“Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world,” Burneko writes, describing our hometown favorite as “horrifying diarrhea sludge.” It really stings (much like the raging heartburn that follows any successful Skyline adventure). Not every Cincinnatian ingests three-ways whole like a ravenous python. I like a coney or five-way every now and then, but I much prefer making it fresh at home (Skyline’s grainy, runny consistency can be a little off-putting, I’ll admit) — which, to all my Cincy-born friends who’ve moved away, is not only possible, but incredibly simple. Stop acting like you’re deprived of your native foods and get to browning some beef.
But I digress. Sure, I understand the outside disdain for this not-really-chili chili, but our artery-clogging lunch staple pales in comparison to No. 47, Alaska’s akutaq. Also known as “Eskimo ice cream,” this delightful dish is comprised of berries and WHIPPED FAT. Ain’t no way a cheese coney is grosser than fruit-laced lard.
Does someone shit-talking (literally?) your favorite snack make you wanna rage? Calm down with these manatees.
Winter is coming — well, the cool chill of fall is upon us — but Game of Thrones is still months away. So this new (and possibly the best?) Bad Lip Reading of Game of Thrones should hold you over until March/April. Comprised of scenes from the first season of Thrones (so maybe a slight, vague spoiler alert? Spoiler Threat Level: Blue), the latest BLR actually follows a plot, in which Westeros meets Adventureland. And it’s brilliant.
If only there was a Game of Thrones amusement park for real. Though if it were authentic, most people would probably find themselves getting beheaded at the food court before their visit was complete.
If you thought January’s Golden Globes ceremony was the best awards show in recent history, you were correct (Source: Me). Hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Few killt it and hence, they’ve been invited back to run the show in 2014 and 2015. As if the Golden Globes weren’t already the second-best awards show for watching for drunken celebrity hijinks (beat only by IFC’s Independent Spirit Awards), we can now rest assured there will be plenty of intentionally funny bits throughout the next two events. FOUR MORE YEARS!
Watch the always-talented Ohio State University marching band moonwalk like never before in their recent Michael Jackson halftime tribute (and prepare for a jaw-drop at 4:15 and 4:40).
Ever had to contact Netflix because streaming delays were cramping your Pretty Wild marathon (no judgment)? Like most 21st century customer service departments, Netflix allows users to chat live with a representative to help fix their issue. Of course, this function can be a goldmine for trolls or just plain unhelpful. Sometimes, however, the live chat customer service experience can be a positive and hilarious one.
Netflix customer service rep Michael kicked off the exchange in a jovial fashion, speaking like a ship captain:
When customer Norm responded in a similarly playful tone, it was smooth sailing form there. (I know, I need to take a seat now.)
Now I kind of wish my Netflix would malfunction…
The real reason anyone subscribes to Entertainment Weekly, their Reunion Issue, is on stands! The casts of Boy Meets World, Mystic Pizza, The X-Files, School of Rock and many more reassembled for the issue, proving yet again that women stars of the ‘80s and ‘90s looks strikingly more attractive now than they were two decades ago on screen.
Gillian Anderson, hubba hubba. DD: You pretty fine, too.
For more before-and-afters, go here .
When Beyoncé shares a Beyoncé-inspired DIY dance video, the world watches.
You know what they say, "Every time a young Asian guy dances to Beyoncé, an angel gets its wings."
Finally, someone sent a private messaged of this dog costume photo to CityBeat's Facebook page. Presented without comment, Muttley Cyrus:
Based on national average salary of $43,000, it would take us regular folk 52 years of work to buy a 2013 Bugatti Veyron (which runs more than $2 million). You want a Maseratti? You better work — for nearly three years to flip that six-figure bill. Martinis and bikinis are generally much more affordable, unless you’re looking to the Diamond is Forever cocktail sold at the Tokyo Ritz-Carlton. This $18,241 Grey Goose martini is served with a 1-carat diamond garnish.
Check out the “Work Bitch” video below, which is basically just shots of B.
Spears in a desert, leaning on things and
continuing to rock the black jazz pant like it’s 1997.
Homegirl should have taken her own advice — I find myself screaming the chorus at her for the lazy dancing!
Apparently Charlie Hunnam values Jax over Christian (as he damn well should) — the British actor has backed out on his Fifty Shades of Grey role due to “scheduling conflicts.” Fans who want to see him sexin’ it up or flexing his butt cheeks can just continue watching Sons of Anarchy and old Queer as Folk episodes.
What to Japanese children, Peter Griffin and Always Sunny have in common? They’re all featured in this amazing and unexplainable video.
