temporarily crashed, causing him to forget how to speak.
Early in the evening, Ellen was kind enough to order a few pizzas for all the starving celebs in the audience, which led to what will be known forever as The Selfie* That Broke Twitter. The star-studded pic has more than 3 million retweets, the most of anything ever #sorryobama.
*I just can’t with the term “selfie” anymore. I’m tired of the way newspeople say, “selfie” like they’ve coined some new generation-defining trend. Haven’t people been taking pictures of themselves via an extended arm since forever? Much like “hipster,” this term lives on thanks to the diligence of out-of-touch white people trying to be current.
America’s bestie Jennifer Lawrence was nominated, so naturally she fell on the red carpet. Warning to JLAW: We love you. You’re a “real woman” according to people, which means you’re not a robot I think, but you don’t constantly have to flaunt that fact by tripping and talking about eating fries all the time. You’re bordering on the Zooey Deschanel “adorkable” territory that has forced me to despise the banged, blue-eyed beaut. I still love you, JLAW — you cited Caroline Manzo as your American Hustle character inspiration for Chrissake — you just don’t have to push the clumsy slob persona all the time.
As far as winners go, 12 Years a Slave and Dallas Buyers Club cleaned up pretty well with three wins each and Gravity dominated the technical and directing categories, garnering a whopping seven awards. The Academy essentially said, "And none for you, American Hustle," and people are still crying over Leonardo DiCaprio's continued Oscar losing streak.
OK, that’s all the important stuff. Peep all the winners below.
Best Motion Picture of the Year
Dallas Buyers Club
12 Years A Slave
The Wolf Of Wall Street
Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips
Bradley Cooper, American Hustle
Michael Fassbender,12 Years A Slave
Jonah Hill, The Wolf Of Wall Street
Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine
Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years A Slave
Julia Roberts, August: Osage County
June Squibb, Nebraska
Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Amy Adams, American Hustle
Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
Sandra Bullock, Gravity
Judi Dench, Philomena
Meryl Streep, August: Osage County
Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale, American Hustle
Bruce Dern, Nebraska
Leonardo Dicaprio, The Wolf Of Wall Street
Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years A Slave
Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
Best Animated Feature
Despicable Me 2
Ernest & Celestine
The Wind Rises
The Grandmaster (Philippe Le Sourd)
Gravity (Emmanuel Lubezki)
Inside Llewyn Davis (Bruno Delbonnel)
Nebraska (Phedon Papamichael)
Prisoners (Roger A. Deakins)
Best Costume Design
American Hustle (Michael Wilkinson)
The Grandmaster (William Chang Suk Ping)
The Great Gatsby (Catherine Martin) Totally blocked this one out of my memory.
The Invisible Woman (Michael O'Connor)
12 Years a Slave (Patricia Norris)
American Hustle (David O. Russell)
Gravity (Alfonso Cuarón)
Nebraska (Alexander Payne)
12 Years a Slave (Steve McQueen)
The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese)
Best Documentary Feature
The Act of Killing (Joshua
Oppenheimer, Signe Byrge Sørensen)
Cutie and the Boxer (Zachary Heinzerling, Lydia Dean Pilcher)
Dirty Wars (Richard Rowley, Jeremy Scahill)
The Square (Jehane Noujaim, Karim Amer)
20 Feet from Stardom (Nominees to be determined)
Best Documentary Short
CaveDigger (Jeffrey Karoff)
Facing Fear (Jason Cohen)
Karama Has No Walls (Sara Ishaq)
The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life (Malcolm Clarke, Nicholas Reed)
Prison Terminal: The Last Days of Private Jack Hall (Edgar Barens)
Best Film Editing
American Hustle (Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers, Alan
Captain Phillips (Christopher Rouse)
Dallas Buyers Club (John Mac McMurphy, Martin Pensa)
Gravity (Alfonso Cuarón, Mark Sanger)
12 Years a Slave (Joe Walker)
Best Foreign Language Film
The Broken Circle Breakdown (Belgium)
The Great Beauty (Italy)
The Hunt (Denmark) I tried to watch this on Netflix but the subtitles were faster that the actual audio and video, which made it impossible to watch. Had to turn it off, but ILY MADS.
The Missing Picture (Cambodia)
Best Makeup and Hairstyling
Dallas Buyers Club (Adruitha Lee, Robin Mathews)
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa (Stephen Prouty) Jesus H, a Jackass movie is nominated for an Oscar.
The Lone Ranger (Joel Harlow, Gloria Pasqua-Casny) I guess turning Johnny Depp into a fauxtive American deserves recognition?
