“Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world,” Burneko writes, describing our hometown favorite as “horrifying diarrhea sludge.” It really stings (much like the raging heartburn that follows any successful Skyline adventure). Not every Cincinnatian ingests three-ways whole like a ravenous python. I like a coney or five-way every now and then, but I much prefer making it fresh at home (Skyline’s grainy, runny consistency can be a little off-putting, I’ll admit) — which, to all my Cincy-born friends who’ve moved away, is not only possible, but incredibly simple. Stop acting like you’re deprived of your native foods and get to browning some beef.
But I digress. Sure, I understand the outside disdain for this not-really-chili chili, but our artery-clogging lunch staple pales in comparison to No. 47, Alaska’s akutaq. Also known as “Eskimo ice cream,” this delightful dish is comprised of berries and WHIPPED FAT. Ain’t no way a cheese coney is grosser than fruit-laced lard.
Does someone shit-talking (literally?) your favorite snack make you wanna rage? Calm down with these manatees.
Winter is coming — well, the cool chill of fall is upon us — but Game of Thrones is still months away. So this new (and possibly the best?) Bad Lip Reading of Game of Thrones should hold you over until March/April. Comprised of scenes from the first season of Thrones (so maybe a slight, vague spoiler alert? Spoiler Threat Level: Blue), the latest BLR actually follows a plot, in which Westeros meets Adventureland. And it’s brilliant.
If only there was a Game of Thrones amusement park for real. Though if it were authentic, most people would probably find themselves getting beheaded at the food court before their visit was complete.
If you thought January’s Golden Globes ceremony was the best awards show in recent history, you were correct (Source: Me). Hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Few killt it and hence, they’ve been invited back to run the show in 2014 and 2015. As if the Golden Globes weren’t already the second-best awards show for watching for drunken celebrity hijinks (beat only by IFC’s Independent Spirit Awards), we can now rest assured there will be plenty of intentionally funny bits throughout the next two events. FOUR MORE YEARS!
Watch the always-talented Ohio State University marching band moonwalk like never before in their recent Michael Jackson halftime tribute (and prepare for a jaw-drop at 4:15 and 4:40).
Ever had to contact Netflix because streaming delays were cramping your Pretty Wild marathon (no judgment)? Like most 21st century customer service departments, Netflix allows users to chat live with a representative to help fix their issue. Of course, this function can be a goldmine for trolls or just plain unhelpful. Sometimes, however, the live chat customer service experience can be a positive and hilarious one.
Netflix customer service rep Michael kicked off the exchange in a jovial fashion, speaking like a ship captain:
When customer Norm responded in a similarly playful tone, it was smooth sailing form there. (I know, I need to take a seat now.)
Now I kind of wish my Netflix would malfunction…
The real reason anyone subscribes to Entertainment Weekly, their Reunion Issue, is on stands! The casts of Boy Meets World, Mystic Pizza, The X-Files, School of Rock and many more reassembled for the issue, proving yet again that women stars of the ‘80s and ‘90s looks strikingly more attractive now than they were two decades ago on screen.
Gillian Anderson, hubba hubba. DD: You pretty fine, too.
For more before-and-afters, go here .
When Beyoncé shares a Beyoncé-inspired DIY dance video, the world watches.
You know what they say, "Every time a young Asian guy dances to Beyoncé, an angel gets its wings."
Finally, someone sent a private messaged of this dog costume photo to CityBeat's Facebook page. Presented without comment, Muttley Cyrus:
Speaking of people who like to drink, tonight is our Swizzle Soiree, an annual celebration of the release of our bar guide. Head on over to PLAY downtown from 5:30-10:30 p.m. There will be free drink tickets and hors d'oeuvres from area restaurants, happy hour specials all night, music from Pop Empire and lots of giveaways — movie passes, shot glasses and two passes to Bonnaroo! Sign up to register and be present at 9 p.m. to win. It's gon' be fun. Check out the event on Facebook for more info.
The Cincinnati Opera's Opening Gala takes place April 28, with an after-party at the Duke Energy Center. In preparation for this "Late Night in Charleston," Japp's is hosting a happy hour tonight. Preview the event, and help the Opera decide which signature cocktail (by none other than Molly Wellman) to serve next month. The party runs 6-9 p.m. Go here for details.
Before you leave for the night, set up that DVR for Delocated, Awake, 30 Rock and more Thursday television gems. Peep our TV column for details.
Everyone’s talking about the punk-themed Met Ball today, but I’m still in awe from last night’s RuPaul’s Drag Race season finale and reunion, where America’s Next Drag Superstar was crowned in true pageant style. It’s easy to confuse the two: both are over-the-top parades of outrageous fashion, debut ‘dos and bodies squeezed into numerous pairs of Spanx, but only one event has RuPaul, so I’m focusing on that one.
The spotlight was on the final three dragsters, Roxxxy Andrews, Jinkx Monsoon and Alaska, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Penny Tration, Cincinnati’s own queen supreme who was voted onto this season by viewers — only to be eliminated in the first episode.
Like any good queen, Penny varies up her looks, but I’ve never seen her like this before! E! put Penny on their worst dressed list, but any press is good press, right? With a leotard made from the fabric of the dress she wore when she was eliminated, manic makeup and a tiny tuft of hair on her big bald head, homegurl looked like a pageant baby Treasure Troll on crack, and by that I obviously mean she looked amazing.