So this is what all our friends who go overseas to “teach English” are really up to…
Elizabeth Berkley can probably never adequately express her excitement over anything. After all, her caffeine pill-fueled breakdown as Jessie Spano on Saved By the Bell is immortalized for all time. “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so — SCARED!” We’ve seen it a million times. But Berkley doesn’t shy away from this meme-like scene from a show she starred in 20 years ago. She embraces it.
Berkley is competing on the current (and 17th?!) season of Dancing With the Stars and it’s no surprise that she’s got killer moves — who hasn’t seen her dance her tits off in Showgirls? But it was quite a surprise when she and partner Val Chmerkovskiy took viewers through an ‘80s time warp by reprising that iconic scene and dancing to the Pointer Sisters' hit. Get it, Jessie!
Rapper’s Real Name or Republican Congressman? Test your knowledge now!
The dream team behind viral music videos “Friday” and “It’s Thanksgiving” have unleashed another extremely literal Auto-Tune-heavy “song” to crawl into your ears and take up residence in your brain. Highly respected producer Patrice Wilson strays from the topic of specific days his latest pre-teen ditty, “Chinese Food.” (Though he continues his trend of showing up in animal costume, which is not at all disconcerting). Alison Gold’s video is simple — it’s just a song about a girl and her love of beautiful chow muh-muh-muh-muh-mein.
Wilson must be in on the ridiculousness because he also produced Jimmy Kimmel’s hilarious spoof video, “Sausage Party.” Hate all you want, but you know dude is probably too busy Scrooge McDucking his piles of cash to care.
Miley Cyrus hosted and performed on Saturday Night Live this weekend and I have to admit — she rocked it. You have to give it to the writers for coming up with some original ways to incorporate her recent now-ubiquitous scandals (VMAs, buzzworthy music videos, ever-exposed tongue), but MiCy deserves some credit, too.
Bitch may be feuding with Sinead O’Connor and giving twerking a bad name, but she is definitely a solid performer. The weak skits of the night (How dare SNL make a failed attempt at a cheerleader sketch when we all know the Spartans can never be topped? Too soon!) flopped because of poor ideas or shoddy writing, not due to Miley’s lack of acting skills. The trend so far this year is the best skits being prerecorded ones (the Girls spoof with Tina Fey, this week's Fifty Shades of Grey auditions), which kind of defeats the purpose of it being a live show. Nonetheless, the No. 1 sketch of the night perfectly blended a Miley earbug with the government shutdown: “We Did Stop.”
Meanwhile, Nori West is racking up finer garments before her fourth month on Earth (FOR FREE) than the rest of us can probably ever imagine owning. In our adult lives.
In Case You Missed It: Dumb and
Dumber To is actually happening.
Not to be confused with the cringe-worthy 2003 prequel Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (which I totally saw in theaters the day it opened), this Farrelly Brothers sequel will feature OG stars Jim Carrey (Lloyd Christmas) and Jeff Daniels (Harry Dunne) picking up 20 years after the duo’s last adventure. In D&D2, which currently has an unspecified 2014 release date, one of the guys has a long-lost offspring, and they both embark on a journey to find the child in hopes of attaining a new kidney. Kathleen Turner will play Fraida Felcher, a character mentioned but never seen in two scenes of the original (Below). Sounds like she's the baby mama. And SPOILER ALERT: Jennifer Lawrence will make a surprise cameo as a young Fraida. Hopefully we’ll get to see the French Tickler in action. Billy the blind kid and Sea Bass will also return, played by their respective original actors.
And because behind-the-scenes movie peeks are so fun, here’s Quvenzhane Wallis on the set of Annie with her near-identical stunt double who is at least three times Q’s age. The Jay Z and Will Smith-produced remake, due in theaters during Christmastime next year, will also star Jamie Foxx in the Daddy Warbucks role, appropriately renamed “Benjamin Stacks.”
Although it’s been 13 years since Freaks
and Geeks originally graced our television screens, longtime fans and
newcomers discovering the fantastic series on Netflix or IFC can now experience
McKinley High in a whole new way. The Fine Brothers, Internet creatives behind
the popular React series, developed a Freak and Geeks
choose-your-own-adventure game that combines great television, old-school video
games and your inner 10-year-old’s favorite genre of books. Players can
actually click on different choices in the YouTube video, leading them to new
videos based on their selections. Play now!
Watch what you say to Siri: That robot voice on your phone is actually a real lady! Recently, we learned Lisa Frank is an actual, live human. Next up: Siri. Voice actress Susan Bennett has come forward as the woman behind the mysterious personal assistant living inside newer Apple mobile devices. The recent Apple software update iOS 7 gives users the option of a new “male” Siri voice, prompting Bennett to reveal Siri’s original real-life counterpart. Meet her here.
Check out these cool paintings on coins: