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by Jennifer Saltsman 01.31.2012
 
 
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Valentine's Gifts Around the World (and Back)

How Do You Say I<3U?

It's two weeks until Valentine's Day, and we've got a few suggestions on how to celebrate.

To women, nothing says ‘I Love You’ quite like a big, fat cockroach on Valentine’s Day. That's right, for just $10, you can name a special bug living at the Bronx Zoo after your sweetie - because like love, a cockroach is indestructible.

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by Eli Johnson 01.03.2012
Posted In: Animals, Movies, Music, Fun, TV/Celebrity at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Music, Movies and the Not So Mundane

Kanzi the bonobo knows how to say around 500 words via a keyboard, start a fire with matches and make his own food. He has a leg up on the modern 12-year-old.

A family from Canada recently welcomed their 100th grandchild to the family. It is alleged that the children each receive a $1 gift card to the Planned Parenthood gift shop from the grans each Christmas.

Gucci Mane and V-Nasty released an album called Baytl. People are calling it the worst hip-hop collaboration since Snoop Dogg teamed up with astronaut Buzz Aldrin to drop “Rocket Experience.”

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by Jac Kern 10.21.2011
 
 
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Your Weekend To Do List: 10/21-10/23

Happy Friday, y'all! Here's what's going down this weekend:

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by Eli Johnson 10.04.2011
Posted In: Life, Music, Animals, Culture, Fun at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Music, Movies and the Not So Mundane

Broken Social Scene is on indefinite hiatus. Band leader Kevin Drew told The Huffington Post, "This is the healthiest thing we can do. There's no bad blood, no problems, everyone is at peace. We've had a lot of inter-relationships, some have worked, some haven't. But we all loved what we were doing. And I think we we're always fair."

Work it out, guys! We love you together.

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by Jac Kern 08.25.2011
 
 

'Twilight' Convention Comes to Cincinnati

Still kicking yourself over missing all the Twilight action during July's Comic-Con International in San Diego?


Cricket Sound

Well fear not, fanpires, because the Official Twilight Convention is coming to Cincinnati!

Whether you're Team Edward or Team Jacob (Spoiler Alert: neither of them will be there), The Hyatt Regency Downtown is the spot to be Saturday and Sunday for all hardcore Twilight fans. The weekend will include contests, web panels, auctions, music, parties and costumes on mannequins.

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                                          IT'S LIKE THEY'RE REALLY HERE!

Of course, a film saga convention would be nothing without celebrity appearances. Twilight stars making a stop in Cincy include Tinsel Korey (Emily), Boo Boo Stewart (werewolf Seth Clearwater), Kiowa Gordon (werewolf Embry Call), Charlie Bewley (vamp Demetri) and Peter Facinelli (Dr. Carlisle Cullen).

Wait a minute…Mike Dexter is Edward's dad?

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He's come a long way since idolizing Trip McNeely.

OK, honestly, I've never seen more than a preview for Twilight, so I'm not going to rage about how bad it sucks (see what I did there?) and how cray-cray the fans are. But I must say, the fan photos aren't making a good case for Twi-hards.

Exhibit A:

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Exhibit B:

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Exhibit C:

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But, seriously, I guess it's cool that these actors will stand around rabidly crazy fans barreling full-speed toward puberty us normal people for a weekend. Apparently these stars will even allow fans to hug:

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kiss:

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and make complete asses of them:

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The convention runs all day and night Saturday and Sunday starting around 11 a.m. Day passes are $20 and weekend packages run from $39-$219. Autographs, photos, breathing the same air as Peter Facinelli, etc. all are an additional cost. Go here to get the full schedule and ticket info for the convention. And full disclosure, if this was a True Blood convention with supporting characters from the show, I'd be frothing at the mouth like the rest of these crazy bitches.

