Athletes and coaches consistently fill reporters’ notebooks with clichés and figures of speech, politicized and politically correct jargon that means nothing except that he or she respects the fans, the game and the opponent.
There are also players and coaches who consistently run their mouths, firing off arguments and declarations that distract their teammates and make them look like jackasses.
But for every hundred athletes too nervous to show their personal side or too conservative to speak out on controversial subjects or too stupid to shut up once in a while, there are players and coaches who are freaking hilarious and make athletes seem like real people instead of cliché robots and jocks.
I spent part of Saturday night lying in my front yard, refusing to come inside the apartment until I found a cat to chase. I was supposed to spend the evening celebrating a big important Bearcat football win, but because of ill-advised strategy and an impressive comeback by West Virginia, my celebratory evening turned into a terrified binge.
Not everyone is the type of person who throws pennies in the garbage rather than collecting them in a coffee can, rolling them into groups of 50, bundling them in a plastic bag and taking them to the bank to collect the $5 bounty. Luckily for professional athletes, sports agents aren't this type of person.
In yet another episode of "I'm a Real Person and McCain Is a Phony," Barack Obama yesterday told ESPN's Chris Berman that if he could change one thing about sports that it would be to eliminate the current college football championship format in favor of an eight-team playoff.
The exchange was a pre-taped segment that aired during halftime of Monday Night Football. McCain was asked the same question, and his response was that he would do everything he can to eliminate performance enhancing drugs because they threaten the integrity of the game. What an asshole.
John Fox is a classy guy. His team wins the World Series and all he does is wear a Phillies jersey to work and go about his business. If the Reds won the championship and I lived in Philly, I'd be getting in everyone's face and yelling "Whoot! Whoot! Whoot!"
Are you too scared of ice skating to play hockey? Too old to play soccer? Too lazy to keep the floors of your home free of dust and debris? Regularly thirsty for adult beverages during dark, cold January evenings? If so, the Fountain Square Broomball League could solve all your problems (unless one is alcoholism — 3CDC doesn't promise to cure that).
As the World Series draws to a close, ending another baseball season, I can’t help thinking about the place the game has in my life. And it’s not because the franchise I’ve rooted for my entire life, the Philadelphia Phillies, is one win from claiming the championship ... although that feels pretty special.
For many of us, baseball is a passion that’s difficult to explain rationally.
So, it totally sucks that UC point guard Cashmere Wright tore his ACL the other day. It really sucks. It sucks really bad.
But instead of cursing God or the NCAA or the fragile ligament that connects from a posterio-lateral part of the femur to an anterio-medial part of the tibia, we should rise up and help one of contemporary society's major problems — a lack of blood.
Next week is UC Bearcats Week at the Hoxworth Blood Center, which means that anyone who donates some of theirs will be entered into a raffle for a pair of season tickets to for UC basketball this year. And even though that super fast freshman won't be out there, we promise that other young dudes will be jamming on some people's heads, especially early in the year.
Here are the details: Go to a Hoxworth mobile unit or neighborhood center between Oct. 27 and Nov. 1. You have to be at least 17 years old, basically healthy, at least 110 pounds and you should probably eat some food before you go.
You can also call 451-0910 or (800) 830-1091 to schedule an appointment at a neighborhood donor center. To locate a community blood drive or if you are a registered donor and want to schedule online, go to www.hoxworth.org and click "Donate Now."
Give Hoxworth some of your blood. Do it for the community. Do it for basketball tickets. Either way.
Losing Game 1 of a seven-game series is not good. (Yea, yea, losing Game 1 of any series isn’t good, smart ass.) So with the pressure already on the lovable Tampa Bay Rays, I believe we should up the stakes on this somewhat uninteresting World Series.
Y’all done fucked up. If you think UC is going to finish 11th in the conference this year, you're dumber than Roy Bright.