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The Morning After
by Jac Kern 03.08.2013
at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Beardwatch 2013

Weekly ‘Survivor’ recap featuring Cincy’s Matt Bischoff (and sometimes Reynold Toepfer)

Watch this week’s episode of Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites, "Kill or Be Killed" here. (Skip to the last minute to check out a preview of next week’s ep, "Persona Non Grata")

With Reynold’s alliance down to just him and Eddie, the duo was pretty pissed that Matt’s alliance has turned on them twice. “[The Gota tribe] got rid of Hope tonight because she was the prettiest one here and she was a threat to everyone because of that,” Eddie said, angry that Laura, who performed poorly in the last challenge, was not up for elimination.

In a reward challenge, tribes competed for a chance to hang with a local bushman (later described as a “Filipino Gollum.” Nice.) who will show the survivors how to live off the land, then cook them a meal. The competition ended with all eight tribe members having to balance on a tiny platform in the water. It appeared everyone on Gota was on the platform except Matt, who was never quite able to get his foot above the line.

Fans lost for the third time in a row Andrea from the victorious Bikal tribe recognized that this reward would have been especially helpful to the down-and-out fan team, and that "really boosted the morale of our tribe even more.”

Back at the Gota tribe, Shamar continued his narcoleptic behavior and insisted that in order for him to continue the team must serve him rice every day. Once again, Shamar’s bad attitude and laziness gives both Gota alliances something to agree upon — dude has got to go. But would they actually follow through? The night just got rougher as storms and a flock of rats made their way through the camp. By morning, it appeared Shamar was ready to throw in the towel — for real this time. He claimed some sand had scratched his eye and after some dramatic scenes of Shamar holding his head in his hands, host Jeff Probst and a medical team came to his aid. As a medic checked for abrasions on Shamar’s eye, holding his lids open and poking around, Probst found it was a perfectly good time to have a heart-to-heart and discuss Shamar’s “ups and downs.”

After a quick examination, the medic discovered multiple abrasions on Shamar’s cornea that would affect his vision. She advised him to leave the island to get his eye treated by a doctor at home. The tribe was called in to get the news and everyone pretended to be really sorry the big baby would be leaving.

In a separate immunity challenge, the fans got off to a slow start, but Matt definitely pulled his weight.

                                                                           Go Go Gadget Arms! © CBS

It was a close finish, thanks to Reynold’s carnival game skillz, but the team’s lagging start caused them to lose. Again. Although Reynold and Eddie are on Matt’s opposing alliance, Matt recognized that they are the two strongest players. He approached members of both alliances to suggest they all vote off the weakest player, which is obviously Laura. The women are nervous that, in turn, they will be picked off one-by-one and Eddie and Reynold straight up don’t trust Matt. Did our dude just become a target?

At tribal council, Reynold finally played the hidden immunity idol he found a couple episodes ago. But it turns out he didn’t even need to, because at least four out of the seven members voted for Laura, sending her home. Hopefully this is a smart move that will help the Gota tribe win a damn challenge.

One thing Survivor is sorely missing is more one-on-ones with Matt. Check out this unaired gem:

Be sure to follow Matt "The Beard" Bischoff on Facebook for previews, episode photos and info about watch parties with The Beard himself.

by Jac Kern 03.06.2013
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Movies, Music, Humor at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I Just Can't Get Enough

In what can best be described as #whitepeopleproblems, Will Smith inadvertently caused a county-wide school lockdown last week in Ambridge, Pa. An area high school was organizing a Fresh Prince of Bel Air themed dance (whatever that means) so, naturally, some students were getting really into it — 19-year-old Travis Clawson even changed his voicemail recording to his own cover of the iconic theme song. Unfortunately, an local office receptionist was not in on the joke.

The woman did not understand the voicemail recording when she called Clawson to confirm an appointment (it has not been confirmed whether or not this woman was in a coma from 1990-1996, but that is really the only justifiable excuse for not knowing that tune). At some point during the recording, perhaps when she heard “shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school,” the woman was worried there had been a school shooting (“shootin’ some peo-ple outside of the school?”) and called the police, who issued a lockdown at that high school and all other schools in the county. Of course, it was soon discovered that their was no incident and everyone was cleared. But it just goes to show you...