Like death, taxes, Who reunion tours and Wolfen sequels, one certainty every year in Cincinnati is a local summer appearance by the master of mediocrity, Jimmy Buffett. If you live here, it's as inevitable as the changing of the season: Buffett brings his plastic palm tree and awful music to Riverbend, and thousands of morons flock to see him.
We've resisted writing about this "phenomenon" in the past. It's kind of like making fun of Kathie Lee Gifford or Kenny G -- it's just too cheap and easy. Of course, CityBeat is nothing if not cheap and easy.
So, here, we bring you the only press you will ever read about Jimmy Buffett in this publication. Unless, of course, there's a shooting spree in the middle of the concert or Riverbend sinks into the river.
10) His music It's sorta tropical, sometimes Country-ish, sometimes "silly," and always boring. It's music for people who don't like music: background, laid-back fluff. It's easy listening for Boomers.
9) His lyrics
"Blew out my flip flop/Stepped on a pop top/Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home."
"So he took her to this movie called Body Heat/She said, 'The Junior Mints were mushy and the sex was neat.' "
"Fruitcakes in the kitchen/Fruitcakes on the street/Struttin' naked through the cross walk/In the middle of the week."
"Evolution can be mean/There's no 'dumb-ass vaccine.' "
8) His album titles A White Sport Coat & A Pink Crustacean. Last Mango in Paris. Off to See the Lizard. This guy makes "Weird Al" look like Oscar Wilde.
7) He recorded a cover of "Purple People Eater" "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" is bound to be next.
6) He likes to sue aspiring restaurateurs Buffett's lawyers have gone after entrepreneurs for calling their new bistros things like "Margaritaville" and "Cheeseburger in Paradise." Hey, if they're that stupid ...
5) He was a fratboy No doubt. At the University of Southern Mississippi. Shocker!
4) He wrote and staged a musical (Don't Stop the Carnival) Rock stars shouldn't do that.
3) He tricked Brian Wilson into recording one of his songs "South American" on Wilson's Imagination record. Hasn't this man been taken advantage of enough?
2) His CDs don't even make good coasters I proudly own one Jimmy Buffett CD -- 1999's Beach House on the Moon, which I use on my desk to set my drink on. Damn things keep slippin' off.1) Parrotheads Fans of Buffett use his summer concerts for an excuse to get completely obliterated and "partay." It's like Mardi Gras with tasteless people in stupid hats and Hawaiian shirts. Not so amazingly, his strongest cult is here in Cincinnati. Like we need some other cultural crisis to be embarrassed about.
"ATTN: Biggest bummer post-summer? Our grand opening weekend has been postponed. This weekend’s shows have to be delayed due to a few last minute construction challenges.
We are completely committed to opening the right way to make your experience the best it can be. We just can't in good conscious present anything below the very best.
Says Morrella: “We are sorry to have to delay sharing this magical venue with the music fans of the area, but our first concern will always be to make sure that it is safe and ready for public occupation. The City of Newport, our wonderful construction crews and crew of volunteers have all been working very hard to make this happen. We thank them so much. We look forward to seeing everyone next weekend for CincyPunk Fest. We will announce rescheduled dates for these shows very soon.”
Anyone who had pre-purchased tickets for this weekend’s dates may be issued a refund through ticketfly.com or may hold on to their original tickets for the soon to be announced rescheduled dates"
The grand opening of the Southgate House Revival at 111 East Sixth Street in Newport, Kentucky scheduled tonight at 9 p.m. and The Newbees CD Release show scheduled for tomorrow night, Saturday, October 6 have been postponed. This weekend’s shows had to be delayed due to a few last minute construction challenges.
The 1866 property, the former Grace Methodist Episcopal Church, has been under a massive renovation since May that includes all new electrical, plumbing and HVAC systems, as well as roof repairs and new flooring.
“We set a very ambitious goal,” said Morrella Raleigh “and we were very, very close.” “We are sorry to have to delay sharing this magical venue with the music fans of the area, but our first concern will always be to make sure that it is safe and ready for public occupation.
The City of Newport, our wonderful construction crews and crew of volunteers have all been working very hard to make this happen. We thank them so much. We look forward to seeing everyone next weekend for CincyPunk Fest. We will announce rescheduled dates for these shows very soon.”
