Last week on Survivor, most of the episode was devoted to the Bikal tribe, aka the Favorites. Our homeboy Matt Bischoff didn’t get a ton of airtime, but was selected to join an alliance with Sherri, Laura, Julia, Shamar and Mike. The other alliance, referred to as “The Lovers,” is comprised of the four attractive people who bonded early on their collective attractiveness. When Gota got their buts kicked in the immunity/reward challenge, Cincy-born Reynold Toepfer immediately addressed his issues with Shamar. The Iraq War veteran, who started a tiff with Matt last week, prefers to “conserve energy” and do crazy Pilates stretches over wasting time fishing, securing the shelter or doing pretty much anything else.
Feel the burn!
After Reynold spoke his peace, he proverbially slipped in an extra chair at the popular kids’ lunch table and asked Matt to join the pretty people’s decision and vote Shamar off, going against Matt’s original alliance.
Later, Reynold found a hidden immunity idol (which is a thing?) that
protects whoever’s in possession from elimination. After hiding the object in
his pants, trying to keep it secret, Laura immediately noticed a telling
“bulge” and knew the plan to eliminate one of the Lovers was foiled. Clearly,
this was all just a producer’s plot to get people to talk about Reynold’s “bulge.”
Success! Unfortunately, Reynold did not give his immunity idol to cuddle buddy
Allie, and the blonde got six out of 10 votes (Matt stuck with his original alliance). Looks like there’s more space at
the popular table!
Speaking of locals on TV, it looks like Cincy
has their own Sons of Anarchy
You know how at the end of every Law and Order episode, a message states that the stories are not based on actual events? Well, we all know that’s a bunch of bullshit, and this week’s upcoming episode of Special Victims Unit couldn’t make that any more clear. Via Dlisted:
A famous young Hip
Hop couple in a physical dispute screams “Chris and Rihanna!” but, in SVU world, the abuser done gets killt!
People love it when local products make national news. The latest: BuzzFeed’s list of “Cincinnati Foods That Are Better Than Yours.” Sure, you’ve got the ubiquitous Skyline and Montgomery Inn (yawn, sorry), but there are some fresh Cincy exports like Tom + Chee’s grilled cheese donut, Kings Island’s blue soft-serve and portable yums from It’s Just Crepes.
Check nearly any humor blog/Internet recreation site and you’ll likely find a list of the “Worst Tattoos EVAR” complete with misspellings, poor drunken decisions and unfortunate portraits. Also, you’ll probably see this picture. Well, not anymore — Scott Versago of Akron’s Ohio Ink Studios fixed the butchered tat! Channeling my guilty pleasure crush Oliver Peck (panel judge on Ink Master and ex-husband of Kat Von D — don’t judge me), I have to say the “new” tat has entirely too much dark shading, but it’s certainly an improvement and looks much more like the original woman who passed away.
The Oscars were kind of fun this year. Seth MacFarlane didn’t attack us with his arsenal of voices (though many saw his jokes as misogyny at its finest) and the awards were pretty spread out among the films (as opposed to the usual one or two favorites). But after watching Saturday’s Film Independent Spirit Awards, no other movie awards show will match up. The much-funnier-than-MacFarlane Andy Samberg hosted, the show is uncensored on IFC and the evening was brought to us by Jameson, an apparently magical ingredient for a high-larious evening. And, yes, independent films are way cooler than Lincoln.
The night kicked off with the award for Best First Screenplay (See what I mean? What a cool award.) As the camera panned around to all the nominees, Derek Connolly (of the perfectly surreal Safety Not Guaranteed) took a giant swig of what appeared to be a wine glass full of Jameson (each table had a half gallon!). To his surprise, Connolly won and went on to make a speech that stumbled along for more than six minutes (this was what appeared to be the only time the show was cut/censored), ending with a fabulous moment with the one and only Bryan Cranston. Check out this moment and more highlights:
And one last Oscars gripe: I was enraged to see Channing Tatum perform an entire dance sequence onstage without tearaway pants, Ginuwine's "Pony" or a single pelvic thrust. They totally overlooked a potential Magic Mike nod and I don't appreciate it.