Best Original Score
The Book Thief (John Williams)
Gravity (Steven Price)
Her (William Butler, Owen Pallett)
Philomena (Alexandre Desplat)
Saving Mr. Banks (Thomas Newman)
Best Original Song
(Despicable Me 2)
“Let It Go” (Frozen)
“The Moon Song” (Her) ROBBED
“Ordinary Love” (Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom)
Best Production Design
American Hustle (Judy Becker, Heather Loeffler)
Gravity (Andy Nicholson, Rosie Goodwin, Joanne Woollard)
The Great Gatsby (Catherine Martin, Beverley Dunn)
Her (K.K. Barrett, Gene Serdena)
12 Years a Slave (Adam Stockhausen, Alice Baker)
Best Animated Short Film
Feral (Daniel Sousa, Dan Golden)
Get a Horse! (Lauren MacMullan, Dorothy McKim)
Mr. Hublot (Laurent Witz, Alexandre Espigares)
Possessions (Shuhei Morita)
Room on the Broom (Max Lang, Jan Lachauer)
Best Live Action Short Film
Aquel No Era Yo (That
Wasn't Me) (Esteban Crespo)
Avant Que De Tout Perdre (Just Before Losing Everything) (Xavier Legrand, Alexandre Gavras)
Helium (Anders Walter, Kim Magnusson)
Pitääkö Mun Kaikki Hoitaa? (Do I Have to Take Care of Everything?) (Selma Vilhunen, Kirsikka Saari)
The Voorman Problem (Mark Gill, Baldwin Li)
Best Sound Editing
All Is Lost (Steve Boeddeker, Richard Hymns)
Captain Phillips (Oliver Tarney)
Gravity (Glenn Freemantle)
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Brent Burge, Chris Ward)
Lone Survivor (Wylie Stateman)
Best Sound Mixing
Captain Phillips (Chris Burdon, Mark
Taylor, Mike Prestwood Smith, Chris Munro)
Gravity (Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead, Chris Munro)
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Christopher Boyes, Michael Hedges, Michael Semanick, Tony Johnson)
Inside Llewyn Davis (Skip Lievsay, Greg Orloff, Peter F. Kurland)
Lone Survivor (Andy Koyama, Beau Borders, David Brownlow)
Best Visual Effects
Gravity (Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk, Neil
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton, Eric Reynolds)
Iron Man 3 (Christopher Townsend, Guy Williams, Erik Nash, Dan Sudick)
The Lone Ranger (Tim Alexander, Gary Brozenich, Edson Williams, John Frazier)
Star Trek Into Darkness (Roger Guyett, Patrick Tubach, Ben Grossmann, Burt Dalton)
Best Adapted Screenplay
Before Midnight (Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke)
Captain Phillips (Billy Ray)
Philomena (Steve Coogan, Jeff Pope)
12 Years a Slave (John Ridley)
The Wolf of Wall Street (Terence Winter)
Best Original Screenplay
American Hustle (Eric Warren Singer, David O. Russell)
Blue Jasmine (Woody Allen)
Dallas Buyers Club (Craig Borten, Melisa Wallack)
Her (Spike Jonze)
Nebraska (Bob Nelson)
After the Seahawks crushed the first half, viewers experienced an incredible half-time show.
My bad, that's actually from Puppy Bowl X. Bruno Mars and Red Hot Chili Peppers actually performed, which is funny because you just know execs originally wanted to shoot for the young crowd and then realized 15-year-old girls don’t buy Toyotas or Budweiser, so they just added RHCP last-minute.
Halftime show pros:
Bruno Mars opened with an epic drum solo
Bruno's gold suit
His James Brown moves
Sweet back-up band
Cool Bruno segue into “Give It Away”
Anthony Kiedis is just as fine as ever
That’s the only song RHCP played
Their music — along with Bruno Mars’ band — was pre-recorded (but it wasn’t their choice. People made a big fuss about RHCP’s instruments not being plugged in, but pre-recording is generally the rule for a live performance like this. Bruno’s singing and drumming were life, as was Anthony’s singing, while the rest of the music was mimed).
The Pepper guys weren’t wearing only tube socks
After a “messages from our troops” sequence, Bruno Mars sang that awful song from the Us Weekly commercials that totally does not work after a “messages from our troops” sequence”
The realization that I actually just can’t like Bruno Mars
All in all, there were some good
performances, just nothing shocking or spectacular. However, being the 10th
anniversary of Nipplegate, maybe that was the point.
Now, on to the commercials!
The Church of Scientology tried to trick us into thinking we were watching some low-budget Apple ad with this surprising commercial (and the only religious ad of the night):
Goldie Blox borrowed another Rock song for
the toy company’s latest ad — hopefully they got permission this time.
We finally got to see what that Seinfeld
reunion rumor was all about: A promotion for Jerry Seinfeld’s web series,
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
Overall, two themes were prevalent in this year’s ads…
and Animals (grab the tissues):
Also announced during Super Bowl commercials was the return of the hit drama 24 coming this May as well as Noah, the biblical epic starring Russell Crowe, Emma Watson and Jennifer Connelly in theaters March 8.
On last week’s episode of Workaholics, the guys hire an escort to bang theirv boss so she'll be in a good mood and allow them to host a fish fry in honor of Blake's dead koi fish. All completely acceptable work behavior. Anywho, Blake, Adam and Ders interviewed candidates and guess who appeared in the scene?