The Walmart security team (read: elderly men who think they’re still in Korea) had it pretty easy when Timothy Randall Clark decided to try and steal $500 in video game products (read: a copy of the new Call of Duty for each one of his cousins) during the “Shop With a Cop” community program. Apparently it’s incredibly difficult to steal from a Walmart when there are 50 police officers hanging out in the home and garden section. Go figure.
Did you watch that Portlandia sketch about the fictional restaurant Around the World in 80 Plates, “a culinary voyage across the seven seas of flavor,” and think that would be a great premise for a food and travel show? Well, the folks over at Bravo did (or it at least seems like it) when they created a new reality show where chefs compete while traveling across the world, entitled — wait for it — Around the World in 80 Plates (10 p.m. Mondays). Chefs Cat Cora and Curtis Stone host. Tune in May 9 for the premiere to see if Craig’s Crazy Guac Tacs are involved in any way (fingers crossed).
Move over, Kardashians — there’s a new family in E! town. Mrs. Eastwood & Company (10 p.m. Sundays) takes the ubiquitous reality formula to Northern California, focusing on the lives of Clint’s wife, Dina, and two of his daughters, Francesca and Morgan. The ladies live on a sprawling ranch complete with a sassy housekeeper and herd of pets. The show focuses on the Eastwoods’ pet project, grownup boyband, Overtone. Hit show or hot mess? Find out May 20 when the series debuts.
Other recent show announcements include the following premiere dates: HBO's True Blood (9 p.m. Sunday, June 10), TNT's revival of Dallas (9 p.m. Wednesday, June 13) and my guiltiest of pleasures, Showtime's The Real L Word (10 p.m. Thursday, July 12).
Bar: Fries Cafe (3247 Jefferson Ave., Clifton, 513-281-9002). I think this place is really comfortable but it generally smells like barf even though no one is barfing. Here's our review from the Swizzle Guide: There's almost something inherently wholesome about your neighborhood dive, and Fries is no exception other than it seems to embrace its dive-iness. It has the feeling of the childhood excursion to Grandma's, but only if she had a habit of chain-smoking two packs of unfiltered Pall Malls everyday for 40 years and hoarding Depression-era spearmint leaves in her bureau. But just like Grandma, Fries is sturdy and reliable.
Last week on Survivor, most of the episode was devoted to the Bikal tribe, aka the Favorites. Our homeboy Matt Bischoff didn’t get a ton of airtime, but was selected to join an alliance with Sherri, Laura, Julia, Shamar and Mike. The other alliance, referred to as “The Lovers,” is comprised of the four attractive people who bonded early on their collective attractiveness. When Gota got their buts kicked in the immunity/reward challenge, Cincy-born Reynold Toepfer immediately addressed his issues with Shamar. The Iraq War veteran, who started a tiff with Matt last week, prefers to “conserve energy” and do crazy Pilates stretches over wasting time fishing, securing the shelter or doing pretty much anything else.
Feel the burn!
After Reynold spoke his peace, he proverbially slipped in an extra chair at the popular kids’ lunch table and asked Matt to join the pretty people’s decision and vote Shamar off, going against Matt’s original alliance.
Later, Reynold found a hidden immunity idol (which is a thing?) that
protects whoever’s in possession from elimination. After hiding the object in
his pants, trying to keep it secret, Laura immediately noticed a telling
“bulge” and knew the plan to eliminate one of the Lovers was foiled. Clearly,
this was all just a producer’s plot to get people to talk about Reynold’s “bulge.”
Success! Unfortunately, Reynold did not give his immunity idol to cuddle buddy
Allie, and the blonde got six out of 10 votes (Matt stuck with his original alliance). Looks like there’s more space at
the popular table!
Speaking of locals on TV, it looks like Cincy
has their own Sons of Anarchy
You know how at the end of every Law and Order episode, a message states that the stories are not based on actual events? Well, we all know that’s a bunch of bullshit, and this week’s upcoming episode of Special Victims Unit couldn’t make that any more clear. Via Dlisted:
A famous young Hip
Hop couple in a physical dispute screams “Chris and Rihanna!” but, in SVU world, the abuser done gets killt!
People love it when local products make national news. The latest: BuzzFeed’s list of “Cincinnati Foods That Are Better Than Yours.” Sure, you’ve got the ubiquitous Skyline and Montgomery Inn (yawn, sorry), but there are some fresh Cincy exports like Tom + Chee’s grilled cheese donut, Kings Island’s blue soft-serve and portable yums from It’s Just Crepes.