Photography’s bad boy, Tyler Shields, returns
to Cincinnati for another exhibit at Miller Gallery, kicked off with an opening
reception in Over-the-Rhine Friday. Known for his controversial celebrity
photos, Shields last exhibited at Miller Gallery in October as part of
FotoFocus. Now he’s back showing off his latest collection of photos, Suspense, featuring images of people
falling, floating and flipping across striking backgrounds. Friday’s opening is
a pop-up gallery party at the Hanke Building (1130 Main St., OTR). VIP $50
tickets grant 8 p.m. admission, free valet parking, an open bar and photo op
with Shields. General admission from 9 p.m.-midnight is $10 and includes three
drink tickets. It’s
sure to be a super party and a great chance to brush shoulders with the “who’s
who” of the art community. Proceeds benefit Flashes of Hope, a national nonprofit with the
mission to photograph every child with cancer until every child is cured. Buy tickets here or bring cash at the door.
Across the river in Newport, Powerhouse Factories celebrates music festival season with a Summer Shindig Friday. Enjoy live music from The Pinstripes, a great view from Powerhouse’s patio, great deals on the factory’s excellent assortment music posters (BOGO half-off) and frosty beers from MadTree Brewery. The free party runs 6 p.m.-midnight.
The Fringe Festival continues this weekend
(through June 8), with plenty of original, unusual and just plan weird theater performances throughout the city. Go here
for performance reviews, a complete
festival schedule and the official festival guide. And getcho Fringe on!
The 46th annual Summerfair takes over Coney Island Friday-Sunday. This festival, one of the oldest continuous art fairs in the country, features more than 300 fine artists, crafters, youth arts organizations and performers exhibiting and selling photographs, pottery, textiles, jewelry and much more.
Are you a Shark or a Jet? A Greaser or a Soc? A Mod or a Rocker? Do you rock a scooter or a motorcycle? Either way, folks from “both sides of the tracks” will come together this weekend for the Queen City Mods & Rockers Rally, a weekend-long event to promote unity between both types of motor enthusiasts. Events include family-friendly rides, a pin-up girl contest, a bike rally, happy hour, a group breakfast and more. A $30 pass gets you admission to all the three-day events. Go here for more info.
Occupy Cincinnati is hosting a primary watch party at C & D Northside from 8-11 p.m. Check out the night's results while enjoying a stiff drink — the group's Facebook invite suggests ordering a "Santorum" (though something tells me I might have to pass). Occupy has some tips for voting against corporate parties; check those out here.
And speaking of the man who turned "Santorum" into a dirty word, a bit further south down I-75 Dan Savage is speaking at the University of Kentucky. Savage is touring as a part of the It Gets Better lecture series, the movement created by Savage to give hope to LGBTQ kids who face bullying, and fight hatred and intolerance against them. Savage will give a presentation and sign books beginning at 7 p.m. in Memorial Hall on the UK campus. If you can make the trip, it's a great opportunity to meet Savage and become involved in It Gets Better — tickets are free to all attendees (just have a local direct you to the Student Center Ticket Office to pick up passes).
Investigative reporter, film producer and Cleveland-native James Renner debuts his first novel tonight at Joseph-Beth Booksellers in Rookwood Commons. The Man From Primrose Lane is a "mind-bending and genre-twisting" story about the murder of an elderly man in Akron. Renner will read from and sign the novel at 7 p.m. The event is free (the book is $26).
Last night was the Modern Family 63rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, which is basically an orgy of television shows from Glee to Deadliest Catch to The Daily Show.
On April 29, 1972, Kings Island opened its gates for the first time, welcoming guest from Cincinnati and across the country to its world of rides, games and overpriced snacks. The next year, America watched the country’s first family visit that very park — no, not the Nixons, the Bradys! In an episode filmed Aug. 20-24 1974 that first aired on Nov. 23, The Brady Bunch’s architect dad Mike pitched some expansion plans for the park and brought the whole gang along to enjoy attractions like Hanna-Barbera Land and The Racer.
Forty years later,
the Bradys are at it again. Barry
Williams (Greg Brady), Christopher Knight (Peter Brady) and Susan Olsen (Cindy
Brady) will return to Kings Island May 19 for four live shows, autographs and photo ops.
Am I the only one who had no idea Cincinnati’s Golden Child, Nick Lachey, has ties to the Kardashian Klan?! Nick and Kim dated briefly in 2006 after he and Jessica Simpson split, and in a recent interview with Details, Nick reveals the shocking claim that Kim LIVES for the papz, who somehow showed up during a private date. Thank God he ended up with former MTV VJ, Vanessa Minnillo. They seem to have a relatively normal, happy relationship and I can say this with confidence because I regularly read her mommy/lifestyle blog even though I don’t have a baby or a life. :-/
Hey, check out this sloth and cat hanging out:
Now, I know I’m about to get tarred and feathered for dissing sloths, but watching this, I kept thinking sloth was about to hand-deliver cat to death’s door. Kristen Bell, please don’t hate me.