 
 
by Jac Kern 08.05.2011
Posted In: Concerts, Life, Animals, Culture, Events, Fun, Music at 02:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Your Weekend To Do List: 8/5-8/7

Going to the zoo isn't just for kids (though there always a million of them there). Whether you are a child, have 'em or hate 'em this weekend is perfect for a trip to the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Gardens. Friday-Sunday are Visitor Appreciation Days at the zoo, which means half price admission and parking for everyone! If you need any more reason to visit, there are tons of new exhibits like Night Hunters, African Savannah, Go Green Garden and more. Go here for special prices, hours and directions.

Craftmasters takes over Mainstay Rock Bar Saturday, offering up 10 local bands and 10 $4 craft beers all night long. Get down with Lions Rampant, Frankl Project, Eat Sugar and more as you sip tasty brews like Stone IPA, Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier and Two Brothers Dog Days Dortmunder Lager. Music starts at 7 p.m. with bands on two stages. Five bucks gets you in the door. Get the whole lineup here.

Worried no event will satiate your hunger this weekend? For-goetta-bout it! Glier's annual Goettafest is back with enough pork and oats to satisfy even the hungriest of visitors. Enjoy classics like goetta omelets, goetta burgers and goetta dogs or go crazy with goetta sushi, goetta brownies and goetta eggrolls. As always, there will be plenty of live music, games and rides to keep everyone happy (but wait 30 minutes after eating before going on The Scrambler. Goetta's even less pretty coming up.). The festival runs Friday-Sunday at Newport on the Levee. Go here for festival hours and parking information.

Cincy Blues Fest is one of largest volunteer-run Blues festivals in the world. Celebrate the music and the hard work Friday and Saturday at Sawyer Point. Besides checking out local, regional and national Blues acts, Mike Breen has come up with 19 reasons this is a can't-miss event. Go here to read 'em all.

The Cincinnati Art Museum makes so many fantastic works of art accessible to visitors. This Sunday, you can get an even more in-depth look at one artist's life during its Reel Art film series. Filmmaker Ellen Weissbrod's documentary A Woman Like That focuses on the life of Artemisia Gentileschi, a 17th century Italian woman who pursued art during a period when female artists faced much prejudice. Learn about this important Baroque-era artist and meet Weissbrod and co-filmmaker Melissa Powell at a Q&A session following the screening. Go here for ticket information and screening time.

As always, there are many more events, concerts, gallery exhibits and theater shows going on this weekend. Go here to see 'em all. Got a kick-ass event that should be on everyone's To Do list? E-mail arts and event listings to calendar@citybeat.com at least two weeks in advance.

 
 
by Jac Kern 07.29.2011
Posted In: Northside, Life, Animals, TV/Celebrity, Fashion, Culture, DIY at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 

Feather Hair Extensions: Not Animal-Friendly

Feather hair extensions are one of the trendiest fashion accessories right now (I say this knowing that Cincy's always a little behind the times on all things stylish). Celebrities from Ke$ha to Steven Tyler to Roseanne Barr have been rockin' the look, which may sound like a deterrent, but now these birdy little weaves are everywhere. Even on dogs.

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by Jac Kern 07.21.2011
Posted In: Events, Fun, Music, Concerts, Animals at 04:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Your Weekend To Do List

We're just two months away from the highly anticipated MidPoint Music Festival and the free MidPoint Indie Summer Series is still rockin' on. Stop by Fountain Square Friday for a taste of quality music you can expect at the September fest. This week's line up features a superb spread of local talent. Alternative Folk crew The Western kicks off the show at 7 p.m., followed by Garage Rockers The Prohibitionists at 8:15 p.m. July for Kings headlines the show at 9:30 p.m., bringing their quirky Rock & Roll sound. Check out a past interview with her crew here. For tickets, lineups and all the latest updates on MPMF, follow them on Facebook.

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by Jac Kern 05.24.2011
Posted In: Is this for real?, Fun, Animals, Life at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 

Dealing With Humans: Cincinnati Zoo Edition

I like to think of myself as a pretty normal person, perfectly capable of interacting with a variety of other humans. I watch bad television and sometimes shop at Wal-Mart, yet I enjoy ethnic food and DIY projects. MFin' renaissance woman. But sometimes, despite a breadth of interests and activities, I cannot deal with people. Enter the Cincinnati Zoo.