The MidPoint Music Festival returns to Over-the-Rhine (including inside the newly unveiled Washington Park, which hosts the main "Main Stage") Sept. 27-29. After weeks of speculation, we now we have the first lineup announcement for MPMF.12, which features, once again, top-line Indie artists — from new buzz groups and some current, critically-acclaimed favorites to a few true Alt music pioneers.
Longtime supporters Dewey's Pizza had the scoop on the announcement this morning. Visit them here on Facebook.
Below are the first 19 acts to be announced. About 150 to go! Stay tuned.
The Dirty Projectors
Willis Earl Beal
The Black Belles
J.C. Brooks & The Uptown Sound
Be sure to visit mpmf.com for all the latest updates and to score your tickets. VIP and “Early Bird” (read: discounted) all-access passes are available now through cincyticket.com here.
If you’d like some face time with the MPMF authorities, just head down to Fountain Square this Friday for the free MidPoint Indie Summer concert at 7 p.m. The event is a world tour of music, kicking off with local Ska/Reggae/Soul masters The Pinstripes, who join Malian artist Khaira Arby and Funk/Soul headliners The Dynamites.
The Cincinnati-born, Brooklyn-based members of Indie Rock sensations The National recently announced details about their first new album since 2010's High Violet, Trouble WIll Find Me. The album is due in the U.S. on May 21 on the 4AD label. (Click here for the album cover, track listing and more National news.)
Today, The National unleashed the first song from Trouble, the warm, crawling "Demons." Check the tune and a video for it below.
UPDATE: Today (April 11), The National released audio of the first single from Trouble Will Find Me, "Don't Swallow the Cap." Check it out:
The National perform a homecoming show on July 14, headlining the final night of the three-day Bunbury Music Festival at Sawyer Point Park. For tickets and more info, click here.
Cincinnati Garage Rock heroes The Greenhornes seemed headed for big-time success, a gradual build-up that ultimately found them recording for the V2 label with Power Pop cult fave Brendan Benson producing, having songs placed in Jim Jarmusch movies and playing to gigantic arena/stadium-sized crowds touring with The White Stripes.
But the band’s momentum was halted when Jack White decided their rhythm section (drummer Patrick Keeler and bassist Jack Lawrence) was so good, he’d like to work with them.
Cincinnati Electronic Rock four-piece Eat Sugar released its fantastic debut full-length Levántense! this past summer as a digital-only offering. But early next year, the well-received album — which scored a Cincinnati Entertainment Award nomination for 2010’s “Album of the Year” — will be reintroduced to the masses thanks to Eat Sugar’s label home, the wildly eclectic and widely respected Mush Records. The release is set for a Feb. 22 launch by Mush.
Following last week's announcement of the lineup for this year's MidPoint Indie Summer — free concerts every Friday on Fountain Square featuring an eclectic mix of local and nationally-touring Indie bands — kick-ass local promoters Self Diploma have unveiled who they have coming in for the Beats Summer Concert Series. Like Indie Summer, the Beats series features a blend of local and national acts. The concerts will feature some big names and hot up-and-comers in Hip Hop, Dance and Electronic music, including one of the best rising Hip Hop acts on the scene, The Cool Kids (Aug. 4).
Self Diploma has booked over 80 artists for the events, which kick off June 2. The concerts run through Aug. 25 and are open to all ages. Shows start at 6 p.m. and will be hosted by local DJ D-Lo.
Click here for updates and further announcements from Self Diploma. Here's the video press release for this summer's events, followed by the full sched.
ERIK '222' BARNUM
CALI KID DUBZ
MILK & COOKIES
DJ JOHNNY B
THE COOL KIDS
CJ THE DJ
THE CHAOTIC GOOD
JOLA THE TRUNK BOY
CHANCE THE RAPPER
If you haven't heard One of Us, the latest album from Cincinnati Indie quartet Pomegranates, then you missed one of the best albums to come out all of last year. If you'd like to remedy the situation, you can get a small sample now from Afternoon Records, which just announced it is offering a free download of the One of Us track, "Prouncer."
Cincinnati lost another excellent musician and performer over the weekend. Michele Feaster, singer for the Blues/R&B band II Juicy (which took its moniker from Michele's nickname) passed away on Aug. 7 after battling cancer for the past four months.
Local, acclaimed Indie rockers Wussy are gearing up to support its third release for Cincy imprint, Shake It Records. The self-titled affair will be released locally March 13 in conjunction with a release show at the Northside Tavern (the band also does a release show in Cleveland the following night). Wussy goes national on April 20.