NBC will debut a new comedy May 23 that takes place (but is not actually filmed) in suburban Cincinnati. Save Me stars Anne Heche as a housewife who develops the ability to communicate with God after a near-death experience, and she lives in none other than "Indian Hills." As a lifelong Cincinnati resident, I find it impossible to say “Indian Hills” without an unsophisticated twang. It sounds like how us simple peasant folk would mistakenly identify the most affluent neighborhood in Cincinnati. Indian Heels. In fact, I could swear that when I got accepted into a certain all-girls private institution for high school and my parents tried to politely warn me that all my friends would be richer than me, they said, “You’ll probably meet a lot of girls who live in Indian Hills!”
A scathing email that the president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland sent to her sorority sisters has been making its rounds this week and, in case you missed it, here’s Michael Shannon’s dramatic reading of the text. Because if anyone can make this insane, delusional letter seem any crazier, it’s Nelson Van Alden.
The video is NSFW, unless you happen to work as a Delta Gamma house mother.
Last week was totally gay. In a very good way. Cities across the country celebrated Pride and honored the 44th anniversary of the Stonewall riots in Greenwich Village as the Supreme Court struck down Defense of Marriage Act and California’s Proposition 8. This week’s cover of The New Yorker pays tribute to all that’s happened last week (and all the hard work that led up to it) while playfully answering the question we’ve often wondered about two ambiguous Muppets cohabitating on Sesame Street: Yes, they are.
Lifetime upheld its reputation for producing high-quality tributes to
lost souls this weekend with the premiere of the highly anticipated Anna Nicole starring Agnes Bruckner. Like
any budding pop culture aficionado, I was an avid fan of E!’s The Anna Nicole Show in the early
2000s. I read all about ANS and followed her cray cray antics up until her
serious and untimely death in 2007. So, as an unofficial Anna Nicole Smith
historian, I feel pretty qualified in saying nearly every single aspect of her
full 39 years (save for that weird MTV awards appearance) was packed into
this two-hour special. Director Mary MFing
Harron, who also directed American
Psycho, I Shot Andy Warhol and The Notorious Bettie Page, said in an interview
with Entertainment Weekly that Anna Nicole is a “new kind of”
but fear not — the flick was full of all the one-liners and dramatic drug
scenes you’d crave from a Lifetime biopic — plus one extremely lifelike prosthetic
According to Lifetime’s story, ever since Vicky Lynn was a little trailer park girl, after her first encounter with Marilyn Monroe's Playboy cover, she would randomly hallucinate visions of her future self, complete with her trademark tig ol’ bitties. Is Lifetime suggesting ANS was schizophrenic?
Vicky Lynn’s mom, with whom I was not familiar, was a hot ass cop mom who locked her daughter in her room when she noticed her stuffing her bra and dousing her face in makeup in her early teens. She did not want little Vicky to turn out knocked up early in life like her. Lifetime: Why paint the one voice of reason as the movie’s villain?!
Peaches, grapefruits or melons? These three fruits were lined up on the desk of a plastic surgeon in what I imagine is a very realistic re-imagining of a breast enhancement consultation. "More like what usually goes in here," Anna says, as she lifts up a bowling bag, turns it over, and dumps crumpled one dollar bills on doctors desk.
Anna and Daniel get their first house and proceed to jumps into the pool, fully clothed, despite it obviously being fall.
“You make me feel like I'm 75 again.” – J. Howard Marshall (played to perfection by Martin Landau)
Perfect Anna Nicole-isms: “I got big dreams, J. Howard Marshall." And, after being
confronted by a J. Howard’s totally mean son: “I feel like poop.” This sentiment was soon followed
by Anna racing down a street while doing lines of blow, drinking booze straight
from the bottle, standing in on her seat and flashing her boobs to a passing
semi — not just in a moving convertible, but all while driving! She was a true Renaissance woman.
Howard K. Stern, ANS’s attorney/agent/boyfriend who pretty much sealed her fate, was in full creep mode thanks to his portrayal by Adam Goldberg.
According to this movie, Anna took all her drugs Alka-Seltzer style: dropped in pretty-colored cocktail. This was seriously repeated at least six times. Does anyone do that in real life?
Halfway through the movie they just stop tracking the year, so you just have to guess based on whether or not Anna is lucid and/or fat.
THANK GOD they got the rights to the Anna Nicole theme song:
Viva la fat Anna! Bruckner turned on the crazy accent, perpetually had a handful/mouthful of snack foods at all time. Now that she's attained her Marilyn image she sees visions of her little Vicky self. Definitely psychotic.
Finally, of course, the iconic clown makeup scene.