This Sunday, instead of burying my head under a pillow until 1 p.m., the boyfriend and I decided to pay a visit to the yearly Zoo Babies attraction. The weather was sunny and warm, and neither of us were hungover - a perfect and rare opportunity to look at little animals.

Nearly anyone can enjoy a trip to the zoo, but I know very well that this type of attraction is particularly appealing to little humans - children. And sometimes children don't know how to walk yet or their biological walking timers shut off and they need assistance, i.e. strollers. I know they're necessary, but some of these devices are more comparable to a slightly smaller Prius. Of course, you have to let kids cut in front of your or you're a total bitch. But, god damnit, I paid $14 to be here and I want to see the manatees, too.

So what are you supposed to do? Wait patiently for the throng of toddlers to peep new baby giraffe, Zuri and then try your damnedest to see past their gooey fingerprints smudging the glass window once it's your turn.

Strollers suck (though they're much more obtrusive at packed festivals - watch out for those bad boys this weekend at The Taste!), but Sunday I found a worse alternative that I thought only existed as a joke in the '90s - baby leashes. I witnessed countless seemingly behaved youngsters strapped in a fuzzy, cuddly, stuffed-animal themed LEASH. How lazy of a parent do you have to be to think the best way to prevent your kid from jumping into the polar bear cave is to attach them to a harness?


                                      However, it's another issue if you're hypoglycemic and hyperactive. A hyper-hypo.

You better believe I gave a big old side-eye to each of these parents. For the love of god, go back to the tricked out, view-obstructing, toe-crushing stroller! Anything is better than a child leash.

Thankfully, dedicated individuals have devoted their time to stop this injustice.

Of course, there's another group of humans that left me mimicking the gorillas:

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                                             The I-don't-give-a-fuck crew.

So we're in the Jungle Trails, a peaceful, shaded area with plenty of space and lots of cool creatures. I'm just trying to get a good view of a zebra when I hear a stern, "Excuse me. There is no smoking anywhere in the zoo." Now, this dude was kind of dickish, gettin' up in somebody's bidness while wiping his kid from head to toe with sanitizer. But, holy shit, some bitch was actually smoking a cig by the animals! She quickly extinguished her smoke (possibly into the animal sanctuary - I was trying not to stare) with a raspy "Sah-ree." With that, it was time to escape to the air-conditioned nocturnal animal space.

It was pretty dark and kind of hard to see these critters (hello, nocturnal!) and one particularly grimy child next to me began smacking the window next to me.

"Wake up! Where is it?" he shouted, as a little partner in crime joined him in glass-banging. Half-concerned for the adorable lemur on the other side, half-worried someone might mistake these shit heads as my own offspring, I used my best waitress voice and said, "Hey guys, we shouldn't tap on the glass, OK?" and pointed to the dozens of signs suggesting the same. They continued.

We made our way back outside, to see my most anticipated animals, the bonobos. These apes share 98.7% of DNA with humans and are completely capable of learning many people things, like understanding English and using American Sign Language. (Side note: I'm half-way through Water for Elephants author's latest novel Ape House, in which bonobos play a huge role. It's a great read.) They're sweet.

Once again, I found myself behind a bunch of kids who probably can't pronounce bonobo and probably won't remember seeing them, but I kept my patient pants on. Until grimy kid #1 resurfaced…on the other side of a rope barrier, pounding on the gate. Sure enough, the brat belonged to cig lady who, at this point was enjoying (her fifth?) draft beer.

"C'mon, stop it. You're not supposed to be there," she yawned.

"I wanna see if he'll attack me! I wanna see if he'll attack me!"

This continued for a few minutes. I felt my mouth drop and I turned around to see I wasn't the only one in awe. Anyone who makes me feel like I'd be a competent mother has some serious issues. Maybe child leashes are appropriate in certain situations.

I guess I didn't really learn how to better cope with people, but I did discover this: animals are way cooler than humans, and their babies are cuter.

 
 
 

 

 

 
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