Check nearly any humor blog/Internet recreation site and you’ll likely find a list of the “Worst Tattoos EVAR” complete with misspellings, poor drunken decisions and unfortunate portraits. Also, you’ll probably see this picture. Well, not anymore — Scott Versago of Akron’s Ohio Ink Studios fixed the butchered tat! Channeling my guilty pleasure crush Oliver Peck (panel judge on Ink Master and ex-husband of Kat Von D — don’t judge me), I have to say the “new” tat has entirely too much dark shading, but it’s certainly an improvement and looks much more like the original woman who passed away.
The Oscars were kind of fun this year. Seth MacFarlane didn’t attack us with his arsenal of voices (though many saw his jokes as misogyny at its finest) and the awards were pretty spread out among the films (as opposed to the usual one or two favorites). But after watching Saturday’s Film Independent Spirit Awards, no other movie awards show will match up. The much-funnier-than-MacFarlane Andy Samberg hosted, the show is uncensored on IFC and the evening was brought to us by Jameson, an apparently magical ingredient for a high-larious evening. And, yes, independent films are way cooler than Lincoln.
The night kicked off with the award for Best First Screenplay (See what I mean? What a cool award.) As the camera panned around to all the nominees, Derek Connolly (of the perfectly surreal Safety Not Guaranteed) took a giant swig of what appeared to be a wine glass full of Jameson (each table had a half gallon!). To his surprise, Connolly won and went on to make a speech that stumbled along for more than six minutes (this was what appeared to be the only time the show was cut/censored), ending with a fabulous moment with the one and only Bryan Cranston. Check out this moment and more highlights:
And one last Oscars gripe: I was enraged to see Channing Tatum perform an entire dance sequence onstage without tearaway pants, Ginuwine's "Pony" or a single pelvic thrust. They totally overlooked a potential Magic Mike nod and I don't appreciate it.
David Fincher’s protégé Noble Jones is working on a low-budget remake of American Psycho. Originally a novel by Bret Easton Ellis (Rules of Attraction), American Psycho tells the tale of a yuppie serial killer by the name of Patrick Bateman running amok in the streets of New York City. The 2000 release, directed by Mary Harron, starred an excellent Christian Bale. Jones hopes to strip down the original to a more raw film, updating the scenery so to see how Bateman would fare in a modernized New York.
Can’t stop thinking about ‘em!
Yesterday, my friend Mikey B. pulled a menu out o’ his wallet that he’d snagged cuz it made him think of me. One o’ the items listed was Bang Bang Tacos!
Those who know me know I’m kinda obsessed with tacos. I don’t know why, I just am. Mostly cuz they are delish … and they like to sit next to margaritas. And the word taco is funny. And it makes me think of vaginas. Another funny word. I’m kinda obsessed with vag, too, you might have noticed.
Ever had a bad one-night stand? Sure, we all have. But I mean like really, really bad? Like the kind of bad where the guy called out his own name or tried to pee on you or wanted you to dress up like Hannah Montana?
Out the dude and warn other women here.
Christian Bale was attacked by Chinese police while trying to visit blind lawyer and activist Chen Guangcheng, who has been living under house arrest since his release from prison last year. Footage shot by CNN, which was invited on the journey by Bale, shows police telling Bale to leave and trying to grab the video camera he was carrying. When Bale said, “But I’m the goddamn Batman,” he was roughed up a bit.
Bale was in Beijing to promote his new partially state-funded movie, The Flowers of War. Oops. "What I really wanted to do was to meet the man, shake his hand and say what an inspiration he is," Bale said.
The Beach Waterpark, a summer hotspot for locals and visitors alike, will not open this summer, according to a press release from Warren County Convention & Visitors Bureau.
The organization's president and CEO released this statement today:
“We are saddened to hear The Beach Waterpark will not be open this summer. Tourism is the largest industry in Warren County and as a significant attraction and major landmark in the County for more than a quarter of a century, The Beach has had a lasting impact on visitor spending which, in turn, fuels jobs and revenue for the County. We realize this was a difficult decision for the park’s management and hope they can reopen in the future.”The Beach's website has not been updated with this information; there is still a job fair listing on the home page, which was supposed to take place March 24-25, along with a 2012 operational schedule.
Apparently those looking for summer fun that's a step up from the city pool will need to visit Kings Island's Soak City Waterpark. Kings Island is set to open April 28, with the waterpark opening May 26.
The Beach sprawls across 35 acres of land, pumping 2 million gallons of water throughout more than 50 rides and attractions including The Cliff, Kahuna Beach Wavepool, the Lazy Miami River and the Hidden Rapids.